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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Gender disappointment

115 replies

pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 07:37

Currently 13 weeks pregnant and recently had my first scan, after seeing the baby myself and everyone else is convinced the baby is a boy, I have a girl and boy already.

I have had the same awful symptoms as I did with my girl and managed to convince myself it was another girl, I already feel complete disappointed that it's potentially going to be a boy, my daughter is desperate for a sister and I will feel awful if its another little brother.

I don't know why I would feel so upset? My little boy is an angel and I love him so much I couldn't imagine my life without him, but this is my last pregnancy and the thought of never giving my daughter a sister is breaking my heart

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HeyFloof · 21/10/2021 18:01

Op, once you're precious baby arrives, they will light up your world, just like your daughter and son do now. At this point in pregnancy it's likely your hormones playing hell with you. But even if its not, and once you find out for certain, if its a boy then aim to reframe your mind towards how fortunate both your existing babies will be to have another brother. They are a gift. I always think there's probably more complicated emotional reasons behind a preference to the sex of a baby. But I understand why poster's get so disgusted with these threads. I hope you're able to make peace with it OP

I was worried I'd be disappointed with a DS2, but then we lost him. He died and we never got to bring him home. I'm pregnant (that's the first time I've been able to write that) again and just want a healthy baby, whoever they are. Fingers crossed we both get our wish.

oviraptor21 · 21/10/2021 18:04

I have a sister. She and I are like chalk and cheese.
I have DCs of both sexes but only one DD. They all get along fantastically well. The boys have been equally supportive of their brothers and their sister. It's wonderful watching them all together and what a bond they all have.

Clementineapples · 21/10/2021 18:08

The thing is you could imagine having a girl, your daughter having a sister and a best friend, they’ll grow up together, do dancing together, have a bond for life.
In reality they could hate each other, be absolute bitches and never want anything to do with each other.
In other words why worry about something you can’t control.
Maybe ds wants a brother?

Pluspoints · 21/10/2021 18:13

sex not gender

Hardbackwriter · 21/10/2021 18:13

@Tailendofsummer

Although they annoy me, I sometimes click on the gender disappointment threads to see if they are ever going to be about someone being unhappy to have a girl. Guess not.

Every once in a blue moon someone posts one about a DP who is disappointed they're having a girl. The 100% consensus on the thread is always that he is satan personified.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 21/10/2021 19:50

Anyone else thinking the op should have got a reborn doll?
Op I was told a dd after 6 ds's.
A ds arrived and wow he was bloody gorgeous!! Slept through at a few weeks! At 17 still a dream dc!!
Now have 2 teen dd's.

Wouldn't wish them on anyone atm!!

RosieLemonade · 21/10/2021 20:00

I'm personally desperate for a boy!

onethird · 21/10/2021 20:07

HeyFloof I am so sorry that you did not get to bring your lovely boy home. I have two brilliant boys who I am immensely grateful for. I wish you and your third baby so much luck and positivity.

MissyB1 · 21/10/2021 20:10

Yeah get over it and stop buying your dd creepy dolls.

MintyGreenDream · 21/10/2021 20:12

In the nicest possible way please get a grip.I have a friend who's baby boy is in hospital with a rare cancer which they don't know if can be cured.A healthy baby is all that matters.

CoffeeRunner · 21/10/2021 20:16

When I was pregnant with DD I wanted a third boy. Based mainly on my relationship with my own sisters. I have an amazing brother who I am very close to but barely have contact with either sister.

It's all relative.

Moonshine160 · 21/10/2021 20:22

Why on mumsnet is it always disappointment in having or potentially having a boy? Don’t bother trying to conceive another child in the first place if you have a preference on the sex because it’s not fair. Personally I would be over the moon to have a healthy baby, boy or girl.

tillytoodles1 · 21/10/2021 20:22

I've got a boy and a girl. My son wanted a brother, my daughter wishes she had a sister. Everyone says "one of each, how lovely ".

Tailendofsummer · 21/10/2021 20:24

Heyfloof, so sorry for your loss and best of luck for the future

lunar1 · 21/10/2021 20:37

Really feel for your unborn child, what if they don't turn out to be your DD's perfect accessory!

Boys go through plenty growing up, pay attention and raise him to be a man to be proud of. Maybe avoid dismissing his future life experience and what he has to offer his siblings.

Scirocco · 21/10/2021 20:55

Rather than getting upset about the sex of your baby (which tbh nobody can guarantee at this stage from scans/symptoms alone), focus on the positives. Your baby is healthy and has a heartbeat. Many people, myself included, have had the opposite experience at scans, where we've been told our babies have died or that they have serious health problems. In comparison to that, concerns about what might or might not be between their legs really aren't that big a worry.

Your DD and DS will take some cues from you about how to feel about and interact with their new sibling, so it's important not to show negativity or impose your own expectations.

Your DD may indeed proclaim herself heartbroken at times about various things to do with the new baby, but that's something children often do. They can be 'heartbroken' about not going to the park or having the wrong type of juice to drink. They cope. You need to model for her that this isn't something to be sad about - if she sees other people being happy and including her, then she'll probably get un-heartbroken pretty quickly.

Getting her a nice doll sounds lovely, but honestly the reborn dolls seem really creepy. Maybe something less nightmare-inducing?

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/10/2021 20:57

Oh it's as boy you're disappointed with having. What a surprise that is.

heebiejeebies45 · 21/10/2021 21:17

Of course you're allowed a preference as it's your body and your baby but at the same time, be grateful that you have a healthy baby

endofagain · 21/10/2021 21:26

"Also I am of the school of thought that girls need a sister in their adult lives more than boys need a brother.
It is just how they are biologically!"

What an awful thing to say. You have no idea what you are talking about. My son is still struggling with terrible grief and loss 5 years after the loss of his big brother. They were so close, I don't think DS2 will ever be the person he was.

sleepyhoglet · 21/10/2021 22:08

@pleasedontjudgemee you were brave to post and feeling vulnerable. You can't help how you feel. I so wanted a second girl and my heart sank when I found out I was having a boy . I know it will be OK, but I wanted my dd to have a sister too as I can't see her having the same relationship with a much younger brother.

Poppy101010 · 21/10/2021 22:11

I mean this with the utmost respect ... just be grateful your having a baby, whether it be a boy or girl. A lot of people (including myself) would love to be in your position right now.

Luckytattie · 21/10/2021 22:12

You're projecting an awful lot here.

There's nothing to day your daughter would get on with a possible sister.
There's nothing to say your son will hate a baby sister etc.

I feel sorry for the boy you already have.

Your experiences will not be your daughter's

Derbee · 22/10/2021 04:31

Your biggest issues, apart from being ungrateful just to be pregnant, and thinking you can know the sex of your baby at 13 weeks, are your toxic sexism.

Your outdated and quite frankly offensive views of what “girls” and “boys” like, need, and behave is ridiculous. If your DD is disappointed with a baby boy, it will only be because she’s picking up on your disappointment.

These threads make me so angry, I usually try and ignore them. I’m almost 18 weeks pregnant, and the thought of being disappointed with the little person inside me is so awful, I cannot get my head around it.

onelittlefrog · 22/10/2021 05:25

[quote pleasedontjudgemee]@BelieveInRainbows No, we had one brother and multiple sisters he was always out with his friends and never really spoke about his emotions anyway, I feel like it's different for girls they go through so much more growing up, my daughter also has ASD so it's going to be harder for her to accept than a normal child. [/quote]
Why on earth do you think girls "go through so much more" than boys?

It sounds like you have projected a lot of your own strange ideas onto your daughter and that is why she is desperate for a sister.

MamsellMarie · 22/10/2021 06:05

It sounds like you have projected a lot of your own strange ideas onto your daughter and that is why she is desperate for a sister.

Why was your sister like a mother to you - seems odd, would it be worth getting some counselling about your childhood.
Deciding that your son will be distant and unemotional because you think your brother was is nuts!

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