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Original poster

Gender disappointment

115 replies

pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 07:37

Currently 13 weeks pregnant and recently had my first scan, after seeing the baby myself and everyone else is convinced the baby is a boy, I have a girl and boy already.

I have had the same awful symptoms as I did with my girl and managed to convince myself it was another girl, I already feel complete disappointed that it's potentially going to be a boy, my daughter is desperate for a sister and I will feel awful if its another little brother.

I don't know why I would feel so upset? My little boy is an angel and I love him so much I couldn't imagine my life without him, but this is my last pregnancy and the thought of never giving my daughter a sister is breaking my heart Sad

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SausageDogMum73 · 21/10/2021 08:20

It’s generally always disappointment because it’s a boy. I don’t get it.

I would prepare both of them that it could be a boy or a girl and if you then find out at a later date then make a thing of a little brother/sister.

Try and spend as much time preparing your son if you think he will hate the baby as you will helping your daughter cope with the disappointment.

Without wanting to sound harsh give your head a wobble about your heart breaking as well. It’s a baby, should be brining joy no matter if it’s a boy or a girl.

CodeMode · 21/10/2021 08:21

I never had a strong relationship with my brother and personally never seen any of my friends be close with their brother's either. Maybe thats why I worry although my DD and DS love each other very much.

I have a son and a daughter. They’re in their teens and are really close to each other. They always have been, it’s how you bring them up which makes siblings close or not, not their sex. Problems are more likely to occur if you bring sons up to be tough and not show emotions or bring daughters up to also conform to shitty gender stereotypes. I brought my kids up as people, not as pink and blue blobs.

jellybe · 21/10/2021 08:23

I have a girl and two boys (in that order) my DD adores being a big sister to her two brothers and she likes being the only girl as she feels special being different. Originally she wanted a sister when I was pregnant with DS2 but before we knew we managed her expectations- explained that we can't choose etc.

My boys are such good friends (there is less then two years between them) and the adventures they have together playing make believe etc. Is just beautiful to watch.

Honestly your DD will be fine and I think you are projecting a little bit from your own experience of having sisters. I have two brothers and we are very close because my parents encouraged us to be as children and now as adults we talk regularly see each other as often as we can and our friends as well as siblings.
I think being gutted for DD is over kill and she will only feel that way if you make out that she should be disappointed with another brother.

SnowyQueen · 21/10/2021 08:32

What about your ds having 2 dsis? Don’t you think he’d like a db? I have brothers and no sisters. Never upsets me. Why are you getting a reborn doll for your Dd? Inappropriate gift for a dc.

AutumnLeafy · 21/10/2021 08:37

@daisypond

How old are your existing children? I have to say, the reborn doll seems a very odd present to give a child. Is your son getting a reborn doll too?
Just googled them. Yeah I'd get a normal doll.
driftcompatible · 21/10/2021 08:44

Another 'I don't want a boy' thread.

If you don't want the 50% chance of having a boy then don't get pregnant.

You're giving birth to a human being not a doll.

I want I want I want I want I want.

What you should want is a healthy child.

I don't care for all this coddling nonsense of sex disappointment being natural. Just get over yourselves. It's so self indulgent.

bookworm14 · 21/10/2021 08:46

I hate this talk of ‘giving’ kids a sibling like it’s a new toy. A baby is a person who should be wanted in their own right, not just because they fulfil some idealised fantasy you have in your head. Lots of sisters aren’t close, and in any case there’s no reason why she wouldn’t be close to a brother.

user159 · 21/10/2021 08:52

I have a sister, we are not close despite being close in age. DH has a sister and they have an amazing relationship Confused

ilovesushi · 21/10/2021 08:56

If you do have a boy, don't write off the possibility/ probability of your DD having a fantastic bond with him. I have two brothers and we are very close. I have a DD and DS and they are also incredibly close. Be careful that you don't influence her to think she can only be close to a sibling of the same gender.

fuckitbucket16 · 21/10/2021 08:57

I have absolutely nothing to do with my sisters. We are not close in any way. Can’t even remember the last time I spoke to them. 🤷‍♀️

What an odd reason to want a girl. You have no idea if any siblings of any gender will be close or not.

Frazzled2207 · 21/10/2021 08:57

I think it’s probably just the hormones. I remember my MIL knitting a lovely blanket for baby when I was pregnant and bursting into tears because the stripes were too wide 🤪

You have one of each. That’s fab. Yeah the dynamics could be slightly different depending on what comes but either your dd has a partner in crime or your ds does. And of course the gender makes no difference really to who will get on with who. My husband is one of three and he said at all points growing up there was two of them that got on well and a third that was annoying. Obviously the “annoying” person alternated between them.

And anyway no way you really know the gender yet

Original poster
pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 09:07

@user159 yes luckily we live in a country with amazing doctors that put things in place to stop that happening again but thank you for your concern

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Original poster
pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 09:09

@daisypond No he is only 2 so he has a cheap doll and pram, my daughter is a bit older hence the pricier doll for Christmas.

OP posts:
daisypond · 21/10/2021 09:10

Please don’t get either of your children a reborn doll. A normal doll would be fine.

Thefaceofboe · 21/10/2021 09:28

I was devastated to find out we were having a girl as there’s a higher chance she would inherit my genetic condition than a boy, and I am so scared what her future holds. Honestly put it into prospective and be happy you have a healthy baby. Also, you really don’t know the sex at 13 weeks.

SprayedWithDettol · 21/10/2021 09:29

It’s sex not gender.

MissChanandlerBong81 · 21/10/2021 09:59

Well, firstly it could easily be a girl - you really don’t know at 13 weeks. There’s a 50/50 chance. I was absolutely convinced the baby I’m currently carrying was a girl because this pregnancy has been so different to my last pregnancy - I had a bit last time. But sure enough at the 20 week scan, another boy (which I’m delighted about).

I personally think that sex disappointment is typically due to something else going on and I think you need to work out what that is and then try to work on that - whether it’s birth trauma relating to the birth of your son, or feelings about your daughter who has ASD, or issues from your own childhood.

All the threads on here you see about gender disappointment relate to wanting girls and getting boys. But in real life I think I’ve known far more people to be disappointed about having girls. And historically the preference has been for male offspring - and still is in many parts of the world.

isuckathousework · 21/10/2021 14:14

@pleasedontjudgemee

Currently 13 weeks pregnant and recently had my first scan, after seeing the baby myself and everyone else is convinced the baby is a boy, I have a girl and boy already.

I have had the same awful symptoms as I did with my girl and managed to convince myself it was another girl, I already feel complete disappointed that it's potentially going to be a boy, my daughter is desperate for a sister and I will feel awful if its another little brother.

I don't know why I would feel so upset? My little boy is an angel and I love him so much I couldn't imagine my life without him, but this is my last pregnancy and the thought of never giving my daughter a sister is breaking my heart Sad

I understand you OP, girls do tend to form a bond more than boys. Also I am of the school of thought that girls need a sister in their adult lives more than boys need a brother. It is just how they are biologically!
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/10/2021 14:34

Also I am of the school of thought that girls need a sister in their adult lives more than boys need a brother. It is just how they are biologically!

Dear god.

Lesserspottedmama · 21/10/2021 14:41

My DD adores her three brothers - no sister for her. They all love each other so much. Good friend has three girls and they are horrible to each other. My best friend speaks to her sister approx once a year. There is no magic formula of two girls = guaranteed closeness and sisterhood magic. That is a fantasy. It’s not wrong to have the feelings you are having but you need to try and put it in perspective. I hope your baby is healthy because if he/she wasn’t then your would realise very fast how little the sex matters.

highstreetdiestreet · 21/10/2021 14:47

I understand you OP, girls do tend to form a bond more than boys. Also I am of the school of thought that girls need a sister in their adult lives more than boys need a brother.
It is just how they are biologically!

What on Earth are you on about

Ughmaybenot · 21/10/2021 14:51

Also I am of the school of thought that girls need a sister in their adult lives more than boys need a brother.
It is just how they are biologically!
Of all the shit I’ve read on this site before… 🤦🏼‍♀️

Honestly OP you’re doing yourself no favours here, buying into these weird gender based stereotypes of familial relationships. I’m one of five, I get on fine with my sisters but I’d say I’m probably closest to my brothers. That has no link to whether they’re male or female, they’re individuals, with their own personalities and characters and always have been, the same as your children will be.
I hate the element of buying all pink frilly shit for your daughters doll btw. Talk about reinforcing gender stereotypes for the next generation.

Tailendofsummer · 21/10/2021 14:53

Although they annoy me, I sometimes click on the gender disappointment threads to see if they are ever going to be about someone being unhappy to have a girl.
Guess not.

Berkeys · 21/10/2021 14:55

Some of us can’t have any babies so just be grateful that you can, honestly!

fallhappy1 · 21/10/2021 15:34

I have a sister and we did nothing but argue and physically fight up until we were in our late teens and we occasionally fell out even when we were adults. I have a very close relationship with her now we're in our late 20s/early 30s but definitely not when we were children.