Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Gender disappointment

115 replies

pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 07:37

Currently 13 weeks pregnant and recently had my first scan, after seeing the baby myself and everyone else is convinced the baby is a boy, I have a girl and boy already.

I have had the same awful symptoms as I did with my girl and managed to convince myself it was another girl, I already feel complete disappointed that it's potentially going to be a boy, my daughter is desperate for a sister and I will feel awful if its another little brother.

I don't know why I would feel so upset? My little boy is an angel and I love him so much I couldn't imagine my life without him, but this is my last pregnancy and the thought of never giving my daughter a sister is breaking my heart

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Luckytattie · 22/10/2021 06:06

Yes o agree, OP is sexist.

idiotmagnet · 22/10/2021 06:24

My daughter was an 'everything pink' type of toddler but absolutely adored her little brother from day one. He was perfectly happy to play dolls and dress up with her and she played trajn sets with him (although drew a line at football!). They're teenagers now and are incredibly close, and my daughter would love to have boys in the mix when she starts a family. I'm equally close to both of them but probably in different ways, which is fine, because we're all individuals.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 22/10/2021 06:26

I have 3, one DS (eldest) and 2DDs

Nothing good comes of worrying in the middle of the night. Glad you can see you'll love baby when you meet him or her, no matter what sex s/he is. They'll be who they are meant to be and all this will be moot later. In 8 weeks time hopefully you can be told sex of baby at next scan. The little monkeys never turn out how you imagine in your head, they're far better and so off the wall- arriving with their own personalities !!!

I'm extremely close to my son and he's 19 now.

He was hard work when he was young, but boy oh boy is the easiest of all my three once he hit teenage years.(challenge to get him to wash or use a consonant when talking as a teen boy but he's super at that now!)

My DDs however, well ... teenage girls hormones ... an emotional rollercoaster for sure easier when little, complex as anything when hormones arrive... oml the drama in wider friendship groups too....

Don't forget DDs tend to make best friends that are like "sisters" so your DD won't miss out. And real sisters squabble, You'll have a houseful of "adopted" friends & best friends that stay as they grow up- I know all their close friends sooo well... and gf & bfs ... they call me their second mum

My middle DD is very close to her older brother- they were a unit even before youngest DD came along - siblings bond over shared interests

Just to mention- whether boy or girl, IME birth order plays a big factor too- youngest is often one closest to mum . And doted on by everyone (with a bit of annoyance in some years) and DC3 looks up to everyone. Usually with loudest personality too as you're far more relaxed by time no.3 comes along.

You have such fun ahead!!!
Your house will never be quiet or still... nor cupboards remain unraided...
Good luck !!!!

SelfIdentifiedRightsHoarder · 22/10/2021 06:27

With all due respect, putting gender expectations onto your son, I.e that he won't "go through as much", will be less emotional, not as close etc will have far more of an impact on his personality and your future relationship than his sex. You made a comment about family presuming that a girl would have the same difficulties as your daughter, and "why do they think they will be the same because they are girls?" But it seems like you are also having these same thoughts, that all girls will be a certain way and boys will be another. I would work really hard on not projecting your own experiences onto your children, and appreciating them for the individual people that they are. I do completely appreciate that it can be really rough when you're pregnant, dealing with all of the hormones and things! Congratulations on your pregnancy 💐

idiotmagnet · 22/10/2021 06:34

I'm fascinated - and horrified - to read in this thread that disappointment at having a boy is common here! Wow. All those poor boys out there who were 'supposed' to be girls. My boy has been nothing but a joy, as has my girl (although she's more of a handful!). They are my kids, and I love them. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, and I am literally grateful every day that I have the two of them.

sarahc336 · 22/10/2021 06:41

This post will never end well, poor boys I say, I never realised boys were so bad 🤨 many will come on to say spare some thought for ladies that would walk over fire for any baby, just maybe something to think of op best of luck x

Luckytattie · 22/10/2021 06:41

I know. My boy is so cute and sweet. He's an amazing little person. 😍

Navigationcentral · 22/10/2021 06:50

@Ugzbugz

There are so many threads like this and I've never seen disappointment of finding out the sex is a girl

It’s like I live in two worlds. There’s the world I come from - a subcontinent of billion plus - where girls are killed in utero, post birth and then raped and burnt regularly. Female foeticide is so rife that determining baby’s sex before birth is illegal. Yet it is done illegally and if the sex is female horrific procedures are undertaken. “Honour killings”, dowry killings, - there’s no respite for women from when they are an unwanted foetus. India, Pakistan, Bangladesh - and countless other nations are absolutely flooded with this. Nobody bats an eyelid at these news any more.

And then I have my other world in the West. The world of online forums, clean drinking water, universal broadband, high GDP. Here - it’s all about gender disappointment with boys and the lack of pink frill and spa days.

Sometimes the disconnect between my worlds is almost bizarre.

cptartapp · 22/10/2021 06:59

This thread reads the way it does because it's largely made up of female posts.
A male forum would read very differently. Stats show that men are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.

Imposterish · 22/10/2021 07:40

Yep. This thread also reads the way it does because it’s Western women posting on a largely western forum where the vast majority are living within the cultural context of the west.

I can assure you that the counter part of this forum where I come from is replete with -

Where can I find a doctor who will do the (illegal) prenatal sex check ?
What can I eat to ensure I have a boy?
My mother in law is beating me up regularly because I have two girls
My husband says he will leave me for a woman who can give him a son
Did you read the news about the family that sold their three daughters because they couldn’t afford the dowry?

Two worlds.

Mousetown · 22/10/2021 08:03

Also I am of the school of thought that girls need a sister in their adult lives more than boys need a brother.
It is just how they are biologically

This wins the award for the stupidest thing I have ever read on this site.

AliceinBorderland · 24/10/2021 09:52

@Mousetown

*Also I am of the school of thought that girls need a sister in their adult lives more than boys need a brother. It is just how they are biologically*

This wins the award for the stupidest thing I have ever read on this site.

Indeed.

My life would have been infinitely easier without my sister in some ways. She was an absolute nightmare to live with.

I'd rather have had a brother but then everyone wants what they don't have and that's the problem...

whoami24601 · 24/10/2021 10:20

Oh OP I really think you've had a rough ride here. I had a daughter first and then 2 boys. Growing up I was (and still am!) Incredibly close to my sister and I desperately wanted to try and recreate that for her. I really didn't care what sex any of my babies were (infact i was half hoping for a boy for DC3 so it would be easier to pass items along) but it does make me sad for her that she'll never have the chance to have that relationship I did. I don't think that makes me a bad person!

BelleBox19 · 24/10/2021 17:15

I'm really sorry about some of the previous responses on here @pleasedontjudgemee

Gender disappointment is a very real thing! It also a very taboo subject. I know many women who have experienced this and who have even suffered life long lasting effects from having multiple children of all the same gender and not having support around them.

Believe it or not this is extremely common in people who suffer from infertility as they often have this idea in their head of how their child will be when they finally conceive.

You will get through this regardless and you will love She or He no matter what. Being pregnant and hormonal is hard!

You could maybe go for an early 16/17 week scan to find out? The sooner you know the better, gives you time to accept it and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

Please don't feel bad for feeling this way, as I said before, it's much more common than you realise.

Good luck and keep us updated

hopesndreams210310 · 24/10/2021 19:59

@BelleBox19

I'm really sorry about some of the previous responses on here *@pleasedontjudgemee*

Believe it or not this is extremely common in people who suffer from infertility as they often have this idea in their head of how their child will be when they finally conceive.

You will get through this regardless and you will love She or He no matter what. Being pregnant and hormonal is hard!

You could maybe go for an early 16/17 week scan to find out? The sooner you know the better, gives you time to accept it and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

Please don't feel bad for feeling this way, as I said before, it's much more common than you realise.

Good luck and keep us updated

Are you familiar with the effects it can have on the child's mental well-being once it inevitably surfaces that they weren't the 'right' gender?

My mother was desperate for a boy but unfortunately had me instead, cried with disappointment when she found out. I can tell you the answer, it effected me my whole life and needless to say, I'm NC with her now.

Babies don't choose their sex and everyone goes into pregnancy knowing there's a 50/50 chance, if they have ideals, that's their problem and maybe they should pack it in and accept nature rather than potentially damaging their child for life.
Just a thought.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5