Minsters side car bumping along- ttc thread graduates 3

[Justanothercyster]

Here's the next one :)

Ahhh I see @whatwonder well anyway it was great for us. I would def do it again, I will prob think about combination feeding

Thank you so much for all of the congratulations and well wishes we are both doing well and very much lost in a little newborn bubble of snuggles and feeds at the moment.

@Lexber glad your home and everything is well with your babies.

@Minster2012 glad all went well with your appointment and sounds like plans are being put in place well in advance to stop any further complications. I think a planned c section sounds sensible and hopefully it would be a really positive experience being planned.

We named our little man Jude in the end. Will try and do a better read and catch up soon but currently feel like a milk machine haha.

@Minster2012 snap! I'm totally unprepared for the feeding again! I did BF for a few weeks then switched to FF due to poor weight gain (she still didn't gain on formula and in the end was due to her heart defect) so hoping for a less stressful time this time round. I'm the moodiest on lack of sleep 😅

@Florence13 ahh lovely name, welcome little Jude 😍 enjoy those newborn cuddles 🥰

Congratulations @Florence13 and welcome to baby Jude!

@bez91 same, I found exclusively BF really stressful. It was also around the time that we found out DS might be deaf (which he is, albeit absolutely flying in mainstream, with the help of his cochlear implants.) so not sure if that impacted on things. I'm planning on taking it as it comes, and if we want to introduce formula for the sake of my sanity/baby's health then so be it.

Gorgeous name @Florence13 pleased you are loving it 😍 (milk machine included!)

@bez91 @feliznavidad2 yes I think it's good to see how it goes but I certainly don't think FF is an issue

@bez91 aww thank you ☺️

@feliznavidad2 thank you and aww that sounds really tough going I’m not against formula if BF all gets too much.

@Minster2012 thanks hun and yes absolutely loving it! Have to admit the nips are slightly sore.

@2020mission about 50 mins on average, it can vary depending on what train I get. Can't believe you weren't offered a seat! Luckily there was space on a 4 but if there wasn't I was prepared to ask someone for their seat. Defo wasn't about to stand for nearly an hour. My pgp has flared massively now! I did more walking than usual as had to go to the bank as well as meet friends for dinner after work and pop out to get lunch so I was in agony coming home last night. And there was me thinking I'd cured myself, I just hadn't walked very far in a while 😂
@Florence13 love the name Jude, my friends son is called that too. So glad to hear you're loving it 🥰

@florence13 congrats and welcome to the world baby Jude x

@Florence13 Jude'd a lovely name, glad to hear you're both doing well

On the BF/formula chat, I was totally unprepared with DS, I just assumed I could BF and it'd be far easier than making up bottles 🙈 (naieve.com 😂) The reality was far different, I struggled to produce any milk, they said because my body had been through so much trauma it was focusing on healing itself and feeding baby wasn't my body's priority at first (I lost over half my total blood volume during my section and needed a big transfusion, but still, I felt like I had such a selfish body not thinking of my baby first 🙈). By the time my body started to produce some milk DS was so used to the ease of bottles that he hated bf as apparently they need to work harder to suck compared to bottles. We visited the lactation consultant but in the end DS was getting so frustrated and upset I gave I'm trying after a few weeks. I was devastated at the time and because the whole 'breast is best' phrase was hammered down my throat in pregnancy I felt like such a failure and was actually a bit embarrassed at times at the start if people knew he was formula fed. Now I'm not as naieve and couldn't give a toss what the opinion of others are this time round, I'm very much in the fed is best camp and if bf doesn't work for #2 I'll happily switch to formula with no regrets this time round. Plus one of the benefits of formula was I loved those little premade bottles you could by that didn't even need to be heat up just take off the cap and go, they were a godsend for unexpected trips or emergencies! Shall def be stocking up on them no matter how I decide to feed!

Ahhhhh love the name @Florence13 I loved Jude but OH vetoed it (amongst many, many other names…) it’s so hard when you teach to find names that you don’t associate with an arse of a child!

I am EBF but bugger me it is waaaaaay harder than I anticipated. Was really unprepared for how tough it is, even when you’re fortunate enough to have a baby that feeds easily! It’s very isolating I think

@Kate105 I've still not picked a name my husband always rules out any I suggest based on someone he knows with the name 😅 I liked James but he said "no, we're not naming him after my uncle Jimmy!". I've never even heard of this uncle haha

Oh @2020mission I feel you! James was literally the only boys name we could agree on. Clearly can never have a second baby because if we had another boy he would have to remain unnamed for life 😂

@DKDK123 god that sounds such a traumatic birth! Let's hope for better this time. We also loved the premade little bottles, life saver 😊

@Kate105 I think it can be really tough with EBF. One of my friends really struggled but then she struggled to let go of it too as like @DKDK123 said the whole "breast is best" meant that she was really anxious thinking she failed. DH was telling our friend the other day that our antenatal classes we did a quiz on "why BF is better" and it was awful. It actually included things like "your baby's brain won't develop as well as a BF baby if you feed them on formula" I mean seriously??? I said I'd like to see the research on that but it fell on deaf ears.
I think luckily there's much more understanding now if it's whatever works for you and your baby

On the names @2020mission it's seemingly really weird that across MN it seems everyone agrees boys names are harder. No idea why!!

That's shocking that anyone would make such claims @Minster2012! I think breast feeding is good for passing over antibodies to prevent infections and for the mother's body as they say it encourages the uterus to contract back to pre pregnancy size, but otherwise I don't believe there's any big difference especially not long term. All benefits are gone the minute the breast feeding ends too, right? I'm going to try it but not confident it will work as I'm sure my dad's mum didn't manage and I've had absolutely no breast changes in this pregnancy... maybe slightly darker nipples but no pain, no leaking, no upsizing. I'd love to give it a go but definitely won't beat myself up if it doesn't work out. It does burn calories and it's also free and convenient (in a sense with not sterilising and making up bottles) but then again it would be nice to share feeding with DH 😅 so could say it's not that convenient.

@2020mission yeah it was bad, there was us & a lesbian couple we are still friends with who were wanting to combi feed & we were sniggering away at the back of the class saying "our children will turn out to be a cow cos we FF them!" We had to laugh because it was pretty offensive (I mean DH still remembers & it was nearly 4 years ago!) At DS's 3rd birthday in the summer we joked with this couple at "look at how underdeveloped our kids are cos we fed them like 🐮 cows!" So it stayed with us all.

The losing weight quickly thing could be a real benefit😂I'm sure that's how a lot of ppl I know lost weight quickly but again, whatever works best. My nipples are SORE, like just now I reached to get a new loo roll out of my cupboard above me & my nipples hit the shelf first and bloody hell 😳I've gone from a D/DD to an F! At 13 and a half weeks?! Surely they can't get bigger?! My friend joked earlier she paid £5k to get boobs like that & still not as big like wtf!!! I'm jealous of you not changing much, it sounds like you've had a really lovely pregnancy 🙌🏻

@Minster2012 Haha I bet your husband is enjoying that. I think the breast pain calms down into the second and third trimesters... or at least I only felt any tenderness in the first trimester mostly then it just vanished! I've been quite lucky with this pregnancy up until recently it's only been the trapped nerve in one thigh that's been a problem, but that was tolerable as long as I didn't ever sit or walk for too long. I had the nausea and headaches in the first trimester but got through it without pain killers and never actually threw up. If it wasn't for this excess amniotic fluid I'd be able to still say I'm all good 😆 but symptom wise I do feel fine. Haven't got any swelling yet either in fact I've had to take my wedding and engagement rings off as they got too loose.

@Kate105 I'm the same with names, DH will suggest one and I'm like "Nope, taught one of them!" It definitely does narrow the amount of names your happy with right down 😂

@Minster2012 that quiz is shocking! It was statements like that that had made me feel really crappy about FF DS, then my mum reminded me I was exclusively FF as she had trouble BF and there was absolutely nothing wrong with my brain. DS was quite poorly for the first year and again I blamed FF because he hadn't gotten all the antibodies from BF but actually looking back the fact he was also born a month premature probably contributed to it more than him being FF. Its amazing how much you grow in self assurance from baby 1 to baby 2 tho, this time round I'm like everyone can keep their opinions and 'advice' to themselves I don't wanna hear it whereas 1st time round if anyone questioned something I did it did make me doubt myself sometimes as I assumed having been there they knew best. Now I know everyone's just winging it 😂

DH and I lay in bed tonight trying to think of names (to ward the scanxiety). We toyed with a few girls names but nothing seemed right as DS has called her Emily for so long now that only Emily seemed right. So at least we have the name sorted if it's a girl. Boys on the other hand we ended up sitting googling list after list of names and still couldn't agree on one we liked. Any he liked I'd taught someone who always misbehaved with that name and it put me off and any I liked he's worked with someone he hated with that name. One of the benefits of having a child when you're younger is there aren't as many names ruled out yet as you've not came across as many people you don't like 😂 So going to have to hope it's a girl or we're screwed.

@DKDK123 I find girls names much easier than boys! Sounds like you're sorted for a girl then 😁 DD suggestion of names alternate between her 2 best friends so they are no go's anyway. Me and DH haven't had a name chat yet, he wants to - I'm putting it off 😆 he's flapping as if we're unprepared, last time we live on a building site so as far as I'm concerned we're very prepared already by doing nothing!

Agree on the baby #2 thing as well with self assurance! I'm also having no visitors for 1-2 weeks after baby arrives (I'd decided this before I was pregnant) I have horrible memories of being in hospital for 4 days, getting discharged at midnight and the unhelpful visitors starting at 8am the following morning, some of the time I spent upstairs with my legs in the air and the midwife whilst she checked my stitches out and was helping me to breastfeed and a house full downstairs. Not how it should be! I will happily tell people to f*ck off this time 😆 x

@bez91 sounds very familiar DS came a month early just as we'd ripped out the entire kitchen, had all the floorboards pulled up to reroute the plumbing, knocking holes in walls to change the layout for new patio doors etc all the things that were in the kitchen were in the livingroom the place was chaos and of course DS decided he was arriving in the middle of it. So now I'm like well #2 can't come home to any worse so no point in flapping as long as I've got the moses basket set up for it to lie in when it gets home that'll do, the rest will happen when it happens 😂 I remember the dreaded visitor stream too. I pitched a massive hormonal hissy fit on about day 3 of being home screaming at DH that no one else was stepping foot through the door as I was just home from hospital and needed rest and he was inviting everyone and their granny to come visit. My foot will be down on the visitor front this time round too!

I'm with you on the names! I'm struggling so much to even think of any I like where as OH and the girls throwing them at me left right and centre 🤣
I said I need to know the sexes and be further before I can start to think properly.
I also don't want the world and their sons knowing the names before the babies are here I'd rather wait have a short list and name them when they're here.
Meet have our gender scan next Saturday- how has that come around so quickly?! I'm 15+2 today and will be 16+3 so hopefully get good views 🤞🏼

I tried to BF both my girls - Alexia wouldn't latch on properly and when she did I couldn't handle the pain, I was checked regularly and told she was on right but it was awful, I would sit crying at the thought of doing it again in 4 hours! I lasted 3 days before breaking down in guilt and exhaustion and asked her dad to fetch baby milia and bottles. The best decision I ever made but it was so difficult because they rammed BF down your throat and I was only 20 so thought I had to. Amber was the opposite but on all the time for 5 mins then off, then 10 min later back on and no one supported me enough to understand that is normal so I was then worried sick she wasn't getting enough milk, again by day 3 I gave up and put her on formula and felt so guilty again but it was the right thing for us.

This time I wanted to try again having the knowledge I now have, but being 2 I'm not sure how I'd handle it or if I could cope BF 2, it's hard work and I have so much respect for the mums who can do it ! I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing again lol I may as well be a first time mum!!

@Lexber definitely agree, lack of knowledge and education is the problem. No one teaches the norms. Just wack a boob out and baby will feed, bit more complicated than that! Even in antenatal courses the information is rubbish IMO and tailored to an "ideal world" of there being no traumatic birth, no tongue/lip tie, no troubleshooting advice, no issues with baby medically. It gets my back up, we preach of the low breastfeeding rates in this county and there's no bloody wonder when women are just shat on... phew rant done 😆
Exciting on gender scan next week. I've booked a private scan for 16 weeks as don't look like nhs will start my regular ones until 20 and it seems a long time!

@DKDK123 good luck today, I thought it was tomorrow for some reason! Will be thinking of you!

It's so frustrating @bez91 isn't it. Power is most definitely knowledge!!
My 20 week is booked for 23rd Dec and there is no way he can wait that long 🤣🤣

We booked a little place in town for ours, where are you looking to book?

Once I hit 28 weeks I will have fortnightly scans as long as everyone going well with a sit down plan being made about 32/34 weeks 😬 it seems so far away but it will go so quickly once Xmas is here

I'm so tired today it's unreal I feel absolutely wiped out xx

@2020mission I'm not letting hubby near them! But he's just like 😳

@bez91 totally with you on no visitors. We had loads of ppl "just dropping round" when DS was born & I got really angry as they didn't help me tidy up after themselves (this is even MIL & close relatives) or I even commented to DH that they came, woke up DS, expected me to make them drinks, have cake /biscuits for them & then just left...not even bringing the cake. I remember MIL specifically batch cooking food for my SILs but we got none of that "because I hadn't given birth I was ok to do the housework" errr still exhausted with a new baby to look after 😫

No name chat here @DKDK123 @bez91 ive still got my list of names from when DS was born & I look at that & add things but def not discussed. Love that you are sorted for a girl @DKDK123

I absolutely loved having visitors round and was sad when the first 2 weeks of loads of people round was over 🥴😂

Also on the breastfeeding front- were 3 months info BF but she will still only latch with breast shields. Cannot for the life of me get her off them and on the boob it's a nightmare but easier than FF for me. Would love to be able to go and see a lactation consultant and get help but what with Christmas around the corner and statutory maternity pay it's just not happening 🥺

@lucyrp I'm obviously more miserable than you!! Maybe if they'd brought food or cake I'd have been more welcoming! I don't know what breast shields are! I guess we've got it all to come 😂