Gender disappointment

[Belle82]

We just had our gender scan and we did a quick gender reveal at home so our little girl found out at the same time as us.

We’ve got a little girl after 4 years of infertility and ivf and when I was growing up I always wanted a sister so badly to have that girl bond.
We found out it was a boy (also ivf) and I just feel devastated 😔 I feel disgusted with myself for feeling this, especially as it’s ivf and I know some people would give their left arm to have a healthy baby and I know I will love him with all my heart when he is here, but I can’t help feel disappointed my little girl won’t be able to have a sister and she only wanted a little girl so she is disappointed too.

I am obviously hiding this from family but I just feel I need a couple of days to get over my disappointment.

Please tell me your stories of GD? Please don’t slate me, I do feel really bad already 😔

The disappointment is real right now but it will go. Promise.

I felt like this, similar situation. I wanted to please my eldest child and give them the sibling of the same sex. Their disappointment and pregnancy hormones meant I didn’t react well!

Give yourself a few days to get past it. Let go of the idea of a hypothetical perfect sister relationship and embrace the new idea of a brother/sister one.

Here we go again, it's always the boys that women are disappointed to be having. God knows why.

There's something wrong in our society that boys are considered a disappointment.
Babies are a gift, whatever sex.

I think this is a huge problem with finding out the sex of the baby before birth.

OP, before DS1 we lost a boy at 17 weeks and afterwards a boy at 27 weeks. All I wanted throughout pg was a boy to replace the boys I had lost. DS1 also only wanted a brother and tbf we all expected a boy. Had I known I was carrying a girl I think a difficult and high risk pregnancy would have been made far worse.

DD was born 51 weeks later and was perfect. I was totally overjoyed and with the exception of ds saying "a boy would have been better" they grew up very close. The moment of meeting her swept away any desire for any other baby.

It will pass when your baby boy is here

My sister and I hate each other. Always did. Never speak in fact she is muted on text and WhatsApp as I can't stand her being rude.

I'd have loved a brother.

Girl bond is bollocks. What does it mean anyway?

I genuinely can't believe that people go into a pregnancy knowing that the resulting baby will be either a boy or a girl, and then get upset when it's not what they wanted.
Sorry but I think if this is where gender scanning gets people in this state then they need to wait till it's born, like they have done throughout history.

@MissyB1

Here we go again, it's always the boys that women are disappointed to be having. God knows why.

There's something wrong in our society that boys are considered a disappointment.
Babies are a gift, whatever sex.

Yes, this.

I have, and am very grateful for, three wonderful sons. I really can't empathise with the OP at all.

Ah I had a lovely boy and wanted a second. Found out no2 was a girl and did feel disappointed- no idea why now. I guess I just wanted what I knew.

@Belle82 Give yourself time OP, I’m sure in a few days you’ll feel differently 😊 If you’re on Instagram then look up Ebony Day - the bond her daughter and son have would make anyone dream of the ‘big sister, little brother’ set up 😍
What age is your DD? I’m sure she’ll adore her little brother ❤️

I haven't even had my gender reveal but from scans and symptoms I'm convinced I'm having a girl (I'm also an ivf pregnancy) and I really want a boy (so does everyone in the family and my partner) so already feeling a little disappointed but I'm sure once baby is in your arms it will all go away

I think it's normal, as we go into it with a vision of how things will go and your vision has been altered so it takes a bit of getting used to

I had a dd first and was desperate for a ds so I'd have one of each.
Luckily I did, but it didn't even cross my mind about the idea of 2 girls being close.
Me and my sister are ok now, but very very different and fought like cat and dog growing up.

Always boys!!! Why? I was overjoyed to have find I was having a boy, but then I’d never romanticised the sister-mum-daughter thing at all because it’s never been my reality.

Because that’s all it is. Pointless romanticism that means nothing to a tiny baby. It’s just pure projection.

You will never be loved more than by your new DS, mother and son it's special

To not want a boy at all does seem a bit harsh

I hope you see that a brother / sister can be really lovely

@littlebilliie do boys love their mummies and have a better bond than girls do? What tripe.

Lol my sisters and I nearly killed each other growing up. We certainly didn't have a sisterly bond.

I don't have much sympathy with yet another woman moaning about having a son.

I be have 5 sons and one stepson who are all very close to each other . I have one sister who I never see and one brother who I get on with slightly better . So who knows what will happen. Just hoping all goes well with your pregnancy and you will have two siblings who will hopefully get on well .

Some of these replies aren’t very helpful or supportive. OP can’t help how she feels. Surely coming onto a forum like this and getting it off her chest is the best way of dealing with it.

Another boy disappointment. What a surprise.

Hi had Ivf for both my two children. Could have written your story I wanted my first daughter to have a sister as I was so close to mine growing up and then found out we were having a boy.
It really does pass as people say and now I woudn't trade my little boy for all the girls in the world. Plus they get on really well and his big sister looks after him.
Ignore any bad comments as ur feelings at the moment are your feelings its not ur fault. Allow urself to feel sad but just know things should get better! Congratulations.

Yeah, another boy disappointment but now you’ll get a few posters pop up to say boys love you more, they’re more gentle and adore their mummies bla bla bla. Kids are just kids. It’s all down to their personality not their sex. Putting these twee sick-making connotations on it is just bullshit.

At the moment everything is hypothetical and magical thinking. The imagined relationship, the how your family would be.

Please try to release the delusion and embrace the reality that this is your family. How happy!! A beautiful family!!

You bring a person with his own character and his own personality into the world and together your family will grow in all ways.

I felt like this when I had my second boy. This was 20 years ago and we didn't find out routinely in pregnancy then. Dad and midwife were speculating as I was giving birth how pretty baby looked, and was definitely a girl, and then she had a willy 😂. You can't help how you feel, it's natural, and I promise you'll love your little boy every bit as much as if it was a girl, you truly won't care when he's in in your arms.

The disappointment is always about boys. I can understand and I am sorry you feel this. It will go, I'm sure. I have a boy and he is the sweetest, kindest, cuddliest child. Far more affectionate than my daughter (who I love equally of course!)