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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Gender disappointment

139 replies

Belle82 · 11/07/2021 14:22

We just had our gender scan and we did a quick gender reveal at home so our little girl found out at the same time as us.

We’ve got a little girl after 4 years of infertility and ivf and when I was growing up I always wanted a sister so badly to have that girl bond.
We found out it was a boy (also ivf) and I just feel devastated 😔 I feel disgusted with myself for feeling this, especially as it’s ivf and I know some people would give their left arm to have a healthy baby and I know I will love him with all my heart when he is here, but I can’t help feel disappointed my little girl won’t be able to have a sister and she only wanted a little girl so she is disappointed too.

I am obviously hiding this from family but I just feel I need a couple of days to get over my disappointment.

Please tell me your stories of GD? Please don’t slate me, I do feel really bad already 😔

OP posts:
Wildery · 14/07/2021 19:51

I’m ashamed to say I was gutted when I found out I was having a girl as I desperately wanted a boy (weird, or maybe not, stuff of mine around sexism and the idea she’d have a difficult life). I’m obv now thrilled to have my DD, and my second child was a boy. I think having one of each is brilliant, I feel massively lucky, but having 2 DDs or 2 DSs would have been equally good. You love who you have, not some fantasy of who you think you want.

Aozora13 · 14/07/2021 19:54

@Belle82 I really surprised myself at my reaction to finding out at the scan I’m having a third DD. For some reason I had in my head I was having a boy. I think as this is my last baby, it meant closing the door on that option and I did feel disappointed I won’t get to have a son. The feeling passed quickly though and I feel quite guilty but you can’t help how you feel, only what you do about it! I’m now completely focused on how lucky I am to be having another child and really excited to meet her. You’ve been through the mill so give yourself time and use your energies to think about all the positives your lovely little boy will bring. I also have a whole list of unused boy names if you need Grin

MuslinsRLife · 14/07/2021 20:45

I don’t get it in your scenario. Yes, I have 3 DS’s so I’m a little offended as per PP’s comment because what’s wrong with little boys? Why do women seem to be disappointed with them, even when they already have girls? It’s a strange one.

I did have slight gender disappointment with DS3 so appreciate i can be seen as a hypocrite but mine was based around never having a girl, not having a boy. I guess it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, our DS’s will never know we had GD & they will be loved all the same.

DS3 is such a happy, joyful little baby. You will honestly love him when he’s here! & your daughter will too, DS1 wanted a baby sister as all his friends have them but he snapped out of it quickly & is extremely loving.

MuslinsRLife · 14/07/2021 20:47

@Aozora13 my friend is having her third DD & we joke we should have swapped them! For some reason though, people don’t seem to feel as sorry for women who have three DD’s then they do for those of us with 3 DS’s 🙄

Aozora13 · 14/07/2021 21:53

@MuslinsRLife you’re right - everyone says what a blessing multiple daughters are (except y’know Mr & Mrs Bennet) but sons is all “ooh you must have your hands full”. But my DDs are definitely more slugs and snails than sugar and spice…

doesparentingsuck · 14/07/2021 22:36

@PomegranateQueen

These threads are always about boys, why!?
I don't find it unusual it's always boys given unassume most posters are female,

If this was dadsnet you'd likely find they all want sons and are gutted when it's a girl

LewishamMum · 14/07/2021 23:01

There will be four or five years between your kids, so I don't think they are going to be really close growing up whatever the sex (not gender!). They may or may not be as adults....

MuslinsRLife · 14/07/2021 23:11

@doesparentingsuck why though?

rach2713 · 14/07/2021 23:35

I have 1 boy from a previous and 3 girls with my husband. When we found out I was pregnant with are last girl who is 2 and a big surprise I was sad for my husband as we knew she was are last and I really wanted a boy so he knew what it was like to have a boy I cried in the car and said I had let him down he said never say that he is ment to be a girl dad and he already has a son in my boy. You never know your daughter and son may be the best of friends because let me tell you my 3 girls fight so much its unreal ...

doesparentingsuck · 15/07/2021 02:52

@MuslinsRLife because usually people want to create the same sex they are as they have a misconception they'll have a closer bond

Presumably because most men have make friends a me most female have women friends so they believe in adult years more likely to have a 'friend' or companion if it is the same sex and gender as them

willithappen · 15/07/2021 08:42

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a preferred gender you want your first baby to be 😂 you'd think OP had said she'd give the baby up for adoption if it was a different gender with the way people are being.

A lot of us dream of our first child, especially if you are doing ivf and you have an idea in your head of what things will go like.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 15/07/2021 08:44

@willithappen this is OPs second. She’d have one of each!

mumofmunchkin · 15/07/2021 10:33

You feel how you feel, and there's nothing wrong with that. You will get your head around it in time. There's an element of letting go of the future you had pictured and accepting a new picture.

I have 3 boys and am pregnant. I love being an all-boy mum, and don't really want to lose that, but I also love the idea of having a daughter. Whatever sex this baby is, there will be an element of letting go of one of those possible futures and, as this is our last baby, potentially letting go of the idea of ever having a daughter. It doesn't mean anything about how much I will love this baby, but when you've pictured a particular future for yourself it does take time to adjust to a new one.

The biggest thing I have to contend with this time around, actually, is other people's gender disappointment, who are desperate for me to have a girl, or who assume I must be desperate to have a girl. I find that reallllllllly hard to deal with.

Mommabear20 · 15/07/2021 10:42

I never experienced it myself, BUT, there would be pros and cons to either a boy or girl, having a second girl would not guarantee that they had a close bond, a friend of mine and her sister can't be in the same room as each other and that started around aged 8! Yet both sisters have an amazing relationship with their brothers! But me and my brother can't stand each other! Every sibling pair/group are completely different! So please don't feel too disheartened for the loss of a hopes for relationship, it could still happen, just not how you imagined it 😊

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