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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Gender disappointment

139 replies

Belle82 · 11/07/2021 14:22

We just had our gender scan and we did a quick gender reveal at home so our little girl found out at the same time as us.

We’ve got a little girl after 4 years of infertility and ivf and when I was growing up I always wanted a sister so badly to have that girl bond.
We found out it was a boy (also ivf) and I just feel devastated 😔 I feel disgusted with myself for feeling this, especially as it’s ivf and I know some people would give their left arm to have a healthy baby and I know I will love him with all my heart when he is here, but I can’t help feel disappointed my little girl won’t be able to have a sister and she only wanted a little girl so she is disappointed too.

I am obviously hiding this from family but I just feel I need a couple of days to get over my disappointment.

Please tell me your stories of GD? Please don’t slate me, I do feel really bad already 😔

OP posts:

Fullofglee · 11/07/2021 15:55

My son and daughter are the best of friends there's only 2 and half years between them.

UsedUpUsername · 11/07/2021 15:56

think this is unfair and untrue @MissyB1- I’ve known plenty of women who wanted boys and were disappointed to discover they were having girls and even if that’s not the normal way around that it goes, there are lots of dads who are very vocally gutted to hear they’re having girls. We definitely do not live in a society where boys are “considered a disappointment”

It’s actually really rare that it goes the other way on MN. So for many women I think there is some disappointment if you never get a girl.

I don’t have links but I think I read a study where families with two girls tend to stop whereas those with two boys are more likely to go for a third.

User5827372728 · 11/07/2021 15:56

@PomegranateQueen

Because boys can’t wear cute pink dresses and will get married and never seen again… obviously

itssoooofluffy · 11/07/2021 15:59

I don't think the OP can help how she feels, and it's ok to be disappointed.

Personally though, if I knew I would be potentially disappointed with a gender reveal, I wouldn't have one, all you're giving yourself is 'bad' news. Wait until the baby is born when any negative feelings will be far outweighed by positive ones.

Throughabushbackwards · 11/07/2021 16:02

People are mean about this on here OP. I had inexplicable disappointment both times I found out I was having boys. I felt silly and selfish, but it did pass and I've never felt it again. Don't be hard on yourself and don't let people make you feel bad about it.

WheresMySnackPack · 11/07/2021 16:06

@LST

Another boy disappointment. What a surprise.

Always is!

HerbErtlinger · 11/07/2021 16:07

I was anxious about having a boy and already had a DD. I was worried I wouldn't bond with him and felt more detached from the pregnancy than I had with my daughter's. I had no control over those feelings, I'm sorry others might feel 'saddened and sickened' by feelings I didn't want or could control but there we are. I loved him very much once he was born, he's the best thing ever. He was premature and his start was quite rocky. I had counselling for PTSD in relation to it all and some of what I had to address was my feelings of guilt for the way I felt and that his early birth was punishment for that.

JamieLeeBee · 11/07/2021 16:08

This is why I am genuinely bamboozled as to why people find out the sex. As an adult, it is truly one of the best surprises in life to find out at the birth

Musication · 11/07/2021 16:09

I have a brother and a sister and don't get along well with my sister - we are so different and never had much in common as kids. Adored my brother though and we still have a great friendship.
I had a DD first then a DS, they really are brilliant pals and I can't imagine she would have been happier with a sister. She also wanted a girl when I was pregnant but didn't care once he had arrived.
Try to get past this ASAP, little boys are just as wonderful as little girls and you will be ashamed of yourself if this goes on.

Nonmaquillee · 11/07/2021 16:12

What’s a girl bond?
Can’t you just be happy that you’re having a healthy baby following IVF??

diamondpony80 · 11/07/2021 16:15

Why is it always boy disappointment? I was convinced my 2nd (and last) child would be a boy, and after my first boy I really wanted another. She turned out to be a girl and I cried all the way home from the scan. Everything turned out perfect though and I am so happy now to have one of each. They are both an absolute joy in their own ways (most of the time!)

grey12 · 11/07/2021 16:15

My first scan I was told DD1 was a boy and then at the 2nd that is was a girl. It felt like I had had a miscarriage and now was magically pregnant with another child.

I would say from my experience to "mourn" the loss of the child in your head for a couple of days and then welcome the new child. I remember I had a bedroom planned in my head and everything!

Peachi82 · 11/07/2021 16:15

Your feelings are valid but a little bit stupid.

We didn't want to find out. I was too scared of having a boy as the only boy in my family, my baby brother, died a few months after he was born from sudden infant death.

When my boy was born, I was over the moon, as was the rest of my family. All the worries of him suddenly passing were gone. I think I would have worried a lot during pregnancy (because you do worry anyway...) if I would have known he's a boy. He is 3.5 now and I couldn't wish for a cuter, funnier and more caring child.

StopCryingYourHeartOut · 11/07/2021 16:18

Well surely your husband is ecstatic its a boy? Won't that boost you a bit.

2bazookas · 11/07/2021 16:19

Even within the same family, some siblings are very close and some can't stand each other. Gender isn't the deciding factor.

Purple21 · 11/07/2021 16:28

Health is wealth

Ohhgreat · 11/07/2021 16:56

Posters who are offended by the idea of gender disappointment with a boy fall into 3 camps:
A) those struggling with infertility, which affects their point of view
B) those who already have at least one child of each sex. No matter how much you say you wouldn't have minded, you can't imagine what it would be like to not have that diversity
C) those with just boys who are offended that anyone wouldn't like boys
You never hear from those with just girls...

1forAll74 · 11/07/2021 16:59

I had prenancies in the days before scans were around, and it was better to have a nice surprise to look forward to.. My son was first born, then four years later,he could see another baby was forth coming, and he just said, oh, it will be nice to have a new baby in our house,and it will be able to play with my Lego, and my dinky cars haha, It was a baby girl next,and to be sure, when she was crawling around and then walking at about 11 months old, she did play with his special toys.

MarshaBradyo · 11/07/2021 17:02

@Ohhgreat

Posters who are offended by the idea of gender disappointment with a boy fall into 3 camps: A) those struggling with infertility, which affects their point of view B) those who already have at least one child of each sex. No matter how much you say you wouldn't have minded, you can't imagine what it would be like to not have that diversity C) those with just boys who are offended that anyone wouldn't like boys You never hear from those with just girls...

What do you think this means?

I’m not particularly surprised they wouldn’t comment as much, but maybe missing what you are suggesting is behind it

becca3210 · 11/07/2021 17:14

My husband and his sister get on so well. There is every chance your children will be close. I always find it helpful to think 'try and be the best parent to the child you have not the one you imagined'.

Terrazzo · 11/07/2021 17:17

I think this is a huge problem with finding out the sex of the baby before birth.

So you’d rather someone be disappointed at the birth then? 😂 honestly!!?

Purple21 · 11/07/2021 17:21

@Terrazzo

I think this is a huge problem with finding out the sex of the baby before birth.

So you’d rather someone be disappointed at the birth then? 😂 honestly!!?

But that's the point because your not disappointed once their born.

toolazytothinkofausername · 11/07/2021 17:29

@MissyB1

Here we go again, it's always the boys that women are disappointed to be having. God knows why.

There's something wrong in our society that boys are considered a disappointment.
Babies are a gift, whatever sex.

That's pretty harsh! The OP already said she felt bad.

YourCakesAreShit · 11/07/2021 17:56

Ludicrous. How can you be disappointed in a healthy baby?

I think you should have done some soul searching pre-pregnancy and maybe not have gone through IVF if you felt that strongly about not having a boy, given that the chances are about 50/50.

FWIW, I adore my brother, and would love my DD to have a brother herself. Equally, I've not experienced a sister, so I think it'd be lovely for her to have one.

Sheisfee · 11/07/2021 18:06

My brother is my best mate! I was the opposite - I wanted a boy and I’m pregnant with a girl. Wasn’t devastated though - just a little like… oh! But I’m head over heels in love with my bump. Hope your feelings shift and you can enjoy your pregnancy.

Giving your daughter everything she wants in life won’t make her happy, surrounding her with love will x

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