End of Jan 2022 Babies, 1st pregnancy

[spttc]

Hi ladies, I just found out I'm pregnant 4 weeks 1 day just seeing if there's any other newly pregnant who are as excited, terrified, elated, and shocked as I am 😂🤰🏻💕 Due Jan 30th 2022 🤞🤞🤞

@EsseKey how far along are you now? I'm struggling with not telling people just as it's so hard to hide with the frequent vomiting etc. I don't want people to guess on their own but at the same time im almost dreading it. I don't love attention.

Who else has told? Or hasn't? We've told nobody. Not a soul.

@spttc I've been lucky that social situations where I might have had to hide nausea were cancelled! So haven't had to tell anyone yet. I'm telling work this week as I need time off for the 12 week scan next week. Undecided when to tell family and friends after the 12 week scan, wait until I can do it in person or call them and get it out of the way?!

@Tangfastic91 yeh I have one tonight. Iv been lucky so far really & think Iv gotten away with it.

Another question....has anyone had alcohol pushed on you? 😂 did you take a tiny sip or what did you do? I'm sort of nervous that might happen later on 🙈

Congratulations @Kayl23!

Just catching up on the messages. Has anyone thought about when they would start maternity leave? I feel so unmotivated by work since I found out my mind keeps wondering. I think having a nice Christmas period with no work is a massive temptation.

@spttc I’m currently 11 weeks. We’ve told both parents and I’ve told my two best friends and manager. Ive had a couple private scans but we are waiting til after 12 week scan to tell the wider family, though we are not into big announcements or anything like that. The people we have told early I would be telling if I had a miscarriage anyway so I didn’t see the issue. I would have found it extremely hard to hide from absolutely everyone as well, it’s already been a very longggg 11 weeks!

@Dolly0706 see I think that's my issue! As I wouldn't tell anyone if I had a miscarriage. Not even my mum. Nobody. I would after I was pregnant again and far along but not at the time. Simply because I feel if people knew we had had a loss I feel the clock is then ticking for me to fall pregnant again. People wondering etc. It would massively bother me.

It's just so difficult with the fatigue & nausea to keep going. The alcohol thing is a killer aswell as I'm so determined to not get the "yeh I knew it" response when I tell people. It's so hard to make excuses, pretend to drink etc 😂

@spttc I'm very fortunate to not be a drinker anyway, so I don't have that hurdle to deal with. Can you always drive? Then use that as the excuse. Appreciate that might not always work.

Im also exactly the same as you about not wanting people to know if I have a miscarriage. Our news (if good) is going to come as a complete shock to our parents (who are all desparate, but not pressuring about wanting to be GPs - we've always told them it won't be happening) so don't want that 'oh they said never but had a loss so maybe they'll have one after all'

@spttc the alcohol thing has been a complete nightmare to be honest. I’m fed up making excuses for not drinking and I’m a bad liar as it is! I had a wedding, I just took the wine, bubbles when offered then handed it to my other half after a while. I thought that was less obvious than out right refusing a drink!

@Jonesy88 My provisional maternity plan so far is to have my last working day physically in the office as the day before Christmas Eve (the last day before christmas shutdown). Then have the christmas holidays, and then from 4th Jan I will WFH full time until a week before I am due. Maternity leave to start from a week before due date. I am going to have the 6 weeks maternity leave (pay at 90% smp), and then I am going to take 2 weeks annual leave, to make my maternity leave 8 weeks long. Then I will go back to work full time, but WFH for the foreseeable future so I can provide my own childcare and look after baby, but still work full time and be on full pay. Can't really afford to go down to the ~£150 a week which is the ridiculous SMP figure after the first 6 weeks!

Obviously this may change depending on if LO is early/late etc. But that is the general plan so far. Will be 'submitting' this proposal to my boss after the 20wk scan, when I get my MATB1 cert.

Just to add, I would LOVE to have the whole year off, but £150 a week SMP is ridiculous!! & although my bosses are lovely and very flexible, they don't offer any additional maternity pay or benefits.

@spttc according to the early scan I am 10+4 today.
We told our families during the weekend, now I am regretting it a bit especially because of my partner's family. They are a big family and I don't think they are going to keep it to themselves....
I wanted to tell my family because it was becoming difficult to keep such a big thing from my mum...I have hidden the previous pregnancy and the miscarriage from them, so it feels like I have been keeping secrets since January (first time I got pregnant) and I really wanted to get it out (I haven't said anything about my miscarriage though).
Now I just hope that the 12wk scan (next week) goes ok, of course because I want the baby to be healthy, but also because I don't want to give any bad news now after all the excitement we got from the pregnancy announcement!

@Jonesy88 I think I want to go on mat leave from January...possibly using the remaining holidays from 2021 so that I don't start the maternity leave too much earlier than the EDD...but I guess we'll see closer to the date :)

I haven't had any alcohol pushed on me, but I still feel that I have to make an excuse (I really don't know why, I think no one really cares what I have in my drink!) so I always say that I am driving, and sometimes I take the smallest sip from my partners' drink!

@expectinglittlebear oh that's a shame that you have only this limited maternity leave...I guess it's similar for many people, but the WFH sounds a good compromise!
I am lucky enough to have good maternity cover from my company, however in their policy they keep saying that it is not part of the employment conditions so it can be revoked at any time..so I won't believe it until I see it fully approved for me!

I’ve been taking a drink if offered at a party and just bringing it to my lips if we do a toast or something. If it’s just an informal mates thing I’ve either been driving or on antibiotics for a water infection (this was genuine at the start, I just dragged the story out).

My early Mat leave plans are to start at the beginning of January and then go back in October. Work do 3 months full pay then SMP so if we save this year it’s doable. I’m hoping I’ll still have about 2 weeks worth of annual leave left for 2021 so if I took it then I’d finish around the 17th Dec at 34 weeksish.

On one hand this feels early but on the other I wouldnt be allowed to carry the annual leave over and I was born at 32 weeks and it’s playing on my mind a bit. My job isn’t manual at all but it is stressful.

@EsseKey yeh see like you I think I might regret it. I'm going to keep quiet I think for another few weeks.

@Dolly0706 agree it's less obvious to take the drink and try give it to your OH or pour it out discreetly. I'll just try that tonight I think. He's not coming it's a girls night and usually I love my prosecco so it will be really difficult to hide

@Tangfastic91 yeh my good friends just wouldn't buy the me suddenly never drinking always driving thing 😂 that's my worry that they will just figure it out really quickly because it's so out of character!

Iv definitely decided to try my best to keep it secret now though. I think until maybe 14/16 weeks. I just feel no hurry for people to know! If it wasn't for the nausea & the drinking I'd be quite happy to keep it quiet until I start showing

I am half tempted to approach my boss though. The company is relatively new and I will am the first expectant mother here. Therefore, what is written in the staff handbook and contracts about Mat leave are mostly like the basic offered.

Although, I am not really sure how I would go about it. Like basically asking for them to improve their maternity benefits, so I can have more time off work Tempting. Very tempting...

Not sure how it would go down, but I guess you never know if you don't ask! Has anyone done this?

will be **

@Jonesy88 Oh I've thought about it loads. In academia we get 3 weeks break over Christmas so I was thinking about being a little cheeky and literally coming in for 2 or 3 days in January so that I can have that extra time off the year after too. I get no maternity benefits or pay at all so I don't even feel slightly bad about taking advantage of the situation really.

@spttc - I say I'm trying to drink less, I'm on antibiotics, I'm the designated driver, or just say nothing! Unless you see people fairly often it usually just flies under the radar.

@expectinglittlebear at worst you could just get the basic entitlement if you asked? I mean it’s not like they could take it away. I think if pitched right (ie not being demanding/too cheeky) and if it’s still a no there’s no harm done. It might just get them thinking enough to consider it closer to the time.

Our work recently changed to the 3 months full pay, I think commercially it didn’t make much difference but it does ensure mums come back (as we’d have to pay the enhanced element back if not). So it’s extra security for them really.

@expectinglittlebear will your work let you WFH with a baby? Great if so, but I wonder how many companies would be happy with that. I guess it depends on type of work - but to warn you, my friend had all these grand plans about sorting all kinds of things on mat leave and the 12 week old baby does not permit being put down and has not napped more than 30 mins during the day. I hope you have a super sleepy bear!

Also, totally ask them to enhance the mat leave package! They can only say no right? as @Jonesy88 said, if they want you to return they are better off giving you some kind of enhancement with a payback clause.

I have no idea what i'll be getting - so have just assumed it will be basic entitlement until I hear otherwise. Have planned to live off savings and DH salary (I am the higher earner by about 50% [35% ish takehome], so will also be considering shared PL).

@spttc there's always the dodgy tummy excuse - should avoid questions unless they want to get graphic . I guess it also wouldn't look legit if you are off for a nice spicy curry hah.

@expectinglittlebear Another one here who would recommend checking your company policy about wfh with a child. My company won’t permit wfh if you don’t have childcare in place. Occasional childcare emergencies are permitted say if your DC is sick and can’t go to nursery. But maybe your employer is more relaxed than mine!

I’m not sure what I’m going to do about maternity leave. I’ll probably take a year off as not spending a fortune on holidays last year has left me feeling a bit flush but not sure when to start. We’re supposed to use as much leave as possible and my company is offering us all an extra week of leave so we can enjoy travelling post-covid so if I have to use it all I just won’t go back after Christmas and my last day at work will be mid-December. I hope I won’t have to do that because if baby comes late then I’ll be climbing the walls with boredom by the time it comes.

No booking appointment here 🤦🏻‍♀️

Turned up and sat in the waiting room for a while when student nurse came in and said midwife is running so late and it would be a further 30/40 min wait. I didn’t have that long due to needing to go back to work and the app itself being long as it is… they said I could re arrange for the weekend and fortunately I’m free all weekend.

… first thing Sunday morning though and much further away. Typical!

@sociallydistained That’s really terrible. I wonder whether they rely on people having told their employers about their pregnancy and so using their rights to attend antenatal appointments. My booking appointment took nearly 2 hours instead of the advertised hour so I was lucky that my manager already knew and I don’t work in a job where being out all morning at short notice particularly matters.

Nightmare isn’t it? I haven’t told work but I am prepared to for the 12 week scan if I need to. I had read on here people appointments being 1.5-2 hours. I had asked on the phone and she said an hour so I had allowed for extra but I couldnt count on the delay being on top of that. I think they were keen for me to re schedule as they offered that straight away!

Midwife rang hours later and apologised. I’m just glad it’s on a weekend and I don’t have to think about it. She did ask for my hospital of choice so I think she may have put that through for scan now st least.

@sociallydistained how frustrating! I hope you have just been unlucky this one time and it doesn't happen again... good that the midwife called you back, and that you have an appointment at the weekend!
Hopefully you will receive your scan appointment booking very soon :)