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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Husband won’t agree to third baby

143 replies

Emily135 · 15/05/2021 19:43

Hello,

I’m posting on here as I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that my husband doesn’t want any more children.

I have always wanted three children and my two are 4 and 2 now. For the last 6 months (or more) I have been asking my husband to have another baby. We’ve had arguments, sensible conversations on a regular basis. He just won’t budge and I’m feeling really depressed about it.

He also says that if I fell pregnant accidentally he’d be really happy and would love the baby as much as he does the other two! Financially we’d be more than ok with another child, our house is plenty big enough. He just says he doesn’t need another, but I do. I feel it’s really unfair!

I have told him that I’ll always want another baby and I will always regret not doing, but he would never regret having one! Which he agrees with.

I feel like there’s no point to this post really, just wanted advice and to know if anyone else had been through this situation! Xxx

OP posts:
jengrosve · 15/05/2021 19:50

Why would he be really happy if you fell pregnant accidentally but doesn't want to have another child? That's confusing.

Chelyanne · 15/05/2021 19:57

Just give up on trying to convince him, he may change his mind without the pressure.

My husband has said he doesn't want more after each child but refuses to get a vasectomy (likes to live life on the edge). Now expecting number 6 and he says he want another after this. He's hoping for another boy but with 5 girls and 1 boy I don't fancy his chances lol. I love having babies so not told him no, I'd rather not go through more miscarriages though (had 5 of those and lots of chemicals).

Original poster
Emily135 · 15/05/2021 20:02

He just says he wouldn’t just to have another. But obviously it would be a blessing if it happened accidentally..
confuses me too!

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Original poster
Emily135 · 15/05/2021 20:03

I gave up for a little while and he still isn’t changing his mind. I feel like time is ticking now 🙊

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Original poster
Emily135 · 15/05/2021 20:03

And baby number 6!! That’s amazing 😍

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RunningFromInsanity · 15/05/2021 20:06

Well I can see where this is going to go, congrats on your ‘accidental pregnancy’ Op.

In all seriousness, in this case , his views trump yours.

Ilovesweets123 · 15/05/2021 20:07

I have two girls (2 under 2) and really want to get pregnant again now 🤣 but my husband wants to wait for another 2 years... that is too long!! 🤣🤣
Why do you think he doesn't want another one?
Does he do a lot of the childcare in evenings and weekends or is it split or are you doing most of it?

LauEli · 15/05/2021 20:07

You say he's being unfair but aren't you aswell for not considering his opinion? Just playing devil's advocate 🤷🏼‍♀️

StormcloakNord · 15/05/2021 20:16

The person who doesn't want to have a baby always trumps the person who does. It's not buying furniture, it's a bloody baby.

Don't trick your husband and have an "accidental pregnancy" though because that would be unbelievably stupid.

eenymeenymineymo · 15/05/2021 20:17

I know my opinion is probably one you won't want to hear, but his views are as important as your own.
Maybe he feels the long term financial commitment with a (slightly) larger family is going to be too hard, also in the shorter term you're both going to get past the baby toddler stuff sooner for you to maybe to return to work, have social lives etc.

But, just say there was an "accidental" pregnancy- what would this do to your relationship? Doubt & guilt from each of you could eat away at what you have now.

I would personally have a happy relationship with 2 children than consider life as a single mum with 3 children. (been there, done that - I've been a single parent of 3, it's hard work)

Original poster
Emily135 · 15/05/2021 20:21

I do most of the childcare.. he rarely has the children on his own!
He doesn’t say why he doesn’t want another one. Other than that he’s happy with just two.
Finances aren’t an issue and it’s unlikely that this will be an issue.
We have a great support network around us and are never short of babysitters.
I think it’s just that things are getting easier now the youngest is getting older.

Just to add... I would never trick him or have an ‘accidental pregnancy’ and besides, contraception is completely in his hands!!

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Original poster
Emily135 · 15/05/2021 20:24

@LauEli

I know I’m probably being selfish, and I do respect his opinion but I wish he’d change his mind!! There’s no way that a pregnancy will happen unless he changes his mind, unless there is a complete accident!

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Ilovesweets123 · 15/05/2021 20:24

That is the one thing that might make me stop wanting a third... when the youngest reaches 2 and we are getting out of the sleep deprived stage!

Emily6457 · 15/05/2021 20:25

@Ilovesweets123

He doesn’t have many sleep deprived nights 🤣
But it is nice to have two children who sleep (most of the time!)
Just wish he’d change his mind 🥺

Ilovesweets123 · 15/05/2021 20:27

Omgggg imagine never being pregnant again 😭😭😭

Moonshine11 · 15/05/2021 20:27

As others have said his view trumps yours.
Can’t be forced to have another baby because only you would regret it.
Enjoy your life with 2.

LauEli · 15/05/2021 21:00

I don't feel like you do respect his opinion as in the same sentence you've said you wish he'd change his mind. He probably wishes you'd change yours.
What if you had a third baby and he left you because he felt forced into it, or he didn't 'click' with new baby then how would you feel? Would you regret your decision?
I know I'm being harsh but Rose coloured glasses can sometimes obstruct a clear view of things.

Original poster
Emily135 · 15/05/2021 21:25

@LauEli

Thank you for your comments.. It’s very hard to see things from someone else’s view when I’m so upset about the issue. A third party opinion is why I posted. I’m struggling to get past the feeling of wanting another baby 😕

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Mintjulia · 15/05/2021 21:35

To be fair you have two under 5. That's quite a commitment. Why don't you leave it a while. What's the rush?

He may come round.

Original poster
Emily135 · 15/05/2021 21:53

@Mintjulia

I know. I don’t want a big age gap between them. I know it doesn’t suit everyone but that’s how I feel x

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BrilliantBetty · 15/05/2021 22:00

Even with enough money, house big enough etc. Babies and young children are absolutely exhausting. The responsibility goes on and on and on. And they do make it harder to do other things that you might want to do, so I see where he's coming from.

It's horrible feeling so broody and wanting a baby and not being able to for whatever reason so you do have my sympathy. Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

We decided not to try for DC3 because while we are happy and comfortable now, I couldn't give another child all that I'd want and maintain the level of attention and care I give my current two. Now and in the future.

Moonshine11 · 15/05/2021 22:01

I get the wanting to have another baby, your feeling sad because it’s not happening the way you want but your DH may be sad at how much it’s being pushed on him.
The pressure won’t be nice.

lunasunshine · 15/05/2021 22:32

I’m sorry OP. That’s really rubbish Sad

I want 3 children too (luckily DH agrees - if we ever get them that’s another matter!) and if he changed his mind about that I would be really upset. Was he ever on board with having 3 children? You said you’ve always wanted 3 so presumably he knew about that?

Hopefully he’ll come around to the idea - keep the lines of communication open. You’re 100% allowed to be sad about this.

Schrutesbeets · 15/05/2021 22:35

How on earth is it 'unfair'?

Original poster
Emily135 · 15/05/2021 23:30

@lunasunshine

Thank you for your lovely supportive words. Just what I needed after some harsh/unkind comments..

Yes he knew I wanted 3. He always said he’d like 2 possibly 3. Before having children he’d said if we had two of one gender we’d try again for the other. Obviously before you have children you have no idea how little gender matters. We have two girls and he just doesn’t want a third. I often remind him what he said before we had them, but obviously we both agree we don’t want a boy more than we’d want a girl. So he now just feels completely happy with having two.

Thank you for saying that I’m allowed to be sad about this. Been made to feel like an awful person by some members for feeling sad about this! Xx

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