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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Why is everybody so negative about second boys?

152 replies

Lenny86 · 05/05/2021 16:55

I recently found out I’m having another boy and I will admit I was a little sad not to experience having a daughter (this is going to be my last child), but I adore my son and can’t see why a second boy would be so bad...I’ve been so shocked by people’s comments....”oh dear, how are you feeling?” “You’re going to have your hands full”, “you can always try for a third”. Just wondering if there are any other boy mums out there who have experienced similar. It’s making me feel a bit down about having a second boy knowing that people feel so negatively about little boys.

Some of my friends have told me that they are purposefully trying to conceive only girls and wouldn’t want a boy. Why are little boys seen in such a bad light?

OP posts:

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Cap89 · 05/05/2021 17:10

I am also pregnant with our second boy and just like you I felt mildly disappointed that we’d never have a girl (also planning for this to be last baby) but then just suddenly got this image of my two strapping boys sitting at my kitchen table in years to come and I just thought it was the most gorgeous image! Ours will be very close in age and I love the idea of two brothers who are close.

I was expecting some people to be funny about it for the same reason as you, but fortunately nothings been said. Although thinking about it, when I’ve told people I’ve been very quick to say how pleased I am about it, sort of anticipating the comments and trying to cut them off before they come!

I don’t know what it is about boys. I think before I had my son I would have probably thought something similar to the people commenting (though would never have said it out loud) and I just don’t know what it is. The only reason I can think of is completely ridiculous and superficial... little girl clothes are cute lol

Anyway, ignore them. Enjoy your gorgeous boys and congratulations on your pregnancy!

CarolinaWeeper · 05/05/2021 17:13

Yep! People are thick I think..... that's the only way I can describe it.

OP, I had exactly the same feelings...when my DS2 was born I mourned a little bit for the daughter I'd never have. I wasn't upset that he was a boy per se, just that I knew I was only going to have two so wouldn't get to experience having a girl.

Years down the line I am SO glad I had two the same. I think for them being two brothers is the best thing ever and they are super close. I wouldn't change either of them for the world and if I ever did have a third I'd genuinely want another boy they are so much fun.

Hufflepuffsunite · 05/05/2021 17:13

Urgh ignore. I have 2 boys and they are gorgeous! I wasn't disappointed to find out ds2 was a boy as I adore ds1 and think baby boys are the cutest (yes I'm biased ). I'm actually pregnant with dc3 now and not looking forward to the "oh you're trying for a girl" comments. So not the case! Congratulations OP

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/05/2021 17:15

Happens both ways- the midwife at the birth of my second daughter told me I could try again
The idea that the perfect family is one of each is so annoying!!!

CarolinaWeeper · 05/05/2021 17:16

I also read a thread on here about having two boys, maybe have a search and someone was saying they their adult sons were their best friend and just a lovely man to hang out with. She put it better than I have but I always remember it as it was so lovely.

Itsinthestars · 05/05/2021 17:16

Congratulations on your second boy! Im currently pregnant with my second, we're not finding out the sex but I already have a DS and have a feeling this one is a boy too.

I actually always saw myself as a mum of boys and would be so excited to have two boys.

I can't believe people have made such insensitive comments to you and also don't understand why boys seem so bad. DS1 is not boisterous at all and the most mellow child so I don't have my "hands full".

Enjoy your pregnancy and your two boys, all the best!

MissyB1 · 05/05/2021 17:17

It’s because so many people buy into gender stereotypes. Drives me nuts!

ForgedInFire · 05/05/2021 17:20

I had a lot of negative comments when I was expecting my second daughter. Several people said to me "oh your husband must be disappointed" which made me very sad (and then angry). People can be so rude especially to pregnant women. I went on to have a little boy as well. Boys are wonderful and I'm sure your boys will have a fantastic bond

AhaShakeHeartbreak12 · 05/05/2021 17:22

Same thing is happening to me, the reaction I get when I say I'm having another boy is shocking

Tetrixxs · 05/05/2021 17:24

Try having three boys people are so rude. I was pushing baby DS in his pram at 4 weeks for somebody else (with a boy/girl/girl) to comment ‘aw a boy, we’re you hoping for a girl?’ - laughed it off but wanted to punch her.
I did suffer from gender disappointment & this doesn’t help - people seem to not like little boys & it really hurts as my boys are so amazing!
But I guess mum of girls get it too the other way round (although aimed at their OH, not them, so possibly not as hurtful)

Tetrixxs · 05/05/2021 17:26

Also, I don’t not want boys, I just wanted a girl too (re GD). Then cried loads feeling so guilty looking at my newborns little face.
Luckily we have a lovely bond already ❤️

Nameregretter · 05/05/2021 17:27

People are just so sexist, that’s why. Even in response to threads like this you’ll get people saying “but boys are great because of x y z”...but boys are just people. They’re all different. It’s as sexist to say that boys are really affectionate as it is to say that they’re a handful.

Congratulations on your second child OP!

Threebecomesfour · 05/05/2021 17:35

I think it's down to tired stereotypes... and the old cliche that boys are your sons until they're married, girls are your daughters for life. From anecdotal experience, this is total rubbish. I know families with daughters who aren't close at all and vice versa... Personally I think personality and bonds are so much more important.
I have a toddler and 38 weeks pregnant with my second (and last!)
Both are boys and I'm absolutely thrilled.
Only thing I feel I 'miss out' on is girls' clothes... So cute!! Congratulations on another boy joining your family x

Freetodowhatiwant · 05/05/2021 17:36

I have two boys now both at primary school and I did have some insensitive comments and have to admit did have a bit of gender disappointment when ds2 was born. My friend and who has girls had similar though. People are just insensitive. For what it’s worth there’s something special about having my boys. I do feel there’s probably something special about having any combination of children but I love the idea of the two handsome brothers and two lovely sons.

murbblurb · 05/05/2021 17:37

Lots of stupid people around. Which is why we can't get rid of the football or pink nonsense. Being pregnant doesn't mean you cant call out fools.

spookybitches · 05/05/2021 17:45

I had the same comments when I was pregnant with my second. I've also been offered advice on how to try to conceive a girl the next time (there is no next time).

Both my sister and I are not close to my parents at all, as pp have said, it's all about the bond you choose to have. I'm definitely learning from the mistakes my parents made.

Erictheavocado · 05/05/2021 18:34

I have two sons and had many negative comments about boys, some when I was pregnant with ds1 and a lot when dc2 was on the way. I had genuinely never had a preference for either sex - several mcs meant my only goal was to have a healthy baby. My two boys have brought so much joy and happiness. Yes, there were some difficult times, but I don't think teenage girls are automatically less worry than teenage boys. Both mine are now adults. I couldn't be more proud of them and am very close to them and their partners. I wouldn't change them for the world.

Bathmatt · 05/05/2021 18:42

Urghhh people are so rude and thoughtless OP. We had a DS and are expecting no 2 but decided not to find out the sex this time partly for this reason. Both our families are convinced it’s a girl but I think it’s wishful thinking on their part as they are desperate for a girl (god knows why). I don’t really mind. I just want a healthy happy baby that sleeps really well

PhilCornwall1 · 05/05/2021 18:46

We have two boys.

I can remember as if it was yesterday my wife asking what our youngest was when he was born (we never found out with either beforehand), when I said the words "a little boy", her face lit up, she wanted another boy and so did I.

They are 19 and 14 now and we love them to bits. They have been really easy, with a few bumps along the way. I wouldn't change anything for the world.

Pravi123 · 05/05/2021 18:49

I’m having my 4th boy soon! Really wanted a girl but wasn’t having a child to have a girl I just wanted another child. I felt desperately sad at first but I’m completely over it now and can’t picture myself as anything other than a mum of boys.

I had loads of comments when I had ds3. With ds4 I get the odd pitying look which I found difficult when I was feeling disappointed about not having a girl but now that I genuinely don’t care anymore I don’t really get bothered by the odd head tilt or question about whether I was trying for a girl.

Pravi123 · 05/05/2021 18:50

Like someone said upthread, a baby that sleeps well is what we should all hope for!!

Chelyanne · 05/05/2021 18:52

Oh ignore them. If you're happy that is all that matters.
We know couples who stopped at 2 boys but a few who did go on to have a girl for their 3rd despite hoping to stop at 2.
I would love a second boy. We are expecting our 5th girl!! I think girls are harder work. Our 1st 2 we got one of each and I think people presumed we'd stop there. Now we get the "ANOTHER" comments and that's it. Hubby was quite disappointed when we found out we're having a girl and then said to me "well, we'll have to try again because I want another boy" pmsl, alright for him to say!!! We'd probably end up with another set of twins girls if we had more.

PulledPineapple · 05/05/2021 18:54

Congratulations! We have 2 boys and we’d hoped for 2 boys! They play together brilliantly and hopefully will continue to be close into adulthood. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks, 2 of the same is fab.

Trinpy · 05/05/2021 18:57

I have 2 boys and had all those comments. It really upset me at the time (pregnancy hormones probably didn't help!) thinking about this little person, not even born yet, and people were already talking about him like he was a disappointment . I did go on to have an unexpected 3rd pregnancy - another boy - which I sadly lost. Luckily people thought better than to comment on that one, I honestly think I would have punched them if they had!! My 2 living sons are so wonderful and I'm so lucky to have them.

Piccalily19 · 05/05/2021 19:02

I only have one boy at the moment and he’s very young but we hope one day to have another. From my limited experience as a boy mom id love another (wouldn’t mind a girl though!)
Memories of how vile me and my sisters were as teenagers has slightly scared me against girls to be honest 🤣

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