Why is everybody so negative about second boys?

[Lenny86]

I recently found out I’m having another boy and I will admit I was a little sad not to experience having a daughter (this is going to be my last child), but I adore my son and can’t see why a second boy would be so bad...I’ve been so shocked by people’s comments....”oh dear, how are you feeling?” “You’re going to have your hands full”, “you can always try for a third”. Just wondering if there are any other boy mums out there who have experienced similar. It’s making me feel a bit down about having a second boy knowing that people feel so negatively about little boys.

Some of my friends have told me that they are purposefully trying to conceive only girls and wouldn’t want a boy. Why are little boys seen in such a bad light?

I had a ds with ex then 3 dds with dh and people expressed a sadness that he didn’t have his own son and heir 🙄

I have literally never come across this in real life. My sister has two boys and they’re both lovely..
I don’t know anyone who would say this negative shit out loud!

Two boys here and have never had any negative comments whatsoever! Not to my face anyway! I do know someone with 5 boys though and that's a whole different dimension!

In my experience most people are of the opinion it is nice to have one of each. That was always the comment I got after having a DD then DS. Also when I was pregnant with my third, and was asked what DC I already had I was told it didn't matter what I had because I already had one of each.

Surely that's not because its a boy but because it's of the same sex again (not that that is OK either) but wouldn't they have said the same if your first was a girl and you were having another girl? People always assume people would hope for one of each.

I'd guess the people who say things like this are mainly women?

I simply cannot understand this attitude! I have 3 DS and pregnant with 4th. I've gotten shocking comments and I just don't get it! i've definitely had a twinge of disappointment each time, but when thinking about it, most of the disappointment came from society's expectations that girls are somehow "better" and that's why I wanted a girl.
But the honest truth is that my boys are just perfect the way they are and I wouldn't change them for anything in the world.
And I'm sorry, but the reason that "girls clothes are cuter" just doesn't make sense. How superficial can one get?

@Trinacham

Surely that's not because its a boy but because it's of the same sex again (not that that is OK either) but wouldn't they have said the same if your first was a girl and you were having another girl? People always assume people would hope for one of each.

Nope, as I said previously I know quite a few women who have said they only want girls and are generally quite negative about boys. Those who have 2 girls have also said the only comments they had were about how their husband feels about being the only man - nobody has expressed sadness or disappointment that they haven’t had a boy.

Oh, weird! My sister only had girls and my brother only had boys.. never heard any women being negative about boys personally. I am pre-kids and would be happy with a boy just as much as a girl! I'd also be over the moon having 2 boys or 2 girls.

My first was a boy and I wanted my second to be a boy also as they would be brothers who played together. I have never really encountered any negativity apart from my DM who has often said over the years 'wouldn't you have liked a girl? '

@Smartiepants79

I have literally never come across this in real life. My sister has two boys and they’re both lovely.. I don’t know anyone who would say this negative shit out loud!

Well I had someone comment on the fact I had twins then turn around to her friend and declare how she'd have killed herself if her last one had been twins. People can be utterly insensitive

I have two boys, 11 and 14, and 15 weeks pregnant. We decided not to find out what we're having but lots of people, including my MIL, already said they will keep their fingers crossed and pray it's a girl. It's seems they will be sorry for us if it's another boy. Having read so many heartbreaking stories about miscarriages and stillbirths I will feel honoured and blessed if I have another healthy baby and I simply don't care if it's a boy or a girl, I am just excited and happy that our family is getting bigger, just as we always wanted. But I admit, some comments do upset me.

@Blacktothepink

People also said to me they’d rather kill themselves than have twins too 😳

Sending solidarity hugs. Mine are 17 months now, I love them more than sleep itself 🤣.

My first dc is a girl and I was super happy that I have a daughter. I feel just from what I know with relatives and friends that when boys grow up they set up their own family's and when grandchildren come along they tend to be closer to the women's side. All the people I know with daughters have close relationships and see their grandchildren all the time, whereas the boys when adults make less of an effort and May aswell be living on another planet at times.

I have 3 older brothers who can't even remember my parents birthdays and as the only girl I have to remind them all the time, my parents don't see those grandchildren often but they see my daughter multiple times per week, as a girl I make more of an effort and I am more thoughtful and aware.

The saying goes that boys are yours until they find a wife but a daughter is for life. Perhaps that is a small part of why people like girls, also if you have a good relationship you have a friend for life who gets you as a women.

My opinion.

The saying goes that boys are yours until they find a wife but a daughter is for life. Perhaps that is a small part of why people like girls, also if you have a good relationship you have a friend for life who gets you as a women

Bollocks.

Have you ever thought boys piss off because their mums treat the girls like preciouses, don’t spend any time with the boys because they don’t have anything in common, and why bother because they’ll leave anyway, right?

That’s my observation from friends and family. Their gf/wives families actually make them feel welcome.

Dh is very close to his family. I’m not. My mum is not my friend and we have very little in common.

Men are perfectly capable of remembering birthdays etc, they’re just brought up to see it as womens work, so it doesn’t occur to them to do it, because their wife/mum does. Stop reminding your brothers.

Maybe boys should be brought up “thoughtful and aware” as well, rather than to stereotype?

That’s not true here either for grown up siblings. Part of it could be parent expectation.

Why are little boys seen in such a bad light?

Read all the OP's and intolerant and plain nasty comments by daughters-in-law on here. No wonder mothers of boys worry.

No idea what this is about but it’s something I experienced. We didn’t find out sex until birth but a few people commented on how they hoped for me it was a girl. I genuinely was thrilled with another boy (would have been happy either way obviously but could just picture two wee boys together ) which people seemed to not believe
Anyway they’re 2 and 4 best buddies (most Of the time

@Blacktothepink

I had a ds with ex then 3 dds with dh and people expressed a sadness that he didn’t have his own son and heir 🙄

yes this!! Had my first 2 dd and many people (relatives) said how hopefully next time itll be a boy, the heir! my experience was totally opposite to many posters!!

I come from a line of girls. Was so excited to be having a box, got pregnant again and I was happy to have a second son, got pregnant with a third time and had a girl. Everyone is like: oh you must be so pleased. I say: not for me but lovely for my boys to grow up with a sister. I didn't care about the gender of the first but the second I would have chosen a. Oh! Having two boys is amazing!!

I’m pregnant with my third boy, and it’s been the same ‘ bet you wanted a girl’ etc I just say no actually I love having boys and wouldn’t know what to do with a girl now my boys are affectionate, kind,caring and so helpful and I’m glad to be having another.
Just ignore them OP, as long as you & DH are happy that’s all that matters xx

Looking in the shop window someone just said:
"Are they twins?"
"Yeah"
"Girls?
"No, boys"
"Oh" ( sounded slightly disappointed in me or for me) and then chuntered something about boys not being as good as she walked off.

For reference they look like boys on green dinosaur and car jackets and grey dungarees with planes on so it wasn't even like she was reasonably expecting girls

@OnlyFoolsnMothers
People also said to me they’d rather kill themselves than have twins too
I can’t deny I would probably say this, not to a mother of twins though
Except you realise you have literally just said it to @Blacktothepink who's a twin Mom in response to my comment who's also a twin Mom? Now it might be that your PND was so bad you mean it literally, that you think you would have actually taken your own life and in that case I'm sorry you struggled so much.

But people are just surprisingly glib and insensitive when they tell you they'd rather be dead than have to live your life.

Because they fight like little ninjas, from my personal experience, and others who i know who have boys. They are just generally a different breed from girls (obviously not always). I have two boys and one girl who's the eldest. At the same time I get so many lovely cuddles from my boys, they are mummy's boys, my daughter is a daddy's girl, although I still get cuddles from her too and we have a nice relationship to say she's a teen. I would have been sad not to experience having a daughter, so I understand your sadness, but you will enjoy your boys just as much.

It seems to me to be a cultural thing (a lot of white friends have complained about this) because in an asian culture that I come from you would never get those comments for a second boy, they would think you were the mother of the next messiah. We have a dd and then a ds and are now expecting our third which is a dd but we are keeping the gender a surprise for family. My mil asked what I think my baby's sex is and I said girl which has always been my gut instinct with this lo and she responded that I could always try for a fourth child. She is fully aware that I have complications in the last trimester and suffer postnatal complications, this is my last pregnancy as the risks to my life just keep getting higher and I already feel as though I am pushing my luck. If she wasn't a nice woman despite her blatant preference for boys I would have decked her.

I have never had a preference, each time I just want what is best for my family. Ignore the daft comments people make and respond with 'I'm quite happy with my family thanks' or the mumsnet favourite, 'did you mean to be so rude?' There are a lot of idiots out there, I've learnt to ignore and repress my instincts to punch people.