Why is everybody so negative about second boys?

[Lenny86]

I recently found out I’m having another boy and I will admit I was a little sad not to experience having a daughter (this is going to be my last child), but I adore my son and can’t see why a second boy would be so bad...I’ve been so shocked by people’s comments....”oh dear, how are you feeling?” “You’re going to have your hands full”, “you can always try for a third”. Just wondering if there are any other boy mums out there who have experienced similar. It’s making me feel a bit down about having a second boy knowing that people feel so negatively about little boys.

Some of my friends have told me that they are purposefully trying to conceive only girls and wouldn’t want a boy. Why are little boys seen in such a bad light?

To a certain extent I think you get it with either gender.
We have one daughter and are due (overdue) another any day now.
People's reaction when we have said it's another girl have ranged from that's a shame, you can have another, poor husband must be disappointed.
We have just responded that the main thing is that they are happy and healthy but after that we were hoping for another girl.
I had always wanted one of each, but logistically with the house and baby bits we own we knew a second girl would make life easier. Plus when they get older hopefully they will be close (which I know can happen with one of each but I think from my experiences growing up two of the same can relate to each other better)
But basically People are idiots, as long as you are happy that's the important thing!

Baby dust. It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad for the kids.

I have two boys and they are such great friends, yes they have their moments like all kids, but seeing their bond is just amazing, and I wouldn't swap them for the world.

I remember when I was pregnant with DS2 getting pitying looks from some when I said we wee expecting another boy, and a lot of comments of "you'll just have to have another" DH Granny kept on for years.

I also remember being at baby and toddler groups and when I told people about having two DS they'd mention about having another and about girls too, absolutely bizarre.

Currently pregnant with DC3 and we aren't finding out what we are having, although I'm thoroughly convinced it is another little boy as we are fairly certain we saw something on one of our scans, I'm delighted as I know what I'm doing with boys and accept this is what is meant to be for us and how lucky I am to even be able to have children at all when I know friends who have struggled with infertility/loss etc.

When we announced DC3 pregnancy, the first thing FIL said to us was "you'll be hoping for a girl" (followed by MIL asking "was it planned?") we decided to have another child because we wanted another child, not because we wanted a girl so I've got very used to the "happy and healthy is all we are hoping and wishing for" and it's true.

DH Granny keeps telling us she is hoping for a girl for us, aside from that we've not really had many comments but I'm waiting for them and I'm prepared.

When I was Pregnant with DS2 friends mum said 'hopefully God will bless you with a girl next time'
After my second was born and I shared his pic, I had a few people tell me 'ahh.. he looks like a girl 😁
Another friend asked if I was sure he is a boy, I was like ehh.. hang on I'll check 🙄
Currently pregnant and mil has said to 'leave baby in hospital if it is another boy. But I know you won't because you're want another boy' 🤦‍♀️ ok thanks mil!

I have two boys and got a bit of this.

We do want a third child and don’t really mind either way what sex we would get if we are lucky enough to fall pregnant again.

Although I do have to admit I would be slightly disappointed to not have a daughter, only because I have such a good relationship with my mum as an adult and I would be a bit sad to miss out on the potential for that.

Having said that, it’s no guarantee that even if I had a daughter that we would be close...

It is frustrating when people make negative comments though.

No one has ever asked me if I wanted a girl or whether I would have another.

I have had comments by friends who talk about themselves having the perfect one of each though. Whether that was a dig or self absorbed I don't know.

What a load of tosh! I love my boys and wouldn't swap them for any girl.

A friend of mine announced her third pregnancy on Facebook about a week ago, she already has two boys, and amongst the comments a couple of people have posted ‘hope it’s a girl this time”. Looking at the scan photo I think it’s another boy.

I hear you OP! Everything DS does is "because he's a boy", "boys are different" "girl next time"

Friend actively drops in how special it is to have a little girl at every opportunity, as she was the first to have a girl 😒🤨 "daughters never leave you"
I despair!

In truth, I couldn't care less. DS is amazing. Would be blessed to have five boys

Congratulations btw

@Icantrememebrtheartist

A friend of mine announced her third pregnancy on Facebook about a week ago, she already has two boys, and amongst the comments a couple of people have posted ‘hope it’s a girl this time”. Looking at the scan photo I think it’s another boy.

Why would anybody write that!! It’s bad enough when they say it!

I also had so many opinions about my scan photo - excitement if somebody thought it was a girl, a commiserating tone if they thought it was a boy and I’ve also had a fair few “I can’t see you ever having a daughter” and “I can only see you with sons”....sorry, have I missed something?!? Is there now also a certain personality type to raise girls better than boys and vice versa? I kind of wish we hadn’t found the sex out - which was something I suggested to my partner, just so I could avoid having to listen to so much bullshit for months.

I know people get it the other way around, but from talking to friends who have two girls, it’s really not anywhere near the same level of negativity....people who have only girls just get asked about their husbands wanting sons. People are already asking me if I will have a third....luckily neither of our families are saying any of this rubbish, so I’m confident our son is going to be surrounded by love and excitement for his arrival. It saddens me to hear that people say this sort of stuff once a child has arrived.

It seems odd to me that straight women in a relationship with a man seem so worried about making their own. I'd assume their partners are dicks

@Theforest

No one has ever asked me if I wanted a girl or whether I would have another.

I have had comments by friends who talk about themselves having the perfect one of each though. Whether that was a dig or self absorbed I don't know.

What a load of tosh! I love my boys and wouldn't swap them for any girl.

Yes we've never had anything overt - first son was critically ill at birth and I think people know how pity comments would go down for a healthy set of twins.

But Def hear lots of "got one of each so don't need another", "so happy we have the perfect set" etc. I assume it's about them not my tiny hoard of boys

@IWillWashTheGreenWillow

When DS2 was really tiny (about 10days old) I went to an NCT coffee morning. The woman who opened the door (not her house) said "oh, such a shame. But you'll try again for a girl?" and it was all I could do not to lamp her with the car seat. She had never got over having 2 boys. I now have 4 DC (B, B, G, B) and they are all splendid.

I took newborn DD2 into work to show her off and someone asked if I was going to have a third child. When I told her probably not, we would just stick to two, the person replied 'Is that because he's afraid it will be another girl?'. I barely knew the woman.

I agree it is rooted in sexist stereotypes that are harmful and reductive for both males and females.

I think you get this whatever you’re having! Or maybe just for boys...

I have a girl and have girl/ boy twins on the way. When we found out everyone asked how I was feeling and how I felt about having a boy. I think it’s because everyone sees me as a girl Mum!

*you're afraid

I was so relieved to find out my second was a girl from a completely selfish view point and people regularly say, one of each, how lovely! However now they are older they have very little in common and bicker constantly and I'm exhausted taking them here there and everywhere to different activities etc. I see families with same sex kids finding it easier.

@SleepingStandingUp

It seems odd to me that straight women in a relationship with a man seem so worried about making their own. I'd assume their partners are dicks

Lol, maybe I will just say that next time, “why do you hate men, is your partner a dick?”

I got lots and lots of rude comments with my second son. I was 40 so I got the age comment too, double whammy 🤣

Their just your babies aren't they. I think people attach a lot of expectations with having a girl, when in reality you don't know how it will all pan out. All I could focus on at the time was baby/me being healthy.

Lots of stupid comments though. Oh are you disappointed? Oh we're in the 'clever club' cos we've got one of each. Looking back I wish we hadn't told anyone beforehand!

Mum of two boys - 3 months and 3 years. As with others I did have a bit of disappointment but then we had a tough journey to have a second child so really just grateful he is healthy.

A colleague was really positive about her boys and how she loves how active and outdoorsy they are. My sons are going to keep me active and the 3 year old always does. My 3 year old loves cuddles and his teddy.

The only part of me that ever gets grumpy about boys is the endless navy jogging pants in his wardrobe but atleast there is no hair to sort out! I have a step daughter with complicated hair!

I absolutely loved having 2 boys. They are very different from each other but were lovely natural play mates. Also hand me down clothes are much easier with kids of the same sex I found the youngest slept better, perhaps because we were more relaxed? Enjoy it and tell anyone who makes negative comments that you are delighted with your happy healthy baby irrespective of sex

@Lenny86 Is there now also a certain personality type to raise girls better than boys and vice versa?

We had a boy first, then the 20 week scan for our second was misbooked so I went too early. Sonographer asked if I wanted to know her guess of the sex as she thought she could tell, said it looked like a boy. So we thought two boys. I got LOTS of comments about how much people could see me as a great mum of lots of boys - even by the boiler repair man! (We were having a big chat about kids, it wasn't out of the blue.) Then I went back for my actual scan at 20 weeks, sonographer said nope, I am 100% certain it's a girl. (It was.) Then started getting a flood of "How lovely! One of each!" comments.

Maybe most of my friends and acquaintances are just really nice people and found something nice to say both times??

@PerspicaciousGreen I definitely think some people say the comments about being a “boy mama” to be kind and none of my close friends have made these ridiculous comments. It’s mainly been strangers/acquaintances/colleagues and my husband’s friend’s partners. Being told that you will raise boys well is nice, but the comments such as, “I can never see you having a daughter” or “I just think you would be better raising boys” from women who wax lyrical about having girls and are generally negative about boys doesn’t feel great.

I totally agree that people are really weird about it. I broke off a friendship with someone who basically said my husband would end up divorcing me if I had more than one boy because I'd end up haggard and sexless like all mothers of boys. (It wasn't the only thing she did/said, but definitely the last straw.)

Lol, maybe I will just say that next time, “why do you hate men, is your partner a dick?”

I really don't get the bad rap boys have, and love this comeback. There are millions of men who aren't into "blokey things" - my husband and son amongst them!

However hard people to try to twist themselves in knots to insist there’s no difference between boys and girls, we are still raising our children in a culture that unfortunately ascribes different traits to male and female children. Therefore it is more likely that your daughter will want to go out for lunch with you and make the effort to stay in touch and visit as an adult. For most women this is preferable to a son who might want to play football on the weekends. You even admitted being slightly disappointed yourself.
But congratulations, it won’t matter one bit when your little baby is here.

It's just this country ... in my home country 2 boys would be double thumbs up, a third even better!

It's such bollocks, it's because boys are supposed to be loud, messy, selfish and annoying. I mean any child can be these things surely! Or that it's hard to relate to them because they are the opposite sex.

Having my third boy and did have a momentary twinge of oh, I'll never have a daughter, but I've got over it now and looking forward to him!

I actually think it's nice for DC not to be "on their own" the only child of a particular sex in a family. Don't get the notion of wanting to have one of each like they are collectibles. DH even feels that way and I don't get it :o