Why is everybody so negative about second boys?

[Lenny86]

I recently found out I’m having another boy and I will admit I was a little sad not to experience having a daughter (this is going to be my last child), but I adore my son and can’t see why a second boy would be so bad...I’ve been so shocked by people’s comments....”oh dear, how are you feeling?” “You’re going to have your hands full”, “you can always try for a third”. Just wondering if there are any other boy mums out there who have experienced similar. It’s making me feel a bit down about having a second boy knowing that people feel so negatively about little boys.

Some of my friends have told me that they are purposefully trying to conceive only girls and wouldn’t want a boy. Why are little boys seen in such a bad light?

@Helenahandbasket1 we were only disappointed because we thought it was a girl, so it was a shock and also when I reflected on why I wanted one of each it was because I’m constantly told girls are better than boys - they sleep better, they’re easier to handle as babies and toddlers etc. When we were trying to conceive we discussed how we didn’t care or have a preference.

It’s 2021 and we need to combat these stereotypes. My brother is closer to my mum than I am and frequently has lunches with her....as does my husband with his mother.

I have two boys very close in age. They are adorable. Make little hearts to give me. Don't bare a grudge if I tell them off. Run down the hall in the morning to kiss us.
I can't see any reason to care if they are a boy or girl. I have lots of family members with girls. When they all play together i cant see any difference in them. OK so maybe the colour of their clothes or whatever.

You will adore them!!

My DP is one of 4 brothers and 1 sister and they all equally looked after their mum. All of them made time to visit her or go out with her every week, I don’t think it’s only girls who’ll want to ‘lunch’ with their mum.

@worldchampz yes, I think you’re right. Having sons is celebrated in a lot of cultures. It’s just the western world who are obsessed with women having mini versions of themselves to go shopping and have lunches with. It’s a shame so many people have experienced this

I have a 17 month old DS and trying for #2. I don't mind either way but if in a hypothetical situation I got to choose I'd choose another boy.
I've always imagined myself with two boys and DS would adore a brother as a play mate.

We've had a tough time with DS and then MC during trying this time around so if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant and have a healthy baby is all that matters.

I was absolutely delighted to be having a second boy. I'd have given a sharp verbal slap to anyone who responded in the way you described.

I did have a friend when they were both born (youngest about two) asking how I felt about not having a girl and I was really taken aback by her comment.

I was just thinking the other day how utterly lucky I was to get two boys. They are best friends and totally into the same things. It's the dream team.

I have 2 boys. If I could have chosen I would have chosen one of each but looking back now, I wouldn't change it for the world. They are the very best of friends and have grown into the most wonderful caring, compassionate men. When people say 'you think the sun shines out of your boys' backsides' I say 'no, I know it does!'

@SummerHouse

I was just thinking the other day how utterly lucky I was to get two boys. They are best friends and totally into the same things. It's the dream team.

Yes, I've found this. They play together all the time and really love each other. I am so happy with this!

I wanted girls but realise it's because I have sisters, went to na all girls school, have far more female friends due to work etc so I felt like I kinda knew what to do with a girl. But actually that's nonsense because con the early days the only difference is which direction their pee goes in when they're nappyless and how you wipe them. And then they're individual people. I have 17 m identical boys. One loves cars and wheels and one loves a book. 6 yo boy goes to dance class and loves dressing up in his favourite characters regardless of sex. They're 3 very different children

I have 2 boys and was told I would need to try for another... by mums of girls. I just wanted 2 children that get on so having 2 the same was what I hoped for.

People are negative about how many children you have, what sex they are, the age gap, the age of the mother... it's extremely rude but also sadly very common.

You need a quick riposte.
Maybe say "why would you say that?" or "what an offensive comment"

People would probably stop with these unwelcome comments if they were pulled up on them.

People say lots of shit without thinking. Just ignore it.
You too will have unknowingly said things that offended people without meaning to.

I've got two and I like the way people think I must have my hands full when it's actually piece of piss to parent them, they're so lovely and it's nice that they have a brother in each other. And they feel the same way about things like football as I do - not remotely interested! although when DS1 did briefly do it, I was so proud of his modest achievements on the pitch I could have burst. You love them because they're yours, not because they're X Y or Z personality or interest wise.

I have had that mild disappointment 4 times. I ended up with 5 boys and now that they are older I see so clearly that it is the way it was meant to be. I was meant to be mum to boys. You will love it! I think everyone is wed to the “one of each” theory.

@AprilShowerThoughts people just say - oh you have your hands full - as something to say. It is meaningless waffle.

It's all cultural. Hundreds of years ago in Britain it was all about the boys (girls couldn't inherit, and just look what Henry VIII put those women through trying to have boys). In some modern day cultures boys are wanted to carry on the family business (girls not allowed to?).

So long as they are healthy and happy it doesn't matter.

It’s definitely Cultural, having many sons is seen as a blessing in some Cultures and girls are aborted, killed at birth or shoved in an orphanage in some Countries.
For some reason, in white Western Societies, there appears to be a preference for girls. No doubt it will change again, remember Henry VIII and his murderous quest for sons.

The other thing I've found weirdly "cultural" is the response to twins. So many "omg I'd kill myself of o had twins / how do you cope with twins" Vs "omg two babies. Such a blessing!". Definite correlation with the people also hating the idea of son's Vs people thinking son's are a gift

Yeah I have twins and got more negative that positive comments ☹️

People also said to me they’d rather kill themselves than have twins too 😳

I struggled to conceive and find it heartbreaking that my two babies us would be considered a consolation prize.
I think it’s incredibly sexist thinking against both sexes. Like people would favour little girls because they expect them to sit quietly and not challenge things etc.

@Blacktothepink

People also said to me they’d rather kill themselves than have twins too 😳

I can’t deny I would probably say this, not to a mother of twins though

It’s that stereotype of noisy messy greedy boys that fuck off and never contact you again once they get a girlfriend.

Compared to girls who can be dressed up in pretty clothes and taken shopping and to the hairdressers and nail salon, which is what every mum wants to do with their child . Who wants to be hanging round cold parks with those horrible boys.

Stereotypes have a lot to answer for.

I have 4 boys... I find that it's a bit like flashing your headlights/waving at someone just because they have the same model of car as you (does anyone still do that? Used to be a 'thing' but it sounds weird when I say it now) other parents of all boys give you a high five, those who don't know what it's like give you sympathy or say something silly.