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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

He's not happy with the gender.

377 replies

TeaBookcats · 06/03/2021 21:46

This is my first baby, his second baby.

He has a daughter already, today we found out we are having a baby girl. I understand he's disappointed but he won't even sit in the same room as me. He said he hasn't got the motivation for another girl. I said that it was upsetting, what he said, he responded by saying I only think about myself, I'm selfish.

We had our private scan today, where we found out and he was miserable after, before we even knew. I was excited and he was just so down. We did a cannon reveal so his 7 year old daughter could find out with us.

What can I do about this? I’m feeling so lonely and disappointed, I understand he’s upset but this is my first baby, I want it to be special. Do I just let him get on with it?

OP posts:
Lochmorlich · 07/03/2021 07:45

What hope is there for society when in 2021 boys are still seen as the ‘superior’ sex.
Henry V111 was disappointed with Elizabeth, she was the strongest monarch to ever rule England!
Pity you can’t beam your dp back to the 15th c where he belongs.

And congratulations to you.

intheenddoesitreallymatter · 07/03/2021 07:54

OP I feel sick I’m so angry for you.

What a despicable excuse for a man, leave him, absolutely leave him. You and your daughter deserve so much better.

Can you go and stay with your step mum for a few weeks to sort your head?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/03/2021 08:01

Over the years I've read plenty of threads where a pregnant mother has been disappointed when finding out the sex. I don't think they've been called twats.

Have they stopped speaking to their partner, blaming him for landing them with the wrong baby?

cptartapp · 07/03/2021 08:02

Sadly, stats show men are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely felmale. Although women may be disappointed with the sex, they usually don't have it in them to up and off.
His covert threats about 'lack of motivation' would worry me.
Are you married?

felulageller · 07/03/2021 08:05

Leave him.

Otherwise he will just emotionally abuse your daughter.

Also don't give her his surname or co register the birth.

Meowchickameowmeow · 07/03/2021 08:08

You need to leave, I think you know that deep down. He treats you appallingly.

pictish · 07/03/2021 08:08

He does realise that a son doesn’t guarantee a martial arts puppet to play with, right? A son might have absolutely no motivation or interest in martial arts...even if dad forces it on him and frankly, it’s an arsehole of parent who does that.
Is your dh a bit dim and basic all round? He certainly sounds it here. He’s just essentially told you he can’t be arsed...baby doesn’t fit his idealised, childish little martial-arts-with-my-son fantasy because she’s a girl.
I don’t know where you go with this tbh - I can only hope he pulls his head out of his arse soon.

Original poster
TeaBookcats · 07/03/2021 08:09

This morning I asked him how he was feeling, he’s in an obvious mood still. He said he’s fine, it isn’t what he wanted but he’ll have to get on with it. I said we should be very lucky, so far, she’s a healthy baby girl.

We had problems from the start of the pregnancy, I literally can’t do or say anything right. I can feel it in my gut he doesn’t want this baby.

I’m still working, I don’t know what to do. We are moving this week. Everything feels like a mess right now.

OP posts:
speakout · 07/03/2021 08:16
  • I can feel it in my gut he doesn’t want this baby.

Trust your instincts.

If this is the case then you have to decide your next step.

Lollypop4 · 07/03/2021 08:19

What a prick.
I still say leave.

Sparkletastic · 07/03/2021 08:19

You are with the wrong guy OP. Sounds like he's using the sex of your baby as a reason to withdraw from the relationship.

Roselilly36 · 07/03/2021 08:19

Many congrats on your pregnancy OP, it’s a really exciting time.

Just see how things develop, would be my advice, perhaps it’s the initial shock who knows, but absolutely devastating for you for him to react in such a hurtful & immature way.

I have known men like this, one was so angry when he told me his wife was having a girl, I was absolutely shocked as usually he was a very kind, laid back sort of person, he is a fab dad to his little girl now and has since had another child who was a boy.

As for having a specific interest/hobby, females can train in martial arts, if they want to, gender doesn’t dictate someone’s interest, my husband loves a certain sport, we have two sons one loves the same sport, our other son isn’t interested at all.

I would agree with previous posters,if you aren’t married you could save yourself a lot of hassle should you split by giving your baby, your surname.

I hope everything works out well for you OP. Good luck.

pictish · 07/03/2021 08:19

What a blow. Awful. At a time when you should be buzzing with excitement you’ve been knocked flat. I feel so sorry for you.

AtlasPine · 07/03/2021 08:20

@BirthChoice

Is his name Henry?
Sorry but this made me laugh.

What a tosspot he is. You aren’t a vessel for bearing his son. He’s being ridiculous and deeply unpleasant.

speakout · 07/03/2021 08:23

For me this would be a huge red flag.

If he can be so cruel and insensitive to you at a time when you are vulnerable then he is likely to repeat this further down the line.
I would cut my losses now to minimise damage to both you and your daughter.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 07/03/2021 08:24

Sorry op he sounds like an absolute cunt and l think you need to stop being so nice ....ie asking him how he is this morning. My dh wanted another son when l was born for no other reason than he felt like he knew what he was doing more with a boy (not that he was overly fussed but if asked he said he wanted a boy) but when she was born he genuinely couldn't have been happier and embraced the new experience- because he is an adult and that is what you do. I would be thinking very carefully if you want to raise a child with this man but having a very stern chat now about his disgusting reaction and behaviour so you can move on either way.

turnthebiglightoff · 07/03/2021 08:30

Is he Henry VIIII? If so, leave him. Is he not Henry VIII? If not, leave him.

HermitsLife · 07/03/2021 08:31

Congratulations @TeaBookcats a lovely new baby girl Flowers

I'm sorry you're saddled with an idiot. Fortunately for you we don't live in 1533 so you don't have to put up with his stupidity.

FWIW I have one child (would have loved more but it wasn't meant to be, another reason why your partner is being a complete twat) a son, he went to one martial arts class and hated it with a passion and never tried it again.

Children are amazing, but they are people not toys and as a father you would expect him to know that.

He sounds very immature and ridiculous, its a shame you only found out after the pregnancy but I think thats how it works with men like this a lot of the time.

Put your child first and the rest will work itself out, give him the choice. He can either step up and be the father you daughter deserves or leave but he doesn't get to fuck about being in or out as it suits him.

pictish · 07/03/2021 08:33

“If he can be so cruel and insensitive to you at a time when you are vulnerable then he is likely to repeat this further down the line.”

Yes I fear this will be true. He has shown a spectacular lack of compassion towards you over this. Proceed with extreme caution.

Tillytrotterisarotter · 07/03/2021 08:33

For the record my DD does martial arts and plays cricket. DS absolutely hates football etc and did ballet lessons for a number of years. Your DP is not only a pig OP but a delusional sexist pig at that.

Tamalama · 07/03/2021 08:33

@wishes1111

I've had 10 miscarriages OP.

My Husband sat at every single scan and sobbed every single time we heard the worlds "I'm sorry but there is no heartbeat".

People really don't know how lucky they are.

Show him this post OP, congratulations on your pregnancy with a beautiful baby girl. You sound better off without him. Sending hugs xx

I'm so sorry to hear this. I had a MC two years ago and tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I'm found out I'd had a MMC with twins. I'm still recovering from the D&C I had 2 days later.

@TeaBookcats your partner needs to know how lucky he is to be having another child. I had to watch my DH's face light up to see our twins on screen to then his face crumpling when we were told that there were no heartbeats and both had died at 10 weeks. My scan was at 13 weeks with no miscarriage symptoms, so it was an absolute shock.

He needs to appreciate the fact he's having a child and not act like a twat for not having the sex/gender that he'd dreamed of. He has a romanticised view of what he can do with a boy that he wouldn't be able to do with a girl. Girls are awesome and can do anything they want to, he needs to get over himself or you need to leave the selfish ungrateful prick.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 07/03/2021 08:34

LTB. Sorry OP but he's a nasty bastard and you'll have a life of misery if you stay with him. I'm sorry you're going through this Thanks

Porridgeoat · 07/03/2021 08:34

Why are you moving op?

Poorlykitten · 07/03/2021 08:36

This is just awful. Did he not know it’s a 50:50 chance of having a girl? And blaming you and sulking?! Massive read flag. What if you decide to have another child down the line and god forbid, it’s a another girl!

Lovemusic33 · 07/03/2021 08:36

He sounds like a childish twat. I bet his daughter is pleased she’s getting a little sister? I have 2 girls and I wouldn’t say they take up more energy than boys 🤣, there’s probably more drama with girls as the grow up but I wouldn’t say either gender is harder than the other. He’s being silly and he needs to grow up, he much have known there was a 50% chance of having a girl?