September 2021 thread 3 🥳

[Mamabearwhere]

New thread because we did too much chatting on thread 2 😅

@CherylLW the only lists I have so far are things we need to do before baby arrives and a list of people and what they have said they will hand down to us - I'm holding them to it, they got until 20 weeks to give up the goods or I'm buying it 🤣

Great question @CherylLW - I'll be watching out for the answers to that one!

A girl at work the other day told me you get bought a million baby blankets, and although they say you can never have enough muslins, you definitely can!

You've made me want to write a list now!

Sure is @FTEngineerM ! Haven't used it yet but it looks/smells fab 👌🏼

@KHR1 I’m definitely getting a bay carrier, I’ve got my eye on a lovely one. I’ve just added waterproof mattress cover to my list 👍🏼

I worry I’m being picky but what if someone buys you something that’s not to your taste 🙈

@Bubbles1st that’s a good idea, I’ve decided I won’t buy anything until 20 weeks so I’ve got a bit of time still. That’s lovely you’re getting a few things handed to you also ❤️

@SP2Bx it’s addictive but also scary how much is going on it! I’ve saved links of websites I’ve seen with lovely things on too!

I’ve been looking at prams/car seats etc and I have no idea what is a good price for these kind of things!

A girl at work the other day told me you get bought a million baby blankets, and although they say you can never have enough muslins, you definitely can!

I'd agree with this! I'd stock up on a good amount (hmm... I probably got through 2-3 muslins a day during the newborn phase, maybe 5 on a bad day but that didn't happen very often) and add more as you go/if you need to. I think 15-20 would be a good number to start with.
We had over double that amount, mostly because we were told we'd "definitely need them"(!) and they were honestly just a waste of space and most still look pristine... But I guess if we had a "sicky baby" it would have been great.

I also barely used some of the gorgeous blankets we were given (through lack of opportunity)... glad I can make use of them again!

Someone mentioned baby carriers... I highly recommend getting one, but I also highly recommend waiting until baby is here and you can go to a sling library. You will potentially use the sling a lot, but only if it's comfortable. It's worth asking an expert what suits your body type and trying different models for comfort. It can be a big investment, but it pays off.
(FYI I have an Integra carrier that I discovered via a sling library and loved it... I considered an Ergo baby carrier prior to that but it would have been a terrible investment if I'd had bought it before DS arrived because I just didn't get on with it, too uncomfortable)!

Similar advice for prams... try them out! Check they manoeuvre as you'd expect/wish. Is the handlebar adjustable (particularly desirable if you and your partner are very different heights)? Where will you be walking - urban or countryside (you'll want wheels and mud guards to suit)? Is it light enough to manhandle into the car boot easily (and does it fit)?

P.s. Just to be clear, I'm not recommending you wait until baby is here to buy a pram... you want to have that in advance! Be warned, you need to pre-order your chosen model and some places have waiting lists for delivery which can be around 10 weeks long (John Lewis, Mamas and Papas, etc)... you can't just walk out of the store with your chosen model!

Or you can do what I did and buy a travel system worth £1,000 for £300 on FB marketplace... well worth doing as long as you know you like the model and it comes from a smoke free home...

Im still very much in the throws of new parenthood, he’s only 9m old so I’m no expert and still learning, looking for tips myself 😀❤️But this is what I’ve found so far:

I’m skeptical on the Muslin front I bought about 15 and DC was only sick once (!!) between 0-4m old 🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️. Then not once since really. Ended up using them as blankets because it was June and absolutely roasting. He’s not very dribble either so bibs have mostly gone untouched, we had absolute thousands given to us they come with EVERYTHING.

That was another thing, we had 8 knitted newborn cardigans/jumpers given to us as presents didn’t wear one because it was so so hot in the heat wave. I don’t think that’ll be a prob in September though.

Maybe I’m lazy but changing table was so pointless, we changed him 17 times some days and I wasn’t walking to one place in our house to do it especially in the first few weeks where it felt like my insides were about to fall out of my vagina at any moment, got two massive wedge changing mats from amazon and kept one in bedroom and one in living room with the baby nappy caddy things.

That’s another abso must IMO, baby nappy caddy with an exact duplicate upstairs. Everything from things for you e.g. nip cream, paracetamol/ibuprofen, bottle of water, sweets to stuff for the baby e.g. nappies, change of clothes, Muslins, creams, wipes, saline nasal spray. The fourth trimester is real (I’d probably read a book on this if poss, i had a small browse but it took me by surprise and other that I read posts from on Mn) so I spent a lot of time under a sleeping newborn and didn’t want to/couldn’t really move or he’d wake up so having everything to hand was a massive win.

(If you’re going to use disposables) One of those twist and click bins because nobody wants to deal with nappy bags at 3 am and an obliterated shitty nappy.

A net bag to keep tiny socks and mits together in the wash, mine get wedged in the seal and don’t actually get washed otherwise.

I second the carrier, I bought a cheap £20 chicco one which was surprising successful. Want the free rider next time though I think the fabric looks more comfy for both me and dc.

THE EGG PRAM IS HEAVY AS HELL. That’s all I have to say on prams.

Wish I’d got the spin car seat variety now DC is older, it’s really awkward getting him buckled sideways. The baby carrier you can carry type car seat was a god send when newborn being able to carry in and out of shops without disturbing them.

Polly Magic relax has been waaaaaay better than I anticipated, he loves sitting up high and watching everything from me making dinner to the dishes. Goes from birth too so I’ll be slapping the newborn inserts back in. There’s probably cheaper ones too, a general high chair would probably do the same thing when they’re older.

A rocky type chair we found good in the first few weeks when they’re just doing nothing but eating and sleeping. Plonk them down (if you’re lucky😂) and go pee/answer door or what ever.

Actually that was a good investment the carry cot for the pram, it wasn’t all bad😬, didn’t have Moses basket and used that instead worked a treat.

Also agree with everyone buying blankets, we had about 9 given, lots of generous gifts that I didn’t quite anticipate. New babies seem to prompt gifts galore, we don’t even know many people!!

@CherylLW unfortunately that is real, sometimes people buy things especially clothes and I looked and thought I wouldn’t pick that. BUT they’re out of them pretty quick and when it’s the 4th change of the day it’s actually never on them long anyway. People didn’t tend to buy us massive things (pram/monitor) unless it was discussed with us first.

White noise app that plays 24/7 is a win, I think it’s £1.49. Ewan thé sheep is only 15 minutes so ok if your baby can settle themselves but otherwise it needs to be reactivated again and again in the night. Phone on flight mode obvs).

To be honest I can’t wait until im plonked on the sofa with a good series to watch, under a newborn that just wants to be cuddled all day 😍 even writing this I’m getting excited at how cute they are.

You don’t really need much though because they just want you at the start, most of the things are just for your convenience.

@Kirky658 I had chicken selects and fries and a mcflurry (really fancied one!) Was so good! Trouble is I want one now too. Ooo I love the breakfasts! What did you have? I'm so jealous haha might have to to get a bacon roll and hashbrown this week 😅 I have heard that! It's so good you can keep it up, I genuinely wanted to stay active but baby just had other ideas, im hoping the 2nd trimester will bring more energy and I can at least go back to long walks with the dog!

Ohhh I love all the list making, keep the ideas coming ladies! I have no idea what we need! My friend is giving us some baby bits but need to go over and have a look at it all to see what we want as she has LOADS. I think we are going to go and have an appointment at mamas and papas to try prams etc but I really like silver cross and they don't stock it so I might go to John Lewis instead?

@FTEngineerM you have just prompted me to create a new list....things I have not thought about! Wash bags - genius. Caddy brilliant.

I'm still holding off on the main what we need list for as long as possible, as soon as I write it I'll start looking! I'm so pleased 20 weeks coincides with shopping hopefully being open again, I don't want everything off line.

I'm also going to check out car boots as soon as they are allowed, no pressure way of seeing it things second hand and checking out their cleanliness! I think lots of people will be heading to them after having to keep all their unwanted goods as charity shops also been closed.

The sun is shining today and I feel in a great mood!

Now just to convince DP we should have a private scan to reveal the sex......

omg @FTEngineerM im about to copy and paste your entire message - hope thats ok! am totally clueless what u need and reading your message with my eyes on stalks haha
here's a question -probably a daft one at that. read that baby should sleep with you for first 6 months and that includes day time sleeping - does that mean u can just use their cot for nighttime and then if sleeping in the day, can you put them like anywhere so long as same room as u?!
@Bubbles1st we are thinking the same!! more so in case dont get to hear HB at 16 week appt this week, but realllllly wanna know what we are having so can just end some conversations such as about names!!
hows everyone doing today? it's not just me is it - do you feel really heavy in your abdomen like youve eaten about 5 christmas dinners and not been to the loo for a week!? i feel HUGE but really doesnt look that bad. dreading actually being huge as no doubt will be feeling like am about to explode!!
anyone on here with multiple kids or dogs got good recommendations for 7 seater cars? our dogs are strapped into back seats and now need to look for alternative as dont want them same row as baby, and if they go in boot will have zero room for anything else so need a car upgrade to a 7 seater!

@leftitlate37 yes to feeling huge! I keep saying I don’t know how I’m going to feel when I’m actually further along if I already feel so uncomfortable and big. My tummy is huge for 14 weeks but this is third baby and I’m very petite so maybe no where else for bump to go. I already catch myself walking slowly or huffing and puffing and I get SO out of breath going up one flight of stairs.

My only two things I want to buy is the Doona stroller and the elvie breast pump. The Doona looks incredible, with one click the car seat transforms into a buggy and if you have to do school run with other kids it means baby can stay asleep instead of transferring and etc. I already have a bugaboo chameleon and a Yo-yo but can already tell I won’t be using those much if I have a Doona.

The Elvie pump looks great as wireless and you can be doing stuff while pumping rather than being stuck on the sofa. I intend to breastfeed but also start using a bottle for breast milk as previously I left it too long before introducing bottle and my kids outright refused it and I ended up breastfeeding for 1 year plus. Would be nice for DH to take some feeds so I can have time to do things with the older two.

My only other advice on lists is don’t bother buying “outfits” for baby before 4/5 months as they won’t be wearing anything other than baby grows for the first few months as it’s the most comfortable and practical. I bought my first dd so many dresses and cute outfits in newborn and 0-3 sizes and most never got work because she hated them and it just wasn’t practical.

And if you end up with a sicky baby like I did second time you can not have enough muslin cloths.

ah i know that feeling with the stairs @Mamabearwhere! charged up 2 flights at work other day, got nearly to the top and had to stop on the dog leg to catch my breath - there was a guy behind so i fumbled in my pocket like i was trying to find something not just blatantly gasping for breath!
going to check out the Doona you said - no idea what we are after but defo keen for tips on easy use or transfer or to limit moving baby around!
how long do u have to give it to give baby a bottle? agree with what u said that be nice for DH to do some feeds, got given some info from midwife that said dont try a bottle for 6 weeks at first in case they get confused? does that mean after 6 u can try?!
lots of muslins sounds a good idea, i was by all accounts a terrible baby for puking!

@FTEngineerM thank you so much for that info! I'm clueless, started making a list but went from i dont want to overdo it to omg we need to get a loan 😂

@unicornpower @kirky658 I am with you on the McDonald's! Have to really restrict myself. We have the rule that we can get one after my appointments which means its been four weeks since the last and my cravings are high! Next scan tomorrow so I'm already thinking about what to get! I'm hoping we get to find out the sex tomorrow too, im going to ask the doc to write it on a bit of paper so we can find out at the same time. I hate that OH isn't allowed in for anything, going to try and film the scan too so it looks more real than just the photo.

@leftitlate37 I have that heavy feeling too, sometimes at night when I move in my sleep it feels like I have to throw myself over a bit more to be able to move but I'm not sure if that's just in my head. Things are definitely progressing in there!

@leftitlate37 I'm also curious like you on the sleeping ideas. I think our aim is to get a moses basket, that way we can let bub sleep in our room at night and then move it round the house during the day as needed. I'm hoping to breastfeed, but I was also unsure on the pumping etc. Ideally would like to get little on on breast milk but on bottles and breast so DH can do some feeds too as don't want him to feel left out.

Anyone else feel like they're bloody clueless?! I feel like midwifes should be more help. Mine hasn't discussed birthing plans, antenatal classes or anything practical yet it's just been about getting the bloods etc done. I am seeing her next week so hoping to be able to chat more then. I'm collecting my aspirin tomorrow as well so will start taking that!

@leftitlate37 well this is exactly what happened with me, my midwife said to strictly stay away from bottles and dummy for the first 6 weeks otherwise they get “nipple confusion”. 6 weeks came and the only confusion was that my babies didn’t want anything except the nipple. Both times the same thing happened so I will try a bit earlier this time and will go by what family friends have actually tried and worked.

@leftitlate37 yeah lullaby’s trust info says same room for all sleep until 6m, I didn’t realise until quite late that it’s because the closer they are to you the better, their breathing matches yours then and regulates it. Wizardry in action. And to be fair, I was too scared to go far because they’re so damn precious. I still had a monitor though so if I did pop to the toilet or W/E I could still see them, that maybe ott. You can put them anywhere that’s safe so it’ll depend on your situation with pets and what ever which will be best.

Since most things are about convenience it’s probably a good idea to wait u til they’re here and see what you need in your life, Amazon can get most things to you next day.

@Mamabearwhere I’ve been swooning over the elvie but it’s just so expensive ☹️. I have the spectra and it’s not great being trapped in one place but it got way more out than the manual and the haaka (that was a joke). I don’t know if this made a difference but we gave a dummy sometimes from 1 week old, I’m not sure if that helped but DC could switch from boob to dummy to bottle no probs. He had his first bottle of expressed from DP at 5 weeks I think it was.

@unicornpower @Kirky658 god you’ve all got me thinking about McDonald’s, I have to do some driving for work today and now I’m going to swing by and get a cheeseburger 😍.

So pleased to hear a few of you talking about breast feeding and expressing to bottle feed too because this is exactly what I hope to do! No idea how to go about implementing it but suppose I'll do some research nearer the time. I'd looked at the Elvie but wow is it expensive. I think I know someone who has one, may ask their opinion.

I plan on getting a "next to me crib" but not using it in it's true "next to me" capacity as I don't want to co-sleep, but having it in my bedroom. I'll have a Moses basket in the lounge for the first few weeks, as well as some sort of bouncing/rocking chair, and if they outgrow the Moses basket I'm hoping to find a pram where the carry cot is safe for sleeping (something to do with the material for air flow) so they can sleep in that downstairs in the day!

Some really really great advice here ladies thank you so much! I'm definitely going to copy and paste and update my list as we go on here 🙊

Hey ladies, question here on SMP if anyone can help. So I've been told that I'll qualify, first 6 weeks at 90% then the £151 per week after that. Planning to take 9 months off. My question is, I know you get tax and NI and pension deducted. But if I finish beginning of September and go back to work in June 2022 say, I would likely not earn past my tax free allowance. So how would that work, do you get a different tax code the next tax year or get a refund or something? I really want to know after tax and deductions as well what the £151 a week translates as! Very confused.

@Kirky658 if I’m not mistaken yes your tax code will change throughout your mat leave accordingly. I vaguely remember something like this when I was in mat leave.

I’m on mat leave atm @Kirky658 and I only get basic mat pay. The tax code doesn’t change. It’s still what ever it was before you went off but of course most months you won’t earn enough to go over the threshold for paying tax.

They work it out like this:

that months gross * 12 (or 13 if you get paid every 4 weeks) then use that as the ‘annual income’ to work out tax and NI deductions. But mostly at 151/week it’s usually 669/month for me (few 5 week months bump it up a bit), I just looked at my payslip to show you but it’s literally nothing 😂. 669/m is 8k something per year which even with my low tax code of 979 I still don’t pay tax.

@Kirky658 I’m confused about that too! I’m higher rate tax payer and my tax code is awful because I’ve got a company car. Not sure how it all works if I keep the company car during my Mat leave and as I’ll already have earned over the tax threshold for the year by September.

I did have an interview for another job today though so this might all be a different story by the time I’m ready to go off.

@mamabearwhere so confusing isn't it, thank you

@ftengineerm that's so helpful, thank you! I was trying to explain to DH roughly what I'd get each month as he gets about £1800 take home, I said I reckon about £600 after tax for me so not far off! Think my tax code now is 1185 or something. I'm still gonna be over £1500 short each month, such is life, that's why we have savings 😊

@jay3004 that's exciting! I applied for a new job and got invited to interview at 8 weeks. Smashed the interview, told hr I was pregnant and they never replied to any of my chaser emails!!!! I hope you have better luck than I do. Xx

@Kirky658 oh no that’s awful! Just goes to show doesn’t it that even though it’s illegal the discrimination still happens. Although I’ve not told them officially that I’m pregnant they have heard on the grapevine (small industry) so hopefully it doesn’t affect my chances but I’m realistic! xx

Good luck @Jay3004 exciting, hope it goes well.

@Kirky658 that’s blood awful. Not that you can do anything which is annoying. Yeah so re: your pay it varies a little bit each month but £660 odd is my usual take home after pension, it’s hideous, I don’t quite understand why it’s so low (that’s another rant) if I were to quit and leave DP I’d get way more in benefits for the same child but w/e.

I start back at work next month YAY actual money 😂

DD1 refused to sleep anywhere but our arms for the first 6 months so I spent all day on the couch holding her and we slept shifts overnight - it was sleep deprivation hell, I am going to do everything I can to get this one sleeping in the Moses basket from day 1! 🤞🤞🤞

I’ve had all my maternity pay stuff through today too it’s so confusing! I only work part time so not expecting it to be loads anyway. I’ve already decided I’m not going back to work so il need to let them know that too 🙈 (my husbands work more than supports us) so I’m not worried.

Has anyone got gender scans coming up? I’ve got my 16 week midwife appointment & my gender scan next Wednesday! I can’t see baby letting us see tho cus every single scan it’s been facing towards my back and at an awkward angle.