👣 November/December babies 2020! 👣

[danielasummer]

Can't keep track of who has had their babies! - but here is a new thread for those who have had ours and those still waiting x

@NaomiB79 aww and to you. I still come on here, but tend to read more than I write these days. I have found this forum amazing, even if just to know I'm not alone in what I'm going through, good and bad xx

@NaomiB79 couldn't have put it better myself :) I've read every single message although the thread moves so fast sometimes I don't get a chance to write back - it's been an amazing support, especially during pregnancy when I was particularly anxious. Well done and good luck to us all xxx

That's so lovely @NaomiB79 it's been lovely to have ladies to share this amazing journey with & what a privilege it is to have a baby to watch grow into a little person. I hope you are all doing well & hope it's not too long until we can all start enjoying a little bit of 'normality' again with our little ones! I can't wait!

I really hope this group doesnt disappear even if ppl ain't regular on it as I personally love reading all of your updates on the babies etc and always good for support to x

Even if it's not as fast paced as it used to be, I hope the group continues because groups like this can be a lifeline! It's good to know that you ladies are here to give advice if needed (likewise I'm here to offer my 'two pennies worth' if I can) x

Heartwarming to read your messages on here guys. I've actually come looking for some support. I remember I had concerns I might have PPD at the beginning. I guess I masked it all and finally 4 months later everything has come crashing down. I've not felt like this in a long time (I had depression 6 years ago). I was so afraid of it returning and now that it has. I feel terrified. I'm sorry to be so negative. I've cried, felt suicidal and have just had thoughts that I'm nothing but a bad mother. My LO has been looking at me all day with a huge smile and I've really struggled to reciprocate. I am scared to ask for help I don't know why? I just need some encouragement and advice if possible. I just want to be better for my girl.

@Asianchick6693 sorry to hear this, have you spoken to your GP or even your health visitor ?

@viixie no I don't know why I'm really struggling to open up, even with my partner. He argues with me that I never talk to him anymore. It just feels easier to bury it all. Our relationship has definitely been affected by it. The only reason I feel like I'm carrying on is my daughter.

@Asianchick6693 what kind of thoughts are you having? What is making you feel down ? I think life has been so different over the last year with covid that the isolation makes everything feel so much worse.

I just wake up feeling hopeless. I have no energy at all. It feels like I have the entire world's weight on my shoulders. Simple tasks like changing baby's nappy or her clothes feels like too much. Struggling to meet my own basic needs like eating. I feel suffocated by my daughter eventhough of course she is always going to want my attention I'm her mum. I feel guilty and feel like I'm not good enough for her. Husband helps where he can but regardless I feel resentment towards him. Probably just taking it out on him I have no idea. Yeah I agree I think covid made things 1000x worse.

@Asianchick6693 do you have a support bubble? Are you managing to leave the house at all?

Bless you it's horrible when you feel down. Is this something that you think will pass ? If not I really think you need to speak to someone. I get it's hard but you can't bottle it all up it will make you feel so much worse

@viixie no my family is in Wales. I'm not really leaving the house even when I have the chance to I have zero confidence and the anxiety kicks in about my daughter. I've been having passing suicidal feelings but I know I'll never act on it just feel so rough. You're right I know deep down I need to talk to someone but taking that step again feels impossible I don't know where to start if I want to talk to GP or HV. Feels like there is so much on my mind I wouldn't know how to get it all out without sounding completely insane. Last thing I want is to seem incapable of looking after my daughter too.

Hi @Asianchick6693, sorry to butt in. I have a 4 month old and have also been struggling with how I am feeling.
Last week I reached out to both HV and GP and both have been great. Hv is coming out to see me to chat this week, GP has referred me for counselling and given me a prescription for anti ds. Im waiting to start counselling before deciding to take the anti ds or not though, as I currently feel a bit better for having spoken out.
Its a hugely difficult time to have had a baby, especially with no help - reaching out on here is a great first step. As your partner has already noticed you aren't yourself, I would really try and talk to him as you need support so he can help you.
You can then either go to your GP or HV as I have, it is easier to get counselling at the minute as it is all remote. Please dont struggle alone, this is a really common thing and with support we can both start enjoying life again.
Pm me if you want to chat xxx

Great advice @Whiffle77 I hope you both feel a lot better soon

This page has been great. It would be a real shame if it shut down. I know I haven't been on as much as i used to as I seem to have stopped getting notifications and then forgot all about it. Shame it's not a wats app group, I would def see posts then 🤣
It's been a sounding board for some, a place to air frustrations or worries and concerns as well as sharing useful tips and celebrating the highs.

@Whiffle77 well done for seeking help. Can't have been easy for you but hopefully on the road to help and feeling better.
@Asianchick6693
So sorry your feeling so low. Your partner seems to have noticed your not yourself so perhaps you can find some way of just telling him how you feel so he can help in some way. As some have suggested, could you reach out and speak to HV or doc? How about via email in the first instance if you find it hard to reach out.... explaining that you find it difficult to ask for help verbally. Etc.
You say you have so much on your mind etc you worry that you won't get it all out ... have you thought maybe of writing it all down? When you get 5 minutes, when baby is sleeping or something, write things down to get things of your chest. May relieve some of the pressure you're feeling? .I apologise if these sound daft as I'm not in your situation or pretend to be. But it could be a good place to start for you. Sending hugs to you both. I do sincerely hope you'll both feel better soon. Xx

@viixie @Whiffle77 @Jwl45 thank you all so much for being there. I think I just need to talk about it. Bottling it up and with it being lockdown has affected me greatly without me realising. I tried talking to my husband after I got off here last night and he's been really understanding. I was worried he wouldn't understand but I guess I just needed him to listen to the fact I'm not okay. I am hoping to make an appointment with the GP tomorrow. I'll keep everyone updated thank you!

@Asianchick6693 that is good news... a great start. As you say, lockdown certainly hasn't helped. Hopefully when things ease there too, things will seem better or different at least. Take care and keep in touch xx

Thats really good news @Asianchick6693, well done - the first step is definitely the hardest. My GP has a form you can fill out to request an appointment since covid times, does yours? I found this easier than calling, I also text my HV.

Echo what @Jwl45 said about writing things down too - not just to clear your head but to help you say what you need to when you speak to the gp. I did this and will try and write more before my first counselling session.

Good luck!

@Asianchick6693 you sound like me about a month ago. It was a huge effort to get out of bed in the morning, I wasn't eating and crying every day. My health visitor referred me to the local perinatal mental health team who have been pretty good. The doctor has allowed me to talk through my issues and diagnosed PND. I was reluctant to start antidepressants at first but I have to say they have helped. It's not all suddenly changed to rainbows and unicorns but I just feel more normal and don't dread every morning. And when I thought about it last week, I realised I couldn't remember the last day I cried. Can I ask where in the country you are in case anyone local can join you for a walk or outdoor coffee? I know I'd love to if you were near me! Xx

@Jellycat2020 I'm glad to hear things are improving for you. I am really scared to try or start medication as the last time I took them, I was hallucinating and hearing voices in my head. It was a side effect of the meditation. I was prescribed for 6 months and at around 5 months I stopped sleeping and found myself feeling like I'm going crazy. I wanted it to go away. The doctor at the time didn't understand my desperation but slowly weaned myself off it and I had become better. The medicine helped massively until the side effects hit and I feel like I just can't risk becoming that way for my daughter. I think that's where my hesitation has come from when it comes to asking for help and reaching out but that's only gone and made me worse as well.

I live in Bolton atm. I have managed to make some mummy friends from apps and they've been so nice to ask me to go out for socially distant walks but I get very anxious at the thought of it. I hate it because I used to be such a bubbly and sociable person. I'd like to think I still am those things just need the confidence.

@Whiffle77 I've made a start writing things down. Thank you so much, honestly idk this thread has helped me feel like I'm not alone. I honestly was scared for myself last night but I'm feeling just slightly more hopeful than I did yesterday.

@Asianchick6693 sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I think it’s great that you are acknowledging it tho and definitely speak to your health visitor or GP. Like someone else has suggested re email would it help
If when you gave a quiet moment to write down how your feeling even just bullet points then you can hand it over to whoever you speak to as a starting point?

I think the whole lockdown/pandemic is making having a baby so much more difficult. Restrictions are being lifted soon, warmer weather on its way and clocks changing so hopefully that will help. Do you have a good friend you can meet outside for a walk/chat or could you let people on here know which area you are in incase anyone local could meet up? Just I found in the early days with my daughter when some days all I’d do was feed her or try and comfort her from grizzling I would meet a friend once a week and we would literally just walk the streets and chat and would make both of us feel better about lockdown life and gave me sometime away from dealing with a newborn as she’s sleep in pram.

You do sound a great mummy though so even if all you do every day is feed and change your baby that’s an achievement and look after yourself too even if all you can do is leave baby somewhere safe while you get washed/dressed/make something to eat.

@Asianchick6693 it makes sense you're scared to try the meds again. Could you try a different drug? I'm on sertraline and the only side effects have been fatigue and loss of appetite. Definitely worth speaking to someone on your local perinatal mental health team. Sadly, I'm at the other end of the country to you but do take the opportunities to meet up with other mums when you feel ready. I still don't feel up to meeting a group but a one on one seems achievable. Most days, I'll try to get out for a walk, just so I don't feel chained to the sofa all day. Plug in an audio book and walk.

I again read more than I write these days but I love coming on and seeing how you are all doing. I would love for the group to carry on.

@Asianchick6693 you are an incredible human being and it may not seem like it now but you will feel like you again. Talking and communication can make things better. The one thing people always say when they have been left behind by someone that has taken their life is I wish they had talked to me. Find who that person is and it will take time but your daughter will thank you. X

@alphabetti @Nic2908 @Jellycat2020 the support has been amazing thank you guys. I'm ashamed but I bailed out from speaking to the GP at the last moment. I woke up in the morning to make the appointment. Husband leaves for work at 6 and said make sure you make it. 8am I pick up the phone to ring and my heart started pounding and I couldn't bring myself to do it. I hate that when you ring up the receptionist asks as well what's the reason for the appointment. I told my husband and was expecting him to be disappointed or annoyed but he said it's okay and I can try again tomorrow and if not he works from home this Thursday and Friday so we can do it together then.