Due April 2021

[BoJingle]

Is around who's due in April 2021? How are you feeling?

I was in a thread on here in early pregnancy, dropped off when I joined the buddies Facebook group, I'm still in it but its not really for me.... I miss having a place to go to chat pregnancy though.

31 weeks and overwhelmed with everything. I think it’s partly pregnancy and partly being over stretched er work (isn’t everyone though).

I’m spending most of this evening crying.

@GreySkyClouds hope you are okay!

I'm really uncomfortable, want this baby out as I'm so done with being pregnant but also don't want to have to look after a baby, catch22 haha!

Hope you’re ok @GreySkyClouds

@BaaHumbugg I’m feeling exactly the same! So so over pregnancy now, but really don’t fancy the newborn stage just yet 😂

@GreySkyClouds it is really difficult to cope with being overstretched at the work at the minute though, count down the days!

I've had to work long days in my career and it's basically expected to work over but I just can't cope. I don't know what your workplace is like but maybe make signs to say - I'm tired - I won't be here in a few weeks and need to think about handing over. I felt very stressed on Friday which resulted in me taking sickness leave in the afternoon and your employers wouldn't want the same. Hope you're ok x

@GreySkyClouds I know exactly how you feel, I spent most of Sunday in tears. Lack of proper sleep plus hormones plus work stress plus a 3yo and being in the middle of a pandemic had just gotten too much.

I'm looking forward to having the baby here. I know I'll be sleep deprived but things will be simpler I'm sure. And I'll feel like I can stay in bed and recover, whereas ATM I feel constantly exhausted but have to battle on as I'm "only" pregnant.

@TheViewOutsideMyWindow , I think that's the issue that we say we are "only" pregnant. I had severe morning sickness at the beginning - drs never said HG - but I had quite a few of the symptoms other than hospitalisation really. I went under 7 stone with the weight loss. Anyway I was a trooper - working from bed for a few weeks before my mum basically had a go at me saying go to the doctors! I got signed off for 2 weeks. I was behaving like I was because I was "only" pregnant, but if I had been puking like that normally I would have most definitely been out of the office for the duration.

We need to cut ourselves some slack. We feel different and very drained so we can't work up to our full potential no matter how hard we try. I had a really good day at work yday and I think it's because I didn't pressure myself. We need to treat ourselves to our early nights and rest in the evenings as best we can. I don't have a child yet so I appreciate I can relax in the evenings a bit more than others!

Have peoples eating habits changed? I'm definitely at the baby needs feeding stage! Snack times are getting earlier and earlier. I'm still forcing myself down with a full sized dinner... no idea why, I just like a clean plate! But I do struggle to finish.

Morning on the other hand... give me the snacks!!

This feels alien to me as I've always been quite a healthy person pre pregnancy.

I’m so glad to hear I’m not the only one struggling. I’ve felt like such a wimp because I’m only working 4 days a week and even then my workload isn’t crazy right now but I just can’t motivate myself. Evenings are the worst I have such bad restless legs and heartburn and just feel so uncomfortable. And in the last few days I’ve added night sweats to the mix! Woke up drenched last night even though it was freezing. 5 weeks of work to go and I can’t wait. Actually starting to feel bad for DH with the amount of moaning I do.

My eating habits have stayed pretty much the same other than an uncontrollable sweet tooth. I’m eating chocolate everyday at the moment it’s so bad. I’ve basically turned into a creme egg.

I also can’t comprehend getting any bigger!

I keep thinking I could probably deal with being this washed out and exhausted IF I didn't have to be sat at my desk all day attempting to work - I'm struggling to concentrate on complex tasks and then spend the entire time feeling guilty about how little I'm achieving. The guilt is massive, but my brain is like treacle at the moment.
Honestly don't know how you ladies with other children AND jobs are coping! Absolute troopers.

My appetite is the same really, I can't eat more than usual as I feel so full already!

@luckyflash I remember the night sweats a few days after the birth, I was not prepared for that!

Gosh the night sweats post birth, I remember those too! Why does no one tell women about these things?!

Second/third time mums, we should start a list of things they don't tell you. I'll go first...

1. After a vaginal birth the Dr will pop a finger up your bum to check tears.

1. You may feel so swollen down below that you worry they've left the ventose/forceps somewhere in your bum when they stitched you up. They haven't. The swelling will go down and you'll feel normal again!

1. Milk doesn't always come in on day 3. Mine was day 5 and I was still able to breastfeed.

1. Some weight loss is normal but if baby looses more than 10% body weight in the first week they'll encourage you to top up with formula/expressed milk. You don't have to, it's your choice. Putting baby on the boob as much as you possibly can is the best thing you can do to encourage milk supply and to encourage baby to feed.

1. Breast pumps are either a closed system (eg calipso ardo) or an open system (eg medela swing); the open system isn't as sanitary so best not to buy second hand if you can avoid it. If you're using expressed milk to feed you don't need to sterilise bottles or the pump (except after very first use), hot soapy water is fine. Sterilising is only necessary for anything containing formula, or dummies.

1. You'll still look pregnant post-birth, for several days/weeks. It can be a shock. Embrace the maternity clothes for a bit longer.

I'm sure there's loads I've missed, but there's a few, feel free to skip past if not useful!

@TheViewOutsideMyWindow

Gosh the night sweats post birth, I remember those too! Why does no one tell women about these things?!

Second/third time mums, we should start a list of things they don't tell you. I'll go first...

1. After a vaginal birth the Dr will pop a finger up your bum to check tears.

1. You may feel so swollen down below that you worry they've left the ventose/forceps somewhere in your bum when they stitched you up. They haven't. The swelling will go down and you'll feel normal again!

1. Milk doesn't always come in on day 3. Mine was day 5 and I was still able to breastfeed.

1. Some weight loss is normal but if baby looses more than 10% body weight in the first week they'll encourage you to top up with formula/expressed milk. You don't have to, it's your choice. Putting baby on the boob as much as you possibly can is the best thing you can do to encourage milk supply and to encourage baby to feed.

1. Breast pumps are either a closed system (eg calipso ardo) or an open system (eg medela swing); the open system isn't as sanitary so best not to buy second hand if you can avoid it. If you're using expressed milk to feed you don't need to sterilise bottles or the pump (except after very first use), hot soapy water is fine. Sterilising is only necessary for anything containing formula, or dummies.

1. You'll still look pregnant post-birth, for several days/weeks. It can be a shock. Embrace the maternity clothes for a bit longer.

I'm sure there's loads I've missed, but there's a few, feel free to skip past if not useful!

I really love this idea!

Things I wish I’d been told: (sorry if this is a bit heavy, I didn’t have a good time of it so feel free to scroll past)

1. You may feel like your body failed if you have a crash/emcs - go easy on yourself, you didn’t fail at all - you’ve just grown a baby! That’s not failing ❤️

2. you may not get that rush of love and that is absolutely a-ok. Very few people do get an immediate overwhelming rush, for many they fall in love with their baby slowly, and that is absolutely fine

3. don’t try and go for a walk 5 days post crash section, and definitely so not walk 3 miles 3 weeks post section. God awful idea! Plenty of time to get out, use the first weeks to heal and rest.

4. find out what nipple shields are now and YouTube how to use them! The only way we managed to ebf for 3 weeks was due to shields, and everyone told me a different way of using the damn things! I wish I’d known about them before hand.

5. as TheView said, you’ll look pregnant for a while after!

6. if post section, up to your tits nickers and leggings are a must!

7. research safe co sleeping now, rather than muddling through when you’re sleep deprived - at least if you decide to do it, you already know how to do it safely

8. you won’t use half the shite that goes in your hospital bag

9. take a mix of tiny baby/newborn/0-3 clothes for baby. I had a surprise tiny baby and newborn swamped him.

10. don’t compare yourself to other mums. You’re in your shoes, they’re in theirs - all babies are different and what might work for one, won’t always work for you and that is also ok.

11. baby hasn’t bothered to read the books, the research or attend the classes so might not give a shit about what you have planned to do 🙈

I’d also add, again a bit heavy...

But PND does not necessarily feel like “depression”. I have generalised anxiety disorder and have had episodes of major depression through my life. I was convinced I did not have PND as I “knew what depression felt like”

It was totally and utterly different and I did actually transpire to have PND. There is a lot of help for post natal mental health, just call the GP if you even remotely suspect how you’re feeling isn’t normal x

The post by @flappityflippers1 made me think, how do we know if we feel normal or not?! Is it quite obvious?

@Ro198

The post by *@flappityflippers1* made me think, how do we know if we feel normal or not?! Is it quite obvious?

That’s such a good question - also PND or PNA might not become apparent at first as you’re so up in the air with hormones - a GP asking you at 6 weeks “how’s your mood?” wasn’t much use to me.

I would consider it to be a changed emotional state that is negative - by day 3 I think it is a lot of people have a hormone crash and cry all day, but it soon lifts (baby blues). But if you have an ongoing lack of desire to do anything, feeing down, feel like your aren’t good enough for your baby, have problems with memory etc, feel vastly different to how you did before on a long term basis, then I would contact GP/HV - they’ll do an assessment on you which will help identify any issues.

For me I also had PTSD and PNA, which was masking the PND for a while - my only real indicator of PND was memory loss, which was very scary. I still don’t have many memories at all from the first 12 months 😳

A really good question, and I'd echo the above answer.

For me, my firstborn was not a good sleeper and had silent reflux which made sleeping (and feeding) more difficult. I was tearful a lot and hugely sleep deprived, but I knew it was sleep deprivation and that as soon as I had a relatively decent nights sleep I'd feel ok.

PND can be feelings of hopelessness or feeling flat as if nothing is worth smiling about.

The highs and lows that come with the hormones are totally normal.

Hi all. I've been a bit quiet. Drowning in work. My maternity leave still isn't hired were having a few hiccups. Left it too late to start recruiting because my manager kept ignoring the situation. My motivation is rock bottom and I'd quite like to finish already.

Started insulin last week so that's not great. I'm just going to sit and eat my dinner and see what you've all been up to. Hope everyone is well

@TheViewOutsideMyWindow

Gosh the night sweats post birth, I remember those too! Why does no one tell women about these things?!

Second/third time mums, we should start a list of things they don't tell you. I'll go first...

1. After a vaginal birth the Dr will pop a finger up your bum to check tears.

1. You may feel so swollen down below that you worry they've left the ventose/forceps somewhere in your bum when they stitched you up. They haven't. The swelling will go down and you'll feel normal again!

1. Milk doesn't always come in on day 3. Mine was day 5 and I was still able to breastfeed.

1. Some weight loss is normal but if baby looses more than 10% body weight in the first week they'll encourage you to top up with formula/expressed milk. You don't have to, it's your choice. Putting baby on the boob as much as you possibly can is the best thing you can do to encourage milk supply and to encourage baby to feed.

1. Breast pumps are either a closed system (eg calipso ardo) or an open system (eg medela swing); the open system isn't as sanitary so best not to buy second hand if you can avoid it. If you're using expressed milk to feed you don't need to sterilise bottles or the pump (except after very first use), hot soapy water is fine. Sterilising is only necessary for anything containing formula, or dummies.

1. You'll still look pregnant post-birth, for several days/weeks. It can be a shock. Embrace the maternity clothes for a bit longer.

I'm sure there's loads I've missed, but there's a few, feel free to skip past if not useful!

This is a lovely idea. My two are birth related.

1. Have your birth plan but consider it more as birth preferences. Look into the different options and be open minded, don't be fixated on your one plan because babies don't always get the memo.
2. Your baby might be born and you might not feel an immediate overwhelming rush of love. It doesn't mean you don't love your baby. It doesn't mean you won't bond with your baby. It probably just means you're tired/overwhelmed.

I was exhausted. When she was born my main emotion was relief. Relief that she was OK. Relief that it was over. Relief that I could rest. Second emotion was guilt because I felt guilty that I just wanted to rest when I should have been bonding with my baby. How ridiculous. DP actually really valued that time. He said it was the first time during pregnancy and labour he felt like he could be properly useful and it gave him wonderful 1 to 1 time with our DD and I was able to rest. If I'm tired next time around, I will happily leave him holding the baby and have a guilt free sleep if that's what my body needs.

Some others:

1. You will bleed for a number of weeks, and pretty heavily at first. It’s called lochia and smells a bit. If it smells a lot, you need to get checked out.

1. Your legs/limbs can swell a bit after birth. The next day I looked a bit like I had elephant legs. This, is apparently, pretty normal.

1. When your milk comes in you may wake up looking like Pamela Anderson, and it hurts like a bitch.

1. Some babies are a nocturnal species and give no shits about the lovely cots/baskets that have been provided for them.

1. Babies first poo is like tar. It doesn’t smell but you will need 73,000 cotton balls or wipes to clean that bum.

1. Some baby girls can have a light period owing to their mothers residual hormones in their system.

1. Over the next year or more you will lose count of the number of times you google “can you die from sleep deprivation” and numerous colour variations on “is green poo normal”.

Thought of another one; when baby is born you may feel really quite strong feelings of anger towards your partner/baby's father! Mainly bc you may feel the huge responsibility of keeping baby alive and well falls to you, especially if breastfeeding around the clock, suffering with sleep deprivation or if DP is going off to work every day with his useless nipples and leaving you with a collicky baby who cries most of the day. Then he tells you he's tired and you may feel the urge to give him a whack!

Normal feelings ladies. Totally normal. They will pass. (Until you've been up 3x in the night with your toddler having growing pains whilst DH snores his way through her cries and then complains he's tired after his 8h snooze...🤷🏻‍♀️ Then those feelings may come back for a day of so!!)

As a FTM love reading these! Keep em coming!

I e also lost all work motivation. Moving house tomorrow, so im off now until next Wednesday, so Im quite excited about that. Can't wait to put the nursery together. Im off every Friday through March, so planning to do the painting and building inside the built in wardrobe myself. I can then start washing the baby clothes! Hopefully be done before due date of April 12th 🤭

We had another growth scan yesterday as we had problems with first, same thing seems to be happening this time and baby is very small - looks very likely we will be born at 37 weeks and should get our new section date after next growth scan in 2 weeks.

So it looks like I’ll be having him in 5 weeks time 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮

So not prepared!!!

@flappityflippers that's exciting! I'm having extra growth scans too as baby is small but don't think they will recommend C section as they didn't with my first!

I now have my date for my c-section...it all suddenly feels very real but I hope he's not early, as I'm certainly not prepared for that!