July 2021 2

[Blughbablugh]

Looks like the other one filled up already!

@AliceinBunniland

Is cramping still normal (I am 11*2)

I have a bit of an ache front and back but I get pelvic pain on my pubic bone anyway and think maybe I have more of a general stomach ache...

It might be more of a sign of early pelvic girdle pain or spd. That's how mine started last pregnancy random pelvic bone pains

@Scottishskifun Thanks for replying. I think it is PGP. I had it in my first pregnancy but a little later. This time around I have already had it a few weeks and it is mainly my pubic bone and I notice it after I've been active, walking around and stuff.

Today I've got backache too and sometimes I can't pinpoint where the pain is and worry it's something else

Have you got it again this pregnancy @Scottishskifun?

Hope it’s ok I post this here my partner split up with me last night. He said he can’t handle being a parent again he doesn’t want to and it took him 4 weeks to build up the courage to tell me. Any advice for doing this alone? I won’t be alone in terms of support but even scans I’ll be alone and now I just feel terrible we had been together for 8 years on and off at the start but properly together for 4 and I can’t believe it

@Sweetpea12 I'm so sorry you are going through this. Post here as much as you want. Do you think he's just panicking? Was he supportive otherwise? If he really has left then he's and you absolutely can but I hope you're okay xx

Sorry that got a bit jumbled at the end. I meant to say if he really has left you then he's an arse and you can absolutely do this without him. I hope you have supportive family and friends xx

@AliceinBunniland yes I have the start of it so some days fine others more sore. I am booking into my chiropractor after Christmas. They have a specialist in helping ease PGP. It's not the cheapest thing to do every 2 weeks but I ended up going a few weeks after birth last time as I still had it and although a bit sore I was so much better so going to try and manage it better this time. Also going to start online pilates as found that helped too.

@Sweetpea12 do you have a close friend or family who can be your birthing partner? Your allowed 1 designated person for scans and at birth.
I suggest also really looking at if it's possible to live with a family member or for them to move in with you for the first few weeks as they are tough and the extra hands helps so you can get rest etc in between. I had a few friends do this.
This is also allowed under covid guidelines BTW - caring responsibilities.

@Sweetpea12 would also say regardless of him not wanting to be a parent again he still has obligations to your child. So I would speak to him about payments and if he refuses then you can start the process of reading up to put in a child maintenance claim. Also suggest speaking to citizens advice as they will be able to help you with what extras you can apply for and also next appointment ask your midwife as she will have some information as well. There are additional grants and payments which you might now qualify for. In Scotland one of these is £600

@Scottishskifun I think I will look up pregnancy pilates and yoga videos online because the midwife said that as well and I think it would be good for me to do some exercise. I was not very active in my first pregnancy due to the PG as I couldn't walk more than a short distance. I have heard support belts help too.

He blocked me from even speaking to him so the idea of any contact is gone. I live with my parents at the moment so thankfully if all goes ok with the baby we would live here until I would try and find somewhere off my own. I’m hoping I can have a close friend with me when I give birth. Just feel so stressed out I have a private scan today and only a partner was allowed but thankfully a friend will come with me in the car it’s just not the same he basically begged me not to ask him for anything for the baby as he doesn’t want to be a part of it

@Sweetpea12 He sounds like a d**k. Sorry. I'm glad you have your family and friends around you. I hope your scan goes well today. As for asking not to be asked for anything for the baby, he has a responsibility to the baby. You don't need to deal with this right now but when the baby comes you should contact the child maintenance service about his contribution. I think it's something like 20% of his income he would have to pay if he's not seeing the child but there is a calculator online. As I say, you don't need to worry about this now (as far as I am aware), just concentrate on you and baby staying healthy and well. You and the baby are the most important now.

I'm sure it all feels really messy and unbearable now but you will get through it.

I have a good friend whose husband left her about a month before their baby was born. She was shocked and devastated especially as it was so close to the birth but she knows now she is better off without him.

Trying to see a positive, you have time to think about the birth and who you want there and to think about your life with baby once they are here.

Thank you So much I actually find great peace in talking to someone online. I have my friends and they are amazing I just feel inside right now that I’m on my own. And I know deep down I’m not it will just take me some time to get over this and for my focus to be on my baby. I just hope everything is well at my scan today as I’m panicked about that from having a MMC last year

@Sweetpea12 This is not what you planned so it will just take some time to adjust. Good luck today. I understand the anxiety as we lost our first baby. Let us know how the scan goes and keep chatting to us as much as you like. You are not alone 💗

@Sweetpea12

He blocked me from even speaking to him so the idea of any contact is gone. I live with my parents at the moment so thankfully if all goes ok with the baby we would live here until I would try and find somewhere off my own. I’m hoping I can have a close friend with me when I give birth. Just feel so stressed out I have a private scan today and only a partner was allowed but thankfully a friend will come with me in the car it’s just not the same he basically begged me not to ask him for anything for the baby as he doesn’t want to be a part of it

Tough shit for him! He is responsible whether he wants to be or not! It doesn't mean he has to see the baby but that's his own choice that he's a irresponsible arse! You can still go for payment whether he agrees or not they can take it directly out of his paychecks or benefits. It takes longer to set up can only be done from birth and won't be very much but its not the point. Do you have any contact details for his family? He might not want to be in the child's life but his parents may wish to see their grandchild. It might be worth considering. They also might tell their son to stop being such a selfish child!

Glad that you will have support at home this is really important.

My friend was in a similar situation partner left as didn't want a baby. His family went mental at him and actually when baby arrived he realised what a mistake he had made. She was very understanding for the sake of her son and he spends time with his son. They are still fractitious but she keeps it amicable.

Would also say that if he doesn't step up at all your child won't miss out if he's that useless and can't be let down multiple times. Your child will have so much love from you and your family!

[quote AliceinBunniland]@Scottishskifun I think I will look up pregnancy pilates and yoga videos online because the midwife said that as well and I think it would be good for me to do some exercise. I was not very active in my first pregnancy due to the PG as I couldn't walk more than a short distance. I have heard support belts help too.[/quote]
Yes I had a support belt last pregnancy but was told by physio to only use it when walking a distance and not when sat etc as you will develop an over reliance and not strengthen the muscles. I definitely found doing yoga and pilates as well as physio exercises really helped strengthen my core.

Your midwife can also refer you to physio. I joined RWL online they have pregnancy workouts, pilates and yoga as well as midwife videos etc. There was a discount recently it might pop up again after Xmas.

He only has children and then aunts/cousins etc as his parents have both passed away. The issue is him having a 23 year old and a 20 year old he see it’s as he has had his time being a father and said it’s too hard to do it all again. I have his daughter and a cousin of his as friends on social media and I suspect he isn’t going to tell them I’m even pregnant so I don’t know if when I have on my media that I’m pregnant if I should just hide it from them. I do feel like his daughter would want to know the baby when they arrive

@Sweetpea12

He only has children and then aunts/cousins etc as his parents have both passed away. The issue is him having a 23 year old and a 20 year old he see it’s as he has had his time being a father and said it’s too hard to do it all again. I have his daughter and a cousin of his as friends on social media and I suspect he isn’t going to tell them I’m even pregnant so I don’t know if when I have on my media that I’m pregnant if I should just hide it from them. I do feel like his daughter would want to know the baby when they arrive

The fact that he is an older father makes his behaviour far worse!

Only you can decide if you want to tell his family. If it was me then I would but in an amicable way and further down the line. Don't hide your pregnancy from social media if you don't want to it's not your behaviour in question here it's his! Most definitely chase child support he has zero excuses!

For now take care of you!

@Scottishskifun I’m shocked by how he behaved he kept saying he wanted me but not another child and I can’t change what’s happening and wouldn’t even consider it.

Only reason I would do anything on social media is because then more people find out in one go and there is no second guessing or people asking relatives am I pregnant. He didn’t tell me I couldn’t say to anyone he just isn’t wanting to be a part of it at all

@Sweetpea12 do what's best for you 😊
Social media is a personal choice and you also need to focus on what you want and what's best for your child. If you don't think her dad will tell her then it's also your choice if you message her separately (sometimes seeing something on social media can be a big shock) for now though give yourself some tlc a warm bath and a relax

@Sweetpea12 so sorry to hear this. He sounds like a duck if you ask me. Fancy saying that when you are pregnant. You sound like you have good support so def can do this on your own. Stay strong lovely xx

Thank you girls I really appreciate the help and support and kind words. I had a scan today and feel so much better and now I can focus on trying to be my best for my baby and not worrying about a man who clearly isn’t worried about me

@Sweetpea12 great to hear that your scan went well 😊 most definitely you already sound like a fantastic mum never forget that!

Pleased the scan went well @Sweetpea12

Hi all, can I join in? I'm due mid July and this is our first 😊 I'm currently 10+3 and I'm sure I'm getting the start of a bump - haven't put on any weight but my belly seems to just be a little bit bigger? Is that normal this early on? I haven't got my scan until 4th Jan (although having a private scan tomorrow so that DH can be there)

Had my "12 week" scan today and all went well (am 11 weeks 2 days) - baby bouncing around like mad - but they couldn't get baby into position to do the nuchal measurement. Was there for abour 45 mins and tried partially emptying my bladder twice but still nothing. Assumed this was due to my dates and it being right at the smaller end of the range but the sonographer was adamant that wasn't the problem. So - a bit frustrating but pleased to see an active baby and a heartbeat after much worrying!

@hippohippohippo that’s brilliant. I have my 12week scan on Wednesday and am so anxious and scared. Had a mmc in July so petrified it will be the same fate x