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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Gender discrimination

148 replies

Tblock · 13/11/2020 09:09

I know the title sounds very forward, but it can only be described as this, but why do a lot of women feel disappointed if they are having a boy? Don’t get me wrong, once you have you’re baby, I’m sure you will show them the love and affection regardless of gender, but I find a lot of women almost discriminate against having a boy and feel a sense of disappointment when they realise they are not having a girl. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I have ever seen an article on here where someone is hoping they have a boy, it’s always a girl. Whilst I understand the concept of it, in the sense of wanting that mummy/daughter relationship, but I also find it a little unfair on boys who get quite a hard time when it comes to pregnancy. Just my thoughts.

OP posts:
Terriblecreature · 13/11/2020 09:17

Hey OP

I have one LB who is 20 months and I am 23 weeks pregnant with DS2. When I found out I was pregnant the first time I couldn't of cared less the gender. The second pregnancy I was hoping for another boy. The will have a small age gap and I thought it would be great to give him a little brother and hopefully they will be best friends for the rest of their lives. I also had loads of boy things so that was another reason lol I would say my husband was a bit disappointed that we are having another boy. I think he wanted a daddy's girl since my little boy is a typical mummy's boy.

I think what is meant for u won't go past u. I don't have a great relationship with my mum or sister but my husband has an amazing relationship with his mum and brother. I always wanted more what my husband has than what I have with my family.

Tucancrossing · 13/11/2020 09:26

I've just had a little boy (first baby) and I really wanted a boy. I'm not sure why, I've just always wanted a little boy and especially as my first. I did find that other people assumed I was disappointed and were surprised when I said that, no, I actually prefer it this way. One person actually said to me 'don't worry, you'll have a girl next time' and a number of people have said things to the effect of 'boys are easier than girls to raise anyway' as if they're trying to make me feel better 🙄 It's very odd, but I guess it's the opposite way round with guys usually... a bit of societal pressure on them to have a son and seen as a bit gutting if they have all girls.

PurBal · 13/11/2020 09:27

Interesting. I don't have a preference but I've pictured myself as a mum to boys rather than girls. I don't know why, maybe because I only have brothers and DH is one of all boys too. Maybe because the relationship with my mum is strained.

BrumBoo · 13/11/2020 09:35

It's a western world thing. Most people don't care for the sex of their child. Some women though, want a girl to use as a popular fashion accessory. Stupid headbands from birth, pierce their ears so 'everyone knows they're a girl', get everything with 'princess' or 'diva' on it, have that bizarre idea that a 'daughter is for life, a son until he has a wife'. Boys are just not such fun to use as a real life doll.

Guess it's better than what happens to girls elsewhere in the world, but it's still pretty messed up.

luxxlisbon · 13/11/2020 09:37

I don't think baby boys get a hard time during pregnancy, I've come across women who want girls, boys or genuinely either.

There is a noticeable trend that the mum wants a girl and the dad wants a boy, probably just because it is the experience they have the most in common with. This is by no means all or even most people though.

Fruitloops34 · 13/11/2020 09:42

Whilst I agree with what you are saying OP as I’ve seen some women on here unhappy at having a boy I can’t agree with it for me.

Even though I’ll be happy with whatever as long as it’s healthy, I am slightly leaning towards a boy. Purely for the fact I’m a bit of a tomboy myself and I worry I wouldn’t know what to do with a wee girl.

Turtleturtle81 · 13/11/2020 10:00

@BrumBoo

It's a western world thing. Most people don't care for the sex of their child. Some women though, want a girl to use as a popular fashion accessory. Stupid headbands from birth, pierce their ears so 'everyone knows they're a girl', get everything with 'princess' or 'diva' on it, have that bizarre idea that a 'daughter is for life, a son until he has a wife'. Boys are just not such fun to use as a real life doll.

Guess it's better than what happens to girls elsewhere in the world, but it's still pretty messed up.

I’ve seen women who have put their newborn babies in scratchy tutus as “coming home” outfits. They are conditioned from a young age to treat girls like this.
IDontMindMarmite · 13/11/2020 10:03

It's not "discrimination" to have a preference fgs. And in other parts of the world, there is actual femicide because people prefer boys so strongly. What a strange post.

Whatthedoodle · 13/11/2020 10:05

J have two boys, people seemed disappointment for me that I had another boy but friends who’ve had two girls don’t get the same reaction. Not sure what it is, in my experience it’s just women. I don’t know if it’s because as women, we like the idea of raising women too? I don’t know. I was made up finding out I was having a boy. That being said, I’m currently pregnant with my third and deep down wanted a girl but that’s just because it was my last chance to have one. Had I had two girls I’d have wanted a boy now. Although I don’t think I’d have been disappointed with another boy, I was just conscious this is likely to be our last child

justanotherneighinparadise · 13/11/2020 10:07

Yep. It’s constant on here and it pisses me off no end. No wonder men are so fucked up if they start their lives as a regret.

justanotherneighinparadise · 13/11/2020 10:08

@Whatthedoodle

J have two boys, people seemed disappointment for me that I had another boy but friends who’ve had two girls don’t get the same reaction. Not sure what it is, in my experience it’s just women. I don’t know if it’s because as women, we like the idea of raising women too? I don’t know. I was made up finding out I was having a boy. That being said, I’m currently pregnant with my third and deep down wanted a girl but that’s just because it was my last chance to have one. Had I had two girls I’d have wanted a boy now. Although I don’t think I’d have been disappointed with another boy, I was just conscious this is likely to be our last child
I have so many friends with two boys and we LOVE it. They’re fabulous and we get no comments from other parents, I don’t think they’d dare to be honest.
anotherboyontheway · 13/11/2020 10:09

When I found out my first was a boy I was over the moon, currently 20 weeks with another DS and as much as I was happy when I found out there was an unexplained moment of sadness about the daughter I'll probably never have... I think if I had had 2 daughters I would of felt the same about never having a son, I think it's a natural thing if I'm honest as the "perfect" family picture most people are brought up to believe is the mum, dad, a boy and a girl. I find your post slightly judgmental and a bit pointless OP?

zatarontoast · 13/11/2020 10:24

It's probably the same reason that some men feel disappointed to be having a girl. Apparently it is some revolutionary tosh about wanting to provide the next generation of yourself.

goldopals · 13/11/2020 10:26

For me it was because boys in our family of my son's generation have ASD. Out of 15 second cousins (children of cousins) there are 10 with ASD. I got over it quickly though

Waitingforbabypage · 13/11/2020 10:34

I currently have one of each, had a girl first and was over the moon and when I found out I was expect a boy the second time around, I was equally as happy!! The only downer was the fact I struggled to find names I liked and he was "baby" for 2 weeks! 😂
I'm now pregnant with number 3 and have gained a stepson, and genuinely do not mind which way this pregnancy goes. Of course having another girl would even stuff up, but as long as bubs is healthy and happy then that's all we can ask for.

Queenbee95 · 13/11/2020 10:40

I have two boys (5 & 2 years) I’m 16 weeks now - find out sex tomorrow and everyone’s hoping I have a girl.... I’m secretly hoping for another boy to be honest, but don’t tell my family/friends that 🤫

JaJaDingDong · 13/11/2020 10:43

I wanted girls because I thought I wouldn't know what to do with boys - how to play with them etc.
I only have sisters, my cousins are all girls. My sisters and cousins have all had girls. No boys in my family apart from all the husbands.
I did have girls.

zatarontoast · 13/11/2020 10:44

I’ve seen women who have put their newborn babies in scratchy tutus as “coming home” outfits. They are conditioned from a young age to treat girls like this

To balance it out I've seen a fair number of newborn boys dressed in a football strip or those faux tuxedo things. Some parents just like to dress their babies in naff clothing, regardless of the sex.

Todaytomorrow09 · 13/11/2020 10:47

I have two daughters and with my second I didn’t find out until she was born that she was a girl - I know people would have said ohh bet you hoping for a boy & I honestly couldn’t care.
The reason for that is with my first we found out at 20 weeks and I noticed a few family members disappointed that it wasn’t a boy - I will never forget the feeling I had when she said it’s a girl in the scan and looking at my husband worried he’d be disappointed- he wasn’t he was just happy all was ok and the gender made no difference to the love we had for this baby.
I couldn't care what I had just getting through an awful pregnancy was enough!

bumblingalonghappily · 13/11/2020 10:51

I find it bizarre. I have a one year old DS and found out recently am pregnant with a little girl. I genuinely wouldn't have minded about the gender either way, but it's been very clear that my friends/families/colleagues think I should be thrilled and relieved I'm having a girl this time! It's very odd.

SpaceOP · 13/11/2020 10:52

If this "discrimination" exists, then it exists the other way too .... in that many men are supposed to be disappointed if they have girls, especially if their first is a girl or they have all girls.

So no, I don't think there's routine discrimination against boys in the womb.

Turtleturtle81 · 13/11/2020 10:58

@zatarontoast

I’ve seen women who have put their newborn babies in scratchy tutus as “coming home” outfits. They are conditioned from a young age to treat girls like this

To balance it out I've seen a fair number of newborn boys dressed in a football strip or those faux tuxedo things. Some parents just like to dress their babies in naff clothing, regardless of the sex.

Good point. At least a football strip might be soft, I guess?
Livpool · 13/11/2020 11:02

DS is 5 and never found out the sex (we were told accidentally 4 days before he was born only we weren't 100% sure).

Everyone was convinced I was having a girl and I don't know why but I was almost relieved he was a boy. He is so loving that I cannot imagine him being any other way.

I am quite girly/feminine and maybe felt that people would assume I would bring a girl up that way. I can't explain it.

DryIce · 13/11/2020 11:09

I know what you mean, i have 2 boys and the worst part about it is people pitying me! I think they're brilliant.

My friend told me the saddest story, she has 3 boys and when the youngest was born she got so many comments (and people don't think they're being negative, but you're right - comments like "boys are easier anyway" is obvious hamfisted consolation) - that her eldest boy, then about 8, eventually crept up to her and apologised for being a boy!! He'd internalised that he was a disappointment from such comments and it made me furious and so sad for him

Dogsandbabies · 13/11/2020 11:20

It's all relative. First pregnancy I was just glad to be having a baby. Happened to have a little girl. I adore her so much that when I got pregnant again I wanted another one of her. I had a little boy. I adore him. I am hoping to have a third and I am secretly hoping for another little boy but I am sure I will be happy with either.

It is all related to the image you have in your head intertwined with prejudices and expectations.

We all end up loving the children we get!