Gender discrimination

[Tblock]

I know the title sounds very forward, but it can only be described as this, but why do a lot of women feel disappointed if they are having a boy? Don’t get me wrong, once you have you’re baby, I’m sure you will show them the love and affection regardless of gender, but I find a lot of women almost discriminate against having a boy and feel a sense of disappointment when they realise they are not having a girl. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I have ever seen an article on here where someone is hoping they have a boy, it’s always a girl. Whilst I understand the concept of it, in the sense of wanting that mummy/daughter relationship, but I also find it a little unfair on boys who get quite a hard time when it comes to pregnancy. Just my thoughts.

I have two DS and yes I did cry when I found out about DS3 (also had a thread on here - shoot me).

I don’t WANT you to feel sorry for me, don’t you get it? It’s those comments I fucking hate, to think people feel sorry for me is horrendous. I’ve had 3 pregnancies & (soon to be) 3 babies - quick conceptions & no miscarriages. I am so lucky!

However, I ALSO wanted a girl. It’s not about having another boy, I love my boys more than anything, it’s about not experiencing a girl. And yes there are differences. And no I don’t like shopping, spa days or ballet - none of that stuff interests me.

I found out 6 weeks ago & I can honestly say I am now so excited for my little boy. I can’t wait to see what he looks like, whether he has blue or green eyes, what his personality will be (will it be more like DS1 or DS2 as they are polar opposites).

To cry & be disappointed are fleeting feelings & you cannot help how you feel - trust me. I tried to bury it & I think that made it worse. I’m not an awful person & you definitely don’t need to feel sorry for my sons because believe me they are loved, lucky & well looked after.

@Tucancrossing, this is exactly my point and reasoning for my thread. I’m not saying “you must not have a preference”, of course certain people have preferences, but to actually be upset and start crying in girl baby sections of a shop when you are having a boy, is absolutely pathetic. No sympathy whatsoever for me. Get over yourself!!!

it’s absolutely pathetic when you have mother’s crying in the baby girl section of a shop because they are have a baby boy
Because high street boys clothes are shit. They would cry a lot less if the shops sold pretty clothes for boys too.

@Slat3 fleeting disappointments are just life. I wanted a fabulous career and to be retired by the time I was 50. Alas it wasn't to be. I also wanted 2020 to be a fabulous year as 2019 was really rather shit but alas, a pandemic arrived. No one is criticising those who have fleeting disappointments. We are criticising those women who have sons they wish were daughters and have already ruled out a great relationship with them when they’re older.

@BluSpider

it’s absolutely pathetic when you have mother’s crying in the baby girl section of a shop because they are have a baby boy Because high street boys clothes are shit. They would cry a lot less if the shops sold pretty clothes for boys too.

Oh @BluSpider give it a rest. You might get lucky. You’r son may decide he is a woman when he’s a teenager and you can both go clothes shopping together.

@BluSpider

it’s absolutely pathetic when you have mother’s crying in the baby girl section of a shop because they are have a baby boy Because high street boys clothes are shit. They would cry a lot less if the shops sold pretty clothes for boys too.

You’re completely missing the point. You think people walk into shops and cry because they think the clothes are shit? Really? You think that’s what is happening here?

I’ll admit that I wanted DC4 to be a girl but that was because DC3 had died neonatally and statistically speaking, baby girls have higher survival odds than baby boys. I’ve never dressed any of my children in a tutu or tuxedo. I hate spa days and shopping, so have no desire to have a child to do either of those with. I do love going out for afternoon tea but my DH enjoys that as much as my best girlfriend, so I don’t think the sex of a child has any bearing on enjoying the same things as me when older.

I don’t want my son to be anything other than what he is. I do want to dress him in nice clothes though. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. High street stores unhelpfully sell horrible clothes for boys that don’t appeal to women. That’s why you see so many mums crying in the clothes section.

Just go and buy some clothes for yourself if I s such a massive concern in your life. Your son doesn’t care what he’s wearing. Maybe at 11 he’ll start to want some decent stuff but up until then he’ll be more interested in being dressed in a way that keeps him warm and comfortable.

[quote Tblock]@Tucancrossing, this is exactly my point and reasoning for my thread. I’m not saying “you must not have a preference”, of course certain people have preferences, but to actually be upset and start crying in girl baby sections of a shop when you are having a boy, is absolutely pathetic. No sympathy whatsoever for me. Get over yourself!!![/quote]
I probably did that. My baby girl died so going into a clothes shop would remind me that I didn’t have a baby girl to dress. You don’t know other people’s circumstances so no need to be so judgemental and make assumptions.

You think people walk into shops and cry because they think the clothes are shit?
Partially. Mums want to buy the pretty girls clothes and they can’t because they’re having a boy. High street boys clothes are very gender stereotyped. They aren’t pretty and don’t appeal to mums. And the stereotypical boy doesn’t appeal to mums either. In fact gender stereotypes are at fault across the board here. Your son doesn’t have to be a muddy boisterous football player dressed in dull colours.

They don't all sell horrible clothes. You just have to be choosy. I get complimented on how I dress my little boy constantly (not a humble brag) and he's 100% high street. Plain clothes, no logos, smart.

There are plenty of horrendous girls clothes on the high street, if not more so. Some girls clothes actually make me cringe.

@TheStripes she's talking about people that come on MN and post that they cry in shops because they wanted to have a girl and have 2+ boys. She didn't say she judges people who she's actually seen crying in shops.

I may have had a little sniffle in the baby section of h&m (before we knew the sex of ours) because I was so glad to be having a baby!

@TheStripes I’m sorry for you loss 😣

I lost two female pregnancies due to serious disabilities and another one where I didn’t know the sex. I still can’t get my head around the nonsense that gets said on these threads and can only assume it comes down to none of these women experiencing bereavement.

@TheStripes, I think you’re circumstances are different, so I’m not sure why you think I will criticise you for that. You can clearly see I am talking about mothers that have openly admitted on here that they cried with disappointment because they are having a baby. It’s pathetic sorry.

Baby boy *

[quote Tucancrossing]@TheStripes she's talking about people that come on MN and post that they cry in shops because they wanted to have a girl and have 2+ boys. She didn't say she judges people who she's actually seen crying in shops.[/quote]
@Tucancrossing , exactly this.

I dont think having a preference whilst pregnant is a huge issue. By the time the baby is born most people don't care and are utterly infatuated with their child regardless of sex. Its Parents who treat their child differently (once they are born) because it wasn't the right sex that are the problem. They probably also have a whole heap of other expectations for their child thatll cause equal problems.

I wanted a boy more than anything when I was pregnant the first time. My partner has a daughter already and i have little brothers who I use to dote on when they were little. I got my boy and he’s the best. I’m now 15 weeks pregnant with #2 and I would like a daughter of my own for purely superficial reasons, baby girl clothes are so much nicer than baby boy clothes. I’m not a fan of tacky headbands or pierced ears on babies at all but I’m quite girly so I would like to be able to buy pretty dresses. However, my mother likes to remind me I dressed myself from about the age of 4 and refused anything she tried to dress me in so it is very likely to be a short lived stage. If I got another boy I’d be happy as my son is the light of my life but I’d quite like one of each.

@RosieGirl27, no issue with that. I think deep down, a lot of us would eventually like 1 of each. It’s just that “family complete” sort of feeling of having a girl and a boy, but as you state, whilst you would like a girl, you would still be extremely happy if it were a boy. My gripe is with mothers that are literally annoyed and disappointed they are having a boy instead of a girl, to the point where they are crying in baby girl sections of shops. This for me is just weird behaviour and this is where I don’t have sympathy. Like I keep pointing out, thousands of couples can’t have children, so think before you are crying feeling sorry for yourself because you are having a boy instead of a girl, it’s so self centred

@Tblock

I read on a baby forum recently of a woman who was willing to give her next baby up for adoption if it was a boy because she wanted a girl. It beggars belief really 🤷‍♀️

It's very sad that many boys are a disappointment to their mothers before they've even been born

Crying in baby shops because you had a boy/girl preference and didn't get what you wanted or asking your neighbour not to hang girls clothes on the washing line is quite frankly ridiculous.

Seems we've all been raised in this modern society and taught we can have anything we want whenever we want hence the high rates of consumerism and materialism and people simply can't cope with the fact that this is one of the few things out of their control?

@ivfbeenbusy , no words. People like this don’t deserve children.

I also hate it when people say 'I'm so lucky to have one of each'..... really?

@MsMiaWallace me too does that mean those of us who don't are unluckly