Gender discrimination

[Tblock]

I know the title sounds very forward, but it can only be described as this, but why do a lot of women feel disappointed if they are having a boy? Don’t get me wrong, once you have you’re baby, I’m sure you will show them the love and affection regardless of gender, but I find a lot of women almost discriminate against having a boy and feel a sense of disappointment when they realise they are not having a girl. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I have ever seen an article on here where someone is hoping they have a boy, it’s always a girl. Whilst I understand the concept of it, in the sense of wanting that mummy/daughter relationship, but I also find it a little unfair on boys who get quite a hard time when it comes to pregnancy. Just my thoughts.

I know someone who desperately wanted a girl because she’s desperate for that “mother daughter bond” and she firmly believes “daughter for life, son til a wife” and all that shite.

She has 3 boys and was devastated and will be “trying for a girl” (as if you get to decide ffs)

I honestly think it’s the weirdest most fucked up thing. I’ve never understood gender disappointment and found it more barmy when she explained (although I keep my opinion to myself and try to be supportive)

You’re just not guaranteed to have that relationship with your child, and I don’t agree with putting that expectation on them from the womb. What if you have a girl who is a massive tomboy and you don’t see eye to eye?

My son is the gentlest most loving little boy, we love our costa coffee dates and he’s my little shadow. I’m expecting baby 2 and really don’t have a preference either way.

We’re finding out the gender because I’m having a shite pregnancy and hubs thinks it will cheer me up - I’m so excited to find out, and will be delighted either way ❤️😍

It’s sex not gender

I have 3 children, one of whom is dead.
I can assure you they are all equally precious to me.

Op I think you’re being unfair. I’m a mum to 2 DS who are totally amazing and completely different, one more “girly” than any girls I know! I fully expect to be doing shopping trips together when we’re older! However what I won’t have is the ability to pass on my experience as a woman - and to help him with issues specifically me related. I haven’t experienced male puberty and the issues involved so how can I pass on my experience to help him. It’s weird and you won’t understand unless you’re in it - but I totally adore both my sons more than life, but I mourn the daughter I will probably never have, and the ability to share woman specific life experiences. If I had another I won’t lie I would be very sad if it was a boy - which of course you’d get over and never be able to imagine life without them. But you’re mourning what you’re don’t have, not what you have.

@pluckywormfish
I already pity the son you might have instead of the girl you crave for.

My grandmother would say of anyone who was pregnant; ''You take what God sends you and be thankful''

@pluckywormfish

I only want one child and I really want a daughter. I think I would enjoy picking her outfits more, I would hope we could have a similar relationship to my mother and I and that we can do girly things together. My mum is my best friend.

What you are after is a doll.

endofthelinefinally So sorry for your loss

I have a beautiful girl but I'd love a boy next, honestly I'm dreaming of two boys.

I do agree op, there seems to be more posters desperate for a girl though.

@MrsG30

I know someone who desperately wanted a girl because she’s desperate for that “mother daughter bond” and she firmly believes “daughter for life, son til a wife” and all that shite.

She has 3 boys and was devastated and will be “trying for a girl” (as if you get to decide ffs)

I honestly think it’s the weirdest most fucked up thing. I’ve never understood gender disappointment and found it more barmy when she explained (although I keep my opinion to myself and try to be supportive)

You’re just not guaranteed to have that relationship with your child, and I don’t agree with putting that expectation on them from the womb. What if you have a girl who is a massive tomboy and you don’t see eye to eye?

My son is the gentlest most loving little boy, we love our costa coffee dates and he’s my little shadow. I’m expecting baby 2 and really don’t have a preference either way.

We’re finding out the gender because I’m having a shite pregnancy and hubs thinks it will cheer me up - I’m so excited to find out, and will be delighted either way ❤️😍

Round of applause and completely agree with you. It’s completely fucked up, I totally agree and yes I am judging. The way I look at it is there are thousands of parents that can’t have children and would do anything to have any sort of child, then you got some mother’s that are crying with disappointment because they won’t be getting the girl they craved. Just seems very superficial to me and just feels like they want that girly play thing to dress up and do girly things with. You will probably have just as a fantastic relationship with you’re boy. I just find the whole thing so OTT and frankly unfair on baby boys.

I've never heard of this in real life, or at least not anyone admitting to it. I reckon it's more usual for a man to have a preference for a son than a woman for a daughter.
It's very common for people to have a strong preference for one of each though, in my experience.

@Isit2021yetplease

Op I think you’re being unfair. I’m a mum to 2 DS who are totally amazing and completely different, one more “girly” than any girls I know! I fully expect to be doing shopping trips together when we’re older! However what I won’t have is the ability to pass on my experience as a woman - and to help him with issues specifically me related. I haven’t experienced male puberty and the issues involved so how can I pass on my experience to help him. It’s weird and you won’t understand unless you’re in it - but I totally adore both my sons more than life, but I mourn the daughter I will probably never have, and the ability to share woman specific life experiences. If I had another I won’t lie I would be very sad if it was a boy - which of course you’d get over and never be able to imagine life without them. But you’re mourning what you’re don’t have, not what you have.

I’m sorry, I suspect you’re coming from a good place but that’s just a very weird post.

Why on earth do you want to pass on your experience of a woman? It’s such an individual experience, do you honestly think your imaginary daughter would care less about your unique history as an owner of ovaries? No disrespect to my mother but I’m not at all interested in how she navigated her life as a female, I was far too busy paving my own way based on my own health and biology.

Equally your son does not need you to give him advice about his own experience with puberty. He’ll navigate that very personal journey himself with the aid of books, the internet and his friends. All he needs is a stable and loving home life and someone who is interested, involved and a good listener.

Just seems very superficial to me and just feels like they want that girly play thing to dress up and do girly things with. You will probably have just as a fantastic relationship with you’re boy. I just find the whole thing so OTT and frankly unfair on baby boys.

I see it as the equivalent of those who focus on the wedding, not the marriage. The baby is not seen as an individual, merely an extension of the female and something they can dress up and mould to be a small version of themselves.

The reality is you have no idea of the relationship you’ll have with your daughter or son as it’s very dependent on upbringing and personality. I’m not particularly close to my mother. Wouldn’t want to go out on a shopping trip, not interested in a spa day. However my partner is very close to his mother. Rings her five times a week, sees her fortnightly.

I am pregnant with my second which I’ve been told is a boy, due next week. Our first is a girl and if I’m being honest it was my preference to have a girl although I didn’t feel strongly and wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone as was grateful just to be pregnant. However on finding out the sex for our second my husband admitted he was alittle disappointed that it was a boy, he said he loves our wee girl so much he just wanted an other one like her. I was really surprised at this as he is a football loving guy and I thought a son would be his preference. It just goes to show it works both ways and now he’s used to the idea he’s excited about our son. I think it’s okay for people to admit how they feel and they shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it. I also don’t agree it’s about fashion, it’s probably more about the relationships you had with your own parents and siblings.

@justanotherneighinparadise fair enough that does sound a bit weird when you put it like that! I just mean there are certain things I would only ever discuss with my mum growing up as it was related to being a girl. I wouldn’t go to my dad and talk to him about my growing boobs and bra issues or about tampons!! Likewise I’m sure as a mother of sons there are plenty of things that my sons will never want to talk to me about and will always go to their dad. (And I’m glad as I’m not sure I’d be able to offer much advice on how to cope with things like unwanted erections or voices breaking!!!)
So what I meant was that I’m sad I won’t have that side of raising a child where you are their go to for lots of their journey through puberty.

First baby I was just glad to be pregnant and over the moon to have a little boy. Had no desire for a girl at all. Then I met DP who also had 2 sons and when I fell pregnant again I really did want a girl as did my DP, just for a change tbh. As it happened we had a girl and I do feel fortunate to have one of each if I’m truly honest. I’m sure I’d of been just as happy with another boy if that had been the outcome.

Although @justanotherneighinparadise I would also say that’s very sad if I expect my children to navigate puberty with just books the internet and their friends. I certainly turned to my mum lots with how to deal with things I was unfamiliar with. Perhaps you didn’t have that relationship with your mum, which is fine - but I massively valued having someone who knew me to help advise. And I would hope to do that for my children too - I actually think it’s extremely odd not to. Do you intend to just pass your kids some books and google when they start developing?!!

The have no thoughts on puberty either way. It’s nothing to do with me. It’s up to my children if they want to talk to me about it. We’ve lightly discussed what will happen when they get older but it has no baring on me whatsoever. My job is just to listen and offer advice if asked.

I’m TTC first time and would secretly love a boy (although obviously I would still be over the moon with a girl)

I have a boy already. Had a strong feeling he was a boy and secretly wanted a boy. I'm pregnant with number 2. Had a few comments of I hope you get a girl. I honestly don't. Again I've got secret hopes about another boy but will be delighted once it's safely here regardless.

-Boys clothes are crap. The colours are awful. The boys clothes section is half the size of the girls. Boys just aren’t fun to dress up because high street boy’s clothes suck.
-Everyone wants a mini me. Women are disappointed with boys, men are disappointed with girls.
-Gender stereotypes. A girl is a friend for Mum to take to ballet, shopping and to the spa. A boy is a mate for Dad to take to the football. Girls are clean and boys get filthy. Girls are sweet and boys are boisterous. Girls are clean and boys get filthy. Etc.
-Grandchildren are closer to their maternal grandparents because mum (the main carer) makes more effort to take them to see her own family.

Boys clothes aren’t all crap, Zara and H&M sell lovely bright patterned stuff. But I agree boys ranges are generally dark colours with generic transport themes.

European stores like Zara and H&M have some nice boys clothes, but most shops are crap. Dull colours with vehicles or dinosaurs, nothing else. Even so, you have to order from the website because they don’t have the nice stuff in the stores. I can see how mums get upset when they walk into a sea of beautiful dresses then get presented with a tiny selection of poo coloured clothes to dress their sons.

I have experienced this bias from friends/family. I have a son and was delighted to be having a healthy boy after 3 MCs. I was asked by my mum if I was disappointed - nope, delighted! My MIL cried in H & M kids section and said how she's wishes she had a daughter (she has one boy) and wishes my son was a girl so she could buy all the hair accessories and she was sad for me never having a daughter. I didn't get it and was a little pissed off, I suggested she buy the hair accessories for herself.
Another family member was devastated to be having a boy which I found hard to understand but it was a very real 'loss' for her.

I have a little girl and little boy due soon. I think sometimes for me I panic with that old saying "your daughters your daughter your whole life, your son is only your son until he finds a wife"
How often on MN especially, do we see the "interfering mother in law" comments. But then I give myself a shake, remember boys are often more loving and a baby is a blessing no matter what. It's up to me to build the relationship I want with my children in the way I want.

@Turtleturtle81 @justanotherneighinparadise @nildesparandum

Im quite surprised the level of bashing I have received for wanting a daughter. I don't believe there is anything wrong with that. Can you explain to my why you picked on me and not @Namechange8471 @Changeofseason for wanting a son?

It is allowed to want a son but not want a daughter?

There is nothing wrong with having a preference and there are many reasons for it. I don't think mothers should be shamed for their feelings.

I would be delighted for a healthy baby as the most important things. But I think if I didn't have a daughter I would wonder.

I totally agree and yes I am judging. The way I look at it is there are thousands of parents that can’t have children and would do anything to have any sort of child, then you got some mother’s that are crying with disappointment because they won’t be getting the girl they craved.

I agree with you, I have to say I generally hide any threads I see about gender disappointment as I often just want to shake people and give them a bloody big dose of reality. How nice of them that they get a BFP test and then all they have to worry about it whether the baby is a girl or boy? I lost 7 babies, I nearly died twice from ectopic pregnancies and had to go through 5 rounds of IVF. I don't care what I have so long as I actually get to bring a baby home this time?

Im now thankfully pregnant with twins. In the early days people would ask me what I "wanted" - Do they really think I'd spend £35k to have a baby then be disappointed it was a boy?!!!