Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 6

[Treaclepie19]

New thread!

@babyghirl So I'm not entirely sure how the system works, and there are probably others in this group that are better informed, but I'd have assumed that if you were referred before conceiving this baby it was on the basis of your previous losses. So I would think they wouldn't remove you from the system and should be able to discuss things with you that they might think you could do differently on this pregnancy. Especially if there is that kind of wait to simply get a conversation with someone. Make sure they take you and your concerns seriously. They are valid. xx

@babyghirl So I'm not entirely sure how the system works, and there are probably others in this group that are better informed, but I'd have assumed that if you were referred before conceiving this baby it was on the basis of your previous losses. So I would think they wouldn't remove you from the system and should be able to discuss things with you that they might think you could do differently on this pregnancy. Especially if there is that kind of wait to simply get a conversation with someone. Make sure they take you and your concerns seriously. They are valid. xx

@AnxiousLady1
Thank you will update tomara and hopefully get some help and reassurance off them xx

@Babyghirl let them know you are anxious about having a third loss and don't want to go through the waiting list again... i'm sure they could postpone your appointment for a couple of months until you would be passed the 12 week scan... I would ask for progesterone too, it's a common cause of miscarriage and whilst your previous 2 could easily have been just bad luck and nothing more I don't think there is any harm in having it?? As far as I know? xx

@MOGMOGMOG85
Thank you tomaras call is for r results and prop would off been what r nxt steps where going to be so I will deffo be saying I want to stay on the system until I knw everything is going to work out. I asked my doc for progesterone and she said she would not give me them unless my consultant at the fertility clinic said it was OK so will deffo be saying to him in the morning bot them. As I know us ladies that been through what we been through we will try everything and anything and I hope he understands that xx.

John Lewis have lots of offers on at the moment.

Well today got up sore breasts gone that's when I start to loss hope.

@Babyghirl please don't panic about your symptom changes... They will fluctuate and change from one day to the next. The best thing you can do right now is try to relax. I know it's easier said than done but stressing yourself out is not good. I recently gave birth to my baby girl after over 10 years of trying and 5 miscarriages so hold the faith that it can happen. Just because it has gone wrong in the past does not mean it will always do the same x

@sammilou2312
Thank you and a big congratulations on your daughters birth, I'm just anxious and wish I was past the 12 week mark 🍀💚🍀

@babyghirl If it helps I didn't have any breast tenderness until 7 or 8 weeks and even then it was intermittent. Definitely more sensitive in the evenings. I woke up a lot of mornings and they felt totally fine.

@AnxiousLady1
It's on and off but I'm feeling like shit today lol. Did anyone or you have green snot like cm I had it today lol. 💚🍀

@babyghirl I didn't personally, but I've read it can be common in first trimester. Definitely seen other posters on MN with similar query. Are you taking any pregnancy multivitamins currently?? As I know the Pregnacare ones can change colour of CM.

@AnxiousLady1
I'm taking the pregnacare ones at the min lol x

Yep I've definitely read a lot about Pregnacare doing that. I definitely had a random colour change that freaked me out in first trimester and after much googling wrote it off to the Pregnacare!

@Whiffle77 thanks for your message. Lots of movements overnight and today so feeling ok today, just tired. With our cat meowing his head off throughout the night, baby kicking me and my head racing with lots of throughts I don't think I slept past 4:30am. Then had to dial into a team meeting for the whole morning lol.

DH wants to create as calm and relaxing an environment over October as possible. He is pretty good and meditation and mindfulness where as I really struggle with it, even before losing Isla. I just get frustrated and impatient that I can't switch off straight away so I give up. Funnily enough during our team meeting today we had a session on mindfulness and did a short meditation exercise. The speaker said it wasn't about switching off but acknowledging your mind has wandered and just bringing it back. If that needs to happen 100 times just accept it and over time it will get better.

I think the other thing I find now with mediation is that it can be triggering for me because I did all the hypnobirthing classes and techniques last year. As we lost Isla during labour, I find it hard to do things I did when I was in labour or in preparation for labour including some of those breathing techniques. For example, I still cannot have a bath because the last time I did, I was in labour with her.

I need to try to find some techniques that are not really similar to the hypnobirthing techniques but are still effective in terms of relaxation and calming. If anyone has any recommendations for something short and easy please let me know! Sorry that turned out so long but it does help me to just get it all out here, amongst others who understand how this all feels x

Re. Pregnacare. I know they can make morning sickness worse so it can be better to take them in the evening.

@Shefliesonherownwings meditation and all that is just absolutely not for me. So you aren't alone. I have heard about visualising a square being drawn slowly with each breath. Inhale: line up, exhale: line across, inhale: line down, exhale: line across.
But for me if I'm in pain I just totally focus on breathing in and out.

RAINBOW ARRIVALS 🌈
@Rachael321 Baby boy has arrived
@SammiLou2312 Baby girl has arrived
@Hoping2020 Baby girl has arrived
@Littlegoth Baby boy has arrived
@Knotemma Baby boy has arrived (17/09/20)
@avocuddles Baby girl has arrived
@Treaclepie19 Baby girl has arrived

RAINBOWS IN WAITING 🌈
@LilMrsS 31wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 39wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 39wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@SunStruck 39wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 31wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@tmc14 37wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 36wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 35wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@AnxiousLady1 33wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 33wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 28wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 29wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 29wks (due 05/12/20) BOY
@footprintsintheslow 24wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby 22wks (due 24/01/21)BOY

That makes sense @Shefliesonherownwings it certainly isn't for everyone, and no help at all if it is actually a bit of a trigger for you!
Is there anything you like doing which clears your mind in a similar way - for me it is reading? I know others have talked about knitting and crochet etc. It's something basic to focus your mind on which should help to stop you focusing on your worries.
Nothing will block it out completely but its just making it a little bit more manageable...you're nearly another day down already! It won't be long now at all x

Oh I've had a total meltdown today. I can't believe how stressful my life has decided to become all of a sudden. Do you mind if I explain everything that's been going on?

1. Since I flagged the pregnancy discrimination at work my entire team hates me and one guy has started to undermine me and be really nasty in front of my apprentice. It's not just my team, I went into the office today to ask for the email address of their HR person and they were really weird about it - still no-one has passed on details of their HR. This is the main thing that has caused me a meltdown today - being told to piss off by this man at work who has been really cold and nasty to me since I flagged the discrimination and the only explanation (since it has nothing to do with him) is that there is gossip rife about me.
2. My boss who I had a 2 hour meeting with inside his office on Thursday developed coronavirus symptoms on Friday. He only called me today to let me know and I actually have developed a sore throat and feel hot and breathless just last night. I need to take my temperature now but can't find my thermometer. I'm so anxious about this.
3. It's my boyfriends granddads funeral tomorrow and we have to drive to Bristol - this is if I don't have a temperature in which case I guess he can't go say goodbye :'(
4. Monday I was meeting my Mum in Norwich to say goodbye to my grandmother who is dying - she has weeks to live. Again I can't do this if I have a temperature.
5. The following weekend we are getting civil partnered - again unless I have a temperature.
6. I just got home from work, I've been out since 5.30am and I'm so exhausted, plus cried all the way home because I feel incapable of dealing with this nasty man at work. We have 2 house viewings whilst we're away this weekend and the small amount of cleaning and tidying that needs doing seems insurmountable.
7. My mum was going to lend us some money to help us move house and she's being really odd about it suddenly today so I don't even know if we'll be able to move. Also
8. We have to move because my boyfriend starts his new job in a different part of the country next week. He is working from home to start but we really need to be moved in the new year.
9. No one is buying our flat, we had one of the windows fixed the other day but the guys who came actually just broke the window - there is a 1" gap between the seal and the window now and it doesn't close properly. They aren't answering the phone. Also the pub next door continues to play insanely loud music through our window for hours every weekend, something that never happened before coronavirus.
10. My car is breaking and mechanics can't work out why.
11. Just... hormones, and trying to get my head around bringing a new baby into the world, and all the crazy amount that I need to prepare for it. And breastfeeding in particular and my phobia about it is really freaking me out at the moment after we covered it in antenatal class.
12. Oh yeah - coronavirus. I haven't seen a real friend in weeks, we don't really have many friends here as we only moved here months before the lockdown. I feel isolated, and my work situation and knowing everyone there hates me isn't helping.

I'm in such a mess right now :( I actually feel like you guys on here are the best friends I have at the moment, just so isolated from everyone in real life because of this ongoing pandemic and only ever seeing people on zoom or whatsapp.

Holy crap @MOGMOGMOG85 you are having a shit few days.
I think you are in the right place here and I definitely feel we are friends.

To help solve a few of your problems you need to find that blessed thermometer, now where the hell is it? If it can't be found you'll have to send your partner out quick smart to buy one from tesco or wherever.

Once you know if you have a temperature you can start to deal with some of the list one way or another.

Has your sickness period restarted yet lovely as I think I'd be inclined to fuck that job off and go sick. Or (and speak to a union about this) but maybe look into leaving and go for constructive dismissal as they are pushing you out. You could get a payout for that so that may help and let's be honest, you absolutely deserve it as they are utter cocks.

Now whilst your partner is out getting a thermometer think about what else he can pick up for you, some chocolate maybe or non alcoholic beer or a magazine or anything that will make you feel a bit better.

@shefliesonherownwings that sounds so difficult. I'd consider looking into grounding techniques that focus on external things, rather than internal experience. So for example, things which are sensory in terms of touch, smell, sound, taste - things which bring nice sensations for you. It's a technique used for those who have been through trauma and need to be brought back to the here and now rather than getting lost in the memories. I can't remember if you see a therapist, but if you do and ask them about grounding techniques they should be able to help. Or Google that phrase and hopefully some good suggestions should come.

@MOGMOGMOG85 sorry you've had such a rough time again, you need a break! Make sure you are looking after your wellbeing amongst all that, like @footprintsintheslow has suggested

@TreaclePie19 congratulations! Wonderful news on your new arrival, so happy for you.

@babyghirl how did things go today? Totally understand that constant worry and just thinking it's all going to go wrong. Remember today you are pregnant, and try to be kind to yourself

❤️

@hagster
Went well consultant said every test came back norm but was going to keep us on the system for now. Its awful the feeling trying to get pregnant then when u do anxiety takes over but I have learned my self what will be will be I'm just praying it Al goes great and it my rainbow baby. 💚💚

Thanks @footprintsintheslow

We bought a thermometer and we are both fine so that is a relief. I expect that even if my boss tests positive my chances are low so I'm trying to stay positive. I should find out what his test results are soon.

I don't know if a court would offer me much money since I'm just about to go on (statutory) maternity leave and also it may become obvious under scrutiny that we were planning to move away anyway.

And I don't think I can go through the stress. I was thinking of asking to be put on office duties, preferably from home, for the last weeks of my employment. The bursar at the school in his scramble to say the right thing when I used the D word (discrimination) said that they could find office work for me. It's a shame because I do like the exercise in my usual job, but at the same time I am truly exhausted at the moment. My 2 1/2 hour daily commute doesn't help. I would hate to be put in an office at the school as there is a boarder at the school also self isolating with symptoms currently and I feel like at least I am outside in my current role. Perhaps I could get them to agree to get me to do something from home... I also want to keep getting my paychekcs the next few months for if we need to move house and port our mortgage.

Thank you for your advice it is much appreciated. I feel so useless that I have become so stuck at work and failed to solve the issues. All I want now is to just not have to be in my team anymore, and be able to focus on the baby instead of a daily assault of crap. :(

Oh my goodness @MOGMOGMOG85. How are you not in full meltdown mode with all of that going on? 🙈 Glad temperature looks okay for now. Your job and the house sale on top of that sounds incredibly stressful. I think you need to try compartmentalise as much as you can. Deal with things one at a time. Otherwise you'll feel totally overwhelmed. Your job is definitely the biggest issue at the moment and I'm still gobsmacked by how you're being treated. Understand wanting to keep your head down until you go on maternity leave though. Perhaps the moving to office work like you've suggested will be easiest for next few weeks? Particulaly as you said, the physical element of your job must be super difficult at this stage of the pregnancy.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time, I agree wirh below poster about taking one thing at a time! Otherwise it will all seem overwhelming. How are you feeling today flu wise, a bit better?

@Treaclepie19 oh congratulations new mama! 🥰 yes second the other ladies, please let us know your birth story when you have rested up!

How is everyone? How are my fellow 39 weekers feeling, @didslysquiddlydoo and @TunnocksTCake? I've had some cramps very low down overnight and I'm not sure if it's because the baby is dropping or what it can be? I am so crap at "looking at the bump" to try determine if it's dropped, I don't think so? I mean I see myself everyday so a small change would go by unnoticed 😅 when I went for my scan and check up on Tuesday, Dr said cervix is beginning to open a little bit but still only barely 1cm so I don't think these cramps mean that much?

I've been feeling very stressed because I'm working until end of the month (and due date 28th), I'm in a sales based job and I don't want to tell the clients I'm in the process with (deals) That I'm off on maternity soon, I was hoping I could close these deals before going on mat leave but since I'm having a bit of pain now I'm thinking maybe it's best to actually tell them so I can do a handover to the colleagues in my team... it's annoying when you've built your client base for so long but feel like going on mat leave will ruin things! It's a male dominated industry of course. I really shouldn't complain as it's really not as bad as what poor @MOGMOGMOG85 is going through atm, but I've always had super high standards about client service and my job so I'm putting the pressure in myself really!!