Things you wish you'd been told?

[JeniRog]

Just that really...!

I'm 30 weeks (almost 31) pregnant with my first baby, a little boy due on 24th October.

I thought I'd ask the question of "What do you wish you'd been told before having your first baby?"

This can be pregnancy related, childbirth related, after-birth related or newborn related! I'm only asking as I feel I've had to google SO much and find the information myself- e.g. I didn't know until recently that I'm likely to bleed for weeks after birth! People only tell you the lovely things, don't they?!

Please feel free to comment and enlighten me (and each other!) xx

That if you don't clean the vernix off the baby it is absorbed into their skin (it isn't pretty while it's visible though) and research suggests this is highly protective against a lot of skin problems both long term like ecxema but also short term like dry skin and cradle cap that babies often get.

Yes to the crying for days after, the bleeding for so long, the no such thing as sleep. I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to sit down for days or walk after an epiesotomy, my whole bum and under bits and back of my thigh were black, like I'd been kicked by a horse!
I sat on the toilet, leaning forward trying to have a pooh (holding my bits with tissue so my insides didn't fall out and my stitches wouldn't tear) and my feet were getting wet, yes my milk had come in and was pouring out of me! Boobs felt as though they were about to burst and on fire. I couldn't touch them.
You may not eat a whole hot meal for months.
Babies don't like you to bath or shower so they scream at you until you stop.
I struggled getting wind out of mine and had to be shown different techniques I'd never seen before.
That you need to point Willys DOWN in their nappies. Poonamies are real!

Oh and that overwhelming love thing... I didn't get either. I was worried that I wouldn't bond because of it or he didn't like me. I thought that feeling was normal and you were supposed to have that rush of warmth. Now I know people don't necessarily get it straight away.

Midwives sometimes tell you the latch is good when it isn't. You keep a breastfeeding diary documenting 45 min feeds every 2 hours, Round the clock.

Then you end up back in hospital on day 4 with an underweight baby labelled as 'failure to thrive' and another midwife says, oh, looks like you haven't been feeding baby very often. In exhaustion you decide to bottle feed then spend the next 6 months wondering if it was the right thing to do.

Years later you realise that having PCOS and underdeveloped breast tissue was quite likely to have caused BF issues, it was on the notes but nobody took any notice of it.

Ohhh I'm so glad I read this thread. My baby's 3 months old today and my joints have ached so much since I had her. I didn't know this was a thing - I thought it was just me being old and stiff and spending too much time on the sofa.

I wish I'd known how many women find breastfeeding so difficult. In the end it didn't happen for me and I really beat myself up and got so down about it. Maybe things would have been different if we weren't in lockdown.

I also wish I'd known that completely losing bladder control the day after giving birth was normal and didn't mean I was going to be incontinent forever.

Oh my Christ - The Laundry

That even if you have a real issue with the idea of internal exams and have a meeting with a consultant before birth and the hospital promises you won’t have unnecessary internal exams, that when you actually turn up to give birth there will be nothing on your notes and they will not admit you until they have stuck a hand up your fanjo.

That’s really poor care :( I certainly didn’t need an internal to be admitted, it wasn’t even suggested. I have heard of women having important discussions and nothing being put down in their notes or carried through to the next set of people caring for them so I’m guessing that’s sadly quite common.

Amazing thread, really helpful😊 Thank you OP!

That you will feel like you again even if it takes a little while

This genuinely made me laugh out loud at this ridiculous hour because...

I am JUST starting to feel "back to normal" and dd is...

...almost 20 YEARS old

Sorry op!

Mine is that not everyone can express.

I found bf relatively easy going once established but no matter how much I tried I could never express even enough for one feed!!

NOBODY told me you could be capable of bf but not expressing for YEARS!

I didn't know until it happened to me that having a section meant it took longer for milk to come in, took a good 10 days.

That your temperature DROPS immediately after birth, I was shaking so hard I got jaw ache!! Really I should have understood the logic of 2 lots of body heat in one body suddenly dropping to one while that one was naked would of course have an effect!

My mother found that one hilarious as it meant I'd COMPLETELY forgotten her anecdotes of having dbro and I each at height of summer - bro during an infamous heat wave! And she was gagging for a cup of tea to heat her up straight after

Oh my Christ - The Laundry

Haha yes! We were in a flat with no outdoor drying space and no dryer initially (idiots!) and there are a lot of early baby pics of dd SURROUNDED by drying laundry!

Great thread..enjoying the tips and stories.. and dreading that head up my fanjo

That your feet may not return to exactly the same size they were pre baby.

That the vests and onesies with overlapping shoulders (like an envelope) are designed to be pulled down the body, rather than over the head. Essential during a poonami.

That breast fed babies can go two weeks between poops. But when they do go - see poonami.

There will be a phase for a couple of weeks, where baby will be unsettled in the early evening. I called it the witching hours. Usually started around 4pm for us.

Oh I’m glad it wasnt just me! I spent so much time on the ‘perfect’ pregnancy. Did everything I should do. Bought everything I should have. When my baby arrived I realised I had been so absorbed with pregnancy I had no idea about what to do with the baby!

I didn’t get the rush of love, took a long time. It was about a year till I felt ok again. And it’s a new ‘ok’.

And sunlight is amazing for poop stains or food stains. Leave the garment damp and let it dry in a window. If it hasn’t faded completely, simply dampen it again and repeat. Tumble drying will set stains in.

That having a baby of your own is the most incredible experience of your life, and your newborn will be GLORIOUS. The joy is deep. Everyone will tell you negative things as pregnancy progresses and you will wonder why you're doing it. Take note that people are excited you're having a baby and the reason they're excited for you is because babies are lovely!!!

During birth the midwives were telling me to push in my bum like I was doing a poo, not my stomach.

That people who tell you rest before baby is born need murdering! STOP SAYING IT!! AAAAAAARGH

T

Carpal tunnel syndrome - never heard of it before pregnancy.
Check for tongue tie.
The amount of time you spend just feeding. Feet go up in size and don't necessarily go back!
Enjoy the freedom of doing what you want when you want now, even just a shower or a quick walk!
Huge mismatch of opinions on best way to raise child - inc between the healthcare professionals that treat you. Trust your judgement.
The most amazing love.

To any first time mums reading this, please don't be disheartened and know that when it's all over you would go through it all again 100 times for your precious, amazing child.

Completely agree with what missdunkindohnut said about consent. This reminds me of labour with my third. I was right at the end and they asked if a big group of students could come in to watch. I was in no state to say anything and didn't even realise what they were asking. Luckily, my husband was on the ball and said no as he knew I would hate that.

So I would say, prep your birth partner on things you do and don't want to happen so they can speak for you.

That you may gain a shoe size

That your baby will prefer sleeping on you rather than in its own bed.

They also don't tell you about postpartum hemorrhoids 😒

I wish I’d been told that giving birth to 2 big babies would give me a prolapse. I’ve had to have a TVT sling to stop me pee’ing myself and surgery on my rectum. 11 years later it’s still not fixed and I have to go back. I wish I’d been offered a caesarean as it must have been obvious the babies were big and could cause me problems down there (I’m v slim & slight).

One thing for me regarding relatives and friends was when they came to visit baby and they are bringing gifts of baby clothes and blankets, extra things I really didn't need as they never got round to wearing/using them, could have really done with more useful things like extra nappies and wipes, a hot meal or two etc, maybe even an offer to watch baby for an hour while I rested lol sounds a little selfish maybe but newborns are hard work, says the mad woman typing this while currently 21 weeks with #4 😂

I agree with the poster saying that all medical interventions are optional and you ultimately have control of what happens to your body. It's so important to know that we are not just baby carriers with no opinion!! A lot of the time pregnant women are told they are having things done in a way that makes it seem like you have no choice.

I opted against induction because I wasn't comfortable with the type of labour it often gives you. I had researched induction, my pregnancy had been low risk and I was monitoring fetal movements obsessively. I listened to my midwife and we agreed that I was in a good position to wait. Eventually went into a completely uncomplicated labour at 40+13. Not advising that someone rejects induction if it's needed but in my case it was just a tick box exercise as I had gone too far past my due date.

For the first poo after birth, if you've had stitches, get a maternity pad and push it really firmly on to wherever your stitches are. It makes everything feel more secure, lessens the terror.

Google the Fourth Trimester. It will help you understand your baby in the first few months, and better deal with things.