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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Things you wish you'd been told?

158 replies

JeniRog · 20/08/2020 18:11

Just that really...!

I'm 30 weeks (almost 31) pregnant with my first baby, a little boy due on 24th October.

I thought I'd ask the question of "What do you wish you'd been told before having your first baby?"

This can be pregnancy related, childbirth related, after-birth related or newborn related! I'm only asking as I feel I've had to google SO much and find the information myself- e.g. I didn't know until recently that I'm likely to bleed for weeks after birth! People only tell you the lovely things, don't they?!

Please feel free to comment and enlighten me (and each other!) xx

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
BikeTyson · 20/08/2020 19:58

It’s ok if you don’t feel a rush of love immediately. All you hear is about people who were totally in love with their babies as soon as they were born and I just...wasn’t. I’d only just met her. I felt protective and knew I needed to take care of her, but I felt like her real parents would be coming along at any minute to pick her up. It took a little while for that love to build and I wish I’d been told that I wasn’t abnormal or heartless.

TJ17 · 20/08/2020 20:00

Get a jug (or spray bottle/Spritz for bitz)
And keep next to every toilet in your house.
Pour cold water or spray onto bits whilst peeing! It stings like hell otherwise but the cold water is a huge relief

GlennRheeismyfavourite · 20/08/2020 20:03

It's normal to get night sweats after the birth - I woken up so drenched some nights I had to change my t shirt. Apparently it's something to do with getting rid of all the excess water!

Maincat · 20/08/2020 20:04

I didn't realise just how weaky pelvic floor would be for the first weeks after birth. I left it too late to get up for a wee and didn't make it to the bathroom....and there was nothing I could do! I could barely feel myself squeezing! The newborn days are so hard going, you're tired and recovering physically so prepare well - easy food, don't worry about cleaning etc and lower your expectations. Be kind to yourself, whatever kind of birth you have your body needs to repair and heal.

GlennRheeismyfavourite · 20/08/2020 20:05

I wish I'd taken fibogel from the day I had her to make the first poo arrive more swiftly!

LittleAtlas · 20/08/2020 20:08

If i could have known beforehand that I'd need a catheter for most of my week in hospital I would have packed more nighties, rather than pyjamas bottoms or jogging bottoms as I couldnt wear them.

I didn't know I'd lose so much hair and even now months later my joints ache so much when I stand up after sitting or lying down.

I didn't know I'd come home with boxes of anti biotics, iron tablets and blood thinning injections to take for weeks after the birth.

I also didn't know that the labour would last so long. For me pains started one day and he was born 3 days later.

I thought I'd gone into this very prepared but looking back I think most things were unexpected. Good luck!

GlennRheeismyfavourite · 20/08/2020 20:08

My baby sicked up bloody looking stuff about three days after so he was born - I found it quite scary but it was just stuff she swallowed during the birth!

Footlooseandfancy · 20/08/2020 20:09

Don't look at your fanny for weeks afterwards. Seriously.

Laxatives/prunes/tonnes of water for that first poo.

Baby's first poos are disgusting and take forever to to clean up. Get your other half to do it if possible.

Post natal wards are (largely) awful but that tea & toast they bring you post birth is the greatest meal ever.

You find yourself completely interested in other women's birth stories. The gorier the better. Pre baby you don't want to hear it, post baby you're like "so third degree tear, tell me more". You will probably never know what these women are called but you know their baby is called Steve and caused some serious damage.

Baby's change all the time, especially in that first year. You can get everything spot on one day and then the next they'll decide that it's a good idea to start teething and you'll get 2 hours sleep for the next week.

GlennRheeismyfavourite · 20/08/2020 20:10

Don't bank on the tea and toast - I was offered a dried up sandwich - take snacks for after the birth!!!

Bluebell9 · 20/08/2020 20:11

That maternity leave can be lonely.
Im really lucky that my parents are close by and I'd made friends with other mums at my Aquanatal classes but even though I got out the house most days, I'd still have times when I felt so alone.

dasherr · 20/08/2020 20:12

Oh yeah and if you are pushing for a long time your whole head might swell up. My lips were massive, like Id had a shed load of injectables. I wish I'd taken a picture.

You have to work at improving your pelvic floor and keep going or it'll get worse again. Imagine you're in a bath with a load of eels and you need to stop them getting in.

Babies change ever 5 minutes. Because they're doing it now, loving something, hating something, it'll all be different in 2 weeks.

GlennRheeismyfavourite · 20/08/2020 20:12

The first day after baby was born I couldn't hold in farts at all - it really surprised me!! I don't normally just fart randomly in front of people but could help it!!

Bluepolkadots42 · 20/08/2020 20:14

Little girls can have a weird little period- so don't freak out (as I did) if you see blood in the nappy- most likely normal (always mention it to HV though).

That breastfeeding is the hardest and most painful thing I've done- I used to say I'd rather go through labour every day than feed 10 times a day.

That breastfeeding shouldn't be painful once established- and if it is seek help asap- NCT breastfeeding counsellors, HVs, feeding team at hospital, baby cafes etc.

That midwives and docs and HVs are not trained to look for tongue ties- which can be a cause of crazy painful breastfeeding. If you suspect tongue tie is causing a feeding issue always push for a second and third opinion and ask to be referred to the tongue tie clinic or go private and have it checked.

That combi feeding can be a brilliant way to keep up breastfeeding and also take some pressure (and pain!) off you and your nips.

That colostrum harvesting before birth was the greatest prep I ever did for having a baby. Came well into its own when we had serious issues feeding in first few days and baby was dropping weight way above the 'normal' parameters.

That my best post natal purchase would be this weird squeezy bottle to use with warm water to spritz my bits after having a wee, so I didn't need to drag dry toilet paper against my poor stitches. Get them on amazon for like a tenner!

Buy moist toilet tissue/wipes for that first post natal poo- a godsend if you have stitches.

Hypnobirthing techniques were one of the best ante natal things I worked on.

Carb load in early labout- wholewheat pasta etc. if you're in for a long labour you will be gratefull!

It's ok to tell midwives to back off a bit if their endless checks are putting you off your labouring game.

It isn't a birth plan- it is birth preferences.

You can still have a positive birth even if things don't go as you hoped/imagined.

Wishing you all the best of luck with it! You'll be amazing!

GlennRheeismyfavourite · 20/08/2020 20:15

You can have perfect breastfeeding technique but your nipples can still get sore - it's like breaking in a pair of shoes that will go on to be super comfy - it's still sore until you get used to them!!

Tiltheend · 20/08/2020 20:17

Breastfeeding is really hard!! Babies mouth may be too small for the whole thing. Took about 8 weeks to not want to cry every time the baby latched.
Had no control over back passage for about a month. When I had to go, I had to go! Couldn’t control wind either. Thought it would never be the same again.

Mmsnet101 · 20/08/2020 20:18

The happy mum happy baby podcast really helped prepare me.

Nappies have a line that goes from yellow to blue to tell you they've done a wee in the first few sizes... It took us about a week to notice. Also don't change their nappies straight away when they wake up or you will be peed on (everyone told me it was only boys who did this, it's not).

Lansinoh nipple cream is amazing stuff.

If you have any continence issues after birth start asking for physio straight away. Don't be ashamed or think it's normal to live with it. It's normal to have it, not good to not get it sorted.

They tell you it takes 12 weeks to heal downstairs, it's more like 6months. Great if you heal quicker, if you don't then don't panic.

Bobismyfriend · 20/08/2020 20:21

That baby's first poo is black and really sticky! I remember being freaked out when it just kept coming and coming. No one had ever told me about that!

GlennRheeismyfavourite · 20/08/2020 20:23

A good thing: even with a newborn and all the wake ups I still slept better and more comfortably than at the end of pregnancy - in fact it was glorious being able to roll over easily!

MrsCl19 · 20/08/2020 20:24

After birth your uterus contracts and it literally feels like contractions - completely took me by surprise 🤣

BalancingStick · 20/08/2020 20:25

That ALOT of discharge in pregnancy is normal.

DaphneFanshaw · 20/08/2020 20:26

I’m glad I managed to make people smile.
Grin
I totally agree with the pps who were worried about the first poo.

AnnoyedStepGrownUp · 20/08/2020 20:30

Seriously, that:

  1. You push through our butt, like you are doing a poo. No one told me this till the day.

  2. To read books that tell you what to do after baby arrives. You concentrate on the weeks during pregnancy, then baby arrives and then it is like WTF when baby arrives. Read "What to expect when you are expecting" but please make sure you read up on "what to do in baby's first year" a few weeks ahead of baby's development otherwise you will be lost.

StephyRose · 20/08/2020 20:31

No advice OP but I am also nearly 31 weeks and due on 24th October.

Good luck :) xx

andtellyouofmydreaming · 20/08/2020 20:31
  1. Not to overdo it after the birth... I did lots of walking as soon as I could after DC1, as everyone said how important it was to be active and I wanted to get back in shape. I wish I hadn't, I'm sure it contributed to a mild prolapse. After DC2 I rested much more and recovery, including getting back to being active, was much quicker.
  1. After DC1 I remember thinking 'why does nobody tell you that you can't put the baby down??' I thought you just put them in cot for naps and they slept. Or were awake and happy while you showered/went to toilet/made tea etc... Bought a sling after two weeks.

Good luck!

andtellyouofmydreaming · 20/08/2020 20:38

Also the breastfeeding thirst. As in needing to drink SO MUCH water....

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