Things you wish you'd been told?

[JeniRog]

Just that really...!

I'm 30 weeks (almost 31) pregnant with my first baby, a little boy due on 24th October.

I thought I'd ask the question of "What do you wish you'd been told before having your first baby?"

This can be pregnancy related, childbirth related, after-birth related or newborn related! I'm only asking as I feel I've had to google SO much and find the information myself- e.g. I didn't know until recently that I'm likely to bleed for weeks after birth! People only tell you the lovely things, don't they?!

Please feel free to comment and enlighten me (and each other!) xx

If you cry you get better painkillers

This has just really made me laugh

So true though!

Oh and nothing lasts forever, just continually changing phases, some longer than others. So what seems hard will become easier (and sometimes vice versa!) Found it important to look back sometimes and appreciate how far we'd come and all the things that had got so much better and easier over time.

Breasts are made for feeding your baby and you need to follow all natural instincts.
When baby cries you feed it, there is no set time for a baby to feed and they should have milk little and often.
Never really thought about it before.

@DaphneFanshaw

They put their whole head up your fanjo to measure how dilated you are!!!!!

Sorry but this made me laugh out loud for ages - I’m a midwife and can assure you I have never put my whole head up anyone’s vagina 🤣🤣

That if you put baby to your nipple continually for 24 hours you will create damage that takes weeks to heal! Baby is allowed to sleep a bit too.

Still managed to breastfeed but bloody hell it hurt to start with

Eat fibre or take laxatives if you have to take morphine or codeine for the delivery for easier pooing

Not every baby is like they say they will be in books/internet etc. And that's ok. Not every baby magically sleeps through at 6 weeks. Not every routine the books talk about will work for every baby - sometimes you have to try a whole bunch of crap before you find what works for you and your LO. Not every grandparent/parent knows better than you just because they've had kids themselves - advice can help but ultimately you do what works for you and your family.

I didn't really know about after pains, I thought I was dying when I woke up in so much pain 4 nights after giving birth. My labour hadn't been painful at all so the afterpains were a massive shock.

That going through labour takes a massive toll on the mind and body and you DO NOT need to rush yourself in to feeling good afterwards. People can wait to meet baby / see you. You are recovering, not entertainment.

I wish I could go back and not have had my in laws visit so soon. I was not happy with it, it was pressured on to me and I regret that I didn't just say no - not yet.
And what was a relatively small thing has had a big impact even later down the line.

Your hair falls out after birth. It will eventually stop.

Dark green cabbage leaves popped in the fridge and then into your bra relieve the pain of your milk coming in around day 3 (if you arent BF). It hurts like a MF at first but after 15 or so seconds it helps (someone did actually tell me this before but I think its good to spread knowledge).

Forget the maternity pads. Hardcore tena lady pads are much better.

Breast feeding is extremely difficult,

you will cry for no reason a few days after birth

It’s hard work but it will get easier, you baby won’t wake up every night from now until eternity

It really doesn’t matter if you eat loads of takeaways and micro meals for the first month, just do anything it get yourself happy and healthy.

Oh, most labours start without the waters breaking first, mine didn’t break until I was pushing.

That when your waters break , even fully , there’s still water leaking out of you. And a ton of it in my case. It took 49 hours to give birth after my waters broke and I was soaking through pads, underwear, my pjs 😩

Oh and how scary it is to go for your first poo after child birth .

Definitely the bleeding came as a massive shock to me, I pressed the buzzer to ask the midwife if it was normal because I thought I was bleeding to death haha! The bleeding was the thing I hated the most the first few days, I could cope with the soreness but I've always been a tampon girl so that feeling of standing up and feeling like I had niagra falls coming out of me was not for me! Was panicking that it would be like that for 6 weeks but I'm pleased to say it was only like that the first day and then a heavy period for a couple of days and then dwindled off quite quickly, although it went on quite a while it wasn't enough to bother me any more.

Another thing I've realised - I've always enjoyed seeing the "daddy carrying the car seat out of hospital" picture, but now know that it is taken by mummy hobbling after him! Every time I see one now I'll be taken back to shuffling along the corridor in a post birth daze!

Good luck with your baby

That your baby has a personality transplant every couple of weeks! How your baby sleeps in the first 1-3 months does not tell you how they sleep in the sixth month. What consoles and comforts your baby one day will simply stop working the next. If I could offer a single piece of advice it would be to not read any baby sleep books/blogs, especially in the first three months (preferably ever because they're a bunch of money grubbing bastards who make a buck from convincing you your child is defective and you're a shit parent). If your baby is a clingon and needs constant cuddles, just embrace it. You won't create a rod for your back, just give them the cuddles they need (and get some headphones and a tablet to watch lots of movies)

My second bit of advice would be to express and introduce bottles early if you're going to breast feed. It might seem all lovely and earth mother to exclusively feed straight from the boob, but when you haven't slept for more than an hour at a time for weeks on end during a sleep regression, you're going to want someone else to take turns feeding that baby!

I had a moment in labour when I was fully dilated and the midwife went “ok so we are at the point where we can leave it for an hour and let things start to move down themselves or we can start pushing”. I went to nct and the hospital antenatal classes and nobody mentioned that bit! I pushed because I didn’t want to it to last longer than absolutely necessary.

Re. pregnancy, that the glucose test can make you feel rotten, so have a plan B in case you can't go back to whatever you would normally do afterwards as with a scan or other pregnancy apppointments.

After birth, make sure to get a bit of time for self care and find a hypopressive exercise class to help your muscles get back in place and prevent possible issues.

That you will feel like you again even if it takes a little while and that everything is a phase, both good and bad!

That your feet can massively swell up post labour. My feet were massive for a few days, I am talking cannot put shoes on massive. Rang my GP in a panic but totally normal apparently!

I regret feeling so stressed when I went overdue. I really wished that time away and felt loads of pressure to go into labour and tried all the old wives tales etc and I’m sure it was completely counterproductive! Now I know my baby was just waiting til he was ready and I should have just relaxed and enjoyed my last days before parenthood. No one is pregnant forever, even though it can feel like that at the end!

@DaphneFanshaw

They put their whole head up your fanjo to measure how dilated you are!!!!!

Omg best typo ever on here I was crying 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@DaphneFanshaw still crying 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I wish id known what the meant when they said "on day 4 your milk will come in".
I thought they meant the golden colostrum would turn white, not that I'd go to bed a 34aa and wake up like an enhanced page 3 model who'd had 3 operations too many... [Grin] My word, I thought I was going to explode! Then I tried to feed my DD and Baby nearly drowned! Milk everywhere, the other side joined in as well and soaked my top and trousers. didn't feel quite so glamorous then It went on for about a week until things calmed down...

-Lost my voice for two days after labour. (Mixture of gas and air and a lot of roaring 😱)
-Night sweats are craaazy. I woke up dripping wet for a good week after birth sweating out all the water retention I had in pregnancy!!
-And your bits can be so swollen it feels like you've been kicked by a horse down there. Took a while for them not to feel absolutely huge 😂

Sorry totally distracted by @DaphneFanshaw typo.

But my advice was going to be, no matter how hard it is and how hormonal you can feel in the first few days (or weeks) after birth, it does, and always will get better and easier!
As somebody else said on here, everything is just a phase and they will always pass and another will come but try not to stress too much