Things you wish you'd been told?

[JeniRog]

Just that really...!

I'm 30 weeks (almost 31) pregnant with my first baby, a little boy due on 24th October.

I thought I'd ask the question of "What do you wish you'd been told before having your first baby?"

This can be pregnancy related, childbirth related, after-birth related or newborn related! I'm only asking as I feel I've had to google SO much and find the information myself- e.g. I didn't know until recently that I'm likely to bleed for weeks after birth! People only tell you the lovely things, don't they?!

Please feel free to comment and enlighten me (and each other!) xx

Yup - it's normal not to be able to put your baby down for naps for the first three months! So many people come on MN saying their baby wakes up every time they're put down - answer - don't put them down!!!

Breastfeeding is easy.
Expressing is difficult.
Sleep deprivation makes you evil.
Night sweats so bad you need a PJ change.
Breastfeeding does not ruin boobs.

Your boobs might end up smaller than pre-pregnancy- mine did - very unpleasant surprise!!

Do a hypnobirthing course, even if it's an online one. I thought I was prepared but I wasn't, I was just naive
Currently doing the course for my 2nd and I can see why things weren't as easy

That once things settle down after birth your hair will start falling out again - I thought something awful was happening!

Also that breast feeding when you have PCOS can be problematic or not work at all. When I had DD she screamed for the first ten days of her life because she was starving. It was deeply traumatic for us all. I spent so much time being prodded and trained to breast feed by various HCP, midwives, health visitors and whatnot and made to feel like an utter failure. No-one ever said ‘do you know what Waffles, you’ve given it a fair try but there’s a reason this isn’t working and it’s ok.’ It was the shittest time.

Oh yeah the sweats in the first week after birth! Also the thirst, get yourself a nice bottle with a non leaky top to have nearby at all times.

Breastfeeding is great but it’s categorically not worth sacrificing your mental health for.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing - combi feeding works for lots of people.

Postnatal wards are hotter than the surface of the sun.

Other people’s visitors on the ward are the most noisy, obnoxious, selfish people in the world (this is the only upside I can see to the corona visitation restrictions!)

Post partum hair loss doesn’t start until about 3 months usually. I was all smug because I thought I’d dodged it...no.

Breastfeeding is a commitment and you will worry you're not giving your baby enough sometimes, but it's normal to feed them for AGES and then for them to want more half an hour later.

@Hurryupbaby11

This probably sounds really obvious and silly but I was so focused on the pregnancy and birth with my first that I didn't think much about what really came after. I saw the birth as an end point when really it is just a very small part and the very beginning. I had everything I needed practically speaking for a baby but was unprepared mentally and emotionally and was terrified when I arrived home with a baby entirely dependent on me. I think I really struggled due to that. Second time round was very different

Second this! I spent hours on Mumsnet searching for birth stories, how to induce labour etc. In reality, I wish I'd spent that time researching how to look after an actual tiny human!

@DaphneFanshaw

They put their whole head up your fanjo to measure how dilated you are!!!!!

😂😂

But yes the hand up there is ridiculously horrible

😂😂 I now have a vision of a head up there. Thank you very much

If you’re using formula - get a Perfect Prep - it will save your life and make feeding so easy.

The cramps you get when breastfeeding in the early days, it stimulates your uterus to shrink back. Fucking hell ow

Embrace ignoring people - like the person who commented on me still having a bump (6 days after a c section).

Don't be worried about asking for help/advice if you need it. I had two very good friends who I asked random questions to all the time who both had children slightly older then mine. Being good friends I knew that they wouldn't judge me, be too random with the information that they gave me, and would be fantastically supportive.

If someone pops round to say hello, point them in the direction of the kettle and tell them that you would love a cup of tea too, thanks. Once they have done this they can then have a cuddle with the baby. Do not pander to people when you have just had a baby. You are recovering from a massive experience, you need time.

Zero bladder control for quite a while after episiotomy and forceps delivery. No pelvic floor control for a while too. Literally couldn’t tense it at all.

How amazing your newborn smells. Honestly, it is intoxicating.

Agree with the swelling and piles. Take stool softeners to ease things along after birth.

Newborns are very boring and breast feeding isn’t easy or at all natural for some.

It takes a good hour to leave the house with a newborn.

That all medical procedures/appointments/interventions are options offered to you that are entirely your choice. Getting induced, having a sweep, having a vaginal exam to check how dilated you are to name a few. All require your consent and you are the one who does the allowing. Obviously a lot of the time you’ll agree with the reasons they’ve been offered and accept, but I still feel it’s really important for women to know they still have the same rights over their body.

That everyone is different and you will have your own experience, and that in the future you will always want to tell people your birth story.

Also - that your waters don't always leak or break before you are in labour, 9cm dilated and 1 push before she arrived my waters went

It's a glorious time, but my goodness I was bored to tears during the first eight weeks.
I had convinced myself that I needed to get to baby groups ASAP. I couldn't find much in my area bar the breastfeeding clinic, which was brilliant, but I thought my DD was crying because she was bored. She wasn't, she needed to nap.
That's the second thing I wish I knew, how much they need to nap. I'd get properly stressed out when she would cry only an hour after waking up from a night's sleep, not knowing she just wanted to go back down to sleep again!

I was in such a rush to be out walking with my pram, silly really, but this next time, I'm not going to be in any rush at all!

Everything is a phase and it'll pass, it gets easier and more fun as time goes on.

Good luck, it's the best, honestly.

@DaphneFanshaw best typo ever 😂😂😂

Going to look at some baby pics now :) have never been so sore and yet also so happy, would do it all again no question, good luck op!

Honestly, the examination was the worse bit for me. I’m not sure how I thought they knew how many centimetres you are but I certainly wasn’t expecting that.

That if you have a girl baby they may have a tiny bit of blood in their nappy when they're a couple of days old due to being exposed to and then withdrawing from your hormones so it's almost like a little period 😳

Breastfeeding is so so hard but so so worth it. Cluster feeding is a killer. Don't listen when people say you must not be making enough milk if your baby wants to feed all the time. And that breastmilk is good for everything-nappy rash, sticky eyes, put some in their bath to help their skin etc. Basically boob solves everything 😂

You really don't look as bad as you think so don't shy away from photos in the early days.

You can get numbing cream for piles. Wish I knew this with my first, but thanked god for it in the last few weeks of pregnancy with my second!!

That your bump does not flatten out immediately after birth. I remember walking down the hospital corridor the following day and I had to hold my jelly belly, it was swinging all over the place!

That even if you have a real issue with the idea of internal exams and have a meeting with a consultant before birth and the hospital promises you won’t have unnecessary internal exams, that when you actually turn up to give birth there will be nothing on your notes and they will not admit you until they have stuck a hand up your fanjo.

That even though it may be an intensely scary experience for you, the midwives will have seen so many people and will be dulled to what you are trying to tell them so whoever is with you needs to be ready to advocate and push and hassle for you because otherwise you will be left hanging regardless of your requests.

Until they think the baby is in danger and then shiz will get real and they will do everything needed.

And that the idea of giving informed consent when you’re in labour is somewhat bonkers. Forceps, ventouse, c section, you’re telling me all these things have risks but I can’t understand that right now and also you need to just get the baby out of me so not like I really have an option, just do whatever you need to? I get why you need to sign forms. But it is somewhat ludicrous.

That even that horrific experience will still make you sign up for another. 32w and counting :)

Also the post natal bleeding wasnt that bad for me (maybe I just have v heavy periods). Jug of water by loo always. Or have a toilet bidet spray thing installed- amazing, and not expensive.

The sweating was a surprise. And how much I stink when I stopped wearing deodorant so that it didn’t get into the milk (breastfeeding, armpits seemed pretty close to everything and figured the scent/ chemicals would be tasted by baby/ on my skin). I don’t know if that was an overblown fear but I was happy to go back to using roll ons after a few months.