Summer '20 Grads ❤️

[SmileyT]

Just a start of a list for our little crew

@cocoblue22 💚 16th August ❤️ 2nd September
@noble89 💚23rd August EDD 25th March
@samilicious 💚 25th August EDD 16th April
@smileyT 💚28th August❤️ 7th September EDD 20th March
@amy00 💚29th August EDD 11th April
@littleRa ❤️ 1st September
@zippityzip EDD 29th March
@mrsmummy1111 ❤️ 21st September
Ltay2 EDD 11th April

💚early scan ❤️dating scan

I'll add to this as we go through 🤰

@Dipsy77 congrats again, still very jealous of your surprise at the scan yesterday 😂 good idea to talk to midwife and you're consultant led already aren't you? As they'll book you in for more check ups I think x

@Sausage1990 how are you feeling today? x

@samilicious just want to say it definitely isn't stupid not DTD I've felt very similar about exercising until now, I know medically there is no issue but something was stopping me 🤷🏾‍♀️ like I said before its our bodies and our choices, whatever we do we have to be happy with... and it's why I love this group that we will all do things slightly differently but there is no judgement regardless x

@Dipsy77 any twins in the family? or was it totally unexpected? Almost at the 12 week scan now!

Also, I have my "12 week scan" next Friday and I'll only be almost 10 weeks by then 🧐
Do you think they will re book me in for another one?

@zippityzip If you are opting in for testing it needs to be done between 10 and 14 weeks so they will probably offer you a rescan if you are before that date 👌🏾 or give them a call now and just ask if you'd rather it be closer to 12weeks for reassurance xx

@SmileyT I'll definitely have testing. I'll just feign ignorance I think and hopefully get another scan as a bonus!!

Wowwwww congrats @Dipsy77 that's incredible!!!! How old is DC1? That's wonderful news, and great that both are healthy little beans. How amazing xxxxxx

No twins in the family, DD is 1 in September !x

@Dipsy77 congratulations!!! Do you know if non identical or identical at this point?

yes but shocking with so many little ones but they will have each other 😬 I'm so so happy for you 🥰

@samilicious @Noble89 im 9 weeks today 😬

DH and I had an explosive argument last night as I don't want to tell our families yet due to nervousness/saving them from any pain/they check up on me too much making me feel even more anxious (although it's out of love)

he thinks it's unfair his sis doesn't know when mine do (but they help reassure me) don't think he understands it's my body and whilst my SIL is lovely she has no experience of this/children and can be quite overwhelming with the questions and trying to make me feel comfortable that I find it very overbearing and become uncomfortable in the process! If anything I should tell my mum before her (and before my sisters) but mentally I can't at the moment - I said he could tell her if he really needed to tell her but apparently since I'm not jumping for joy over the idea he got in a huff 😖

Men suck- I've never seen this side to him and hope I never do - no one ever questions how the pregnancy is going to the man as they aren't experiencing the pregnancy physically just mentally and emotionally so I really don't see how it's the same- was I being unreasonable?

@zippityzip you look lovely and I look similar to you too my friend said yesterday I've popped out! I'm 11weeks and it's no2 I showed quite early with no1 too x

@SmileyT @blodyn91 it's great you want to continue exercising and since you already do a lot of exercise it should be fine. I won't be hitting the gym I've never really been a fan and shouldn't start if you're not used to it. I'll try and eat healthy ish and we like to go for walks but that's about it for me (plus with DS to look after time is a bit limited) I think I'll join one with a pool after giving birth and recovering to try and do some swimming and classes as I used to really enjoy swimming. @blodyn91 I think the not biking on roads is really sensible but no reason not to get on the exercise bike if it's something you enjoy. @SmileyT haha to the lockdown box love it! X

@FairyLights2 that's a shame about your friend and I can understand why you would be disappointed and upset. It's just a shame she can't be honest and open if she is finding it difficult but you are a great friend and I'm sure she doesn't want to lose you and it's such a shame for her if she is feeling like that. It can be really hard to be pleased for your closest friends when they have everything you long for so I think you are totally doing the right thing and I'm sure she will come around just try and be supportive of her plans. Don't let it ruin your excitement and happiness though and like you said look how many other people are so overjoyed for you x

@Noble89 what a beautiful little baba! Congratulations so glad all is going well for you!! Wowzers that sounds like a scary ordeal! X

@Mococo1 yay to another beautiful baba! So pleased for you too x

@Sausage1990 glad to hear you're okay and the bleeding stopped I'm sure like the others said it was normal and not to worry x

@Dipsy77 wow congratulations! That's fantastic news! I've been thinking someone on here is bound to have twins! Wow you are going to have your hands full but just think of all the fun and love! So exciting! Originally I read that wrong thinking you already had 3 under 2 then we're adding another two! X

@Mococo1 Sorry you're having a shit time. I feel that as the one going through it all - then you get the final say on what happens.

He's probably just excited but he's not going to understand the feelings that you get with the nerves and worry and anxiety.

It's not about fairness it's about your sanity. I would send him a message and very nicely put it into words he will understand - using "we" statements. This is the most stressful time of your life and you're not being unreasonable.

Omg @dipsy77 twins!!!!! That's amazing - terrifying but amazing! I'm a twin andshes my best friend in all the world. Honestly it's hard work but your kiddos will have such a special bond it'll be great! Do you know if they're identical or fraternal?

@Dipsy77 a bog surprise then! but so exciting. Did you have a strong line on a frer really early on? I remember someone did 🤔

@Mococo1 I had a little fall out yesterday as well, MIL pisses me off. Im trying my best with her. Basically OH has been a bit tired this week after being ill the week before because of work shifts and exhaustion. So she decides to text me and say 'I dont want to worry you, but this is what his dad was like before he was diagnosed with leukemia' his dad passed away when he was 13 and I know it must have been difficult for her, but at 6 weeks pregnant I don't want her telling me that she thinks my OH is basically on a death bed. So had to tell OH that I was worried about her, and how depressed/negative she is about things, only for him to turn it into 'you don't understand what its like' 😫 Im like I know, but its been 16 years, she has a new partner who is lovely, and all she does is mention cancer everytime we see her. Just don't know how to deal with her pesimistic way of thinking anymore, don't need that stress.
Any advice?? Ill end up cutting her off which I really don't want to do

@blodyn91 Jesus fucking Christ she needs therapy. I sympathise I really really do. My MIL is similar - absolutely everything is negative. She can't be positive about anything. And I swear to god she has the easiest life going. Works a little job PT, no mortgage, 3 holidays a year, little hobby. Only herself to worry about.

Like you - I tried really really hard with her, more for my own sanity as it's tiring carrying around that constant resentment. Just when I think we are getting somewhere she does something absolutely ridiculous again.

For years I battled against my DH - essentially trying to show him she was entirely neurotic without actually saying the words.

He wouldn't hear it, would not hear a bad word about her. I had to change tactics as if I was "concerned" about her. But in all reality he already knew. He had grown up around it. And I can see by how he manages her at arms length sometimes.

I've distanced myself massively. He facilitates the kids relationship with her. I worry every single minute she has the kids alone as her judgement is cloudy at best but until something goes wrong I can't say no.

Although now I'm pregnant again she is trying to be my best friend and I find it draining but I'm better at putting boundaries in. And this will be my LAST baby I'm not being pushed into anything I don't want this time (ie turning up at the hospital).

My advice - remind your DH that YOU and your kids are his primary family now. Doesn't matter whatever happens from this point, you are next of kin, mother of his child and wife. That trumps any other family member.
And do not, seriously do not, let her get into your head. Do not let her question your rationality.

This is YOUR baby and your family and make clear boundaries ASAP.

Unsolicited advice "thank you" make no commitment to use it.

Unfounded Comments about your DH possibly having cancer "DH is more than capable of managing his own health and I do not need the negativity at the moment, thank you".

Boundaries from NOW - or she will do what my MIL did and nearly break you.

Also - one that worked well for me was the phrase "I wouldn't accept that from my own mother...."

@zippityzip yes the spotting has stopped so I'm hoping that as it... And @SmileyT I'm feeling ok so far today. Admittedly I woke up at 9.30am and am still in bed now at nearly 11am 🙂 just having another recharge day I think.

I'm very lucky that DH has been really good these last few days as I've been hit by a wall of exhaustion and the nausea/food aversions have gone up a notch. He did all the food shopping, arranged all the kitchen cupboards, including getting a basket together with suitable snacks and called it "the queasy pregnant lady snack box", and then did a deep clean of the kitchen and did 2 laods of washing & tumbling 🥰 this may not last but it was lush yesterday so I'm guna take it as a win 😂

I've also got but the bullet and ordered some books. I chose my pregnancy journal and I got The Modern midwifes guide to pregnancy, birth and beyond. They're arriving tomorrow so I'll let you know if they're any good 💕

@zippityzip thanks so much for that! Definitely going to use those phrases! I don't like talking about her to family and friends who know her as I don't want to come across as bitchy, so nice to be able to talk on this. But BIL girlfriend has had issues, they had a huge fallout (screaming match in our garden) a few years back. Im going to find it hard that my mum is so far away 😭

@Sausage1990 big hubby points there!! Glad you are feeling loads better.

@Cocoblue22 I went swimming this morning, felt so good. Definitely the best sport for pregnancy I think, especially in third trimester!

@blodyn91 I'm so sorry your MIL is constantly negative! I can't believe she even thought it was appropriate to say that to you 😕 as if you need the extra worry - if she's really concerned there are better ways to say in a subtle more caring manner😩 yay to a nice swim!

@zippityzip so sad to hear your MIL nearly broke you! Relationships are sometimes best kept to a distance especially for your sanity

I feel like I need to drill that into my DH. Our family should be his priority but unfortunately I feel way far behind his parents and sister to the point where it's unreasonable! (Not their fault at all its all his fault)

Our ethnic culture means in laws are very heavily involved with everything so I'm kind of fighting a losing battle if I dare try come on top - I should count my lucky stars I was even able to move out of my in laws house!

@Sausage1990 can I borrow your DH? Sounds amazing and I'm happy he's taking good care of you 😬 best to have another recharge day

Told my manager I felt unwell- finished most of my tasks for today and logged off at 2pm - I'm currrently taking some well deserved rest as have the most pounding headache and my boobs look like massive engorged watermelons today - can't say I'm over the moon with my nipples doubling in size either lol x

Forgot to say window to the womb were fantastic xxx

@Mococo1 Can I ask what your background is??

Hats off to you for getting out of there - and dealing with it. I couldn't live with my own Mum now, let alone MIL.

I just comfort myself when she gives me her judgemental comments and tells me what I'm "doing wrong" - I internally remind myself of all the shitty things I've heard from DH about when he was a kid, neglect pretty much. His DB moved out when he was SEVEN YEARS OLD to become a FT carer for his dementia riddled nan, DH was left alone for weeks at a time when he was 13 so MIL could go on exotic holidays - I could go on....

@zippityzip of course I don't mind! I'm Indian and DH is Pakistani but we're both the same religion so culturally very similar (same language and values etc) - in our culture girls are expected to move in with their in laws as soon as they get married (as the sons are expected to take care of the parents) I shifted my whole life when we got married (area, job and moved in with his parents and I sure as hell made sure he knew what I was giving up for him)

DH is their only son so I'm really lucky-otherwise I barely know anyone else in my culture who has managed to move out without a massive fight or threatening to leave . if they do it's because another son is still living at home and there will always be talk like what happened and gossip/drama kicks off- MILs have a bad rep in our culture and are known for causing drama

my MIL is lovely but women aren't designed to live together as we are territorial over space. (we had zero privacy as well)

She nicely pushed for DH to consider moving out after I commented to him once about how I wouldn't consider kids until we have space (he has a tiny bedroom we both were living in) also she always felt she wanted to move out and couldn't back in her day. Otherwise DH was comfortable living there forever tbh without any thought to me and my comfort. He used to treat his sister like a maid and now I make him do chores 🤣 he loves me but clearly loves them more

Even now we had to live close by and go over atleast twice a week. DH gets annoyed if I don't call her everyday and if I'm not constantly sucking up so it's very annoying as Mil and I have managed to get our own balance (which I think she's ok with never complained to me) however I sense it isn't good enough for him. He grew up around a large judgemental extended family so I quickly realised he is the issue trying to fit in with cultural norms not anyone else

Il take seeing them regularly over completely living there any day and would rather be broke, working full time than living mortgage free (even tho it wasn't that difficult but I defo prefer living on my own!) defo wouldn't have lasted if we didn't move out x

@Mococo1 yes he is looking after me well. He's really good at hoaue stuff and to be fair he always has been... Ive always said that he came ready trained. Haha 😂
That's really interesting to hear about your culture, definitely a delecate situation to navigate but seems like you're doing a good job. Even if DH continues to be challenging... I'm sure the dynamic will evolve again once baby's here.

Also I'm sorry you're feeling so rubbish today. Try to take it easy the rest of today... Creating life is hard work 😴

@Mococo1 You have to talk to MIL everyday? wow you are doing well. And I bet your husband definitely loves you more! I would say he is just mega excited. But I do know how family oriented they are as a few guys from Pakistan studied their PhDs at the same time as me, I helped them with English and they helped me in the labs!

@Mococo1 Thanks for the insight - it's really interesting. I can understand how draining that must be for you. Every day!? You must run out of shit to talk about surely?!

Does sound though that you've managed to navigate your own relationship with her quite well - there seems to be an unspoken respect 😂

I doubt you're last on the pecking order - once I had a huge row with DH about how I was last on his list of priorities. As far as he was concerned I was so "capable" and just got on with things he didn't think I needed his help from time to time. We actually had counselling over it a few years back and our communication is much better. Not perfect - but I guess marriage is an endless working progress 🙄

@Sausage1990 It is hard work! You literally can't describe it sufficiently to anyone unless they experience it themselves.
But be kind to yourself, you're growing an actual PERSON with eyes and fingers and toes and organs and veins and blood and longs. Plus the placenta which is an organ itself. It's fucking draining.

@blodyn91 Yeah it's rough ground to navigate with other family members but I found out my SIL (BILS wife) also felt the same. She actually slagged each of us off to the other.
You do need an ally when she's in your life for the foreseeable.
How far away is your Mum?