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Original poster

Has anyone had any experience in taking a newborn to a prison visit?

168 replies

Hlce24 · 03/08/2020 18:42

I’d like to point out this is NOT a definite decision made. I just want to know a bit more.

I’m 32 weeks pregnant and my baby’s dad is highly likely going to prison in the next couple of weeks. It’s a very shit situation for me but more so my baby boy, he doesn’t deserve this. We don’t know how long he’ll be away for yet if he goes to prison. I’m just wondering, has anyone been through something similar / taken a newborn into prison? I’ve never had anything to do with a prison visit so I’m clueless. I will NOT take him if it isn’t right. No way.

Anyhow, are provisions put in place? separate room away from other prisoners, more frequent visits / letters / phone calls? I suffer with anxiety and being a new mum anyway will not have my baby boy around shitty people or a shitty environment.

Thanks x

OP posts:
happinessischocolate · 04/08/2020 16:58

To the OP who never saw any violence in a prison visits hall - you're lucky and unusual, it's not a great environment for anyone really.

I've never seen any violence either, but there's definitely always an undercurrent feeling that it could all kick off any minute, and its obvious there's a reason why all the chairs and tables are bolted to the floor, and you only get flimsy plastic cups and spoons for your drink.

diggadoo · 04/08/2020 17:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

ahorsecalledseptember · 04/08/2020 17:09

It doesn’t matter she’s had a name change fail, MN allow name changing. I wish you the best OP. Hopefully this will be the wake up call your partner needs and he won’t drink drive again.

TwinkleStars15 · 04/08/2020 18:03

@Hlce24 the other thing to consider is the location of the prison and how you’d get there. I’m a social worker and have seen many families where one is in prison, and have often found that the prison is very far away. So you’d need to factor in travel as well, could be a very very long train journey (newborns shouldn’t be in a car for longer than 30 minutes initially, and then 2 hours). Might also be a factor in your decision making.

binkyblinky · 04/08/2020 18:04

They will carry out a full search of you, and the baby. And it's nappy and everything. It's a terrible situation for you OP but also it won't benefit the baby in the slightest, just the father.

Lasi444 · 04/08/2020 18:36

Hi there, sorry to hear about your situation. My brother was in prison when my last son was born, (only for few months) but he begged me not to bring my little one in. He was desperate to see him but he said the way they did stuff and having to check nappies etc he said was awful and to just wait till he got out.

gingergiraffe · 04/08/2020 21:04

I visited a young man twice a week for about five months. He was entitled to more visits as he was on remand. Prisoners who have already been convicted are allowed less visits. It took a while to figure out how to book a visit. Initially I had to be approved and submit my details to be put on a list. It took a few days to get on the list. There were children in the room during some visits and there were a few toys for them to play with. I never saw any babes in arms or very young children. I also never saw any outbursts or violence. After the first visit I never felt intimidated or judged. The patting down was rather like at an airport and the drugs dog did not bother me either, probably because I had nothing to hide. Prisoners are not allowed to get the cafe food so you would have to leave the baby with your partner while you queued up. At the prison I visited it never took long to actually to enter and get to the visiting room. I suppose it depends on how many people are allowed to visit in total as there is only a certain number of tables and chairs.

Sho2207 · 04/08/2020 22:10

I cannot tell you how sad this makes me feel. You've come on here as a worried first time mum asking for advice from other parents/parents to be and have mainly been attacked.

Whatever the reason is, whether you agree or not agree, it's wrong to be attacking someone when they are simply asking for advice, especially telling you to get rid of your partner. Doesn't make it a very nice place for anyone to be apart of.

I have no experience with this whatsoever so can't unfortunately give you any advice, all I do say though is you do what you want to do, as long as you're baby is healthy and loved then what does any of it matter. Good luck x

anonanonandanon · 04/08/2020 22:59

How long is he lookin at OP? Cos if it’s just a few months wait until he’s out
Maybe look at Storytime Dads whilst covid is going on as it’s abit risky especially with a newborn

No one can tell you what to do, you do what you thinks best xx

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 04/08/2020 23:40

Personally, I wouldn’t, in the current circumstances. I wouldn’t risk taking a newborn to a prison in the middle of a pandemic. Seems like a lot of unnecessary exposure, indoors, to a bunch of strangers.

Cccch54 · 04/08/2020 23:51

@Sho2207 Have to admit I did have a little cry over some of the comments earlier. I’m just trying to do my best for my little boy. I’ve never had a dad around, I promised myself I’d never allow my children to go through the same. Yes my baby’s dad has made decisions I don’t agree with, doesn’t mean he’s a risk to our son though. He couldn’t be any happier that we have a baby on the way xx

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 04/08/2020 23:59

I visited my ex in prison when my dc1 was a baby. We weren’t in a separate area and there was a quite though search process. You couldn’t take any of the baby paraphernalia into the visiting hall. He asked me not to breastfeed in that environment (understandably) so I think I fed in the car just before going in. That was quite a high category prison (not due to the severity of his crime, just where they had space) so a lower category or open prison might be different.
However, in hindsight I’m not sure it was the right thing to do. Dc wasn’t harmed by it, but I’m not sure I’d do it again.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 05/08/2020 00:00

*thorough search process

Mydogisthebestest · 05/08/2020 00:07

Op why do you want to hitch your wagon to this man’s star?

Your job is to do the right thing by your baby and a drunk mess of a father who is a habitual criminal isn’t that.

Cccch54 · 05/08/2020 00:08

@Mydogisthebestest Have a nice evening x

Cccch54 · 05/08/2020 00:10

@anonanonandanon Really not sure as of yet. And of course! I wouldn’t be going anywhere near a prison in the current climate with covid! With or without a baby! Thank you for your support and I’m going to look into this xx

ToLongNow · 05/08/2020 00:11

The prison round here, has corona in it.
Numbers are going up and its difficult to control.

Babies nappy will be checked

I just wouldn't do it!

Cccch54 · 05/08/2020 00:13

@ToLongNow I also have the added worry of him going to prison and being exposed to it which isn’t nice. Neither would I!

Mydogisthebestest · 05/08/2020 00:15

He’s not your problem. You really shouldn’t be worrying about him.

He drunk drove and evaded police and he’s already been in prison.

You really should access support from your midwife to work on your self esteem and boundaries.

anonanonandanon · 05/08/2020 00:18

@Cccch54 If you need anyone to chat to PM me xx it’s the hardest decision xx

Cccch54 · 05/08/2020 00:21

@Mydogisthebestest My ‘self esteem’ and boundaries are perfectly fine, but thanks for your deep concern.

Murderers are still able to see their children, therefore my criminal drunk driving baby dad is more than entitled to know his INNOCENT baby son. The only reason I am worried is because I care about my baby and it will be HIM that is affected. I’m not going to reply to you now as you sound like a troll. Enjoy your evening as I said

Mydogisthebestest · 05/08/2020 00:24

I am not a troll. That is unwarranted and unfair.

Your boundaries are crap. You’ve had two threads on here which are all about this man and centering him.

You need to put your baby first.

My evening is lovely. Thanks. Hmm

notapizzaeater · 05/08/2020 00:26

Does he want you to bring your DS into prison ? He might not want it.

GrumpyHoonMain · 05/08/2020 00:33

@FormerlyFrikadela01

I visited a friend in prison and saw people taking newborns in. The visits were all held in the same big hall type place, no separate area for children. The Prison Officers made the mum open up the babies nappy and clothes before they went in, presumably because people smuggle things in them. I would never subject my child to that, they aren't benefiting from it in any way.
Yes, this. There is no way you would be allowed to go to a private place to breastfeed - at best you might be allowed a shawl to cover yourself but the prison my friend works at doesn’t allow that either. I wouldn’t want to take my baby’s nappy off / breastfeed / put them potentially in front of sex offenders just so they can see their dad. You and your DP should understand this and not even entertain this stupid idea.
Flaxmeadow · 05/08/2020 00:33

I don’t think prisons are breastfeeding friendly, sorry.

In the sense that there are no special facilities yes but I have to say this... I visited my childrens father in prison when my son was just a few days old, my son needed breast feeding and i had no choice but to feed him, under a shawl, in a large room full of prisoners and their visitors, and I say this, I was shown nothing but the utmost respect from every single person in that room.

It was a a difficult situation and I split up with the father shortly afterward and I do not remember it in a negative way.

But I would not do it again. The baby, my son m, is now a man, obviously he doesn't remember. So why bother? The father was a criminal. What is right for baby is the priority

Don't do it. A prison visit, whatever the circumstances, is no place for a child.