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Original poster

Has anyone had any experience in taking a newborn to a prison visit?

168 replies

Hlce24 · 03/08/2020 18:42

I’d like to point out this is NOT a definite decision made. I just want to know a bit more.

I’m 32 weeks pregnant and my baby’s dad is highly likely going to prison in the next couple of weeks. It’s a very shit situation for me but more so my baby boy, he doesn’t deserve this. We don’t know how long he’ll be away for yet if he goes to prison. I’m just wondering, has anyone been through something similar / taken a newborn into prison? I’ve never had anything to do with a prison visit so I’m clueless. I will NOT take him if it isn’t right. No way.

Anyhow, are provisions put in place? separate room away from other prisoners, more frequent visits / letters / phone calls? I suffer with anxiety and being a new mum anyway will not have my baby boy around shitty people or a shitty environment.

Thanks x

OP posts:
Original poster
Hlce24 · 03/08/2020 20:03

@GreytExpectations I requested advice and knowledge regarding prison visits, roughly 4 people admitted to reporting you on my previous post. Why are you coming after me again? Boredom screams to mind. Enjoy your evening x

OP posts:
peachypetite · 03/08/2020 20:05

It’s a shame you haven’t taken stock of the comments yesterday. You are young and can move on from all this drama and negativity and provide a better life for your son without his scumbag drink driving father.

GreytExpectations · 03/08/2020 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Hlce24 · 03/08/2020 20:06

@peachypetite I agree his actions make him a scumbag! Disgusting what he’s done. My son still deserves to see his dad and know him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hlce24 · 03/08/2020 20:07

@GreytExpectations A mumsnet admin came on and told you how appalling your comments were. As I said, enjoy your evening x

OP posts:
Squiffany · 03/08/2020 20:08

[quote Hlce24]@peachypetite I agree his actions make him a scumbag! Disgusting what he’s done. My son still deserves to see his dad and know him.[/quote]
Your son deserves his Mother protecting him from known criminals and putting him first rather than her own wants and needs.

GreytExpectations · 03/08/2020 20:08

Op, I've literally said the same thing as peachypetite but you accuse me of being nasty and agreeing with her. How is what we said different?

Hardbackwriter · 03/08/2020 20:09

How long do you expect his sentence to be? I'm obviously in the minority but I do think that babies form relationships with people they see regularly even if infrequently from quite early on - DS saw both sets of grandparents every two to three weeks and definitely knew them from strangers. If you're sure you want to facilitate a relationship and if this will be anything other than a very short sentence then I do think that regular time with dad is important. A lot of the other comments seem to just want your DP to be as miserable as possible, which doesn't seem to me to be considering either rehabilitation or the actual interests of the child. Children generally benefit from having a relationship with both parents.

Original poster
Hlce24 · 03/08/2020 20:09

Won’t be commenting back to anyone further! I’ve received so many lovely messages so thank you for that! 💕 got the answer I needed!

OP posts:
GreytExpectations · 03/08/2020 20:09

[quote Hlce24]@GreytExpectations A mumsnet admin came on and told you how appalling your comments were. As I said, enjoy your evening x[/quote]
I was on the entire thread and saw the admin post, they never mentioned me by name so stop lying.

Wecandothis99 · 03/08/2020 20:10

Honestly can't believe how cruel some people can be! She's a young girl who has committed no crime and just asking questions. Shame on you bullies!!!!

GreytExpectations · 03/08/2020 20:11

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy, I hope life improves for you and that you get some good support Flowers

Squiffany · 03/08/2020 20:11

@Wecandothis99

Honestly can't believe how cruel some people can be! She's a young girl who has committed no crime and just asking questions. Shame on you bullies!!!!
She’s a grown woman putting her own needs above those of her baby.
bee222 · 03/08/2020 20:13

A mumsnet admin came on and told you how appalling your comments were

That never happened.
I have been on here a long time and I’ve never seen an admin come onto a thread and address someone like that. They delete comments if they think they break the rules.

CuppaZa · 03/08/2020 20:14

Prison is not a place for babies. You’ll get a few responses from people that may have taken babies/children, obviously playing down the fact NO child should ever see the inside of a prison. You’ll be taking your baby there for your partners benefit. No one else’s. Hell would freeze over before I take mine to visit someone is prison.

Shinygreenelephant · 03/08/2020 20:14

Hi, I've no experience with newborns specifically but I've been on visits with my sister and her toddler. Nothing special is put in place as its an every day occurance, but they do family days every so often which are much more child friendly and relaxed - once he's on enhanced (after a few months of good behaviour) he can take part in these. The normal visits aren't too bad depending on the prison, the worst bit would be the baby being searched on the way, looking inside the nappy etc in which feels horrible. I personally couldn't do it with a newborn, I didn't even like my mum touching my babies when they were new, but tbh it won't affect them in any way and if its important to your family then you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Definitely visit on your own first to see how you feel, the first visit is always the worst. Another thing to think about is that there's every possibility he will be sent to a prison thats really far away in which case you may not want a newborn travelling that far, or equally to travel that far without them. Hope things work out for you it must be a really scary time.

peachypetite · 03/08/2020 20:14

@Hlce24 you are young and will look back on this with regret I am sure. I think the most depressing thing is that this is the second thread which is all about him. As I said yesterday, people would give you great advice if you came on saying you’re preparing for life as a single mum but first it’s a thread about trying to get his sentence reduced and now it’s how you can facilitate him seeing his son. Sad I hope you have a good support network in real life because once the baby is here arranging prison visits won’t be top of your agenda.

MissMarvelMum · 03/08/2020 20:16

Hi! My brother was in prison when I was pregnant with my first son. I went to visit him every time I could when pregnant, then I took my newborn son to meet his uncle in jail. It meant a lot to my brother. It was not a distressing day At all and my son is now six and I can confirm his Multiple visits to a jail when he was newborn - 4 months old Have not damaged him in any way. Also my son was never searched, I did have to lift him out the car seat though.

Pluckedpencil · 03/08/2020 20:21

I'm sorry you are in this situation, it must be so stressful for you and sad.

I would be telling him you want the very best for the baby and that these visits with all the rules won't be like seeing the baby in normal times. If he cries it could be very stressful for everyone.

I would take lots of photos and write a letter every week with the photos inside. You could buy a printer and some photo paper and do it at home. This will give him something to look forward to receiving and a way to learn about the baby when he has hours to do nothing else but think. A light at the end of the tunnel.

pinklady1207 · 03/08/2020 20:21

There is no separate room for new babies, you sit where everyone else does. At the moment, visits are limited for each prisoner, the set up is more like closed visits so no touching etc and last for 1 hour. Some prisons still aren’t allowing visits at all. You and baby would be searched on the way in, if you used the toilet, changed a nappy and on the way out. You need to factor in how long it will take you to get there just for 1 hour when he won’t be able to touch the baby then make your way back. He can be informed when the baby is born, send him pictures and updates as often as you want. Good luck x

sarahc336 · 03/08/2020 20:30

From working within a prison they are likely to want you to remove their nappy and place a new one on the baby in front of the guards when you are both searched as many people will try and smuggle drugs etc in in their child's nappy. Just something to think about if you would be fine to happen xx

Dontknowwhyidoit · 03/08/2020 20:38

I took my 3 year old and 10 day old sons into prison to visit their dad, there was no separate room and the baby was searched. I expressed milk into a bottle so that I could feed him and let his dad feed him. The bottle was the only item I was allowed to take into the visiting room. If you want to take your baby in with you when you visit your partner, then that is your choice. It did my children no harm and they don't even remember it now. However it is a very horrible situation to find yourself in as the last place you would wish for your baby to meet their dad is under strict supervision surrounded by strangers when you are full of hormones. I remember being emotional drained and so sad when I had to walk out the gate. 💐💐

namechangeobviously20 · 03/08/2020 20:56

I have name changed for this.

Unfortunately I do have experience of taking a newborn to prison. There are no special measures put in place for this (no separate room or extra visits etc). Each prison has slightly different rules so double check for the specific prison. Generally though, you are only allowed to take an empty bottle, a couple of wipes in a clear plastic bag and a nappy. Some prisons will provide a nappy instead of letting you take one in. Then they provide formula for the bottle once you are in the visiting room. You aren't allowed to take anything else with you, you will have to leave it in a locker in the waiting area. You will have to be searched and your baby will be patted down as well. I would advise taking a coat/blanket for the baby as sometimes you have to wait outside in between being searched and being let into the visiting room (found this out the hard way in the middle of winter!) There is a lot of waiting around and it can be quite stressful, however I will say that all the prison staff who I've met whilst visiting a relative in prison have been kind and helpful so it hasn't been as scary as I thought it might be (having had absolutely zero experience with the prison system before my relative made an incredibly idiotic decision!)

Scirocco · 03/08/2020 22:18

I'd recommend that you make contact with some of the support groups and resources mentioned in this thread and in your previous one. They'll have more first-hand experience and information for you.

Only you can decide whether or not to take your child to visits - you'll need to weigh up the pros and cons for your child. It's admirable that you want your child to know their father, but you'll need to decide what form this takes, considering your own circumstances and pandemic-related factors (eg. I'd be wary of taking a young baby to an enclosed area with lots of people at the moment). You will also need to be realistic about the father - from what you've written, it seems like he has a lot of issues with his behaviour which he'll need to address if he hopes to be a suitable parent. If he ends up in prison, it could be suggested to him that he uses his time inside to do some personal growth and start making changes. But if he doesn't, then you may need to protect your baby and yourself from his bad decision-making by putting some distance between you - a baby needs a stable, secure environment and a parent who is in and out of trouble with the law isn't conducive to that.

FilthyforFirth · 03/08/2020 22:48

Why an earth would you want to take your newborn to a prison? Where exactly is the benefit to your child?

Based off this thread and your last thread you seem very immature, constantly expecting your partners situation to be improved somehow simply because you are pregnant.

What if he drink drives with your baby in the car?

Honestly. Thinking about visiting would be the last thing on my mind.