Has anyone had any experience in taking a newborn to a prison visit?

[Hlce24]

I’d like to point out this is NOT a definite decision made. I just want to know a bit more.

I’m 32 weeks pregnant and my baby’s dad is highly likely going to prison in the next couple of weeks. It’s a very shit situation for me but more so my baby boy, he doesn’t deserve this. We don’t know how long he’ll be away for yet if he goes to prison. I’m just wondering, has anyone been through something similar / taken a newborn into prison? I’ve never had anything to do with a prison visit so I’m clueless. I will NOT take him if it isn’t right. No way.

Anyhow, are provisions put in place? separate room away from other prisoners, more frequent visits / letters / phone calls? I suffer with anxiety and being a new mum anyway will not have my baby boy around shitty people or a shitty environment.

Thanks x

Don't listen to everybody's negative comments. I took my daughter to see my brother when she was 2 weeks old. He was absolutely delighted to meet her and I've took her every week since, she is now 2. Everyone saying it's not the right environment bla bla bla. They have a place where you can go sit and breastfeed, you are not expected to do it in front of people. You can always express the milk before you go for that one visit. Plenty of people take newborns in and children, you are not alone with it. I don't think anybody understands unless they're put in the situation. I wouldn't come here looking for advice as everybody seems quick to jump on the negative side of things. Good luck with your pregnancy, and if you do end up taking the baby to visit your partner, then I wish you the best visit☺️

@ty1996 thank you! It’s nice to see a positive experience. X

@Hlce24 , honestly it's not as bad as anybody makes out to be. I think it all depends on the prison. My baby had never once been searched, and her bottle had to be premade or sealed formula, and I never once had to change her nappy infront of the prisoner when I went in for the search🤷🏻‍♀️ might be easier if someone was to go with you so when you get searched you can pass the baby to them, but even then they'll just work around you and the baby🤷🏻‍♀️ it doesn't have a negative effect on the baby at all, as everyone keeps saying the baby won't remember much. And my daughter absolutely adores her uncle just as much as she would have if he first met her out of prison! I wouldn't worry, just make sure your comfortable with your decision x

I meant never had to change it in front of the prison officers x

Some do have child rooms, In which you will get special treatment longer visiting times it's more like a nursery and has toys and books and stuff like that and play mats the dad can ask for this visit under good behaviour or completing a course etc. A lot of prisons also run a story with dad where they can read a bed time story and a cd can be sent to you so you don't have to take baby in but baby will know his voice.
Life happens and people get into situations they never intended to but if he learns from his mistakes and you have a happy family life after then good on you.

@ty1996 As you said until people have been in this kind of situation it’s highly likely they won’t understand it. I couldn’t care about seeing him in prison, all I care about is my baby having a bond with his dad. Seen some posts on here this morning about me putting my own needs before my child’s which couldn’t be further from the truth! just want what’s best for my son x

@WhoUsedMyName Thank you so much xx

As a prison officer don't do it, the emotional side effects that'll occur to your partner when the babies taken away from him after an hours visit just isn't worth it and the invasion of your child could be distressing when being searched as its standard across the UK that babies are also searched before visits the travel and the wait to also get in can be very daunting I'd suggest waiting longer when you yourself have adjusted to becoming a new mother and have dealt and come to terms with the fact your OH is in prison.

Definitely take your baby in.

I've been in a similar situation to you. My partner was in prison when I had 2 small children and I was pregnant.
There are lots and lots of young families visiting. There is usually a small play area for children. You will have a newborn though so obviously this won't apply. There maybe breastfeeding facilities just outside the visiting room.
You and the babies stuff will get searched but it happens to everyone going in so it is nothing to worry about.

I think it is important to take your child up to see their parent so they can bond.
Obviously not the perfect circumstances.

It will all be okay. You just have to get through it and remember to ignore the judgmental comments that people throw at you.
I hated all the horrible comments and questions etc people used to say to me.
I just wanted support and kindness rather than people making feel worse about a situation that I already felt rubbish about.

For my partner seeing the children every week gave him something to look forward to and work towards. He didn't want to get in any trouble so he could get out ASAP to be with his family.
After the visit it did make him upset a lot but it made him feel worse if I couldn't make the visit.

Prisons for punishment but it should also be for rehabilitation so that people don’t reoffend. Others have mentioned that family ties and bonds with family/children improve outcomes for prisoners. It might shock people but women even give birth and keep their children for a while in prison. Been a while since I’ve been to a prisoner, but the family visiting areas are not in the heart of it, they’re just big rooms where people meet. Your newborn is not Going to know where they are, so honestly I would take them. I’m not sure why being in prison means your partner should be deprived of the right to meet their child when it will be possible. It might help him realise what he’s missing out on due to his actions and motivate him to behave/etc and not reoffend on the other side. (I’m not someone who believes prison is always the solution, but I understand the need for such punishment in society. It doesn’t tend to solve the reason for offending in the first place though).

Oh wow so nice to read this kind comments after the ones that have been written. I appreciate it so much xxx

Surprised that I haven't seen one poster - including Prison Officers, mention the potential for violence during visits.

I'm an ex officer and the visits hall is a potential hot spot for violence. I've seen a mother of a prisoner wrap a chair round the head of another visitor, knocking a 6 year old unconscious in the process.

Fights, assaults and restraints would happen at least weekly at the establishment I worked in. We had riots in the visits hall on several occasions.

Why you would want to take a newborn into that I'll never know. There is no benefit to the baby and @Bekka94 is right. Most prisoners get stressed in the lead up to visits and down afterwards.

This isn't his first time in custody and he hasn't learned his lesson so I'm with the pps who know that your child deserves much better. You're very young though and it's easier to romanticise than it is to make the decisions you'll look back and regret not making at your age. Good luck.

That should say at least weekly during visits in the visits hall. Fights and assaults happened multiple times daily throughout the establishment 🙄

Send the prisoner photos and letters.
He can make phone calls to his son.
He can record his voice and read him bedtime stories.

I wouldn't want the first time I met my parent (even if I was unaware) to be in a prison - and to be strip searched to get in there in case I was concealing weapons or drugs

I would be pissed off with my Mum if she had made those decisions for me when I was a helpless baby, let alone in the time of Covid when travelling around the country and making unnecessary trips is being discouraged.

I would want my Mum to be surrounding me with positive role models from the day I was born, and keeping me safe & secure and to have aspirations for me and my future, not the opposite.

And to those talking about storybook dads - many of these programmes aren't currently running but this offender is in the privileged position of being able to record his story before he even goes to court

What has he put in place for you and your son OP?

I wouldn't.

I've visited a friend in several different prisons over the years and visiting is a pain in the arse.

They only let a certain number of people through at any one time so in order to get your full visiting time you need to get the prison early, and start queuing. From the time i got to the prison, till when I actually saw my friend it would usually be about 2 hours.

You get patted down and have to go through a metal detector similar to at the airport, some prisons have sniffer dogs, so that's next and then they'll be more queuing again after that. Once youre through you can't go to the toilet until after the visit has finished. So you need to be able to hold your bladder for a good 2.5 hours at least.

When you get to the meeting area you may then have to wait longer if your person hasn't been brought out yet, then there's queuing for the tea/coffee and biscuits. Then when it's all over youll have to queue to get back out again.

So it would take me a whole day to do 1 visit, and that prison was only 1 hour away.

I haven't done family visits so they maybe easier, but judging by the fact that people were taking their kids during normal visiting I would guess it's not much different.

Oh and look up emailaprisoner

Once you know the prisoner number and the prison you can email for a charge of about 40p a time and they receive it the next day.

OP, I don't think you can really decide until you have had your baby, and know which prison he is in and how long for, if indeed he goes to prison.

It might be miles away, who knows how the virus will be by then, I certainly would not be taking a new baby on public transport to a visiting room full of other people.

Also, it is obviously important for your baby that you would not make a decision to formula feed just so that you could leave the baby with someone else while you visit.

In reality I don't think a small baby will bond with anyone they see infrequently for the length of time and conditions of a prison visit.

You are in such a horrible situation due to his behaviour, and you have all my sympathy.

But, I would wait and see.

Visiting is hard work and can be like a whole day out. You do have to get there early.
However when I visited my partner I never once experienced any violence in the visiting halls. The children were just really happy to see their Dad.

I didn't want to give up on my partner just because he made a mistake. From your post you don't either.

It's so easy for people to judge when they are not in your position. As I said before when you are in this position you want people to be kind and supportive. You know the situation you are is rubbish and don't need people reminding you and putting your choices down.

Thanks everyone ! Ask I said in my op I’m not certain on taking him, I purely just wanted to know peoples experiences and what prison visits can be like ! I’ve had some mixed opinions but am going to just do what’s best for me and my family, judge me if it makes you feel better I have been shielding with my ill mother and I am not going to put him in my car to travel to a busy prison unless it is SAFE to do so, which I will decide as his mother. Thanks for the people that have been lovely and considerate in their replies , you have really helped me ! Xx

OP - you seem to have had a NC fail.

If you are shielding your mother then absolutely entering a prison is not safe.

Social distancing in prisons is impossible. Not only are you risking the health and safety of a newborn, you are risking the life of your mother if you do this!

To the OP who never saw any violence in a prison visits hall - you're lucky and unusual, it's not a great environment for anyone really.

Of course it’s not safe.
Your child already has a drunk driver for a father. You need to raise your game. Keep your newborn away from the prison and end it with this man. You need to look at long term plans. Supervised visits only?

Name change fail

My son still deserves to see his dad and know him.

Your son deserves to be protected by you, no child deserves to have a parent who isn’t a good role model. His dad isn’t a good role model at the moment. If his dad proves that he changes then your son will benefit from a relationship with him, until then he won’t and your son deserves not to see his dad.

People get very protective over other children. Situations like this often don’t improve and the children suffer and have no say. It’s very frustrating for people to see your situation and for you to not listen. You’re very young, you’ve already been in a bad relationship and now this. People can see what is most likely going to be yours and your sons future and are trying to warn you against it, so that you both have a life that isn’t fucked up by men like this. I really hope you listen, there really is a better life for you if you choose a different path now.