Thread 2 for us classed as more mature pregnant ladies

[AliasGrape]

Hi everyone.
I noticed our thread was about to fill up, so thought I’d start a new one quick. Hope that’s not too presumptuous of me and have to say thank you to @Sheera1 for starting the thread.

As the title says it’s a discussion thread for any pregnant women who are classed as that bit older for a mum to be.

Copying our list over so we can keep up. If you would like to join please copy and paste the list, adding your own details in date order.

Really hope I’m doing this right! 🙈

@Liveforholidays 40. Due 01/06/20 - Baby boy born 4th June 💙
@Ethellsmum 38. Due July DC5
@fool11 45, due July, DC2
@PregnantPorcupine, 38, due 29/07/20 DC1
@AliasGrape 40 Due 30/07/20 DC1
@stairgates Age 43 Due 5/08/20 DC12
@Dufferedup 42. Due Sep DC3
@Realladymarmalade Age? Due:29/08/20 DC (darling child)?
@Ferrylass 45. Due Oct? DC2
@3isthemagicnumber3 40. Due 16/10/20 DC3
@Brightonmaman 41. Due 19 Oct DC2
@LittleMiss7 38. Due 20/10/20 DC1&2.. TWINS!
@crispaddict99 40. Due 9/11/20 DC1
@Sheera1 41. Due 20/11/20 ds10
@onlyreadingneverposting8 44. Due 24/11/20 DC (darling child)?
@Frazzlerock age 41. Due 26/11/20 DC3 - 7th pregnancy
@EveningReflection 38. Due 04/12/2020 DC1
@MariaDingbat 40. Due 07/12/20 & FTM dc3
@AuntLucy 44. Due Dec
@passthemustard Age? Due Dec DC5
@sunlight81 Age? Due Dec DC2 & 3 TWINS!
@countingblessings 40 Due 19/12/20 DC2
@LJEva 42. Due 25/12/20 DC2
@Shroppy 38 Due 31/12/20 DC1
@Kiffers 42, due 01.01.21 - first child
@Liese27 38 Due 9/01/21 DC2
@footprintsintheslow 40 Due 10/01/21 dC3
@pinklillie 39. Due Jan DC1
@sk283 40. Due 21/01/21 DC2
@Antihop 42. Due 21/01/21 DC2
@mlctobe 41. Due 21/01/21 DC2
@Dia1212 40. Due 21/01/21 DC1
@Mummymilla Age? Due 24/01/21 DC3
@Viennoise 38. Due 26/01/21
@Louscarlet 39 due 30/01/21 DC1
@Celibacydidntwork 46 Due 31/1/21 DC3

@footprintsintheslow definitely going to be looking those baskets up - now Infact! 😃

@Clarkel1 stay in touch - will be thinking of you on Thursday. Xx

Quick post from me and will stop being so rude and answer all the other posts tomorrow.

Back home. Drive was actually good. It was sunny and the road got opened so only just over 2 hours. DP drove and his sis had got over it by that point. I felt really I'll in the car as my painkillers wore off. Sitting at home with ice cream! Have only eaten soft eggs, ice cream and a bit of mash potato in 3 days. There are worse things.

@onlyreadingneverposting8
Thank you for all being there this weekend. That was rough going. Car is still up there but I am beyond thinking about it for now. X

Ah it removed my comment. Damn mumsnet app. Onlyreading I was saying I am up in the night but baby is really active then so probably waking me or my bladder is. Def awake in the night for a bit and sometimes two loo breaks.

@onlyreadingneverposting8 I was up at 12.30 most nights last week, always desperate for the loo. It was also really warm a few nights, so I woke up drenched in sweat a few times. I had to throw my bump pillow out of bed because it was just too warm.

My bump has gone a lot softer over the last few days. Is it just likely to be that the baby has moved and is lying back to back or should I be concerned? I just feel flabby rather than pregnant right now. I don’t think I‘ve felt him move yet (17 + 5) and at the last scan it seemed like I‘ll have an anterior placenta, so it‘ll probably take even longer for me to feel him. Trying not to panic!

Hi everyone, feeding again so quickly checking your posts...
Hope you are feeling better @Sheera1. Toothache is horrible, glad to hear they’ve sorted it out.

How are you getting on with a sling @AliasGrape? I have one but really don’t like it, feels weird and uncomfortable and it doesn’t feel safe, like I need to see his face all the time that his mouth is not covered ..might be just me stressing..it’s tough when they don’t want to sleep and want to be held all the time, my first was like that, It’s really hard as then you can’t do anything and I didn’t feel comfortable Leto g her cry for long time..we tied everything , read so many books, listened to people etc, nothing worked unfortunately. We tried cry out technique once and would never do it again, she screened her head off for good 15min then had to pick her up and took hours to settle her down..it was horrible. We noticed that she used to wake up when we put her down because bed sheets were cold, so used to wrap her in a muslin , blanket when holding her and then put her down so she didn’t feel the cold sheets..it helped a bit. Hope it will change for you soon. I think they will be going through a growth spurt around 6w..can’t remember exactly ..my little one became so vocal, he grunts so much especially during his feeds.

Does your little one have a tongue tie @Ethellsmum? We paid for a specialist midwife to check his, she said that he has a tiny posterior one but I’m not sure..he sometimes eats so nicely and sometimes he like doesn’t know what to do with the nipple..keeps his mouth open and doesn’t take it even if I put it in, like he doesn’t know what to do or keeps spitting it out. But maybe problem is that he keeps falling asleep within 5-6min of feeding..anyone knows why they do that and how to keep them up? I’ve tried stripping him to nappy, changing him etc..he wakes up but minute he puts nipple in he is back to sleep. I’m actually thinking about replacing evening feed with a bottle, formula , and maybe morning one too, so my husband can feed him..just not sure how that works with milk production..will my boobs within few days adjust and stop producing milk let’s say for 6pm and only there will be milk for his 9pm feed or would I need to express? I want to stop expressing and doing top ups as my daughter will be back in school in 2w time and there is just no time for all of this, breastfeeding, expressing, formula top ups, sterilising bottles..just can’t do it all..

Hope your scan goes well @Clarkel1.

How are you doing @PregnantPorcupine and @stairgates?

Hi @fool11
We put her in the sling for a little walk at the weekend. She seemed to really like it and went to sleep instantly but it was hard for me to trust it so I found I was holding her with my arms too anyway! I know what you mean about worrying about seeing their face and if they’re breathing.

I’m finding it really hard to use things that might actually help because I just feel anxious about them. I’d bought expensive swaddle bag things from tommee tippee
and want to try them to see if they’ll help her go down but then I freak out about swaddling and whether she’ll overheat or get stressed if she can’t move her arms. We have a little bouncy chair thing, put her in it yesterday and she went very quiet and serious - think she might get to like it but then I just kept thinking that her head was not supported enough and she was in a ‘scrunched up’ position so I took her out.

I wish I didn’t feel so anxious about everything!

I’m like you though that I couldn’t leave her to cry. Hard enough to do it for the few minutes it takes me to make a bottle or have a wee. I was trying to get dressed this morning it probably only took me 3 minutes but she got so upset she was crying real tears.

Last night was one of the toughest nights weve had. I think she had trapped wind. I’ve been resorting to cosleeping for some of the night just to get a couple of hours but last night she wouldn’t settle like that either. I ended up falling asleep holding her at one point - she was fine but had slipped down my chest a bit when I woke up and I just felt sick about what could have happened. I feel so guilty I put her at risk, can’t let that happen again so need to think about what I’m going to do tonight so it can’t happen.

How’s the tooth @Sheera1 ? And how’s the sleep @onlyreadingneverposting8

Any developments @Realladymarmalade and @DufferedUp ?

Good luck at scan @Clarkel1 - so glad you’re feeling better now.

@fool11 @AliasGrape
Here is a link to safe sling and swaddling usage by the lullaby trust:

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/swaddling-slings/

They also give advice on co sleeping which I've done for years at it was the only way I could get any sleep.

As for breastfeeding your body will know exactly how much milk you need and produce enough and readjust very quickly to any changes without you needing to express.

Also the kelly mom website is an incredible resource for advice on pregnancy and every question you can think of for breastfeeding. I trained as a breastfeeding peer support worker and it's our go to website.

kellymom.com/category/bf/

I'm bidding on slings on eBay at the mo. Never used them before but figure it might be handy at times.

Still nothing happening here so the sweep was a bust. Just hanging on for Saturday now. Have to wait for them to call me on the day so now stressing about being forgotten!

@fool11 I'm in a 'low glandular tissue' group so have been learning a bit about supply. From what I have read, prolactin is mostly around during the night so maybe keep the feed in the morning when your stash is highest? Or express while giving formula so your body doesn't think it needs to reduce milk production. I've read that as long as you regularly empty your breasts, your body will keep producing whatever it is able to. If you stop emptying for any length of time, then your supply will reduce - but maybe that's just for raggydolls with dumb boobs like me...

I'm so scared about BFing this time, I want to do it soooo badly, like my life depends on it (irrational I know). I hate that my body is so shit it can't even produce enough milk to sustain my babies and I'd give anything for it to sort itself out.
I'm waiting for payday on Weds so I can buy a tonne of Alfalfa which I can start taking ASAP. Already got Goats Rue ready to start taking from 36 weeks. I might lose my shit if my body lets me down yet again

@DufferedUp I bought a Close Caboo. I had a Moby wrap with my last baby and there was just too much material to deal with so I went for the Caboo this time. Seems okay (without a baby in it) and easy enough to take on and off. It was reduced by quite a lot on the Close website. Might be worth looking there?

Thanks @Frazzlerock, I’ll check it out. My boobs r rubbish , I always think there is not enough..with my first I fed on demand 18 times a day..it was a nightmare and to be honest at 5minth one day she refused my boob and bit me and that was the last straw..I just stopped and gave bottle and I was so relieved.

@AliasGrape we had a night like that 2d ago, I haven’t slept at all, we had to hold him all night, def think they r going through grow spurt, he gets bad gas every night and around 4am every morning screams and tries to fart. Painful to watch as he goes all red. He sleeps with me every night so I can get at least 2-3h of sleep per night..I gave up trying to get him to sleep in his cot..I was obsessed with that d we’d otherwise my first and it was a nightmare...took over our life..and she didn’t sleep through night , well 3-4h till she was nearly 2y. At 5y she still doesn’t like sleeping and questions it every night..why she has to sleep as it’s sooo boring ...
We also have a bouncer , b bjorn one and also vibrating one, he likes vibrating one. I think it helps him with trapped wind. He struggles to swallow the let down milk, it’s like a flood and he swallows so much air.

Frazzlerock - that's the one I'm bidding on. Can get them for £20 ish on eBay.

@Frazzlerock @DufferedUp the sling we’ve been loaned is a close caboo too. Does seem to work for her I just need to get better at trusting it.

I’ve been out for a few hours with my sister and little nephew. They’re still not allowed in my house in local lockdown rules but we’re allowed to see each other outside so they drove over and we all walked to the park and had a few hours there including getting a bite to eat at the cafe and eating it on a bench. Such a small thing but I feel like a new woman afterwards. And baby slept for most of it and was quite content in the (moving!) pram the rest of the time. Getting her out in the fresh air is definitely the way forward, unfortunately it’s scheduled to piss it down now for the rest of the week.

Hang on in there duffered .

Baby continues to give runaround with movements. Stressful.. have been up to triage now 3 times and next time I ho up they will induce me. Some movement now with ice water.

Sweep again tomorrow.

MIL has been over issuing her usual unsolicited advice:

• that I've not dropped enough for labour (knows more than me on this one and can obviously feel my fanny daggers and make this decision ) .
• that I shouldn't be worried about reduced movements. Again more knowledgable than the health professionals she rubbishes. Nothing like having your anxiety in validated in your own home
• this is also my third pregnancy to her two !
• that I shouldn't be in the hot tub (out bath isnt working , the temperature lb the tub is bath temp , and its therefore my pain relief)

I don't need this bullshit in my safe personal space and she better FTF off soon.

Meant to say thanks for the links @footprintsintheslow

@Realladymarmalade ooof you can do without that. I’ve had MIL telling me how on the one hand it was harder for her as she had two with only a one year and one week gap between them but on the other hand it wasn’t that hard as she is an organised person who just got on with things. Implication being I’m not. I just smile, nod and ignore. She’s generally great and lovely but every now and then there’s a little dig.

True- just very tactless as is her way and a little dour faced as is also her way..
I've no space for that today .
In the future I will aim to not be the mil from hell to my sons' wives. And I would never opine in such an ignorant way in advance of my daughter in laws labour, or use it as an excuse to showcase my amazing expertise or indeed just bang on about my own pregnancy. I generally like to think I wouldnt do this anyway to my friends .

Breathe!

Oh dear on the MIL front! Mine is ok but witters on all the time which I find annoying. They only live 1 mile away so lockdown was perfect for me as it meant they stayed away! Had a row with DH today though about them holding the baby. Rules are clear that even if they come in the house they have to social distance so that rules out holding the baby as far as I'm concerned. I had to force a tear out to make him see my side, that baby's wellbeing is more important than his bloody mother wanting a cuddle. Problem is, it won't end there, he has loads of family locally and they'll all expect to have a hold.

duffered argh re the social distancing and in laws. I've already said to DP that they can see baby but minimal contact and social distancing is going go be a handy excuse to keep MIL away. I've had some negative post birth experiences with my ex MIL also, and I predict unhelpful and irritating comments when at my worst!
Thank God my mum and sister will be here.

Anyway was back up at triage last night, movements were shocking yesterday and then of course at 9pm they hooked me up and his movements became frantic and constant, his heart rate then wouldnt come down. So they kept monitoring me and no clear answers but because of this and the bleed they think he is in distress and just needs out -: though not immediate distress. So had another sweep and getting pessary induction Thursday.

I'm so mentally and physically drained
Movement great this morning of course , lots of pressure , tightening but no contractions as such. Didnt get home till 2am so going to chill with some breakfast in bed and This Is Us (and cry as I do in every episode 🤣). We want to be those parents of 3 !
.

Aw @realladymarmalade what a nightmare you are having. How many weeks are you? They bang on about our age and risks and then won't progress you? Makes no sense. You must be going nuts with worry about Baba.

I am freaking out about movements too and taking time out most days to lie still and monitor them and I have ages left.

Bloody MIL's honestly what are they like?!?! I agree with you I will never be the horrible passive aggressive making "no offense" pass remarkable bitchy comments if I am ever a MIL for my DS partner. What is wrong with them.

I blame my ex's Mil in part for our marriage ending or rather his inability to stand up for me.

When I had DS they insisted on coming down for a week when he was 4 weeks old. I had a c section and was out of the game the first 2 weeks with a spinal puncture headache so in a bad way really. I told DS a week was too long (they lived about 2 hrs drive away) and settled on 4 days. Yet he woosed out and didn't tell them so they came expecting to stay a week!

She had an issue with me breastfeeding. She didn't and also basically wanted the control of feeding my baby. She would constantly comment "are you feeding that baby again?!?" In incredulous tones as I was feeding on demand. They came to help with the garden and most of the day I was glued to the couch feeding and she would come in and make cups of tea for her, her husband and my partner. But not me. My cup would even be sitting there and she would leave it empty.

We went to my mums for tea at the end of the stay and she openly hitched about me saying how atrocious it was that I had not been taking care of them as guests and running about after them. Things with my husband had been rocky before DS and that whole episode was really the nail in the coffin and I left him not even 2 yrs later.

Morning! Just a moan! So just had a call from the community midwives - "you've got an appointment with us this morning" - (news to me seeing as I've had no letter or phone call or seen anyone to arrange one!). "You don't need it as you're seeing the consultant next week". Told her that I'd had no letter to which she replied "it will have been written in your notes" that would be the notes that no one has written in bar the doctor at 21 weeks then....so No! She carries on quickly that they will see me at 38 weeks and makes an appointment for it. All good. I tell her I haven't received my exception - she tells me to organise it at the hospital next week - one of the midwives (that I won't be seeing as will only see the doctor) will do it. (Ive only shelled out £90 so far on the clexane and dentist that I shouldn't have had to pay). At no point does she ask me how I'm feeling, at no point does she ask if I'm happy with the arrangement of cancelling the appointment that I could have gone to. At no point does she ask if I've got any worries or concerns and she practically put the phone down on me so there really was no chance to get anything else in after asking about the exemption. I really do have to say that maternity care has got worse and worse the more children I have had (with the exception of the Isle of Man - where it was much better 7 years ago). Sorry for the moan!

@Realladymarmalade sorry for the MIL! At times like this I'm sometimes glad that my PIL have no interest in us or the kids and my own parents live 350mls away!

@onlyreadingneverposting8 that is awful. I agree the care this year seems really bad. At my 22 week appointment (first time I actually saw my midwife) she went on about me seeing the consultant at 28 weeks. I had a daycare appointment for clexane fun, but I had to tell her that as far as I knew the consultant would not be there. So she checked and went , oh I better see you around then too. Also should they not be doing gestational diabetes check about then too? Zero word about it. I don't think they are doing the full 2 hour lucozade thing, but thought they were doing something!

@Sheera1 from what I understood they have swapped the diabetes screen to part of the bloods at 28 weeks. I've never been tested though (probably the only thing I haven't been tested for 🤣🤣) so I could be wrong. I'd definitely mention it when you see them; which reminds me that I'll need bloods next week too.... Jesus - I really do feel like I've had to organise most things this pregnancy. It took me 3 hrs at the 13 week scan to make sure I'd had the scan, been given my notes, had bloods taken, had urine dipped and sent off and my BP done! Honestly if I had been a first timer there is no way it would all have been done and whilst I was pretty confident nothing would really come up having been through it a few times how would a first time mum know that?!! Tbh I am a little worried about care going into the autumn.

I had to have the diabetes test on Friday, I was exactly 28 weeks. I had to go to my GP for it as my midwife said they are not doing it anymore as things have relaxed a bit now because of Covid (it was a temporary change wife the midwifes doing it the past few months). I didn't think it was necessarily a routine test, she told me from the start I was at higher risk because of my age and weight which is why I would need to get it at 28 weeks. I live in Scotland, so things may be different up here. I'm seeing my midwife tomorrow so she should have my results. I have to say I've been really lucky all of my midwife appointments have been face to face, the first ones at their hub and the last two she has come to my house.

Bloody hell @Sheera1 and @onlyreadingneverposting8 your care is really crap. It's like the lockdown mums and babies are just being forgotten about. Its utterly shit, whether you're a first time mum or you've done it before you should be getting the care you deserve - pandemic or not! There are ways to do things.

Not sure if its a bit of a postcode lottery but so far things have been okay down here in Sevenoaks re antenatal care. Still 12 weeks to go though so time will tell.

I've got my midwife appointment next week (face to face), then scan the week after and then consultant appointment over the phone.

Good to hear that some are still doing good things! @Frazzlerock @NaomiB79 we should be moving house in September so I'll have to make a decision about moving hospital and the community midwives will change anyway. I could (in theory) stay at the same hospital but it'll be an hours travel rather than 20-25 mins. The nearest hospital will be 10 mins away and then there is one in between, which is where I had my last. Not sure what to do for the best - certainly not doing anything until the move is actually in the bag!!