Those who followed Gina Fords advice what was your experience?

[Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy]

Hi,

I’m a FTM due in two weeks and have read two of Gina Fords books. I like routine and liked the way she offered a clear sleep routine to aim for. However I’m now starting to swing the other way and think more “ go with the flow”. I’m not sure if the strict routines will create more or less stress! What’s your experience?

Ds1 I followed the routine and felt everything was brilliant. Ds2 we went with the flow and looking back I realise it ds1 i was quite the slave to naps and a bit of a fun sponge!

Also there’s several comments balking at the idea of a baby regularly being put down to nap in a cot in a dark room....

Some babies just need this. My DS cannot handle too much stimulation when trying to sleep. He stopped napping on me by 10 weeks. He never fell asleep in the car seat unless he had literally cried himself into exhaustion. He hated napping in the pram. He would physically fight to get out of a sling by 5 months.

Yet he would nap beautifully in his cot, in the dark. He settled himself. If I tried to shush and pat him, I just disturbed him.

It took me months to figure out that all the rocking, patting, buggy walks etc did not work for him. I didn’t work out until he was over 1 year that I could get him to nap in a buggy - but I had to park him in a quiet corner for 5-10 mins and NOT move.

He was obviously unusual as most babies like movement, but not him. Even now, as a toddler, he has literally NEVER fallen asleep on the sofa or at the dinner table etc. He just can’t.

Yes, having to prioritise his need to be home for his big nap was restrictive, but he needed it. The alternative was to drag him around crying and exhausted. On the plus side, when winter came, we were home and warm while other friends babies would only nap in moving prams so they were stuck going for long, cold, wet walks to get their kids to sleep.

It’s just what suits your baby. People will judge, depending on their own experience and what worked for them and might think you’re doing it all “wrong”, but just do what works best for your baby. After all, you’re the one who’ll have to deal with the overtired or hungry baby later!

All the advice about napping in a dark room etc - makes sense but i thought the advice was to always be in the same room as babies for the first 6 months? Are you and your partner then going to bed at 7PM too/what are you doing during their naps?
A genuine question!

My DD was a poor sleeper (and was a complete PITA about feeding/eating and is still very fussy) DS by contrast slept well,(after having colic for first 4 months) and was a million times easier to wean. They have the same parents. A lot boils down to luck.

I read a wide range of books - including GF - and took what suited my fees and family from each. I found The Baby Whisper fascinating because she described all three of my DS's personalities perfectly! They were each so different. There was no way DS1 or 2 would have fitted in a routine easily. However if I had followed GF with DS3 I bet he would have been the perfect sleeper! Unfortunately I had a 4yr old and 2yr old so our routine was governed by them!

Also wondering this @Whiffle77! (Ftm and have a copy, but not yet read, gf's book)

@Whiffle77 I thought this when I was reading the book! Luckily we live in a flat and my friend who has three babies said that if my baby was asleep in our bedroom and door was open and I was in the next room, also door open she felt it would be ok. I’d also have a video monitor on. However then it’s not going to be completely dark 🤔

My other idea is for my baby to nap in the pram in same room as me, I have a sun shade thing to make the pram dark. Of course then it wouldn’t be quiet if we are watching TV etc 🤔. But I’m not going to follow the advice to keep things quiet, I think associating the pram with naps could be good so she can nap when we are out.

This is what I mean about the GF book making you tie yourself in knots a bit!

They really are supposed to be in the same room as you.

itsnoteasy mine slept in their bedrooms & I had monitor to listen out for them.
I didn't read Mumsnet back then & didn't know it was such a big deal being in same room. This was 12 years ago.
I don't know what statistics are on SIDS - I would think Co sleeping to be a greater risk or being so exhausted through lack of sleep that you doze off on sofa while breastfeeding?
I can see that GF makes it harder to keep baby next to you. I think your friend is right though - keep door open & make sure your room is dark & quiet.

Ite NHS and lullaby trust that recommend being in the same room as you for the first six months, rather than mumsnet. The risk of SIDS is low for and baby but the risk is significantly higher if you dont keep them in the same room from what I've read (although they dont know why). I'm pregnant with my first so not got amy practical experience, but if it apparently reduces the risk I will follow it. Just wasnt sure how that aligned with the nap advice shown above!

For a baby born at full term there is no evidence of increased risk of SIDS with safe, planned co-sleeping. It is very dangerous, however, to fall asleep on a sofa or armchair with a baby.

The SIDS guidance is based on the theory that babies will naturally mimic your breathing patterns if they can hear you. It’s very little to do with you being able to hear and see them.

It isn’t possible to follow both GF and the SIDS guidance to the letter (you can tell when reading GF which passages have been inserted for later editions to reflect updated advice) and as with most parenting decisions you have to weigh up the risks.

My little one slept through the night from around 2 weeks old (I had to wake him for feeds). He also napped really well during the day.
I read no books! I think it depends on the baby and the parents.
We had a great social life and we’re out a lot. Advice I got was for the baby into your life and not the other way around. That worked for us, but friends of mine have laughed when we have said it.
They’re all different and a one size fits all approach will never work x

I thank the lord for GF. I hadn't a clue what I was doing and it provided much needed routine and structure. Both babies slept through by 4 months. In contrast I have friends whose kids still don't sleep well and are nearly teenagers. I didn't follow the routines to the letter but I was consistent and it made such a difference. I really recommend giving it a go.

Yes - we used it for ds1 and found it invaluable. We didn't stick rigidly to all the set times, but used the 7am - 7pm and whatever the nap times were (this is 18 years ago!) and ds1 settled really quickly and easily into the routine.

Tried and failed to use it with ds2 as it was just too difficult to combine a toddler with the routine - but eventually got ds2 into a 7am - 7pm routine too.

They've both been great sleepers and even now at 18 and 16 like a routine!

You said her name out loud . She threatened to get this site shut down. The fall out was spectacular.

Official vernacular is SWMNBN (She who must not be named).

whiffie77 sorry yes I know it's official guidance - but nobody really seemed to make much fuss about it 12 years ago & so just went with putting down for nap in a room on their own.

I don't know if I could have managed 24/7 with baby nearby - it was good to have nap time to get stuff done.

I think it would have made me more stressed sticking to new guidelines.

I can't see how the 2hr nap fits the sleep guidelines either as it encourages darkened room.

I do think that routines can be adapted.

No worries @converseandjeans you can only follow the guidelines you have at the time! I'm hoping to sleep most of nap time anyway ha!! Pointless making too many plans though

I preferred Tracey Hogg, who sadly died. Liked her approach. Found up to 6 months they are catnappy so being in trying to enforce a routine is quite hard and restrictive. After 6 months they need less frequent naps and by 1 often move to middle of the day nap. I was rigid round bedtime as my first was not a go with the flow and once in their tired stage at night needed to be in a darkened room.

It's brutal and doesn't make any sense if you're breastfeeding. It's also full on dangerous to put a baby in their own room so early on. If it works for some babies then they would probably have slept well anyway. Forcefeeding a baby and leaving them alone when they need comfort is just low level neglect tbh.

It frustrates me when people go 'oh but my baby was fine'. That's brilliant and thankful goodness! But cot death was comparatively a pretty big thing in the 80s and 90s.

I used it at a time that it was extremely unpopular on here. I didn’t use it so rigidly that it prevented me living or upset my daughter, but I did really find (however arbitrary they might have been) that the routines on the who worked quite well and generally fitted with my daughter’s natural rhythms.
It suited me because I needed to feel a bit of freedom. To me, freedom is t going with the flow, because you don’t k ow where the flow will lead you. Freedom is having an idea of what to expect so you can pla. And know what to expect.
That said, ,OST mums would probably say that freedom is going with the flow, so really it just depends in your personality and life style, and of course, whether your baby takes to it.
Also, I found the baby whisperer forum invaluable at the time (long time ago now). The advice from experienced mums about sleep was brilliant.

My friend bought me the book and I threw it straight in the bin.
Another friend followed it to the letter and made herself So unwell with the stress, I remember sitting in her house listening to her tiny baby crying his eyes out in his cot and she refused to pick him up because according to the book he shouldn’t be hungry for another 35 minutes..when he eventually got fed she was sobbing because he fell asleep and it wasn’t time...it was horrible to see and she wouldn’t listen to advice from anyone else.

A friend of mine had a GF book and we howled with laughter as she read bits out to me. Between us we had seven children under the age of 4. I can see that it might just be possible to stick to that routine if you've got one child but not if you've got more. In my experience the baby has to go along with the toddlers' routine or otherwise you'd never get out of the house and you'd all go mad.

Like most parents we muddled through and managed to get an acceptable night's sleep by co-sleeping. The only book I found genuinely useful with a new baby was the Happiest Baby by Harvey Karpp.

I thought it was a useful book but no way could I have done all of it. I did try to make things predictable for my baby, but it ended up just being a routine that fitted our lives. He was an easy baby anyway. It's all much less useful with more than one child!

It depends on you and of course, on the baby really. I read both the Contented Little Baby (CLB) and also the Baby Whisperer (BW) books and took ideas from both of them. I did put in place a routine but used the EASY method from the BW. I did not ever follow either book to the letter e.g. CLB tells you when to put the washing on, when to eat!

I'm a very structured, organised type - I like to have a plan and therefor taking ideas and adapting them into a routine that suited us both worked for me.

My PFB DD was a very easy going baby and think in hindsight (she is 17 now) would have been equally happy with or without a routine. DS (now 13) was a very different matter - he needed a routine as much as I did. Now that he's older it's clear his personality type is very similar to mine.