Those who followed Gina Fords advice what was your experience?

[Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy]

Hi,

I’m a FTM due in two weeks and have read two of Gina Fords books. I like routine and liked the way she offered a clear sleep routine to aim for. However I’m now starting to swing the other way and think more “ go with the flow”. I’m not sure if the strict routines will create more or less stress! What’s your experience?

It will "work" for some babies because they will naturally follow her routine and would have done regardless of whether their parents had read the book or not.

But I think the best thing is just to follow your baby. Let them sleep, feed and play when they need to.

@Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy

Very interesting. I have a friend who the Gina Ford routines really worked for but she was very restricted to when she could go out etc. She put a lot of work in but her baby did sleep through the night quickly.

I liked the routines but I do find some of it contradictory and found myself tying myself in knots trying to plan how to fit in bath, feed, bedtime, our dinner plus horse and dog all on schedule! Might be ok if you have nothing else apart from the baby. My instinct is telling me to go with the flow now but I guess that’s scary cos it’s a complete unknown with no plan, not great for a control freak like me!

Her baby may have slept through the night anyway. Both mine did within weeks and I was the worst kind of lax parent. Although I kept them up late on purpose most of the time to get a lie-in.

Also don’t be surprised, if you chose to breastfeed, that you might end up cluster feeding every evening until 12! 😂 Whatever happens, try not to get too stressed about routines and just enjoy. Nap when they nap (easier said than done) and delegate! Lots of my friends brought round pre-prepared food, was a godsend! Good luck.

There is a lot to be said for the 4th trimester approach. Routines evolve over time and then there will be an adaptation and then another every few months - when colic ends, when their feeds stretch out, growing/feeding bursts, when they are weaned, become mobile, daytime naps go from 2 to 1 to none.... we all have routines - 4 year olds, 14 year olds and 40 year olds.

Go with what you baby needs and wants and then you can tweak the edges over time to suit your day. 9 to 9 might be better for you and OH. Don’t stress is the most important thing. My no4 spent most of her early life on the school runs, beavers and brownie drop offs, sitting around at swimming lessons, football club, dance etc - she has to go with the flow of family life and we obviously had support her sleeping and eating needs too. She was (still is) an absolute delight, easy going, social, curious, loving and fun.

Just go with what brings you the most calm, loving and joyful moments and you can’t go wrong.

I had a friend that did Gina Ford religiously and her life was so regimented to the point that the babies routine ruled her life. Couldn’t pop out with friends, couldn’t join a baby group to meet other new mums as it was at the ‘wrong’ time. She ended up desperate.

My babies have always fitted in with me. The only thing I’ve had a routine for is 4 hourly feeds but that was easy.

I started with the EASY routine (eat, activity, sleep) - from Tracey Hogg - didn’t read very much of the book - it’s massive! Once he was about 4 weeks - and the benefit of that is they get used to not falling asleep after feeding during the day.

But key points for the day time, which made sense to me were:

• Your baby can only be awake for so long, you want to avoid them getting over tired (I used to think that was nonsense - it’s not!!) - from 4 weeks anywhere between 1-2 hours.
• They can’t go to sleep on an empty stomach, but they can stay asleep on an empty stomach.

So you want them to be asleep no later than 2 hours from when they started feeding usually closer to 1.5 hours (gets longer as they get older)

• The wake up at 7 and bedtime routine from 6 to 7:30ish (feed, read, bath, sleeping bag / dark room, feed, sleep - sometimes 😬) we also did from early on

I will admit under pressure to moving to a routine “inspired” by Gina Ford at about 8 weeks - with dream feed - and does help set you up to drop night feeds if your baby is going to.
But her book is so badly written, and her routine overly complicated and restricted.

But then I hardly ever put my babies down - I’m one of those idiots who loves the newborn - 4 months stage where they are just happy to snuggle in all day and night. 29 weeks pregnant with my third and I can’t wait to “spoil her” as my mother in law insists I did with the other two.

I found her routines helpful as a structure guidance because I was in my own with no help and needed to understand what was needed and approximately when. However I would not do the letting the baby cry aspect as I think that is damaging. Yes some babies are ridiculously difficult, I had one, but they are the ones that need the most help learning to self soothe - and they learn that by you showing them how, not by abandoning them till they give up trying.

Babies can't read so they don't know what they're meant to be doing. They all develop a routine eventually: you introduce 3 meals, at more or less the same time every day; they need fewer naps so then those start happening at specific times; add in some playgroups and snacks once they're one and boom, you're in a routine.

Little babies can often only manage 30-minute catnaps til they're older, and lots need sling or pram naps for longer than you'd think; meanwhile you'll be so busy panicking they're not doing the 2-hour after-lunch cot nap you won't realise you do have a routine, it's just not the one from the book.

Yes, worked like a dream. Didn't find I was restricted as once you have established a routine DS would fall asleep when expected when we were out and about.

Also, feeding to sleep and having a kip next your baby, or letting them sleep on your lap while you mainline chocolate buttons and tootle about on Mumsnet, is a short-lived joy. DD naps better in a cot now than on me, and I miss the opportunity to do nothing except stare at her big cheeks.

I uses GF's routine when both my DC were babies (born in 2002 & 2005) and for me they were a life saver

Mine are teens now so I'm dealing with other issues but they slept from 7 til 7 from about 3m til they were old enough to stay up later (can't remember exactly when that was). We loved having evenings free to exercise/relax or whatever once the DC were asleep and it saved our sanity!

I breastfed on demand and found GF impossible to follow as a result. I didn't express, she does have a plan for breastfed babies but have to express lots.

The guidance for the amounts of sleep at different ages was quite useful. Baby wouldn't sleep at all in the evenings and we eventually realised she was too knackered. By increasing naps she went to sleep better in the evening.

I also found the second book useful when I had my second, but didn't follow it slavishly.

Lots of friends hated it and found it ruined their confidence

Didn’t work and I couldn’t keep up with the schedule. Felt like I was constantly racing to get the next bit done and not enjoying my baby. Baby also didn’t follow her rules!

Be aware also, that GF's routines are rarely compatible with responsive feeding, which is recommended for newborn babies, whether breast or bottle feeding. It's particularly important if you plan to breastfeed, since trying to impose a routine early on can severely impact your milk supply. I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if I've repeated what's already been said. Best of luck and congratulations! It sounds like your instinct to go with the flow will serve you well!

Worked really well for both mine & yes it's restrictive in some ways - but really it's worth it. Both mine had 2 hour naps and went to bed 7-7 from 6 weeks old. So that meant I could plan my day properly & have a nap myself at lunch if I wanted to.

We used to stay out over lunch sometimes but would probably do 5/7 days at home.

Babies & children do like routine - when they start nursery they definitely have a routine as they get all the babies napping same time. School is routine too.

Mine didn't cry much as they're never really over tired or hungry & they know what to expect. So it's not the case that Gina Ford babies are left screaming their heads off.

It's not popular on MN however & I'm not too sure why? Surely everyone wants a baby that sleeps at night?

P.s. Have a read of books by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. They sound more up your street!

I found the best thing with mine was this:

1. First weeks of life, up to 6/8 weeks, go with the flow but take notes on an app so you can see a pattern developing

1. Use the pattern to create a loose routine of when they tend to want to eat, sleep and play and keep using the app to track changes over time

For me rather than routine it was more important to pay attention to wake times to make sure he wasn't up too long between each nap. Everything else I just went with the flow.

We used it for both children. I say we did but actually it was on a loose level. We started and still do start and finish the day at 7. Did the feeding routine (bottle fed) which worked well for us and same for sleep times.
Both children slept through from approx 4 months. Settle themselves off to sleep and I can honestly count on one hand the amount of times we have needed to be up in the night with them unless they have been ill.
We did it loosely in that once we established these routines we could work around it, they were fed and slept if needed whilst we were out of the house.
My 2nd child had colic from 4-12ish weeks and it was a killer every evening to comfort her but I feel feeding times really helped because I knew they weren't crying for hunger.

The children although have differing personalities are indeed contented and as babies were always calm and not cryers.

I did not follow the don't make eye contact or too many cuddles though as seemed unnecessary.
What I will say I learned from Gina ford is a dark room is a must!

I would be interested to know whether people with babies who refuse to be put down & are waking several times a night have tried a routine. I'm baffled as to why not - surely nobody wants broken sleep for months on end?

We used it for our first DS he was the perfect contented little baby, motherhood was easy and he fell into it very easily and absolutely thrived. When out and about strangers commented on how happy, contented and how placid he was.
(The weaning book was also very good. DS is a teenager and will eat anything apart from cheese and buttery spreads).
I knew I had periods of time throughout the day to myself (so I went in the shower when he had a sleep at I think 9.30am) and after 7pm the evening was ours completely, you couldn’t hear a pin drop. He woke up bang on time for his feeds. So I could anticipate them. The first time we stayed at MIL’s when he was 3 months. I fed him at 7pm and settled him in his travel cot in less than 5 mins. MIL smugly said oh you made that look easy but I wonder how many times he will be awake in the night and how early he will be up in the morning snigger, snigger. I tentatively said well I am not sure but he usually sleeps until 7am. Sure enough he woke up bang on 7am. We didn’t have any family support so no nights out or away for us and DH was out for over 12 hours a day Monday to Friday so it was a lifesaver. We could go out for a nice lunch and time it so we fed him just before our meal arrived and we could have chat and a nice meal on a weekend. However, it was quite restrictive and stressful in terms of routines.
Also we tried it with DD just over a year after DS and it did not work at all for her, she was completely exhausting.

I've done a 'relaxed' version of Gina ford and will do it again with my twins. I agree with a lot of what she says as well as disagree with a fair bit as well. You don't have to use it verbatim! It just can be useful for a first time parent especially to have a structure to the sleeping and feeding routine after the first few weeks. I use a combination of Gina ford with babies as well as food old snuggling and demand feeding if needed. You can pick an choose and some of her advise is really useful

My DS was way happier with her routine than my useless attempts at winging it for a month. I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I was in pain, exhausted and not washing, not really thinking straight either. We benefited from the structure.

I didn't use it as much with my second and regret it to this day. She never slept as well.

GF really seemed to work for my first, less so for my 2nd and not at all for my 3rd. At the time I thought I was some kind of great mum as others tried GF and failed, but I had succeeded! In retrospect I think Ds1 was just amenable.
I wouldn’t do it now, I actually think it is quite brutal. I feel awful that I worked for that critical first year to respond to my son’s cries with distraction techniques if I believed it was too soon for his feed, or feeding him before he asked. Wtaf! Awful. Obvs it’s a sample of 1, but he’s now quite anxious and unsure of himself, although a pleasure to everyone else as he is so compliant. I honestly feel that I should have responded in the right manner to everything that he went through instead of trying so hard to get him to stick to a routine. He was indeed a contented baby, but I wonder at what cost. Why not wait until he was hungry to feed him so that he knew that if he asked, he would be fed? Why feed him before he felt hungry, or even worse, play with him if he was hungry so he would forget about it until the right time?! What was all of that wiring into his little developing brain?
2nd and 3rd are much happier in themselves and happier to ask for things. Obvs there are so many factors affecting them but I do think that trying to impose a routine on a baby that might have benefitted more from finding their own rhythm and discovering at a young age that if he made his needs clear, they would be sorted out. Surely this would have been better for him in the long term.
That said, I might not have managed to help him find his own rhythm either! I found those early days quite hard!
He recently had counselling for various things and the therapist suggested that some key behavioural /cognitive steps may have been missed when he was a baby (although she did not say/we did not discuss GF).