Those who followed Gina Fords advice what was your experience?

[Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy]

Hi,

I’m a FTM due in two weeks and have read two of Gina Fords books. I like routine and liked the way she offered a clear sleep routine to aim for. However I’m now starting to swing the other way and think more “ go with the flow”. I’m not sure if the strict routines will create more or less stress! What’s your experience?

Someone recommended to me when pregnant... read it, got scared, ditched it!! We followed no routine, breastfed on demand, slept when she needed to and things worked out fine. Was a good sleeper (although went to sleep fairly late after cluster feeding but usually slept until 8am!) cant have it all ways, babies need fed often. They make their own wee routine and I loved that we could be flexible with meeting pals and doing all the sociable stuff!

burritofan zhampagne

I'm genuinely interested to know if you tried and stuck to the routine? I know nobody wants a baby that doesn't sleep. But so many people are critical and say it doesn't work for them. It's quite hard work sticking to it if you're tired & I wonder if people try for a week or so and give up? I was back at work when DD was just 4 months old and really needed the routine to survive that.

I think the point of a routine is that you preempt the babies need before they get to the point of having to demand anything. So they don't need to demand a feed or scream themselves to sleep as you've already anticipated that need (hunger/tiredness) and met it.

Agree with this. Mine didn't really cry much as babies.

Don't bother OP. Mine slept through the night early on with no routine whatsoever.

Dont cause yourself untold misery by trying to shoe horn your child into someone else's routine. I will tell you now, your baby hasn't read that book and they will do whatever the hell they want.

@converseandjeans my eldest pretty much cried all of the time. It wasn't because he didn't have a routine. He had a medical issue. Absolute nonsense.

@converseandjeans I don't think I can really answer your question because I never attempted GF routines (and I have also not criticised her or said that her methods didn't work for me). I breastfed on demand and co-slept. When I read GF at about 3 months in I found that DD had more or less fallen into the same routine that GF prescribed. By the time DS came along he had to fit into our existing routine but was much less easy-going. Different babies, different personalities, and although GF's routine might have worked for him it was impossible to reconcile with the real-life structure of our day, with school runs etc.

There are lots of reasons why parents don't choose to use a very strict routine and a reluctance to put in hard work isn't necessarily one of them. It's my experience that the people of my acquaintance who liked GF are the Type A personalities who need a sense of control. That's not me. Equally, some people work really really hard for a long time on routines and still have a child who doesn't sleep well; they are not a panacea.

I spent way too much of DS baby days crying and stressing about getting him into a routine, I don't half regret it and really wish I'd just gone with the flow from the beginning, both me and DS were much happier when I stopped restricting us so much.

zhampagne I'm not being awkward but I'm baffled as to why anyone would put up with months of broken sleep. Didn't you get to the point when you thought it might be a good idea to give it a go?

I think I just like routine myself so it suited me. Plus I had no clue what I was doing. Also as I said back at work early days and needed to be able to function.

Did your friends who did try a routine manage to get babies sleeping longer?

fatted a child with health issues is a differnt thing surely?

I do think lack of sleep is the cause of so many problems with the health of the mother & it is overlooked. Not only tiredness but feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

Gina Ford has never had a baby of her own. That is actually all you need to know. Looking after other people's babies is really different from looking after your own (have done both).

@converseandjeans

I am not making the argument that you think I am. I sleep just fine. I’m happy that the routines worked for you but have you considered the possibility that your children would have slept just as well without them?

zhampagne

Oh yes. I specifically requested months of broken sleep when I ordered my babies

I assumed you had babies which didn't sleep. Sorry if that's wrong.

We cracked the sleeping but it doesn't mean we are amazing parents for sure.

I had my first pre Gina Ford - he was a horrendous sleeper & eater. Health visitor was type who said let baby feed as much as he wants and sleep when he wants. He never had a switch that told him he was full & he never slept through the night till he was nearly 4.
Read Gina Ford when pregnant with my 2nd & I found some of her advice really helpful - especially about not letting babies get over tired, cuddling to sleep & a how much a baby should eat when weaning. DD slept through from six weeks & was such an easy baby. I did not follow the schedules exactly but changed it to fit in with having to do the school run etc. It was lovely to know that DD would fall asleep coming home from collecting my DS & I would have an hour to just concentrate on him (although he did often ask if he could wake her up). I also followed her advice about potty training & DD took less than 2 weeks just before her 2nd birthday.

converseandjeans Some babies scream as babies, regardless. You literally can't force a routine on a baby with colic – I'm talking actual colic, screaming for 3 hours on end at specific times each evening, not when people say colic but they mean gas.

Of course I fucking tried a routine. Despite c-section complications I leaped out of bed at 7am each morning and threw open the curtains to get her body clock set. I never fed in bed in the morning, always in the sitting room in bright daylight. I watched the clock like a hawk and knew all about awake times and overtiredness. DD fed relentlessly. I logged every feed and every sleep and every nappy for months. I always took her out for fresh air, and paid for expensive baby massage classes and chucked lavender oil around like a scented Jackson bloody Pollock and she still woke up all the fucking time.

I also needed a routine and unbroken sleep but some babies just wake up, for months and years, and unless you have one of those babies you can't understand, and you think it's because the parents haven't tried hard enough, or your baby slept because you did the routine or the white noise or the blackout blind. Bollocks.

cast Yes, looking after hundreds of babies over a professional lifetime, living with them in a residential setting for months at a time, is very difficult to caring for one or two babies in a haze of hormones for a total of a few months.

I don't know how much not having a baby can be used against gf that's like saying a midwife who hasn't given birth won't be any good ? In fact often as a parent you're so emotionally Invested it can be hard to see the wood from the trees .,. Eg realising that sometimes it's ok to leave a crying baby for a couple of minutes if you're in the shower or with another child etc but as a mother it's nearly impossible to not instantly panic at the sound of your child crying even though really you know a minute or two won't cause them long term damage ! Think about all the times we subconsciously see friends reacting or dealing with their babies and kids and think 'oh I wouldn't do that' etc...

I used it and found it useful. I didn’t follow it to the letter, but as a clueless new parent it gave me some instructions.

It's quite hard work to establish and maintain a very strict routine while recovering from a birth, and it requires quite a bit of sacrifice of daytime activities while you establish the nap routine in particular. The problem with people who evangelise about GF routines is that in their belief that the routine was the thing which made their children sleep well there also comes the belief that the parents of poor sleepers are somehow choosing to live that way. They don't quite believe it when the parents of the poor sleeper tell them that routine did not work for them, and that's why you get the questions about whether you did it right, or for long enough, or whether you tried hard enough. Accepting that routine is not a magic bullet to cure all poor sleepers means also considering the possibility that their child might have slept just fine without the routine and that all that hard work and sacrifice might not have been necessary - and that is just unthinkable.

OP, have a read of GF and by all means give it a go. It might really suit you and your baby, especially if you are the kind of person who takes comfort in routines yourself. But if it doesn't work from you then give away the book and don't give it a second thought.

Good. It made us feel like we knew what we were doing, and working together, dd1 worked much better left to cry it out for a short time in a darkened room than cuddles and attention which used to infuriate her. She loves routine and predictability so it makes sense in retrospect that it suited her. Dd2 was more easy going and we were less in need of a clear plan, so didn't follow it as much with her. Kids and parents do well with routines and predictability, as long as there is also good care and bond and play.

Thank you so much to everyone who posted. I’ve read every one and there are some excellent insights.

I think I do feel less stressed thinking about going with the flow in the first few weeks and see what routine my baby naturally falls into. I’ll then gently aim for the 7-7 structure, I definitely like the idea of the bath and bed routine too. As some of you have acknowledged I do have a busy outdoor life with horse and dog, thankfully amazingly helpful husband too! I have a off road pram and will definitely be investing in a sling. The horse is in a routine so a bit like a second child the baby will kind of need to fit in with that.

One thing I’m looking forward to, which the GF book made me think I couldn’t/shouldn’t do is just hanging out with the baby, like on a Sunday morning bringing the baby into bed while we chat, have tea etc. Or Like someone mentioned the baby sleeping on you while you eat chocolate and go on Mumsnet! These moments sound like kind of what it’s all about.

I think as some people have said it’s easy to get hung up on getting the baby to sleep through the night ASAP and to stick to a schedule, I think I was just focused on this instead of thinking of the precious moments I might actually enjoy with my baby!

I have 4 dc and got GF when my eldest was about 8 weeks and I was knackered and stressed so here’s my two pence.

• they are VERY badly written so you need to concentrate quite hard to know what she is saying.
• all of my babies were 2-3 weeks behind the “routines” so I stayed 2-3 weeks behind rather than try to catch up
• loads of people will tell you she advocates leaving babies to cry and starve but that wasn’t my interpretation
• she’s obviously slightly eccentric so take her instructions with a pinch of salt. I remember her scheduling large glasses of water at very specific times and being very strict about how long to feed from each breast.
• I think the suitability depends on how much the mother likes routine. I’m not the best at going with the flow
• Just feed of demand is often shit advice. My baby didn’t demand and I couldn’t relax as I was waiting for him to start demanding. He’s 17 and he’s still never asked me for anything.
• I didn’t know that babies cry because they are overtired. Encouraging your baby to sleep before they get overtired is useful
• the routines are restrictive
• all my babies were good at sleeping at night but shit at sleeping in the buggy or car during the day and I’m pretty sure this is because I always put them to sleep in their cot (or cuddled them to sleep if they were unsettled). They rarely just randomly fell asleep on an outing. It was a compromise I was willing to make but ymmv
• best thing I ever did with my subsequent children is feed every 3 hours between 6am and midnight for the first few weeks. I think GF aphasia that as 0-1 week but I stayed on it. I would feed at other times if I thought they wanted feeding but GF has a theory that they can only do one longer stretch so it makes sense to encourage them to have that stretch after midnight. If I fed at 5am I would still top up at 6am and then try to go to 9. It was much better for my supply than my feed on demand failure.
• GF will not suit all mothers
• you may still end up cluster feeding for hours or with a baby with colic

Yup trying to follow GF does mean spending a lot of time checking wth you are supposed to be doing instead of gazing lovingly at a sleeping baby on your chest :)

Depends on the baby. I tried go with the flow but my baby was very sensitive to over tiredness and I ended up having to follow a sleep schedule with him (not GF). He was a happier baby for it, but yes, it was restrictive at times. I found GF books far too strict though. No problem with have a structure to your day but realise baby won’t always do what you want and that’s ok. Sometimes you need to listen to your baby too.

My friend did it, it was highly restrictive and it contributed to her giving up breastfeeding. When their son was three, her husband told me he'd never slept through the night.

I thought it was brilliant to be fair.

Sleep begets sleep for babies, the trick is the get in there and put them down for a nap before they show the cues, as by that point they're over tired. So I found the nap schedule really helpful.

I also agree with her advice about your partner giving the baby a bottle of expressed milk or formula in the evening so you can get some uninterrupted sleep. Sleep is really essential to having a good milk supply (as long as you don't skip more than just that one feed obviously!)

Third piece of advice is keep the nursery dark at all times. Get some blackout curtains if you need to. Buy a comfy armchair or rocking chair and take baby in there to settle for every nap. Eventually they will associate it with sleep and nod off within seconds of entering the room. It's like magic!

We only followed the advice we thought would work for us, we didnt do controlled crying as we didnt have the heart.

Was a godsend and a really good starting point. Son needed an extra hour in the day for his age/size ( he’s always loved his bed 🙄) but it gave me a good routine to start on. For us everything came after a good sleep routine and looking back he was an easy baby because of it. A routine definitely worked for us.

I haven't read that book but just to offer a perspective on routine vs go with flow.

I've always had a loose routine to my days... Go out roughly same time, baby fed every couple hours, I settled into it quite naturally.

As my son got older closer to one (now he's 1.5) I really enjoyed a rough routine, eg went out 9.30am, back for lunch at 11.15, nap at 12-2, play out at 3 back for dinner at 5pm. Bed at 7pm.

I have never found this restrictive at all. There are lots of times I can meet people.

In my mum friend group, funny enough it's those who are go with the flow, who have lots of trouble meeting up. Because it depends how well their little ones have slept, when the will be tired, they often can't commit to times or we meet and their little ones are super grouchy whereas I know my son will be happy as he is well rested.

This is my experience only but I'm happy with a loose routine. From what I've seen of GF I couldn't be too restrictive when the baby is little. I think there's a middle ground.