Those who followed Gina Fords advice what was your experience?

[Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy]

Hi,

I’m a FTM due in two weeks and have read two of Gina Fords books. I like routine and liked the way she offered a clear sleep routine to aim for. However I’m now starting to swing the other way and think more “ go with the flow”. I’m not sure if the strict routines will create more or less stress! What’s your experience?

Her's was the only book I have ever thrown in the bin.
I think my problem was, that whilst I had read the book and understood the concept, my baby hadn't...

I BF and used the 3/4 hour feeding schedule, it worked for me, she was a very contented baby, but again you have to be prepared to not hit the exact timings. If baby gets up half an hour later or needs feeding an hour earlier, just go with it.

So for example, feed roughly every 3/4 hours as opposed to 8am, 12pm, 4pm, etc.,

I am a person who craves routine and structure too but I personally don't really feel it's fair to impose that on a baby who has no control over anything - I don't feel hungry/tired at the same times every day or to the same amount every day so why should they? I found that structuring my days and weeks with different activities much more helpful and then being relaxed in terms of sleeping and feeding and just fitting that in when needed.

As PPs have said it depends on the baby. It didn't work for my DDs and I wish I'd burnt it the day I picked it up. Still regret the times I let eldest DD 'cry it out'. So unintinctive. More generally with parenting, my advice is the sooner you make peace with the fact that life has fundamentally changed and that you're not in full control anymore, the easier life will be.

Babies are just so different. I think it's fluke whether it "works" or not.

I tried all sorts with my son to get him to sleep through the night and he wouldn't. He was still having night feeds at 12 mo.

My daughter is 10 weeks and sleeps reliably from around 11pm - 6pm. She has no particular routine whatsoever due to lockdown. She eats and sleeps as she sees fit.

I think it's setting yourself up for a lot of stress.

I do think somewhere in the middle is the right path. Some routine is useful both for your baby (so their world isn’t chaos) and for you (so you can structure your days). GF can be rigid if you follow it to the letter but you can also follow it more loosely and accept that some naps are on the go in the pram, car, sling. I do think babies like some routine - imagine if you never know what’s coming next! And having a routine means you are following their sleep needs which makes a happier baby.

I found Gina Ford really helpful. She was the only person who set down in black and white what she would expect a baby's routine to typically look like. That was so useful for me when I was a first time mum who didn't know many other babies.

I didn't stick rigidly to her routines as that wasn't my parenting style, but I always had them in my mind as something to aim for. But I never got stressed out if my baby woke up an earlier than he was supposed to or whatever (and in fact DC1 wasn't a great sleeper - maybe he'd have been better if I'd followed the routines to the letter).

You'll find your way OP. For me, the best approach was to have a routine in my head but not beat myself up if things didn't go according to plan.

Worked for me. But this is because Ds1 put himself into a routine, like a robot! From the day he was born. He fed every 4 hours, on the dot. 6 o'clock, 10 o'clock, 2 o'clock, 6 o'clock, 10 o'clock, 2 o'clock.

6am,10am,2pm,6pm,10pm,2am.
It was only after a week of this, that I read her book.

But do what is right for you. If it works for you great, if some of the pointers help but you want a softener regime, fine. If your baby doesn't fit and won't comply, just bin it!

I've never understood the outrage!

I didn't mind Gina Ford and followed it loosely with my first. I didn't find it restrictive and it seemed to work.

I couldn't follow it at all with my subsequent children though. Maybe someone better than me can explain, but I just didn't see how I could follow the routines whilst attending to my older children's needs. So all of my other kids were very much go with the flow re their nap times.

It could be a coincidence but my oldest is a shit sleeper now but the rest are ok.

My youngest is 13 so also a while ago since I had babies. Personally, I found parts of it helpful in terms of providing suggestions as to how a day could look.

I didn't slavishly follow it if I had things on, nor did I ever wake either child if they slept past 7. A lot of my friends with babies roughly followed it too, you'd see many a parent (typically dads) asleep under a copy of The Contented Little Baby on the Met Line on the early train back then..

I think it becomes a lot less relevant if you have more than one child though, as it's really based on just having one baby, rather than a roaming toddler or sibling as well.

It really worked for me and my son. I started the 7-7 routine the morning after he was born. It was restrictive, but I only had 12 weeks maternity leave so I knew I had to get ready very quickly.

My son is an adult now and he's a stickler for his routines 🙂. I wonder if that's related

I do find it sad that we have babies and then expect them to fit into our lives at the earliest opportunity. Our society has an obsession with children sleeping through the night, which doesn’t help.
In your circle of friends there will always be someone with a child who: sleeps through from birth/doesn’t sleep at all;
is born reciting Shakespeare/is reluctant to speak;
Feeds like a dream and asks for kumquat and kale salad everyday/takes hours to finish a bottle and will only eat beige food.

As this thread has shown, babies are not ‘one size fits all’ - some will like the routine, others won’t. Follow the baby’s lead and don’t beat yourself up or tie yourself in knots trying to find the holy grail of sleep. Friends who used GF were difficult to socialise with, even when their children were toddlers, as they had such a strict routine. Socialising is so important for you both.

If you haven’t already, you might want to read about the fourth trimester. I also found the app ‘wonder weeks’ (I think it was called that) useful.

Good luck.

I think maybe see how you go for the first few weeks. You may have a naturally calm, sleepy baby and not have to worry about sleep anyway!

I read a LOT of sleep books, and I found some of GF helpful. I ended up sort of doing a mix of GF and the baby whisperer stuff from about 9 weeks, and it worked really well.

I will say that in my (one child) experience, any sort of strict routine is difficult if you are planning on breastfeeding - no routine worked whilst we were.

I ripped every page out of mine on night 2. Should've used it as bog roll. Don't do it, OP!

A friend who had dc way before me blamed the unrealistic routines for helping her to develop depressions as she felt she was doing everything 'wrong' and if she just did it 'by the book' she'd get more sleep. She had 2 dc close in age and it absokitely doesn't work for anyone with more than one child or dependent.

There were a couple of mums in our nct group who were followers of her routines and it really really didn't help them in terms of making friends and coming to groups etc. They couldn't ever let their babies sleep in the pram or in the car and had to be at home for hours in the day, making meet ups and walks etc impossible. I survived the early months by hanging out with other people and eating cake in cafes so a portable baby was much more important to me.

I've got 3 dc now and they are so so so different and always have been in terms of sleep, naps, feeding and activity levels. A GF routine probably would have worked OK for my 3rd, my 2nd was more of a Baby Whisperer type routine and my first was not going to stop feeding and sleep for anyone!

One thing you'll find as you become a parent, parents of good sleepers often credit it with something they've done - see the previous poster's comment about their child sleeping because they're emotionally secure. I was one of those parents until I had my second.

In my experience some kids are 'good' sleepers and some aren't and it's mostly down to personality type. Don't congratulate yourself if they sleep through and don't blame yourself if they don't; it's just luck of the draw!

OP I read and tried the method as, like you, I love routines, but it was way too strict with the timings and caused me lots of stress at a time when I was already incredibly tired and wrung out. The whole 'at 7.00 do this, at 7.06 do that' approach, in my experience babies just don't work like that. I remember being in tears because my baby was falling asleep feeding when Gina said he should be awake!

If you want some routine, the Baby Whisperer 'eat, sleep, activity, you time' is much more straightforward. No clock watching, just an easy to remember rinse and repeat system.

www.amazon.co.uk/Book-Wish-Your-Parents-Children/dp/0241250994?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I would read the above book instead - it’s all about attunement, building bonds and parenting. I wish I had the opportunity to read it when my DCs were younger as raising them is so much more than sleeping and eating routines - although this is where most of our time and the most “challenging” parts of parenting are.....it would have been good to know the bigger picture.

Sorry, that should have read 'eat, activity, sleep, you time' (EASY)!

You'll not get much support for GF on here as you can probably tell already, but it isn't actually obligatory to hate her or burn her books
It's a long time since my dc was a baby so I can't remember too much. I didn't follow it to the letter but it certainly helped me initially.

GF isn't very popular on here! I would suggest you remember that babies are individuals and what works for one won't necessarily work for another. My Dd1 is definitely not a GF baby, but dd2's natural rhythm fits in with GF's timetable but I couldn't follow it slavishly as it didn't fit in with my timetable of taking dd1 to and from school other commitments.

Her books are easy to find second hand

The other thing to remember with GF is that her background and routines are based on being a professional nanny to other people's children. That is fundamentally different to being a new mother needing bond with her child and who would mentally and emotionally benefit from getting out of the house to see friends for coffee, meet other mums at baby group etc.

I wouldn't do follow Gina ford's schedule if you paid me a million pounds - I'm being totally serious.

In this country so much emphasis is placed on things like sleeping through the night ASAP but we lose sight of the importance of night-wakings and how totally natural they are. They are a normal part of a baby's development, not a problem to be fixed.

My MIL-to-be bought me gina ford's toddler book. I immediately wanted to chuck it but thought I'd at least give it a go seeing as it was a gift. I got as far as the bit that said at age x they should nap for 45 mins starting at 12:30pm and honestly she'd lost me from there. All children are individuals and Gina ford really, really does go against everything I believe in.

My baby napped on me regularly until ten months old and we did all sorts of other things that I'm sure 'the rules' wouldn't allow and guess what there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. He's a happy toddler, obsessed with his daddy and sleeps in his own cot really well. Gina ford can do one!

We followed the gist of the book with my son 19 years ago ie. the 7 am start , feeding and nap times. Quite strictly at first then once he was into the routine we could be more flexible as in nap times when we were out and about etc. I'm a person who likes routine and he was truly a contented baby. People would comment on how lucky we were that he was so good. Maybe so I thought but then tried it again 8 years later with twins, not quite as easy but it worked again. I think it's very much dependent on what kind of person you are and if you like a set routine it can help. I also think that children thrive on routine and being well rested, mine were always in bed for 7 and slept 12 hours. Bliss!