Late October Thread - 4

[DressingGown87]

Thread 4 ladies!

Girls: @DressingGown87 @Jaffas22 @DogCatDex @EmmaA96 (twins) @Parks11 @LadyB90 @Strawberries4days @LST87

Boys: @sunbreak @FirstSurprise001 @WaveStreet @roarfeckingroar
@Mc3209 @KitKatKit @1990shopefulftm @Lolllyf @HelenMarie1001 @Freddie1987 @BS9790

Suprise / Waiting: @60sPony @Monkeyseesmonkeydoesnt @UpsyDaisy1234 (twins) @Glooorb @AdventureAhead @Elizag20 @justtb @Clalou83 @Sls668 @SJR86 @Flora20 @SamK93

If I have missed you! Sorry!

@roarfeckingroar yes, my hip pains horrendous at times and so I wouldn't fancy doing anything to make it worse right now.

Good that you had a talk about it with him.

@roarfeckingroar I've completely gone off the idea of sex since getting into the second trimester, I think the growing belly and general symptoms have something to do with it but at the same time, want to be wanted and struggling to get my head around the new dynamic between us. I think as long as you're talking about it then that's good, it's natural to go through phases. I'm sure you'll be back to 'normal' before long! I do think it's great that he says he'll try make more of an effort if that's what you want though, it's a two way street isn't it.

@roarfeckingroar I feel you, you are definitely not alone. My sex drive is on the up right now, so I've taken matters into my own hands, if you know what I mean. There was even a thread on here somewhere exactly about this topic, it's a common situation apparently!

@roarfeckingroar oh god you sound just like me last week!! I sent me DP a message (it was like pages and pages) just asking him to be honest about whether he still found me attractive as he doesn’t initiate it anymore. Prior to pregnancy we used to have sex A LOT and now I’m lucky if it’s once a week. Turns out he’s just like your partner and worrying that I’ll be tired or that he’ll hurt me or the baby (good one honey, it’s not that big )
I know what you mean though, it would just be nice to forget the bump and baby and go at it like we used to 😂

@roarfeckingroar I think what you're feeling is totally normal! We're having hardly any sex compared to pre-pregnancy, but we've chatted about it and we're okay with it. Weirdly, I'm having loads of graphic sex dreams (wtaf?!) which makes me wonder if I really am okay with it?!

The idea of sex is great but as soon as I've had dinner I'm ready to pass out and all I can think about is how my neck/shoulders/back/hips are tired!

@roarfeckingroar I totally feel you. Iv been getting really upset because Iv seen DP has been watching porn on his phone (not sure how much of a new thing this is I came across it by accident) but it really made me feel shit about myself wondering aren’t I good enough any more just because I’m pregnant. Yeah we’ve still had sex but not as often or as fun as it used to be. So all last week Iv let it work me up, I still haven’t said anything because 1- I don’t want an argument and 2- I wouldn’t want to embarrass him. I don’t know if I have a right to be upset or if I’m just been sensitive with the hormones ... or maybe I was always naive thinking he didn’t watch it and most men do? I don’t know 😕

Thank you for your sympathy - I'm sorry to hear so many of us are sharing these frustrations! Pregnancy plays with your self esteem and sense of self and general anxiety, so no wonder it's a common problem.

@Jaffas22 I would be really annoyed / upset if I saw DP had looked at porn. Are you ok and going to talk to him about it?

@roarfeckingroar I don’t know what to do 😔 I want to say something because it’s eating away and making me feel rubbish but I feel like the moment has gone. I only borrowed his phone whilst we were in the car as my battery died and saw it on his search history .. I was too taken back by it at the time. It just doesn’t sit right with me, and like you say it makes you question yourself and why aren’t I enough that he feels the need to do that

@Jaffas22 I don't sit in the "all men watch porn" camp at all. I feel very strongly about it and DP knows that. So I might not be the right person to give advice but if it were me I would have to say something and let him know how hurt it made me feel. Would it bother you usually or do you think it's because you feel a bit vulnerable in general? I'm sure he still thinks you're gorgeous.

@roarfeckingroar I just didn’t think it would be something he’d need to do as we’ve always had a good sex life .. Iv never really checked his phone to have came across it before so I don’t know if it’s a new phase or what.. but no it doesn’t sit right with me, and I think even before all the hormones etc it still would have upset me. I just want to make sure I’m not over reacting because I always have been a sensivie person and do take things to heart but didn’t really know who to speak about it to until I saw your post

those of you that had side effects from the whooping cough jab, when did it kick in? I've been feeling warm since I had it but don't actually have a temperature so could just be the humidity.

@Jaffas22 maybe talk to him calmly about how you feel and your worries. Your feelings are absolutely valid, especially when you're pregnant.

@Jaffas22 The best thing to always do is talk, it's not about having an argument it's just about telling him how it made you feel.

In regards to the sex situation my partner also feels the same in that he just wants to look after me, give me space etc...... We keep speaking and I think that's all you can do. Also never felt happier and closer to him.

Took me a while to catch up on today's messages.
We have had a day out, a friend of my mums daughter has sold and given us an awful lot of stuff today. It really has saved us a fortune. So grateful, takes away any stress of shopping. All in mint condition. The travel system mammas and pappas Ocarro £350 and next to me crib £50 instead of £120. Then countless of other things.
Was never going to buy second hand travel system but she literally used for a few months due to their son being in and out of hospital, then a surprise baby come along and she had to get a double pram system. Now all stored at the mother in laws.
So chuffed!!!!

Can anyone describe movements to me what moments feel like? That isn't flutters!!

Omg, try again. That made no sense 😂

Can anyone describe to me, what movements feel like/have felt like for them? That isn't "flutters"!

@BS9790 For me it left like a muscle twitch in the lower belly. It helped to put a hand on a belly to feel the 'twitch' from the outside as well.

@BS9790 i agree with @Mc3209 it's like a muscle twitch. I'm feeling mine so much more and DP actually felt him too last night 😍.

@Jaffas22 Sometimes those conversations are quite difficult to start. You are feeling what you are feeling, it really doesn't matter if you are over reacting, under reacting or anything in between. These are your feelings and you are allowed to feel them. When you feel ready let your DP in on them. Remember he is on your side (or he bloody well should be).

@Clalou83 that’s great. I am also trying to buy a lot second hand. So many of the things will only be used for a few months. Haven’t got much yet but I have been checking Facebook marketplace and gumtree and there is so much! I got some great baby clothes that look new.

@Jaffas22 I definitely would say try to have a calm conversation with your DP about it, one thing you might want to ask yourself is if the problem is with the porn or the 'pleasing himself' bit, just because that might help explain why you're feeling the way you do. Remember your feelings are valid even if hormones are upping them a bit at the mo!

For me and my DP its me that is saying no to sex at the mo, I've had some bleeding on and off which they think is polyps and so the idea of possibly causing more blood which would lead to more anxiety is putting me off.. We're just doing 'other things' at the mo.

@Jaffas22 Bless you, that's a tricky one and I would feel the same as you. As others have said, I also think the best thing to do is to talk it out. My gut reaction would be to go ape shit however I think remaining as calm and neutral as you can is best for you right now. I would try to understand his reasoning for going down the porn avenue, as that might help? Sending you a hug

@1990shopefulftm Side effects from the jab started about 2 hours later... my arm got progressively more sore from then, headache kicked in andit didn't pass for four days!

@BS9790 I totally agree, it's not flutters at all. It's like you're about to pass wind but then the gas bubble just pops inside you

@Kitkatkit my arm is quite sore this morning, no sign of a headache as yet. I had whopping cough myself 25 years ago so I m not sure if that's making any difference.

@BS9790 agree with the others, it's like a proper jab from the inside. I always imagine like a little hand or foot poking out from the inside of a balloon if that makes sense?! But with a thin cushion on top so it's not obvious from the outside but you can definitely sense it. When they move, it's more like a swirling feeling, like someone's doing the washing up inside your lower belly!

@Jaffas22 That's a horrible situation for you to be in. I'd be furious to be honest, and I don't think it's unreasonable to be... But as others have said, try to have a conversation about it and let him know how you feel. Hope you're feeling ok x