Late October Thread - 4

[DressingGown87]

Thread 4 ladies!

Girls: @DressingGown87 @Jaffas22 @DogCatDex @EmmaA96 (twins) @Parks11 @LadyB90 @Strawberries4days @LST87

Boys: @sunbreak @FirstSurprise001 @WaveStreet @roarfeckingroar
@Mc3209 @KitKatKit @1990shopefulftm @Lolllyf @HelenMarie1001 @Freddie1987 @BS9790

Suprise / Waiting: @60sPony @Monkeyseesmonkeydoesnt @UpsyDaisy1234 (twins) @Glooorb @AdventureAhead @Elizag20 @justtb @Clalou83 @Sls668 @SJR86 @Flora20 @SamK93

If I have missed you! Sorry!

@roarfeckingroar it's a more than reasonable request to say no calls at that time even when not pregnant, they should do that for you at this point.

Is anyone getting Braxton Hicks yet? I think I had few today 🥴 Not sore, but my uterus part of the bump just goes hard (just like immediately after an orgasm) for few seconds and then goes away. So strange.

@DressingGown87 I woke up at 4am yesterday (and couldn't go to sleep again) and didn't put it down to being hungry... I'll be making a sandwich the next time that happens 😄

@Clalou83 Not so much growing pains as, full body tiredness, headaches and generally feeling wiped 🤕 Hoping that this exhaustion passes soon.

@roarfeckingroar You should def push back on the 9pm calls/ unreasonable requests. My team is based all over the world (both US coasts, Europe and NZ) so time zones are generally a nightmare for our meetings but I've put my foot down on how flexible I'm being. We need to put ourselves first 💜

@BS9790 I'm 22 weeks tomorrow and only just feeling occasional bits of movement... your little one will make themselves known soon!

@SamK93 I’m generally ok in the day, it’s the early hours of the morning I tend to get stomach rumbles.

@BS9790 don’t worry too much about movements, in the next few weeks it will get stronger and more regular. I had a good day yesterday, today not so much going on.

@roarfeckingroar glad you’ve had some chill time. I would say what your asking is a reasonable request. Is it just because your WFH the unsociable hours? Or has that always been the case when you’ve left the office?

@kitkatkit it’s strange isn’t it. I’m ok during the day. It just the last few nights it’s been waking me up. Woke up with a packet of wotsits the other morning! Worst thing ever, as they got everywhere, I can’t even remember eating them!

@1990shopefulftm @KitKatKit @DressingGown87 it's just my job being demanding and when I'm WFH it's harder to switch off. Fortunately I like it overall. You're absolutely right though - I need to start saying no.

@DressingGown87 yep! Every now and then, no matter how well I've eaten the night before, I'll wake up starving and have to eat something to get back to sleep. Been interesting sitting in the kitchen munching on cereal and having a little think to myself at 3am. I see it as training for night time feeds 😅

So the baby woke me up in the middle of the night while he was stretching! Sometimes I can feel him turning over but this was like a foot out one side of me and a hand the other haha. Unfortunately because it was the middle of the night (and everything is worse then) it just made me really anxious but in the light of day I wish I had sat up and had a look and realised that its a good thing and not scary. Does anyone know if the baby picks up on your emotions? I'm worried he can feel when I'm anxious or upset!

@GhostWorld that sounds like an incredible experience, albeit understandably unnerving the first time it happens! How far along are you now?

I've done a bit of reading around this because as an anxious person it worried me and also because I find it fascinating! Yes, baby can pick up on our emotions now, but try not to see this as a bad thing. They're learning everything from us - what food tastes good, what happiness, sadness, anger feels like. Anxiety is naturally part of that mix. What's important is how we respond to stress and make time for relaxing during our daily routine so that we're not in a heightened anxiety response all the time. Ultimately though, you are not harming your baby by being anxious or stressed every now and again. Even a panic attack won't cause long-lasting damage (not that we'd ever want that!) I recommend the 'Pregnancy, Birth & Beyond' book by Marie Louise if you'd like to read more as there's a whole section on stress and what the baby is sensing in the womb. X

Thought a crib was arriving from online4baby this morning but only the sheet have turned up, luckily they use a courier that has to take photos on delivery so it's clear that they didn't deliver a crib. It's one of the few big things left I m waiting on so hopefully they can get it sorted.

@Freddie1987 I'm 20+5! Thanks so much for your reply, that does make me feel better. I will have a look at the book, I need to be a bit braver about looking stuff up myself because I worry I'm going to read something that will make me more anxious!

@1990shopefulftm Oh finally someone’s that’s ordered from online4baby!! How have you found them? I’ve found a full nursery furniture set that I want to get on there but read the reviews about the company and they weren’t great..

Has anyone thought about when they’re going to start their maternity leave yet? I got my MATB1 through the post today and really don’t know where to begin. I have 3 weeks of annual leave left that I’m going to take just before he comes. So do I just count back 3 weeks? What if he’s late, what happens in terms of pay? It’s all very complicated! I debated just working right up until the birth as it’s looking more and more likely I’ll be WFH still but then I know I’m not going to return to this company (they’re awful!!) so what would happen to my annual leave?

Any answers would be so gratefully received!

@FirstSurprise001 well they told me the crib would be late so that was helpful, I m hoping it's just two separate deliveries but have emailed their customer care team and I know it took 3 days to get back to me last time so I ll let you know what happens.

I ve asked to take my mat leave in August and to start it with my remaining annual leave, just waiting for it to be approved by HR.
I think you have to decide how comfortable you are with not knowing if you could be back in work and risk going later or taking it earlier and not having that worry, legally you re supposed to give 28 days notice to change a mat leave start date so I decided to go with taking it earlier so I know it's only 6 weeks at worst I could be back in work if at all. Your mat pay will go off your due date anyway unless they are born very early.

@FirstSurprise001 I ordered Next2Me through Online4Baby. It arrived quickly and was fine. I ordered before I read the reviews, so was a bit apprehensive as well. Apparently the problems might creep up if you want to cancel an order or if there is a problem /return, but I do t have first hand experience of that.

I am taking mat leave from 38 weeks, but will be on annual leave 2 weeks before that. Still waiting on my MatB1 form (I am just 20 weeks though, so not expecting it for another few weeks though) but I have already informed HR and management. Suddenly it's all becoming real.

For my mat leave I've decided to start it from the due date, I'll take my AL before that. It will be our busy time so I've discussed with my manager that hes happy for me to be flexible, either carry on working if I'm feeling fine or take more AL if not, understand not everyone is in that lucky situation!

I'm the same as @Mc3209 re: mat leave, taking it from 38 weeks but taking two weeks of AL before that. I think you just need to do what feels right for you, and also the nature of your work :)

I'm finishing for mat leave at 39 weeks exactly, I'm a teacher and that's the end of the half term. Bit worried about what I'll do if I drop anything and being able to help my kids at their desks (I teach Y1 so everything is small and low down). But will sort new ways of doing things I'm sure! Xx

I think I'm the only one desperate to take my maternity in August as soon as I possibly can! I'm just finding it really hard, I want to be at home with the kids as soon as I can be. I'm a health care assistant and work out in the community, it gets really tiring especially with all the driving and the hours. There's no work from home option for me so I just want to take the leave as soon I can really.

@GhostWorld I'm 20+3 and lying in bed last night the baby was really active the movements were quite strong for the first time.

@SamK93 I think I ll be 27 weeks, take it when is best for you :)

@Freddie1987 that’s a good way of looking at it. This morning at 4am I just wanted to cry at how hungry I was!

My mat leave starts 10days before my due date. Taking 2weeks of leave before then. But I’m on part time furlough until then, And WFH, but on full pay from my employer. So I didn’t really need to take it any earlier. @SamK93 there is no right or wrong, just what suits your personal circumstances.

I'll be 37 weeks when I start my mat leave, although I don't know if I'll be back at work before then anyway - I know I'm off until the summer holidays, but not sure if I'll be back in for September. Last baby arrived 2 days after I finished work so I didn't want to go any later this time round!

I'm going on mat leave on my due date. I'll use annual leave for the week or two beforehand because I can only carry over 5 days and our leave window runs April - March not Jan - Dec. I want as much paid time when the baby is here as possible because I drop down to SMP after six months and it's abysmally low - seriously how isn't this a national scandal??!

Guys a bit of a personal one. Is anyone else suffering so to speak with a lack of sex? DP and I always had a healthy sex life but it reduced quite a bit when Covid kicked in because our work loads sky rocketed, his especially, so the general exhaustion and stress had an impact. That was fine, we're still affectionate and talked about it. Problem is we've just had a week off and only had sex once during that week - when I pretty much grabbed him by the d* in bed one morning (really not in an aggressive or pushy way, he was happy about it). I just miss him initiating things and got a bit teary about it today and he said he still finds me attractive but is hyper aware that I'm quite often v tired / have abdominal pain etc and have a baby in me and he's struggling not to wrap me in cotton wool and certainly doesn't want to get it wrong and make me feel under any pressure. Sigh. He's great and I believe him, but I'm not just an incubator and I want to feel wanted, not just be told that I am. I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or just using this as a space to vent my fears and frustration / sadness.

@roarfeckingroar my DH hasn't been comfortable with the idea since we found out I was pregnant, I haven't felt like it anyway but he said beforehand that he d feel this way so it hasn't bothered me.
But he's still very affectionate in other ways.

Have you told him how you feel?

@1990shopefulftm I told him today while crying but trying to explain I'm not actually really upset I just can't not cry today waaaahhhh hormones. He's lovely he really is. Keeps telling me he thinks I'm beautiful, it's nothing to do with appearance, he just really doesn't want to stress me out / be pushy when I'm knackered and have either rib pain / abdominal aching / heartburn allllllllll the time. He's said he will try and I feel better just for crying talking but I still want to be grabbed and rogered against something.

@1990shopefulftm are you happy to abstain throughout?