Late October Thread - 4

[DressingGown87]

Thread 4 ladies!

Girls: @DressingGown87 @Jaffas22 @DogCatDex @EmmaA96 (twins) @Parks11 @LadyB90 @Strawberries4days @LST87

Boys: @sunbreak @FirstSurprise001 @WaveStreet @roarfeckingroar
@Mc3209 @KitKatKit @1990shopefulftm @Lolllyf @HelenMarie1001 @Freddie1987 @BS9790

Suprise / Waiting: @60sPony @Monkeyseesmonkeydoesnt @UpsyDaisy1234 (twins) @Glooorb @AdventureAhead @Elizag20 @justtb @Clalou83 @Sls668 @SJR86 @Flora20 @SamK93

If I have missed you! Sorry!

I meant to say his job is NOT guaranteed hours.

Can I also add it's THIS weekend!!!!!

Can I also add it's THIS weekend!!!!!

@SamK93 he should tell this friend that he has a pregnant wife and going abroad isn't the most sensible idea at the moment even if he could afford it , no idea if travel insurance works out in Switzerland at the moment.

@1990shopefulftm am I just blowing it all out of proportion? I just feel really upset about it. I don't even have anyone to speak to about it at all, that I can tell everything to without them judging me that's why I came on here. I'm really, really mad with him. He's leaving me in the lurch, I'm gonna have to sort something out with work, come up with spending money. On top of all that, there's 5 of them it's only my hubby and one other that are married, I don't trust them either I don't know if just pregnancy anxiety getting to me or what but I feel like utter shite right now.

@samk93 I don’t think your being unreasonable for being p*ed off at all. He should have spoke to you about childcare before even booking anything. Sorry but the friend should not have just gone and booked something, without checking that! Never mind the finances! We are still in the mist of a pandemic, yes air travel is meant to be safe, but your pregnant, he should be their for you, and the DC.

Has anyone any recommendation for bras! Don’t generally need a nursing bra, as I can’t BF. But I feel mine are getting too tight, and contributing to my back ache and indigestion. Shops don’t seem to be doing bra fittings at the minute.

@SamK93 no you aren't blowing it out of proportion at all, there's absolutely no need for him to be going away for the weekend when he can't afford it.
What's his plan if he gets back from Switzerland and has to self isolate if he caught covid or if you need medical attention or your kids since you can't take everyone with you at the moment to hospitals.
I m very much a plan for the worst person and I know most people aren't like that but it sounds like your DH hasn't thought about the potential bad outcomes of this trip at all let alone the financial issue of it.

@DressingGown87 boux avenue have some lounge bras that are incredibly comfortable, they re non wired but quite supportive I ended up getting three of them.

@SamK93 I don't think you are being unreasonable to be mad! In case he has forgotten we are in a pandemic still, and pregnant women are in the "higher risk" group... like you say there are a lot of financials considerations with new baby, and you are going to be out of work for a while on mat leave. Also talk about last minute? Now you have to scramble to organise childcare and work cover... I totally understand why one would be angry!

Did he have anything to say for himself? Is he sorry?

Still, having said that I don't think you are unreasonable, do take care of yourself too! I know when I have been stressed and upset, it drains me even more nowadays and knocks me out... so take care x

@Glooorb @1990shopefulftm @DressingGown87

Thank you all for your replies, I haven't even seen him yet he called me at 8 this evening to tell me this over the phone and hasn't come home yet. I don't wanna go off on one over texting or over the phone because I don't like the idea of p*ssing someone off whilst they're at work, I know I wouldn't like it. I'm just waiting for him to come so I can discuss all this with him, everything you ladies have mentioned, the pandemic going on, what if he needs to self isolate when he gets back, what if something happens with me and kids whilst he's gone etc.
If he comes home too late and I'm in bed then it's left for tomorrow but I wouldn't want to bring it up infront of the kids in case we end up arguing. I'm actually really disappointed in him, I'd never thought he'd actually leave me whilst I'm pregnant, especially with everything else going on. I wish these old school friends never got in touch. Sometimes some people don't grow up, and others do, yet they will drag u down with them.

@SamK93 I would be livid too. This is not a good time to have an early midlife crisis with last minute lads holidays.. Can you put it to him to come up with a childcare solution? 'dear husband, since you've single handedly decided to go away this weekend, do sort out the childcare as I am working'.
What he has done is irresponsible on all fronts.

Thank you @Mc3209
I waited for him to come home, I've told him all my concerns. I felt like he twisted most things around on me to make me feel bad about questioning certain things. I've told him it's too short notice for me to take time off work, he told me that he will ask his sister if kids can have a sleepover there for thursday night and Sunday night, as he leaves early Friday and comes back late Monday morning, I don't work the weekend just Monday to Friday.
I'm not happy at all though! I don't want to be on my own, looks like I will be. I hate how terrible men can make you feel sometimes, like I'm stupid for even asking certain things.
I can't even be bothered to waste any more energy or time right now, I have to be up early for work, I'm just fed up with everything that's going on right now. Pregnancy is an emotional rollercoaster as it is, let alone juggling everything else life throws at you. I'm just so tired. I come home from work everyday with two energetic kids waiting for me, that need all my attention, housework awaits, cooking awaits, the financial strain, bills etc and preparing for a new baby it all gets too much sometimes, I just feel really lonely and fed up. I only have my mum, and she lives very far from me and I never ever tell her any personal issues, just not to worry her as she's had a hard life herself and has just recovered from breast cancer. I don't really have friends apart from my daughters school mums I see here and there, I just have his family who I really don't speak to about personal issues because at the end of the day it is their 'son' or 'brother' son wouldn't be much use. I felt really low today I picked up my phone as I just wanted to speak to someone and let everything off my chest but there wasn't one single person I could have called.

So sorry guys I doubt anybody even read through all of that but I just needed to let it out, thanks to those who did x

@SamK93
Sounds like you need his support now more than ever and he's behaving selfishly really. Your emotions are heightened too because you're growing a little human! I'm glad you felt able to let it out on here if you didn't have anyone to call because that is what this thread is for and we are all here to support you as best we can, you are not alone. Hope you are feeling a bit better this morning.

@SamK93 i would feel really upset and let down in your situation too. Do you think he could see how much he'd upset you? I hope he feels bad this morning and that you're ok. Also hope you manage to use your evenings alone this weekend for a bit of 'you' time. It sounds as though you've got a lot on your mind at the moment but there is always someone on here to listen. Wish I could invite you round for a cup of tea!

@krissy12 hope that chocolate worked and you're feeling more kicks today

@DressingGown87 I've been living in non wired, non-cup sized bras (just ones sized S/M etc) because they're the only ones i find comfortable since my boobs have grown without being fitted, but they might not be supportive enough if you had larger boobs to begin with

@SamK93 big hugs your way, hun. It will all work out for the best. There are always sympathetic ears on here, please don't feel like you are all stuck alone by yourself with no one to talk to.

@SamK93 I'm so sorry you feel like this, its especially awful at the moment while our hormones are so ragey. I would be furious at my DP, I'm still nervous at the idea of him going on a night out!

@LadyB90 @WaveStreet @Mc3209 @GhostWorld

I really appreciate all your messages this morning, I'm just on my break at work, slept awfully last night I feel like the walking dead and my eyes are so puffy from all the crying last night.
He did say to me that I should trust him, he's never put a foot wrong that I know of since I married him. We got married fairly young when I was 18, he was 20. I'm 27 now! So I've got a bit of a different outlook on it this morning, I'm not happy with it at all I really wish he wasn't going and I don't want him to go either, but he is.. so I'm not going to be a bitter person about it, he's reassured me about things and there's no point me being so down because it's just affecting me and the children which is the last thing I want. I think I should just enjoy the peace when he's gone to be honest, maybe I need it.

I'm feeling really tired and worn out, I think a good nap after work is what I'll need. I don't really fancy bringing it up and speaking about it today, just want a quiet day. I think I'll put myself first for once.

Thank you so much for being here for me, I'm so glad I joined mumsnet and that your all so supportive on this thread. It's hard to just let it out and speak to someone without them judging you.

@SamK93 you are absolutely not being unreasonable. Sounds like he can't afford it, it's last minute, he's just assuming you'll do all childcare when you're also working, it's deeply unfair that he gets a break and you don't... very selfish. If it were mine he wouldn't be coming back to much right now !

@SamK93 Firstly I hope you’re feeling a bit better now. There’s nothing worse than going into work having been upset and slept awful! I won’t comment too much as I think the other ladies have been spot on with their advice! Men are sometimes just plain selfish and other times too stupid to realise that what they’ve just done is going to upset their OH. I bet he feels really guilty today but they’ll never admit it because then they have to admit they’re wrong. I hope his sister is going to take the children for those two nights so you can get some rest. After work on Friday go to the shops, get your favourite chocolate and a face mask then spend the evening pampering yourself, bubble bath and a movie the works!

I know how you feel with not having many people to speak to, most of my friends are my OH friends too so it can be conflicting. Always come on here to vent, it’s a lot better for you and less jail time than suffocating them with a pillow 🥰❤️

@roarfeckingroar thanks for understanding, if it's anyone who need a holiday it's us not them! Maybe it's my own fault that he's so selfish because I manage and do everything myself anyway so he just assumes that I'll work something out for the kids.

@FirstSurprise001 you are absolutely spot on with the fact that some men will just never admit that they're wrong! Some of us ladies are a lot stronger than we think with the amount of things we brush to the side and put up with for the sake of avoiding an argument. Thank you for that message, it really made me smile and feel a lot better. I'm definitely going to take your advice on board! Maybe I should take this time for myself too x

Also it's been two weeks today that I had the NIPT test done, I haven't received a phone call as of yet, the hospital did say they'll phone up to discuss results. They said two weeks for results, shall I just leave it and wait until tomorrow? Or should I call up.

@SamK93 Sorry I'm a bit late, but you're totally within your rights to feel the way you do! I echo everything the ladies have said so far and hope today is a better day. Our little group is always here for you to vent to :)
Sending you a solidarity hug!

RE: the NIPT test, I would follow up x

@SamK93 you're totally justified to feel like you do, I would feel exactly the same.
I would also chase for the result, keeping fingers crossed no news is good news.

@KitKatKit @SJR86

Thank you ladies. Well I called them up, she said there was nothing back yet and would chase it up and call me back. She just called me back after ringing them and said the stamp on the test wasn't until the 3rd July, although I had the test done on the 30th June. She said to give it until Thursday/Friday and I should hear something back by then fingers crossed x

@SamK93 Glad your feeling more positive today, and that is what we are all here for! I hope DP has managed to sort the childcare out for you, and you can use them evenings to look after yourself, rest, chill, and not have to worry about the DC. Make sure you tell him he has to take precautions on the flight and whilst he is there, because if he thinks your mad now, you will be worse if he comes back and is ill! (fingers crossed) Also make sure he pays this back out of his own funds without hindering you, the baby or DC! Glad you've chased the NIPT.

@wavestreet @1990shopefulftm Thank you both for the recommendations. I've ordered a fabric tape, so I can try measure to get the best fit. I did get some non wired from asda but they just don't seem to help.

@SamK93 sorry just catching up ..... I dont think you are being unreasonable at all I would be fuming aswell. would his family take your kids for an extra night to let you have some time to yourself to relax and take some time for yourself whilst hes away?