November 2020 babies - thread 7!

[wannabebump]

Another thread for us all x

I had both mine on cow and gate, I found the fact they had different ones for different needs really great, ds ended up on hungry baby milk as he woke every 2 hours for a feed! But they do all sorts like comfort milk to help with colic etc.
Both mine thrived on formula and also it was just so much easier and convenient than bf.

@harrietM87 thank you!!!

I found the same @Hancock2020. My DD did brilliantly on formula and we couldn't see any difference between her and her bf peers. I plan on trying to bf with this one but I wouldn't feel any guilt turning to formula. It worked very well for us last time.

@Hancock2020 have a look at the link j posted re the different kinds of milks available (hungry, colic etc). The evidence is that they don’t do anything and they’re not recommended above normal formula. It’s just very clever marketing and completely understandable that people buy it. I think there are plenty of benefits to formula feeding (number 1 being the mum can get more sleep!) but no formula can help with colic for example.

I beg to differ, ds went from wanting feeding every 2 hours to every 4 hours just by switching his milk to hungry formula but that's just my humble opinion

I’ve posted before but NC for another thread. Hungry baby formula is made differently. It forms heavy clumps in the baby’s stomach that are difficult to digest, thereby making them restful for longer periods. This isn’t a good thing if you have a baby at a higher risk of SIDS or a baby who actually needs to feed regularly. A common side effect is constipation for the baby. All the other branding like ‘comfort’ and colic relief are just manipulative ploys from formula companies, as @HarrietM87 says.

Formula certainly has a place and there is nothing wrong with using it if that’s what suits your situation. I think it’s great if people are starting to buy supermarket own brand and wise up to the sale tactics of Nestle and Danone.

Yes it is an opinion Hancock, of course you’re entitled to it. Other posters who are interested in facts might find the link I posted (which is from an independent charity, based on detailed scientific research) useful.

You know what, I think I need to take a bit of a break from this group. I'm just finding some members a bit too judgemental and on their high horses for my liking.
I'll catch you all soon ladies. Hugs 🥰

@Hancock2020 sorry if that’s aimed at me (guess it is!). I’m not judging anyone - I was actually trying to be helpful! The formulas that say they do special stuff tend to cost more and so are a waste of money, so if money is tight with a new baby it could be useful to know the facts. But I guess if I’ve upset you and you don’t want to post anymore then nothing I can do 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've read the message as I had asked for advice so I'm part of the conversation and honestly don't think anyone was being judgemental. This is a lovely group, please avoid any negativity towards individuals...

Thank you so much @HarrietM87 for your link it really is so helpful! I’m planning to breast feed but it’s good to know about formula too. I’ve heard some awful stories about hungry baby but never actually knew the reason why so thank you

I do think when it comes to formula more science based fact needs to be available for parents. I found it very hard to get information when deciding on formula that wasnt paid for by formula companies. I found all the different types mind boggling as to what was actually proven beneficial and what was marketing. I know there is a channel 4 documentary about formula that seems very fact based and I learned a lot from. The more science and fact we can get the better, as many parents usually have to figure formula out if bf hasn't gone to plan and they are combi feeding or switching to formula, and emotions are usually heightened.

I hope you haven’t found my response judgemental @hancock2020. I think it’s really important that people make their own decisions in pregnancy and parenting, but the support they have in making them should be based on fact.

I think this is especially important where feeding and sleeping is concerned, because as a society we are so easily led by marketing, the older generation’s influence and anecdotes. These are really poor sources to make decisions on and I think it’s good to have a knowledge of the facts so you can then ‘frame’ all the anecdotal/marketing stuff us parents are fed.

Interesting to catch up on the discussion regarding formula as I think this is likely the route I am taking or at least combi feeding. Sometimes I feel like the only mum in the world who isn't keen on the idea of breast feeding (for many reasons) I've read up on this too as I was unsure what would be best. It seems as others have said that because formula is so heavily regulated in the UK they're virtually all exactly the same but some of the known brands make random marketing claims so I won't be hesitating to buy supermarket own brand formula on that basis and see how she gets on with it first.

I've also been finding sleeping on my side uncomfortable and I'm 20 weeks next week. Sometimes I put my knees to the side but my shoulders flat to try and take at least some weight off my bump is still really small. Exciting to hear of people having their 20 week scans already!

We've been looking at pushchairs this week now the shops have reopened. I like the Mamas and Papas Ocarro (I'm a bit biased to M&P because I used to work there about 10 years ago) but it's just far too big and heavy for me to get in and out of the car!

I have been experiencing the worst treatment in my work place over the last 6 months. I have worked for the company since April 2018, and all has been fine (including receiving lots of positive feedback) until I got a new manager in October 2019. Several things have happened but I'll try keep it short.

1. In January I was told by my manager that my work wasn't "up to standard" and since then I have sent 4 emails to my manager asking for support to "get upto standard". She has not replied to any of my emails regarding this, but still criticising my work and making me do some stuff over and over again until she's happy with it (none of my work can go anywhere until manager authorises it).

1. In February, she refused to authorise my leave request for a day in the half term week because "another member of the team might want time off that week"

1. In March I found out I was pregnant just before the country went in lockdown. And 3 days before the lockdown I was telling her how worried I was about Covid and the pregnancy. I was only 6 weeks pregnant at the time, and because there was no guidance being sent out about how we work safely I told her I would seek some health advise. (My job is a public facing role and we hot desk). She asked me to provide her with written evidence of the health advise I got and the pregnancy. My GP practice was not offering anything apart from a telephone consultation and they asked me to ring 111 for any Covid related advise. So I told my manager that they wouldn't offer me an appointment until I was 8 weeks pregnant. Her response to me was "health are unlikely to see you until you're 12 weeks as it's not deemed as viable".

1. When schools were closed as part of the lockdown, we were asked to work from home. Since that time I've continuously said to her that I was struggling with working from home and homeschooling/generally looking after a 6 year old. She offered me no support or guidance other than at one point sending me an email to say there's an expectation that I work from 9-5 with a 34 mins break. I told her that my partner is a key worker and he still had to work so it was just me on my own at home.

1. I then had a total of 5 weeks off between April and June because of hyperemesis (severe morning sickness) and scaitica which my GP also thinks was pregnancy related because I've never had it. And on my first day back she told me I had triggered my absence for sickness and would need to book a meeting. And then spent the rest of my return interview asking me why certain things weren't done, and after I said to her that I had been off for 5 weeks and before then I'd been telling her I was struggling...her response was "you didn't tell me it would impact on your work"

The stuff I've explained amongst other things which I've been writing down over the last 6 months has really affected my confidence in what I'm doing at work and the constant negative feedback I'm getting from her is affecting me. I guess I'm Abit more sensitive with pregnancy hormones.

I find myself asking if I've read too much into what she's said and done, or if I should be raising this all because it's wrong.

Please help x

We were lucky to get out nephews hand down pram, and because he was soooo big when he was born they didn't use the carrycot bit at all. Cleaned it yesterday and it's looking fine - OH is just glad to have got out of going looking at them!!!

@LozEliza interesting what you say about the Occarro! I also love that one and funnily enough was considering it because it folds pretty compact for my small car - but do you think it's heavy and difficult?

@Clove20 gosh you poor thing. Don't have much advice except to say that this is not your hormones - she is being mean and unreasonable. Is there someone more senior you can escalate it to? Sounds like she will make your life a misery going forward otherwise :(

@Clove20 oh that's awful, you poor thing. They're not allowed to mark pregnancy related sickness with other sick leave, and it can't trigger any disciplinary action.

www.maternityaction.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Sickness-during-pregnancy-and-maternity-leave-2017.pdf

@Clove20 I'm so sorry you've been put through that. She doesn't sound very nice. Do you have a HR person to confide in? Perhaps report this behaviour to someone senior? You're wellneithin your rights to take this further.

Hello,

I’ve told work today and it went well (no idea what I was expecting but I think I got myself too worked up) - just the unknown as nobody has come back from mat leave before!

@HarrietM87 that link is so useful, thank you. I’m so tempted (like @LozEliza) to combi feed but couldn’t find info not from formula companies.

@Clove20 so sorry you’re having a tough time and your manager sounds frankly crap. Make sure you keep a paper trail of any unfair treatment (eg not having constructive feedback, any comments/lack of flex about your pregnancy/home working etc) and could you not speak to HR or escalate it higher up? The biggest reason companies lose good people is because of bad line managers.

@Clove20 your employer sounds horrible! She should have some common sense and decency to realise she cant expect a full working day out of someone working from home while pregnant with a 6 year old. Ridiculous. I would bide your time til maternity leave, take the leave, turn your phone and email off for the whole of maternity leave, and then quit and find something else.

@LozEliza I chose to formula feed DD from day one. I think I am very rare. I had no medical reason not to bf. I didnt even attempt it. I had reasons, but not medical ones, more selfish ones if I am honest. I felt guilty for a long time to the point that I lied to my NCT group for 8 weeks and let them think I was bf (they assumed I was and I didnt correct them or talk about FF) but now I see my daughter is happy and healthy and it all worked out ok. I am a firm believer in choosing what is best for baby AND you, and if thats bf, great, and if its ff, great.

I plan to breastfeed and did so with my DD but many of my friends chose to formula feed straight from the beginning. Like others have said you have to do what's right for you and the baby and your happiness and comfort level matters.

Thanks everyone for responding. I started to think I may just be confused but I initially noticed it happening in February/early March which is when I started writing things down. I'm generally a person who doesn't like conflict so I keep my head down and will do anything to avoid awkwardness which is just adding to my anxiety about it all.

I need to work out who the HR person is. I tried to speak to the union I'm in this morning and they are not very helpful. It was a 10minute consultation and I didn't feel like I had an opportunity to explain everything that's been happening. They basically said "sounds like pregnancy discrimination" and I should tell my manager I need a stress risk assessment.

I have requested to start maternity leave on the 19th of October and requested annual leave between the 1st of September to the 7th of October. I have to work between the 7th and the 16th of October due to something I can't get out of. Was hoping that helps keep me away from her.

I spoke to my midwife today as well about it but every time I try and verbalise what's been happening I keep crying Cos I don't understand why she would treat me like this, while she's nice to everyone else so I'm essentially alone in all of it

Hi ladies! I've been lurking and reading these threads for weeks (since I was about 5 weeks pregnant...) and have finally decided to jump in! I'm expecting my first around the 10th November, got my 20 week scan next Thursday.

The discussion of going to see pushchairs is what has encouraged me to sign up. Where can we actually go to see pushchairs and other baby gear these days? I can only think of Mothercare, and I think they've all closed down now! We've seen some we like online, but I definitely want to see them in person before buying. We live in Edinburgh, so are still pretty locked down, but I assume the shops will open again eventually...

@Clove20

Wow! She’s sounds like a manager who is not very good at her job! I’m a line manager and I see my position as working to get the best out of people, supporting them when they need it and praising/encouraging when they are doing well. She is doing none of those things, in fact, quite the opposite. I second the post that said you should keep an evidence trail and I would really look into the possibility of speaking to her line manager. If you’re struggling to say what you want to say, perhaps write down a few key points that you can have to hand and refer to.