November 2020 babies - thread 7!

[wannabebump]

Another thread for us all x

@wannabebump I've been sleeping lying back a bit on mine too when I need a change of position. It should take some of the weight off the blood vessels surely? I'd read that you would likely feel uncomfortable or dizzy if you were squashing the IVC vein and I seem to be most comfy like that - I know what you mean though - scared of doing anything!! I just try to keep the angle as least at possible by ramming the pillow right under my hip and back.

@Becca65 that's what I think too about the pressure on the vein, but I'm so unsure... and currently so tired and sore! I feel as though I don't let myself get into a right deep sleep for fear or ending up on my back x

@Addler I don’t have personal experience of tubular breasts, though did struggle with breastfeeding my son at the beginning so am familiar with the support on offer. I think it would be worth getting in touch with your local La Leche League and seeing if you could have a chat with the group leader before the baby is born. NHS expertise is patchy so I think you’d be better off initially seeing someone from LLL. They will be able to have a look and advise, though will probably tell you just to wait and see how you get on when the baby is here.

Research all your local bf support groups (NCT often run them as well as LLL) and helplines before the baby is born and try and see them as soon as possible after your milk comes in. The best thing would be to get a private appointment with a lactation consultant - they will come to your house which is so helpful in the early days. They are expensive (think maybe £100 for an appointment) but will give you one to one advice. Check for someone certified by IBLCE - should be people listed on your website by area. They’ll be able to advise on combi feeding/supplementation as well as the best positioning and latch for your baby to maximise milk transfer. Or if it really isn’t possible for you they’ll be able to confirm that so you don’t get stressed trying. If you don’t go down the lactation consultant route then you should get the same thing from the local groups.

Breastfeeding can be hard for everyone (though some do find it easy). It took me a good few weeks to get used to it and there were some tough times! But support is out there.

@Addler, I had a section last time and although there was a bit of a shaky start (baby lost a fair bit of birth weight) and had to supplement, I had great support from both my midwife and the dedicated breastfeeding support lady.

Does you local area have breastfeeding specialist? We have a ‘boob club’ (my name!) where you can go before baby is born to get advice, and certainly post birth for support. The lady also does home visits.

This is her website, loads of advice, she’s super helpful:
thebreastfeedingcompanion.com/ She’d definitely have the answers to your questions if nothing similar local to you x

I never used la leche league because I didn’t need to with the free local support.

PS for anyone thinking of breastfeeding I’d recommend reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and The Positive Breastfeeding Book before the birth so you know what’s normal/what to expect. I didn’t do this and was really panicked because a lot of normal bf behaviour for newborns kind of looks like they’re starving! (Eg cluster feeding, and they often feed a lot more often than formula fed babies). I had comments from family like “he can’t be hungry AGAIN...are you sure he’s getting anything” etc which was really unhelpful when you kind of don’t know what you’re doing. Once I’d read the books I felt much more confident. Also there’s a great website called kellymom.

@Fouryearslater la Leche league IS free local support. They run free groups all over the country.

Just to explain, the reason why I think a lactation consultant could be helpful in @Addler’s specific case is because there’s a possibility of a medical/physical issue that might prevent breastfeeding. The vast majority of breastfeeding issues are resolved by tweaking latch and positioning etc, and dealing with tongue tie, all of which are common and crop up regularly at the support groups. For something a bit less common like tubular breasts it could be worth seeing a specialist, especially if it’s important to you. If you’re having a section it might be hard to get out of the house in the early days and potentially travel to the groups so home visits by someone qualified could be really useful.

Thank you @HarrietM87 and @Fouryearslater, I've been reading through the LLL website and will contact them.

I'm so upset. I've hated my boobs ever since puberty but just thought they were an odd shape because I was overweight, and didn't know why they weren't very big when all the women in my family have big boobs.

I've never felt feminine, and always hated the way my body looks and have always felt masculine, especially with having PCOS as well, and a part of me hoped that by breastfeeding my baby it would help to heal the way I feel about my body because now finally my body would do something good, and be useful, and take care of someone. But now it probably won't even be able to do that and it just reinforces everything I've felt about myself. I feel like a failure, having what they call a 'deformity' where
no amount of fenugreek will help grow new breast tissue.

My identical sister also has the same shaped breasts, so must be a genetic link.

Even if you dont manage to breast feed, you have grown a baby inside you, that's the most feminine thing you can do, you created life, babies cope well enough without breast. I know everybody says breast is best, but as long as your baby is fed and nurtured that's the important thing.

Am I the only person here that isn't very superstitious? I'm too excited to wait until the 20 week scan before buying anything. I've already picked out and ordered some of the main things like the pram. I have days where I feel very guilty though as everyone else seems to wait until after 20 weeks. I did wait until after the 12 week scan. I just think whatever will be will be and if something was to go wrong then it won't be because I ordered something too soon. But maybe I'm being a bit too eager 🙈

@Bluebell2020 no I'm not either, I've got quite a bit really, I prefer to spread out the cost and get a little at a time. If I see something I'll get it when I want 🤷‍♀️

I'm glad it's not just me lol

@Addler please don’t beat yourself up about this. It’s not your fault for one thing and nothing you can do about it! Like @Hancock2020 says you’ve grown a baby inside you. You have nurtured and taken care of your baby with your body - the most incredible thing. I can see why you want to bf (and I really wanted to too) but however you feed your baby they will be happy, healthy and loved - the most important things!

You might not have tubular breasts (even if it looks like you do), and even if you do, there’s no way of knowing yet how it will affect milk production - you might be able to combi feed. So just wait and see and try not to worry about it.

@Addler i have heard there can be breastfeeding issues for tubular breasts, but I would speak to a proper lactation consultant (most midwives and heath visitors are not properly trained, frustratingly) look for someone IBLCE trained, a google should help, and seek their advice.

@HarrietM87 all very good advice. I knew I wanted to breastfeed before we were TTC and went on a knowledge hunt (that’s just the kind of person I am) and joined lots of Facebook groups and read lots of things, and it’s so clear the main problem for breastfeeding not working is lack of education and knowledge, particularly around things like cluster feeding that you mention and what normal breastfeeding behaviour from babies is. It’s such a shame health visitors and midwifes aren’t properly trained, it should be a basic requirement.

The fact there was the huge push of formula in the 50s/60s meaning our mothers and grandmothers often didn’t breastfeed, coupled with bizarre rules about feeding babies coming in (like feeding schedules!) means we’ve lost so much basic knowledge that would have just been passed down from woman to woman in the past.

@bluebell94 I’m glad you’re not superstitious! It’s stressful 😂 I’m trying to fight it as much as possible really.

Yes @BuffaloCauliflower that’s exactly it - feeding patterns can be totally different between bf and ff babies (at least at the beginning) so if you’re not familiar with normal bf behaviour, which the vast majority of people won’t be, it can seem like something is wrong when it isn’t. And well meaning advice from family and friends can actually undermine things. But knowledge is power!

My son had tongue tie and I was in huge pain for ages and literally cried through feeds, but as his mouth got bigger the situation improved and by 4 weeks in it became easy and lovely. Didn’t realise it was tongue tie until after everything was fine otherwise I would have got it snipped. This time I’m getting a lactation consultant to come on like day 3 to check the baby in case it happens again.

The right support is crucial, as it is f*cking hard to crack sometimes. And “lactivists” get right on my tits (if you pardon the pun!) because their message isn’t always constructive to the women who struggle to cope.

If you can’t feed (for whatever reason), decide to combo feed or just plain decide it’s not for you, then that’s all ok.

I formula fed @Addler but all my NCT group bf. I heard every detail, every step of the way. Bf can be really hard and it does seem like support and knowledge is key, but there are many reasons that bf doesnt work. The main thing I found with my friends was the guilt they felt when it didnt work despite their best efforts. It's hard to not feel like that, but now they see that it was nothing to feel guilty for as their babies thrived even on formula. Try not to put insane pressure on yourself. You can of course try all support available, but if you cant bf it doesnt mean you are less of a woman or a mum. The measure of a mum is the love they give their kids, not whether they successfully bf or not. All you can do is try and see what happens.

Regarding formula feeds, is that on a free prescription for however long they have it or do you have to pay for it?

@OurLittlePumpkin I think if your baby is allergic to standard formula you can get specialist ones on prescription (eg with a lactose allergy you can be prescribed lactose free I think?) but otherwise you have to buy it. The most important thing to know there is that all formulas sold in the UK have to comply with strict regulations as to content, so the more expensive ones are no better for your baby than the cheaper ones.

@harrietM87 that's great to know thanks! Hoping to breast feed however I know through friends it's not always that simple. Was just considering costs and budgets earlier as we will be on one salary for at least 4 years and haven't considered things like formula should we require it.

I had DC on Aptamil but this one will be on lidl or aldi if it comes to it. I didnt know anything about formula when I put my DD on it but as @HarrietM87 said they are all the same benefit wise.

@OurLittlePumpkin this website is a really great resource for feeding queries generally (I used it when weaning too). It’s an independent charity (so not affected by marketing which obvs all the stuff produced by the formula brands is). This link is to a pdf which has loads of info on the different kinds of formula available and how to make it up safely etc: www.firststepsnutrition.org/parents-carers