Thread for us classed as mature pregnant ladies

[Sheera1]

Hi all. I wasn't wanted to hijack any threads on hear with specific questions, but wondered if anyone fancied a chat thread for us classed as mature mums to be? Anyone who feels they fit in that box are welcome to join.

I will start. 🌞

I am 41. I have a 10 year old ds and one mmc 3 yrs ago. New partner is reason for the gap.

I was very shocked when I found out as we had assumed that ship had sailed as no joy since mmc. Head was in that camp and was quite a shock to come out of it.

I am 13 weeks based on my scan later Friday. Awaiting NIPT results hopefully today or tomorrow. Been cautious after mmc but hard to not get so attached as the weeks go by.

My first purchase if all ok will be a pregnancy pillow.

Honestly I feel massive already. I am very overweight but was with ds and had a perfect fuss free pregnancy. This time I am so 🤢 and tired and feel just ill from 4pm onwards.

Instead of it easing up, last night I was still feeling 🤢 trying to sleep and was very uncomfortable due to feeling like my womb is massive.

Anyone else feeling like this? Goodness knows how I will be weeks from now. Eeek.

Fantastic crochet skills @Frazzlerock @footprintsintheslow !

@Louscarlet - I definitely remember the eating loads of one food and then going off it stage - first it was prawns, then cheese and onion sandwiches, then vegan bean wraps from Sainsbury's very odd! Hope you feel better soon.

@Frazzlerock titled Uterus 😂😂. Thar made me laugh so much. The bkoody should get a title after all they go through and do!

Glad everyone is well and scans going well and yes to going in and annoying them for reduced movements. I will be doing the same.

Yes on the extreme fullness. For me it is not at the time, but then hours and hours later in bed I feel so full and can't sleep. I had a home made pizza yesterday and against better judgement had ONIONs on it. I can still taste them in my mouth today!

I am eating peas in the pod like crazy. Feeling nauseous again and then and alcohol free beer seem to help. Go figure.

I too am an emotional wreck. I got total stress and rage at work yesterday over something that was rage worthy but normally I let these things sail over my head. I was then in tears. I cried again last night when I was trying to sleep about a conversation I had with ds that morning. Granted the subject matter is cry worthy. He is suffering trauma from the school restraining him and locking him in cupboards for seclusion as they were dreadful at helping him with his autism. He is not at school at all now as can't step a foot in, but these wee stories are trickling out of him now and more and more comes out I didn't know about. This was one about a teacher in p2 who he said out him in the room and she was even rougher than there others. 😭😭. I had no idea they were doing that to him back in p2. Anyway. Moving on.

Today his stepmum called me to say her old cat had died and I didn't even know the cat and was crying about it. DS takes these things really hard as he is hyper emphatic so we have been sitting crying about it this morning.

Warranted these are all upsetting things, but I am normally steelier.

I have been getting a bit of aches and pains low in my uterus. Just it stretching more I think but when I stand up it feels like I am pulling a muscle!

Loving the crochet. I am useless and don't have the patience. Xxx

@Sheera1 feel for you with the school trauma - I have one who's been out of school permanently (home Ed) who has ptsd due to his time in school - he's 16 now and is just beginning to reengage with the idea of formal education. Our 10yr old daughter has ASD and is home Ed. - can't cope with school at all - teachers are her main problem! 🤣

Oh @Sheera1 what you said about your little boy has brought tears to my eyes. How on earth have they got away with that disgusting behaviour? Can you do anything about it? Your poor little boy, its no wonder he's traumatised I'm fuming on your behalf!

I totally get the emotions, anything kicks me off.

I was getting those aches and pains yesterday and felt like I'm pulling a muscle when standing, exactly how you described. Must be perfectly normal!

@onlyreadingneverposting8 it sounds like there just isn't enough teacher training around ASD or autism, along with many behavioural conditions. I have a friend with a 15 year old with quite significant sensory issues, as well as being mildly autistic, who just hates school, mainly because of the teachers

Thanks for the reminder @PregnantPorcupine - I’d read about the dates and then forgotten. I can stop my aspirin from tomorrow (36 weeks) so will
swap them for dates instead! I like them too,
tend to have dried apricots first thing in the morning as it helps with the constipation but am sure dates will work.

Great news on baby being head down! Well done baby!

@Sheera1 your poor son that’s awful. I can’t believe how badly some schools continue to handle SEN.

I’m so with you all on the emotions. I didn’t know I had so many feelings .

My bedroom improvements continue apace -
it’s getting painted this weekend and I got the guy who did our stairs and landing carpet to quote us for doing the bedroom too, which we’ve decided to go ahead with. He can’t do it till 13th July though so hopefully baby doesn’t come before then, as I’ll wait till that’s done and then set up the changing unit and bedside crib. I’ve bought some new curtains too. So much for not spending much now

I think I’m going to go for the angelcare monitor with video and movement sensor. I am looking at the ones that do heartbeat and breathing monitoring and all that too - I’m just not sure that they won’t send me MORE loopy somehow - I feel like they’d play on my anxieties more than anything. But then I think what if something happened and I’d regret not getting the more advanced monitor? But then if something did happen would the monitor make any difference in the end? I’m just going round on a loop basically and driving myself mad.

Ta Frazzle and Onlyreading. It is really hard.

The ASN provision it totally f@#ked just now. Teachers don't get the training and there is not enough resources. That being said some of the things these "teachers" did to my son was barbaric.

Onlyreading. So sorry your son has gone through this too. I think it will be a long healing process. I had a mini breakdown over it a year and a half ago when I found out what had been going on. I knew things were not ok and had been battling them for years. I was taking him and leaving him distraught and was trusting them who said they were taking care of it. I had so much guilt and felt I had let him down.

I am better now but there trauma is still there even for me. He is such an amazing wonderful loving boy. Make my blood boil.

Frazzle I did seek legal help and was told I would win a tribunal but I had reported it and complained to the council which lifted a lid on it and all the staff left. Like seriously 12 members of staff including the full management team. The bastards all jumped councils with new jobs. I was told if I win I would get an apology and that was it. I don't qualify for free legal aid so was going to cost me over £3k.

Onlyreading. We are going to home Ed now too. We tried a different school and we tried a 121 with a specialist just her and Sam and hour a day and he just cannot step foot in any school building. Don't blame him at all.

This lockdown has actually worked well for us whole we sort it out officially and all being well with this baby I will be home with him for a year.

Will need to set out a part time return.

Home ed is a bit scary, but we plan to unschool/deschool for a good while. Any formal learning sets off his anxiety. He has ASD but with a PDA profile if you have heard of it. Routine becomes a demand so need to be really flexible and his sensory needs means very short sessions and lots of movement. Tbh no school can provide that.

Anyway, don't want to hijack this thread. Not sure how to pm on here as would be good to hear how home ed works for you only. Xx

Thanks Alias grape. Xx

Oh and baby monitors. I had an angelcare movement and sound for ds. I fancy a video one too this time. The reviews on nearly every monitor I have read are all dreadful! Can't decide.

Might be leaning towards a babysense binatone movement sensors and with a separate video monitor if I can find one with a good review!

Will check out your one Frazzle. X

@AliasGrape I'm in the same quandary with monitors. With the DS's I was so chilled and had the most basic monitors. I really miss that innocence and total ignorance to anything that could go wrong. I think I'd be the same if we hadn't experienced all our losses and immersed ourselves int he world of baby loss. At the tie it was a great source of comfort, but it has just made things so much worse if I'm honest and now I am paranoid about everything. So I think we will go for the one I linked. But in all honesty, I think you're right in that it won't make a difference really, anxiety will still be there and, as you say "if something did happen would the monitor make any difference in the end?"

@Sheera1 you and your DS have been through such a lot. I have no experience of ASD, only from what my friend tells me about her DS. Its great you got those teachers to resign but frustrating they were able to just get jobs elsewhere. Lets hope they've learnt a lesson and had extra training so it doesn't happen again.
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@Sheera1 sounds a horrid time for you all but given my experience sadly all too familiar! 😢😠unschooling seems to work better for ASD with PDA. Dd is demand avoidant, which school found almost impossible and didn't understand as she'd avoid different demands on different days. Both mine became school refusers due to unmet needs, anxiety, poor sleeping (melatonin doesn't work for DD at all 🙄) etc etc. DD has now been up for 23 Hours straight - she could outlast her elder siblings having a sleepover when she was 3 🤣🤣

I pulled my lad out of school in year 10, some of them thrive at home he works with DH up on the roofs and loves it I would rather a happy child than a few average gcse results tbh.

I had forgotten about the dates helping asell! Well reminded. I have started to get a bag together here also, its getting close to a wave of babies on here!!!

Midwife appt done. She wants me to have an injection every day from 20 weeks due to my age - blood thinner. Anyone else have this? Said consultants care due to my age. And gestational diabetes’s rest due to my age. Now feel like a pregnant diplodocus almost extinct but still plodding 😑

@Celibacydidntwork - I’m having blood thinner injections - been calling it clexane but actually looking at the box it’s different name though think they’re all the same things. I didn’t start till later on around 33 weeks because a family history thing came to light which tipped me over the threshold risk factor wise - age is another risk factor and my bmi was one also apparently. It’s to prevent clotting. I think @Sheera1 and maybe @onlyreadingneverposting8 also have the injections? Apologies if I got that wrong!

I personally hate it and am quite mard about it but it’s not actually that bad! DH did them for me at first but once I got over myself and started doing them myself I found it’s actually easier and less fuss that way.

@Celibacydidntwork I've been on blood thinners from 15 weeks. (Now 19 weeks) Will be on them until 6 weeks after birth. Honestly - you get used to them and a little ice pack to numb the skin is your friend!! They do bruise a bit and don't (whatever you do) rub the area afterwards!!

@AliasGrape Clexane is a brand name for enoxaparin. I've also had Tinzaparin in one pregnancy - they and similar ones are all low molecular weight heparin. I preferred tinzaparin as it came in very thin syringes and I could fit more in a sharps box! 🤣 But tinz didn't have the clever self ejecting needle that clexane has. God that sounds sad!! 🤦🏽‍♀️

I'm a teacher and it's so hit and miss with how staff understand and interact with pupils with additional needs. I've trained in the last five years and I think my training was fine and we have annual training days on it too but like I said it depends on the teachers to take that on and act on it. Having said that it's ridiculous in a class of thirty kids to try and meet everyone's needs. We need more adults and even then school isn't for everyone.

I have a wonderful girl who I tutor 7 hours a week. A complete school refuser and her school are disgusting. It's a green school and a leader in the county. I worked there for a short while so I know from the inside how awful they are. Yet they are great at putting on a show for inspectors. Makes my blood boil how they let their pupils with additional needs down. The head actually said those children would be better off going to one of the schools in a poorer area where they have to deal with kids like that all the time, they just don't do children like that in their school.
I think my blood pressure is rising thinking about the bastards. They've even forgotten to send any work home for the pupil through lockdown. The mam is gathering it all as evidence. The little girl is flourishing at home though.

Now back to crochet @Frazzlerock you might like this book.... each animal is basically made from the same body parts so it's very easy to follow and learn. Then you just add specific bits for each individual animal. If you want me to send specific pages just ask.
I've made a few lions and an elephant.

Oh I love the look of that book @footprintsintheslow I will add it to my wish list

Schools are hit and miss in general aren't they. I try not to pay too much attention to Ofsted ratings as I know that schools can look the part for the inspections and be crap at all other times. I've had first hand experience with Ofsted as I used to childmind and they were awful in themselves. I know they are all about paperwork and box ticking, rather than how you actually interact with the children in real life.

Onlyreading. Yes this was/is my son completely. School could not understand why some days he could do things and others he couldn't. Labelled him a bad boy and saying he was choosing to act like that. Didn't matter how much I told them of PDA and emailed him the strategies which do work. It is hard as nothing works with consistency and they have to be so flexible and think on their feet. Impossible in a large class but we have a "fully inclusive" council which is council wank speak for put your square peg on our round hole as that is all we offer.

@footprintsintheslow

@stairgates I agree 100%. Ds is very clever, but I don't give a shit about grades etc. I see him working outdoors with DP who is an abusive or him and I would help him manage his own gardening business or something like that where he can be in charge of his own schedule etc. His sensory issues means some kind of heavy lifting stimulation is a huge help to him. I don't care what he does as long as he is healthy and happy.❤

@footprintsintheslow I was a primary teacher briefly. It is so hard. I have seen both sides too and I think that is why it took me so long to get his out as I could see their side too. We just got a toxic school as you say and there are so many wonderful teachers. In a class of 33 it just doesn't work. Inclusion is great when the resources and training are there, but it doesn't work for every child and my council just don't have anywhere for those that can't. They are amazing at cover ups! Some other councils do it far better. That is amazing on the girl you work with and yes to the blood boiling thinking about it.

@frazzlerock yes I agree on Ofsted/Hmie. My council is apparently the best in Scotland for Education. In real terms what that means is the good school fudge the figures, don't put children forward for exams that they won't get good grades in so it would mess up their school scores and puts extreme pressure on their kids to do well. They manage out less able or less fortunate children. But on paper they look amazing!

@AliasGrape and @Celibacydidntwork yes blood thinning I injections here from 28 weeks due to moderate risk pre-eclampsia and aspirin throughout. 😀

OMG autocorrect!!! DP is not an abusive!! He is an abseiler!!!! 🙈🙈🙈🙈😂😂😂 Oh my god!

Isn't that amazing how many of us on here home educate. That is another bugbear. Once we home educate we fall off their stats and stop being a black mark for them with school refusal etc. Another reason it took so long to take him out. I didn't want them to get away with not providing the education he legally deserves, but his mental health comes first.

Holy crap I am REALLY struggling with the banter flow!

Sorry to hear about those struggling with ASN kids at the moment. Sheera I know a bit about PDA - I'm a professional working with adults. Its such a
misunderstood/debated condition. We diagnosed a young woman with it and she had gone through a lifetime of different diagnoses. I think the difficulty in adults is it doesn't always fit how people assume ASD to be.

How are your kids about the new baby coming along ?

Re the crochet Frazzle and Floor yep looks amazing! I ordReed crochet stuff at the start of lockdown. It's still quarantining in my garage 😂. Not sure when I thought I'd have the time or inclination.

Blood thinning drugs- not on them - should I be?

I see that for the Scottish mums they are lifting visitor restrictions from 13th July - it sounds like it might have positive implications re birth partners.

31 weeks and hideous heartburn tonight. Gaviscon is doing very little. Might try omeprazole. Sick of sleeping sitting up , meh.

This is the most active baby I've ever grown ! There better not be a correlation with being a shit sleeper 🙄

@Sheera1 I have never been more pleased to hear that someone is an abseiler 😂😂

@Realladymarmalade I'm sure you're fine without the blood thinners. Your midwife/consultant will have done a points scoring check on you - you only get prescribed if you score a certain number of points. I know I score 4. I score for family history (my mum has post natal DVTs), parity, gross varicose veins (such a lovely term!!) and I think my last one is age. If you have a c section you'll be given blood thinners while you are immobile in bed/in hospital.

@Realladymarmalade I'm not on blood thinners either. My MC consultant wanted me to take low dose aspirin from 7 weeks to prevent another MC, but I was bleeding so much that it wasn't really feasible at the time so I never did. I think the blood thinners the other ladies are on in this group are for something else though. Like Onlyreading says, its a points system so we probably don't meet the same needs.

Hi ladies ... can I ask, sorry feel that's all I do do you get cramping? I'm 13 weeks on Monday that'll be my scan as well and I've cramping still thought this would pass by now I've had scans at 6 8 and 10 weeks ! My head is all over the place all the time worried something is wrong all the time. Not enjoying this pregnancy as due to bleeds etc it's just feeling never ending this morning have cramping again, painful. X

@Clarkel1 I still get the odd cramp or rather shooting pain at 19 weeks. I think it is normal. I haven't found them painful, just uncomfortable sometimes. I was in your situation with a huge amount of bleeding so I know the worry well. It gets a bit easier as time goes on but I still get big wobbles x

@Clarkel1 I've get cramps too. Sometimes they wake me up at night even. I rang epu and had a scan to check everything was ok and it was all fine.