Thread for us classed as mature pregnant ladies

[Sheera1]

Hi all. I wasn't wanted to hijack any threads on hear with specific questions, but wondered if anyone fancied a chat thread for us classed as mature mums to be? Anyone who feels they fit in that box are welcome to join.

I will start. 🌞

I am 41. I have a 10 year old ds and one mmc 3 yrs ago. New partner is reason for the gap.

I was very shocked when I found out as we had assumed that ship had sailed as no joy since mmc. Head was in that camp and was quite a shock to come out of it.

I am 13 weeks based on my scan later Friday. Awaiting NIPT results hopefully today or tomorrow. Been cautious after mmc but hard to not get so attached as the weeks go by.

My first purchase if all ok will be a pregnancy pillow.

Honestly I feel massive already. I am very overweight but was with ds and had a perfect fuss free pregnancy. This time I am so 🤢 and tired and feel just ill from 4pm onwards.

Instead of it easing up, last night I was still feeling 🤢 trying to sleep and was very uncomfortable due to feeling like my womb is massive.

Anyone else feeling like this? Goodness knows how I will be weeks from now. Eeek.

@onlyreadingneverposting8 pay no attention to those threads.
FWIW DP never wanted a child of his own due to the environment and over population etc but here we are! I do understand the reasoning but I also think that new generations give a lot to the planet as long as they're taught to be unwasteful and have a good understanding of the environment and the world they live in, and learn how to treat it well.
Online platforms, not just MN, turn people into extremely opinionated arseholes who have no room to listen to any other views.

@AncientandPregnant I don't have any advice I'm afraid but I really feel for you.. I'd probably go just to talk over options with the midwife but I don't know if that's "right"

@onlyreadingneverposting8 ha! But you can't possibly have 1 or the poor child will be doomed to be spoiled and lonely. And if you have any health problems you're selfish to even think about children. Oh and don't even think about doing it out out of wedlock.

The only answer is to have exactly 2 children between the ages of 30-34, first having had a full health check and of course acquiring a mumsnet approved husband

@Frazzlerock you're totally right about what mn turns people into (not us of course!!) @PregnantPorcupine mn approved husband 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 - is there actually one???

The MN approved husband would be like this but for husbands

😂😂😂

Ha ha ha. I tick all the mumsnet boxes for my first pregnancy and guess what...it ended in divorce!

And guess what, I know must be the antichrist of mumsnet being over 40, divorced, unmarried to a second father who is def not mumsnet husband material, with a 20 yr age gap so not close enough to grow up together as close siblings, I am overweight and not massively financially stable (who is) and it was unplanned.

Tee hee.

@AncientandPregnant that is a hard call and sorry you are going through this. I would take the call and explain there that you don't really want to go through all the options now. Have them check you in with basic details. My phonecall was pretty short anyway. That way, they have your details and if all turns out well, you have loads of time for discussions.

I am freaking out today. I have been feeling consistent movements for weeks. I am 18 +5 I think today and have felt nothing from last evening. Now really worrying something has happened. I know people still don't feel things at this stage, but I have been regularly. Bit worried.

I am drinking a full fat very cold Irn Bru and if still nothing after lunch I will phone triage. There won't be anything they can do anyway, but I am cracking myself.

@Sheera1 you are a rebel!

Re movements, best to ask midwife if you're worried but, from what I've read, movements are so inconsistent until about 28 weeks which is why they don't say to track until then. But deffo call to get peace of mind

@sheera1 as you know I'm 18+1 I had movement the last two evenings but before then I had a good 36 hours when I hadn't felt movements. I've bought a Doppler. I've had it a couple of weeks and it's given me both some anxiety (when the baby has disappeared somewhere!) and a lot of peace of mind and I have clearly heard movement via it but not felt the movement. I know hcp's don't recommend them but having had 8 other children I've heard enough foetal heartbeats to known I've found it! I'm planning on not using it once movements are properly established and then I'll go by them. I certainly would rely on it if I thought movements had decreased later on. At this stage though there is nothing the meds would do so I feel happy with my decision over it. It was lovely for my younger kids to hear the heartbeat too.

*wouldn't rely not would! 🤦🏽‍♀️

I have the angelcare doppler I was given for free and it can't find the heartbeat but hasn't at any point up till now either so not taking anything from that as I could feel it moving and couldn't find the heartbeat.

I think if something is wrong there is nothing they can do anyway at this stage. Will probably track it the rest of today and if still nothing tomorrow I will call triage.

@Sheera1 I had one of the anglecare ones once (given by sil) couldn't find anything either!! I was well over 30weeks when she gave it to me too! The one I have is the same as the midwives use. I'm sure your baby will just have tucked itself away somewhere - as my DH keeps saying ... baby is still very very very small!!

I think I found the heartbear. Took a while but was def not mine which was really loud. Timed it and it was 150 beats per min so I am sure it was the heartbeat. Not as defined sounding as mine but def there and regular. For those freaking about doppler I will still call midwife if feeling nothing as planned. X

Sounds like you did! Definitely think you'd know if your own heart was racing at 150bpm!!! Well done! Xx

Great news @Sheera1! I'm still tempted to buy a doppler but I'm sure I'll start feeling proper movements soon enough and I know if I don't find a heartbeat I will freak the fuck out

Hey ladies, I had my 20 week scan last night and everything's looking good 😊 So relieved! Wee bubba was sooking it's hands and playing with it's feet the whole time, very cute 🥰 I'm 20+2 and haven't felt any movements yet but the sonographer confirmed I have an anterior placenta so it might be a bit later before I feel anything. Did anyone else have an anterior placenta with their first pregnancy and if so, how many weeks were you before you felt movements? xx

On a completely different side (& this is meant to be light hearted) - there's a mn thread running on whether a woman should try for a second baby at 43. From reading this and other similar threads on mn I have concluded that in mn world there is a small window of approximately age 30 - 34 when it is acceptable to have children. Before you're too young, inexperienced and should be building your career and financial security; any later and your definitely going to have a disabled child, ruin everybody's life and won't be around long enough for the child!

That thread had me in tears last night, questioning DH if we were really selfish people. I’m super sensitive about this as I always wanted to be a younger mum having grown up with older parents (40 when I was born - nothing now but was more unusual then) and dealing with illness/ bereavement etc at a young age, no parents left by my early 30s.

Unfortunately life/fertility didn’t quite work out that way. My mumsnet approved husband (well he was only a fiancé then) ditched me days before the wedding having ‘accidentally’ another appropriately aged woman instead, and between that and caring for/losing my mum I missed my mumsnet approved golden years for conception - then by the time I met DH I was out of the window and took a further 4 years to conceive.

I’ll be honest I do worry about it so the thread hit a nerve. But then my parents were (sort of) adoptive - my birth parents were younger when they had me and then they died very young too so it’s not like there’s any guarantees at any age. Elsewhere in the family and on DH’s side there are some very long living genes so let’s hope we got a few of those!

@Crispaddict99 oh that’s a lovely scan picture - so pleased all went well.

@Sheera1 glad you think you’ve heard the heartbeat - do definitely contact midwife though, I’m sure all is fine I definitely had days like that.

@AncientandPregnant still thinking of you and sorry you’re having to go through this. What did you decide in the end?

Hi all - NIPT results back today and all is fine, and we're having a little girl. I didn't think I was worried about this, but I knew results day was today and all last night I had nightmares about failing exams! Now I need to tell my existing children (pre-teens) that they're having a another sibling. I am surprisingly nervous about this 😬
(Also, @AliasGrape, I agree - the women on that other thread can sod off with their 'you're a selfish wrinkled old prune if you're thinking of conceiving over 40' malarky!

@Crispaddict99 aww what a lovely picture!! I have an anterior placenta and did last time. I have no idea what I had in my first pregnancy but I remember I didn't feel any movement until 21 weeks.

@AliasGrape just ignore stupid threads! A lot of the "information" the posters are spouting is utter rubbish. And I'd guess that most are well under 40 so have no idea what it's actually like being 40 and over. When I had my first 4 children I always said I would have any past 35...having been brought up with the idea that getting pregnant past 35 was 1. Difficult and 2. Usually had lots of complications. In reality I didn't feel at all old at 35 and wasn't considered old by either the midwives of doctors. I've had 3 children past the age of 35! And have been pregnant 7 times - 4 ended in January 1st trimester mc. My actual pregnancies past age 35 have been the ones with no problems! (🤞🏼 and touch wood for this one!! ) I had pre eclampsia in my first at age 25, recurrent UTIs which set of early labour at 32 weeks in my second age 26 (was all ok and baby ended up being born at 40weeks exactly!), and in my 4th age 30 I had oligohydramnios (too little amniotic fluid) and had to be induced at 37 weeks.
Just as most women and couples don't want as many children as I have there are people who chose to have children early, late or whatever in accordance with their circumstances and views.

Typo error - January- have no idea how that got in there!

@AuntLucy congrats on the results!

@AncientandPregnant I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. Was your appointment today? If so how did it go? If not, I would go ahead with the appointment but just say right from the start what your situation is and see how it goes from there. If you have a good midwife she might give you the opportunity to chat if you want it. If you go ahead I hope she handles it sensitively. I cant remember if your scans have been private or nhs but, if nhs, in my experience systems aren't very joined up so she might not know. I got a letter reminding me of my scheduled midwife appointment after I miscarried which was nice!! I'll be thinking of you x

@Sheera1 and @Clarkel1 I'm near Glasgow too!! Thanks for the Berkley St recommendation. Will check it out. Got my 2nd trimester screening next week so will see what comes of that and then decide.

I am definitely not going looking for that mumsnet thread!! The main thing I'm really sensitive about is being an 'older mum' and how long I'll be around for. It does keep me awake at night, not going to lie. But I also feel that I'm still young enough to hopefully have this baby and then really focus on being the best and healthiest I can be to ensure I'm around as long as possible. I know there's lots out with my control, but lots I can control (weight, fitness, healthy body healthy mind etc) to give myself the best possible chance. I've never really looked after myself properly but now I have the biggest incentive there is so I'm going to go for it ( hope I'm still so convinced when I'm doing night feeds )

Missed that thread but I love that we've narrowed down which women are now allowed the ttc license, that should make everyones lives a lot easier I wonder if the new MN license is available at the Post Office for a small fee. I think I too have failed on every requirement!

Hope everyone is well and not melting!

@stairgates the thread is still running if you want to take a peek?! 😉😂

How's everyone? Frankly I'm still feeling terrible. Unfortunately this reminds me of my 5th.....when I didn't really ever get any better and lived on twix's (no word of a lie) for the last 8 weeks of the pregnancy. However, I've had a little kick just now so that makes it better! I'm ridiculously emotional too - keep crying at anything vaguely heartwarming or sad on tv! 🤦🏽‍♀️ I am an emotional person tbh but...