Pregnant After Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 4

[Avocuddles]

Thread 4 already! New members very welcome to our friendly and supportive team.

Latest roll call....

@Bellsx. 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 22wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 21 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 20wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 20wks 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 19wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 20wks (due 27/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 20wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 19wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 20wks (due 30/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 18wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 17wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 17wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 13wks (due 20/10/20)⁣
@rachelrainbow 11wks (due 1/11/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 14wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@MysteriousSheep 12wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 11wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 10wks (due 09/12/20)

@Knotemma I had this on Sunday morning. Couldn’t get her going at all, so call triage. They saw me straight away, baby has moved back into my pelvis so will be tricky to feel strongly until she comes out again. Because of my age they made me wait and see a Dr, and were so attentive and caring. I felt really well looked after. Glad all was ok with you too x

@knotemma @tmc14 glad you both got good results xx
I've just had a phone call from hospital confirming that my blood have come back showing I have gestational diabetes... Anyone else have experience of this? I have to get someone to pick up a kit from hospital later today to start testing my blood loads of times a day etc. No idea what I can eat etc anymore 😕

@SammiLou2312 I had to do all the testing kit last time as she was measuring big, I didn’t have it but they wanted to monitor me ended up sacking it off when we got all the other news and Lily was just 7lb 2 when born at 38 so wasn’t huge! Was really easy to do and you just keep a note, I just ate my normal for a few days to get an idea of what my numbers looked like they were just slightly too high and adjusted from there, they’ll let you know what you can/can’t have but as long as you do it in moderation it’s fine x

@Pippop21 will be thinking of you tomorrow, I'm so sorry :( xx

@SammiLou2312 yikes you poor thing! Hoping someone else on here will have some tips for you. All I know is that my friend had it and her and baby now completely healthy and happy, however it does sound stressful and a lot to get your head around! xx

@Knotemma and @tmc14 so glad everything was ok! Just goes to show we will all probably have worrying days! Last week my mini-bump disappeared for a couple of days and I freaked out. I think like you baby had moved down into pelvis cos at the same time I was also peeing like 5x a night. I generally seem smaller in the morning and then pretty massive in the evenings so he/she is def moving around in there. I still haven't felt a movement, I'm 17+3 now... but last I saw it was anterior placenta so that may be why, plus it being my first to get this far.

Gosh I just ventured onto wider mums net for advice about going self employed when baby arrives and my nice friendly bubble of you lovely ladies in here burst! I think I'm just going to stay on here from now on and not leave haha! People chatting to each other about how irresponsible I am for not "thinking" about how I'd make ends meet before falling pregnant and accusing me of complaining about not qualifying for benefits etc, as well as thinking I'm in a controlling relationship - some super opinionated people out there with a lot of time on their hands! Anyway there were some helpful comments too with women giving their experiences which gave me something to think about. But anyway the main reason I am saying this is I wanted to thank everyone for being so kind and supportive in this group! This thread and the previous loss thread have got me through some really anxious and dark times and helped me feel that someone out there does understand an issue that can be really difficult in real life if you don't know people who have gone through exactly the same as you. I think its really special that we can provide substantive support to each other from afar, rather than the insults and judgement that you generally get on the internet which only serve to make life more difficult. So I'm having big squishy feelings about everyone on the group right now and wanted to say so :) xx

@SammiLou2312 @MOGMOGMOG85 Thank you. I think it is just one of those things, and it's always better to get checked out. The hospital were really clear on going back, even if it was the next day, rather than waiting. I don't have an anterior placenta and this my second and I still didn't feel her properly until about 20 weeks. I think it's a combo of a nice protective layer of fat on my belly, and her being smaller than her brother was.

@SammiLou2312 Sorry I don't have any experience of GD. I think, from a couple of friends who've had it, it's fairly straightforward to manage (besides controlling the sweet tooth) and both themselves and their babies had no issues. It's early to catch it, so will definitely be able to prevent issues like a very large baby just through some dietary changes I think? I think I've got my test on Friday but they keep sending me appointments and not telling me what they're for...

@MOGMOGMOG85 hahaha I do read other parts of mums net but never comment. People are very aggressive sometimes. I became self employed rather than return to my job after I had my son. I was all set to go back to the office, then just couldn't face leaving him! So I took a bit more time, then worked around him on flexible projects/work so I didn't have to put him in nursery. I am very lucky in that our outgoings are relatively small and DH earns enough to not put too much stress on me about earning loads. I'm in a very lucky position. But I know lots of people who've gone self employed after having kids. And lots who didn't which worked too! It's really just finding out what works best for you and your family, how much money you need for the basics, what you're willing to give up/not have (we don't have a car for example, which is fine most of the time, and have cheap holidays), and know that you can always change things if it's not working. Nothing is set forever. I had always wanted to give being a freelancer a go, and thought if I didn't do it then I'd never try it. And for the first year I still looked at jobs advertised all the time, just in case I wanted to apply! Good luck with whatever you decide.

@SammiLou2312 I had GD in my first pregnancy (as well as a few other issues) and am prepared to get it again. I just cut out sugar completely and it seemed to do the trick, but you are also supposed to limit the carbs, greasy food and start eating brown bread/pasta/rice which I tried but it’s not easy! Also should exercise after meals. My sugar levels never exceeded the limit so I felt like I was going through the stress of testing for no reason. I found it v difficult but that’s because I’m not great with pain, but TBH it probably won't be painful for you.

I’m planning to ask for alternative methods if I’m diagnosed again. Baby wise, I was offered extra scans as there’s a chance of a huge baby, but DS was a tiny thing as I’m small myself lol plus he was a bit premature which may have been caused by GD but they never confirmed it. They tested his sugar levels when he was born. Hope that helped a bit? Let me know if you want to know anything else!

@MOGMOGMOG85 Just to say, I did what I was qualified to do on small projects, but my main chunk of income (until lockdown) was as a nanny. It's definitely not for everyone, but I was a private nanny working for two families, with my own son in tow, so three kids. Mostly outdoor based, in the woods a lot. As a private nanny using their homes, I needed Paediatric first aid and insurance, but not a childminder home check as I didn't use my house. I was earning money, and not paying for childcare. The kids got the 'benefit' of a more homely, private nanny, but social benefits from being in a group. When out and about I would join up with another nanny doing the same so we had a little tribe going on. I had a lot of experience working with children, but not in that way, and not so young. I just offered that I would care for them in the same way I cared for my own son, and that my main promises were lots of fun activities and cuddles. There was no issue with finding families who wanted to use us! Could be worth considering if you enjoy kids activities/caring for little ones.

Thanks for the tips ladies. Hubby has just gone to hospital to pick the kit up for me so will hopefully get more information with that too. She did say I was only just on the scale for having it so hoping it's not too bad...my worst fears are the testing (I have a needle phobia) and the fact that it may result in bigger baby / needing induction and csection. I have a dodgy hip and lots of scar tissue from previous surgeries I have had to have due to my conditions so was already at risk of needing a C-section but had agreed with specialist that I would be able to try for a natural delivery as long as I agreed to an early epidural in case they needed to send me to theatre. Now panicking that even with that plan, a natural delivery is out of the question 😟

@SammiLou2312 I don't have personal experience with GD, but my sister in law had it and was totally diet controlled, the main thing for her was making sure she had enough protein when she was eating carbs. They should give you the nutritional info to guide you too. You should be testing with a finger stick so no "needles" (sometimes I find thinking about it in a different way helps with the fear). And I definitely wouldn't start to worry about this meaning you have to have a c section or anything like that yet. It's been caught in time and your going to absolutely boss this and have it totally under control! I know everything like this is a bit scary but your amazing and strong and you and the bub are going to do great.

@tmc14 glad they were good with you, I have to say the standard of care was top notch, I felt really well looked after and totally reassured that I'd done the right thing. I'll admit I've ended up in bed today thought, I've had a couple of stressy day, our young cat climbed out of a window and disappeared on Saturday night which resulted in me and DH being out most of the night looking for her. I found her hidden behind a neighbour's bin at 9am the next morning 🤦. She's never been outside before off her harness and is under strict instructions that she isn't allowed out any more.

@MOGMOGMOG85 aren't people on the internet awful sometimes? I made the mistake of commenting on a what to expect thread and got a load of abuse about how "if I didn't have anything useful to say to shut up"... Followed by 5 people thanking me for the info and asking for other advice. I think that especially when it comes to work/stay at home mumming, vaccination and relationships these forums can get really toxic. Like you I'm glad to have found such a wonderful safe space with such awesome people xx

Aw @SammiLou2312 that is a lot to think about. Gosh having a needle phobia will be hard! Is it full needles or little finger prick tests? Or do you find both just as bad? I'm not a huge fan of blood tests and am finding pregnancy challenging I have to say, especially when they lost my blood for one! Re: natural delivery, can you ask to speak to a specialist and gather as much info as you can to make a decision? Sounds like there is a lot to weigh up and you could do with some professional input to help you understand the risks.

Or as women NOT on this lovely thread and from another area of mums net would say "get over it, I've had it far worse, blah blah blah what are you moaning about" lol (this is a joke and not aimed at you, I'm just annoyed with how rude some people can be but I dare say I'll get over it!)

@tmc14 thank you, that was one thing I was considering but your details about the insurance and first aid is really useful! I actually looked at childcare at home but I think I would barely earn anything and it would be stressful! Nannying might be a good option due to as you say being out of the house. I had planned to look on gumtree and see if there were odd jobs like driving peoples kids to and from school etc. My other ideas are buying and selling stuff on eBay, Facebook marketplace etc. It seems like if you have time in the day (as I do now on furlough) and can drive around collecting stuff from people and looking at auctions and charity shops and jumble/carboot sales (if they are ever allowed to happen again) you could easily find people wanting to get rid of stuff quick that could be sold at a higher price down the line. I think it would be hard work and I'm not kidding myself that I'll make millions but my hobby is browsing antique and vintage shops and I would be a bit of a hoarder if I wasn't so averse to clutter! So part of me just wants to go and buy loads of stuff and always wanted to try it but it seemed a bit of a leap of faith until now! The other idea I had was a cooking-from-home food delivery service. I think you just need a level 2 food standards and hygiene certificate and then to just make sure your processes and kitchen are up to standard for inspections. I figure it might actually be really useful as I need to cook anyway, and we could get our meals from the leftovers, plus it would mean buying bulk from a wholesaler and saving money that way, bulk chopping onions and freezing them and pre-preparing chillies to make cooking cheaper and easier etc - all the stuff I'd love to do if I had the time! I am also a mean typist (as you may have noticed from my essays that I casually drop around the thread with way too much info involved!) and have previously done transcription work. Its dull as ditchwater but I could potentially earn £70 in 4 hours work if i had a clear evening (that one would require the baby to be elsewhere!). I'm getting a bit carried away daydreaming about going round jumble sales with the pushchair, or cycling food around town of an evening with the baby strapped into a baby chair :) like you if I don't give this stuff a try now I never will so it may be an opportunity! I think I need to clear at least £500 a month to give us the bare minimum but preferably more so that we can make savings and not end up in a dire situation. I'm hoping that's not too ambitious! xx

@tmc14 I got this amazing Iranian rug for £30 yesterday! I had to drive an hour and a half for it, but I combined it with picking up other stuff (this was just for us, not to sell on) but it got me thinking if you have a car and are willing to group pick-ups together you could search out a fair few bargains!

@MOGMOGMOG85 I've also read a bunch of other threads on MN but never posted. Am fascinated by how venomous people can get. Particularly when they feel someone's opinion conflicts with their own. It's actually horrendous!!

I'm another one looking at WFH prospects. London childcare is insanely costly from what I have looked at near me, and we have no family living near us (nearest is 4 hour drive away). Realistically once childcare and travel was factored in, I'd essentially be working for 'free'. I've actually been utilising some of my time in lockdown to do further training with a view to bulk up my CV and allow me to do some freelance work in the future.

Ooh well done @AnxiousLady1 thats very enterprising of you! Yeah after childcare and travel I'd be bringing home £200 a month and no way I'm going to work a physically exhausting job all day every day for that! Got to find another way. At the moment my head is all over the place so I def need to hone in on one or 2 ideas and get serious about how to take them further... needing to get the house up on the market and move west so that we can access family support is another big pressure, I'm suddenly extremely stressed! If you dont mind me asking what are your freelance plans?

Also @AnxiousLady1 people are so riled up in the big bad world of the internet aren't they! It's actually nuts! This is my safe space :)

@Knotemma Oh no! We got new cats last autumn and the first time they went out one of them disappeared for two days. It was a month after I had miscarried and I just felt awful. Turns out she was hiding under the wood pile in our garden. It's so stressful when they disappear. I read loads online and it seems normal for them to sometimes disappear for a week! Not sure how I'd handle that. Ours are ex strays so really like being outside in between the home comforts.

@MOGMOGMOG85 The rug sounds lovely. A long time ago, when I was very very skint in my 20s, I did quite a bit of wheeler dealing, getting stuff, doing it up, selling it on, splitting bundles and selling separately. I would happily never sell anything online ever again I did so much then! haha. Not sure if it ever made me loads of money but it was definitely a welcome addition to the budget. I forgot you also need an enhanced DBS for the nannying, but that is easy to sort yourself. I charged £70 a day per child (in London), so, while I was earning a lot less than my previous salary, we didn't need childcare so I was earning a bit less overall but enough to live/save off. It is really hard work, I loved working with someone else as it can get very lonely with little kids on your own, and I put loads of energy into craft and adventures and stuff to do to keep my mind ticking over. I wouldn't want to do it long term, but I did really enjoy it and it fitted so well with our family. Not sure what I'll do after this one! I've also picked up the odd short contract doing admin for people setting up businesses etc. Doesn't pay much but it's easy and fits in. I used to work in a really specialised area, and I've done a bit of freelance with that, but not having childcare has made that tricky. I think it helps when you don't mind having a go at anything and don't see yourself as 'above' any sort of work. I've picked up a few contracts from a local freelance Facebook group.

@MOGMOGMOG85 No of course I don't mind you asking! I'm looking at copyediting. I've been doing proofreading training for the last couple months as you essentially start from there and work up. Great if you like reading things and spotting mistakes! And would obviously allow for a lot of flexibility if working from home/picking your own hours. Downside is a lot of networking needed to build up a client base, and the training costs will add up. But it's more in line with what I studied at university, and I'd actually resolved to do this before getting pregnant. The baby is just making me focus more on comnitting to getting it done. 😃

Since my two year old was born I've not gone back to teaching but I've been doing private tutoring at £25 per hour. You don't need to be a teacher for that but if you were qualified in something, tutoring may be an option. Before lockdown I had 4 siblings and one friend in the one hour so after sibling discounts I used to make £70 for that hour!

While I'll be going back full time once my maternity is over, we've worked out that childcare will cost us more than DH currently earns, so he's seriously considering a career break for at least a year and then possibly retraining. In the mean time he's looking for something entry level, as his current job has gone to all night shifts as a result of the lockdown and they're talking about it becoming permanent. However there's no talk of unsocial hours payments or anything... They are very much treating it like "consider yourself lucky to have a job". They've been difficult about him taking a weeks holiday and have basically said if he wants the time he has to take it unpaid. They've consistently flown close to the bone with employment law the whole time he's worked for them and it's definitely getting a bit much. Part of me wishes I was just taking 6 months mat leave so he could just throw in the towel now, but honestly I really want my year with our baby. I'm going to have a look at some of the things you guys have suggested like proof reading and transcribing because that's definitely in his skill set!

@tmc14 on the cat front, she's almost 10 months old and very much a house cat. She occasionally goes in the back garden with us on a harness and lead but had never been out alone and honestly if her behaviour since is anything to go by I don't think I have any worries about her going out again

Great to hear other peoples plans for making ends meet - lots of food for thought! @Knotemma the company I used to transcribe for were called Ipsos Mori - you'll hear their names in lots of news pieces as they undertake a lot of research surveying etc and as far as I know they are often looking to increase their self-employed transcription pool! I think there is lots of different stuff you can do but for some reason I got into a load of medical transcribing, drug trials stuff like that. It was interesting in a way, I got to hear a lot of qualitative stuff about doctors work, and patient experience, and a LOT of different drug names! But also mind-numbing, glued to the keyboard typing what you hear constantly. But maybe look them up if you're interested! Proofreading sounds potentially more lucrative but also potentially more difficult to build up clients? I have an English Lit degree so hopefully could consider that as an option. Arg so many options, I need to choose one! Tutoring is a smart move too and I have had that suggested before... ta everyone! xx

To anyone considering proofreading, a good starting point is joining the CIEP. It's the official chartered institute for Editors and Proofreaders. There's a lot of career changers on there that, like me, joined without any prior formal training. If you become a member there's resources, forums etc on there that are great. Everyone is incredibly supportive and encouraging (bit like this group). And great if you're thinking of freelance as it's a good support network and can help with networking. Downside is there is a membership fee (I think it's about £130???) for the year. But I've found it incredibly useful for dipping my toe in the water and starting to assess if proofreading is something I am really interested in.

Really glad to hear NI has lifted the ban of partners to scans. It's too late for me after having my two big ones but I'm so glad for others. I'm sure England will follow soon.

@Sakura54 yes I remember you I think maybe you stopped following the Nov thread at the same time I did for the same reason.

Evening all!

Now have an explanation for the pains I've been having and cause for the hospital stay... GALLSTONES!!! Possibly need to have surgery to have gallbladder removed but trying to hang off as long as possible and persevere until baby is here. Unless i become unwell they may need to look at inducing me but hoping to be nearer 37 weeks.

Thought I was OK with it all but had a pretty rotten evening when had time to sit and think about it all and research it. And I am now petrified. Have had a wee cry too. Thought I'd be happy at getting to meet my wee one soon but truth is I've never felt so scared. Dunno if its the gallstones that are scaring me or the fact that its getting so close and real now.

I'm gonna stop now I'm rambling 😂

In other news...baby is currently breech and I have lost weight since my booking appointment 🙃

@futuredreams I hope you're right - feels like a positive step anyhow. Also hoping restrictions re partners in hospital during labour and after birth have eased by September!

I've found the conversations re proofreading, copying editing etc very interesting - I'm another one with an English Lit degree and although my job is ok for now it's always good to think about alternative options. I'm going to take 9 months mat leave then my husband will take 3 months parental leave, then once little one turns one she'll be in full time childcare. I think we'll be ok making ends meet though have absolutely no idea how we'd cope if we had a second child. A bridge to cross later down the line I guess - making it this far with number one has been enough of a challenge after all!

@MOGMOGMOG85 you are so right about the rest of Mumsnet frequently being a toxic place! We are lucky to have each other in a genuinely supportive and non judgemental group.

@SammiLou2312 hope you have a bit more clarity re GD now you've collected the kit. One of my friends had it recently and managed to control completely with diet, as others had mentioned I think a big part of it was eating protein with carbs as well as avoiding sugars as much as possible. I hope it's relatively straightforward with you and doesn't impact on the ability to have the birth you want.

@Knotemma @tmc14 am glad your hospital trips worked out well. Always best to get checked out if you have any doubts whatsoever. @Knotemma I hope you get a better nights sleep today.

Had a bit of an emotional wobble this evening, my sister (who lives with my parents) sent me a text saying that my mum is feeling down and a large part of it is around the baby and the fact that we live so far apart meaning that she won't feel like a 'proper grandma'. I've lived around five hours drive away from them for over 15 years and whilst I would love it if they were closer, I'm not really sure what I can do about it. Once circumstances allow I would love them to visit and we have plenty of space for them to stay, but the fact is that she's never going to be able to just 'pop over'. Wish there was an easy way to cheer her up, I thought we were coping fine with lockdown but I'm beginning to wish it was over just so we could spend quality time with loved ones who are far away.....

This time last year I was at the EPU waiting for my 3rd miscarriage to be confirmed. Can’t believe I’ve got this far. So grateful. Next week I have my first growth scan and discussion with consultant re birth plan. C section up in the air again now but believe it’s the right option for me so time to get plans set in stone - can’t believe he will most likely be here in 10 weeks.

@Bellsx 31wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 31wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ -SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 28 wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 28wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@Knotemma 27 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣- SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 27wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 27 wks - Girl (26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 27 wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@avocuddles 27wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@Sunflower1608 27wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣- GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 27wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 26wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 27wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 25wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 24wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 23wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 17wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 20wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 20wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 15wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 17wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 16wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow 9weeks (due 16/01/21)