Pregnant After Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 4

[Avocuddles]

Thread 4 already! New members very welcome to our friendly and supportive team.

Latest roll call....

@Bellsx. 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 22wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 21 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 20wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 20wks 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 19wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 20wks (due 27/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 20wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 19wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 20wks (due 30/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 18wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 17wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 17wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 13wks (due 20/10/20)⁣
@rachelrainbow 11wks (due 1/11/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 14wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@MysteriousSheep 12wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 11wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 10wks (due 09/12/20)

@Avocuddles ah that’s good to know. I had an anterior placenta with my son so didn’t have regular movements until 24 weeks. I have a posterior placenta this time &, with it being my second, expected movements a lot earlier. I have the odd flutter low down (she’s currently breech) but that’s it.

@tmc14 thanks for updating me ☺️

And the movement thing is such a tricky one isn't it?! I'm not sure where my placenta is (will ask at the scan) but it's still very unpredictable, but I do know that's to be expected right now. Will just keep riding that wave of worry!

@Hagster I hadn’t thought that much about it until the consultant at 17 weeks asked if I was feeling lots of movement yet and when I said no, said ‘oh, oh, that’s fine, sometimes it’s not earlier either your second’ with a trailing off tone that did not make me feel better!! I’ve been really concentrating on feeling her since then 🤦🏻‍♀️ You’re right, just another thing to add to the worry list.

Oh @MrsMGE I'm so sorry - I have only just read the news :( I'm gutted for you and it just seems so so unfair. I know there's not anything I can say but just please be gentle with yourself and take care and know we will be thinking of you xxxx

Updating my weeks a day early because I'm back to work tomorrow and won't have time in the morning and probably will just collapse when I get home in the evening - sorry I've not been checking in regularly and I feel like I've probably missed some peoples posts - I'm in the week before my scan now and I'm entering the zone where I just want to ignore what's happening and try not to dwell on things...

@Bellsx 27wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 27wks (due 20/08/20 -surprise)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 23wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 22 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 21wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 21wks 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 21wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 22wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@Sunflower1608 20wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 21wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 21wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 20wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 20wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 20wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 20wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 17wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 16wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@MrsG3 14wks (due 16/11/20)
@MysteriousSheep 13wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 12wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 12wks (due 09/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow* 6 weeks (due 16/01/21)

@Knotemma and @Hagster thanks for your replies on the gross subject! I called the midwife about my discharge as it was bright yellow and then yesterday it was orange! She said she'd never heard of anyone with orange discharge before! Anyway she said if it doesn't smell, I'm not having trouble peeing etc then it's probably fine but if I do feel I need it checked out to make a GP appointment and not to worry about doing so if I need. I've decided to just put up with it - it's pretty infrequent and her saying it didn't sound like a problem reassured me although wtf

@Whiffle77 is your scan coming up soon? I seem to remember it was roughly a week before mine next Tuesday? Best of luck with it - how are you feeling?

In other news after my stomach upset passed I've been stuck with pretty horrific constipation which just came out of nowhere and it's like my whole digestive system has shut down. Just trying to eat lots of prunes and keep my chin up in the hope it will be over soon! Anyone who says they enjoy pregnancy must be insane. I haven't even had it that bad but not being able to go to the loo is doing my head in. I told my partner that if they start growing babies in labs that is fine by me - I'm starting to re-evaluate that this is the magical time that we've always been told it is! Don't get me wrong I know how lucky I am to be pregnant knowing how much people suffer in the pursuit of it, but still....

OK, I'm obviously in a chatty mood this morning - just logged onto Facebook and saw a photo of my heavily pregnant friend. I knew she was pregnant since the first trimester but this is her first public post to show the world. I understand why she's done it as it's probably a pretty easy way to just update everyone of what is imminently about to happen. I also respect that she waited this long and I think she was trying to be respectful to people who have problems conceiving as she is very understanding of that. But despite all this, and despite the fact I'm pregnant myself, I STILL felt really anxious when I saw it. I guess it makes sense with my scan coming up, just wondering "will that ever be me" and all those nerves about whether this thing is really going to happen. I have had a particularly bad week too being really ill and irrationally worrying this has impacted the baby although the midwives reassured me that no matter that I look about 5 months gone with constipation there is still room for a baby in there!

Social media seems to have a particular effect on us that have had problems with this... I'm so happy for her, she's a lovely person, but it just makes me anxious that's all. I wonder if I'll ever get to do my own social media post, or if its even a good thing to do? I do very much understand wanting to share the news, and also just the ease of telling everyone at once, but I know how crushing those posts can be.

Its a weird one.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm glad it doesn't seem to be anything significant, hope it gets better soon for you though.⁣
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I know what you mean about seeing other people's pregnancies bringing up a lot of feelings. It's weird because I am technically now in the position I've craved to be in and wondered if I'd ever get to, but I'm still disconnected enough from the future reality that I do still feel mixed about seeing others with actual babies or full-term pregnancies. It just feels far enough away that it brings out difficult feelings. And making myself feel like that might be my reality just makes me feel like I'm getting ahead of myself or jinxing it 🤦‍♀️. I even paused knitting a baby blanket (my one 'purchase' so far) because my 20 week scan is coming up and I didn't want to assume it will be ok. The disconnection has definitely eased as time has gone on, so hopefully if we get to the end of this, it'll have eased enough that it's not a total shock to have it here. And the oxytocin should do the rest of the work for us. ⁣
⁣
Social media is definitely a rough one, as most people only post the positives and it can seem so disconnected to our reality. I remember last year at the same time as I was in hospital for my MMC, someone I knew had a child, an addition to their perfect family, I found it very very hard. Then I found out that the next week her whole life completely imploded and it'd been heading that way for a long time, and it really made me question how I interpret social media or people I see on the street, assuming everything is perfect and that they've not had my pain. Anyway, it just made me think and now I feel a bit more skeptical of social media and I merrily unfollow people who don't make me feel good. Don't follow many people now but I definitely feel better! Please be kind to yourself and just let yourself feel whatever it brings up, but also do think about who's 'good' for you to follow and try if you can to take all posts with a pinch of salt x

@Hagster I couldn't agree more on the social media front. I have a close friend who will literally be talking to us in a group chat about how she's knackered, doesn't get enough help and is having loads of issues with her 7 month old son, as well as how much she doesn't get on with her husband. At the same time as we're chatting she'll be posting family photos on Facebook and Instagram about how happy and lucky she is... So much of social media is do carefully thought through and created to put the "best version" of our life on there. I've come of Facebook completely because it's all so false.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm not planning on doing any kind of social media posts about my pregnancy/birth/child. Total personal preference, I don't put any big life stuff on there. My Instagram is mostly aerial yoga and food 😂... So now that I can't do aerial because of lockdown it's pretty much just food 😂. When I told my friend's I wouldn't be posting any photos of the baby once it gets here they were horrified 😂. On the constipation front, I find a combination of Weetabix for breakfast (which I hate) and a fibogel sachet at night for 2 or 3 days usually sorts me out. I have IBS and go through phases of constipation/violent diarrhoea under normal circumstances. This pregnancy the constipation has definitely been winning though. DH mentioned how pregnant I looked yesterday and I told him it's just that I need the loo 😂.

I think I've reached the point of acceptance that everything is going to be ok. I feel like, at a week away from viability, with a goblin who keeps jumping up and down on my bladder, it's time to start to really be positive. I've got my midwife appointment this afternoon and I'm really hoping that I'll get to hear a heartbeat!

Hope you're all doing well

Agree on the social media front. I made a conscious decision to come off social media about two years ago. There was no major life event or feelings that triggered this. But I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated by people constantly posting selfies, holidays, and the best version of their lives. I knew that the fact that was bothering me meant it was soemthing I could do without. I also disliked how much I procrastinated scrolling down through meaningless faff. So I deleted all the apps off my phone to start. It was only in the last few months that I requested all my data from Instagram and Facebook and permanently deleted those also.

I'm with you @knotemma on the not posting pics of the baby on social media (if I still had an account that is). Appreciate it's everyone's personal decision and most will want to share one of the most joyous things in ther lives with everyone (and rightly so!). But I've always felt a little conflicted about things like baby pics online. What if they get older and think "well I'd rather you hadn't done that mum". We only have to deal with our mums pulling out the old baby pics. Future generations wont have that, as all the pics will be out there already for anyone to see.

@Hagster I know exactly what you mean. When I first joined this thread, I was about 9 weeks, and looked enviously at those who were 14 weeks and beyond, thinking "they must feel more relaxed now to be over the worst of it". I'm 16 weeks now and still have the same disconnect/disbelief I will have a baby here before Christmas. I'm now in the phase of desperately waiting to start feeling movement to get some reassurance. But I'm all too aware that this will then come with it's own worries as I know I will constantly analyse the number of movements every day. I am trying to relax and take my mind off it to a degree. For now I have my DH's constant reminders of how big my tummy is getting as reassurance that I must definitely still be pregnanct!

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm with you around not understanding those who say that they find pregnancy enjoyable! I have a couple of friends who genuinely found it a breeze and loved being pregnant, one however ended up having a difficult birth and was completely shaken by it to the extent of having PTSD, she herself acknowledges that because she'd had such a straightforward pregnancy she hadn't been mentally prepared for quite how 'medical' it would all be. Maybe we'll be lucky and get 'magical' births to make up for our tough journeys beforehand! 😆

Re social media, I found pregnancy announcements particularly hard when we were struggling to conceive / experiencing loss, also all of those many 'being a mummy' type posts that form 90% of your social media feeds once you reach a certain age! DH doesn't really do social media at all as he hates the 'attention seeking' nature of a lot of it, I'm not a prolific poster but do find it useful for keeping up with some friends and relatives who I don't see in person that often.
I've experienced raised eyebrows from a few family and friends for not posting any kind of pregnancy announcement but I just don't feel comfortable assuming that pregnancy = baby. I expect that I will post a birth announcement and maybe the odd photo on big milestones but on the whole I prefer to communicate directly with people, it's always nice to have personal contact and probably more so now than ever!

@Knotemma hope your midwife appointment goes well. My next one in the flesh isn't until 28 weeks, I also have a growth scan around then and a consultant appointment so will be a busy week!

Hey guys, playing major catch up - my anxiety has been terrible so stayed off mumsnet and all social media (topical!).
Had my scan this morning @MOGMOGMOG85 thank you. All seems fine and measuring a couple of days ahead again which is good! They have swooped me to consultant led care, though I wont see one until after my 20 week scan.
Feel relieved a bit less anxious now although I had some very minor spotting yesterday. Baby was very wriggly! Thinking if having another private one before 20 weeks so that my husband can come.
I feel similar about social media, and find my anxiety is far higher when I am in it a lot, I find myself endlessly scrolling though! I post very little and wont do anything pregnancy related. I would think they will end up on there once born though but not to the degree of a lot of people! I've deleted an awful lot of people who make me feel shit which helps a lot, and most of my friends are a bit realer on it rather than just posting idyllic shots!
Hope everyone else is ok, sorry you are still having tummy troubles @mogmogmog85

@Whiffle77 Great news on the positive scan this morning! Xx

@Whiffle77 so pleased your scan went well! I'm with you on the social media thing, Corona virus made me delete Facebook. It's amazing how many people I know turned out to be politicians, pandemic experts or racists... sometimes all three. So I decided to just get rid!

I didn't think it was that warm until I had to put trousers on to come to see the midwife. I'm currently sitting roasting in my car waiting to be called in

Quick update, midwife's appointment went really well, got to hear the heartbeat and got my whooping cough vacation. Feel like I've had a nice afternoon out, having a chat face to face with someone different 😂

Glad your appointments went well @Knotemma and @Whiffle77. Hope its helped with your anxiety. @AnxiousLady1 I think we must be very close on dates, I'm 16 weeks too.

I could not agree more with social media. I didn't post that much with my pregnancy last year but since losing Isla I had to come off of Facebook as I couldn't deal with the pregancy, bump and newborn posts. I went on briefly the other day and saw lots of people posting pictures about 'mum life' which felt like a slap in the face to me. I'm on IG but I've had to block friends and just ended up following some lovely baby loss advocates.

Unfortunately for me, even getting to full term doesn't feel safe because we lost Isla during labour. I doubt we'll get a nursery set up again or buy anything until this baby is actually here which I feel sad about but it's all about self protection. If we get to bring this baby home then we might put a short post up but that's it, nothing before. I just don't see the point in social media anymore.

I have felt so awful today, totally incapacitated by a horrendous headache. I ended up spending most of the day in bed. DH has looked after me and bought me ice packs and drinks but I felt so awful. Thankfully I started to feel better about half an hour ago and came downstairs to find DH had done all my ironing. This is huge because he hates ironing and apart from shirts he doesn't iron any of his stuff (neither do I!) so for him to do mine was so sweet, especially as it's been sitting there for days as I just couldn't be arsed. I was so touched I cried! He's definitely a good egg.

@Whiffle77 glad you had a successful scan this morning, that excellent news!

@Knotemma aw sounds lovely! I would kill for a face to face appointment with my midwife! Got my whooping cough jab at the drs tomorrow so might get a chat with a nurse 🤞🏻

I've had awful constipation with this pregnancy, so so painful sometimes. I keep a big bowl of fruit salad in the fridge and when it gets bad I have weetabix, a coffee and a fybogel and that tends to move things along. Trying to stay active too but that it no mean feat in this heat!

I wanted to do a pregnancy announcement on social media just because there are a few local Facebook groups for breastfeeding support/ general antenatal groups I would like to join which will be giant red flags that I am indeed pregnant. I haven't joined yet which is probably a bit silly and I should just do it and expect comments. I also remember how hard other people's announcements were and I would hate to cause anyone heartache.

Updating weeks and sex:

@Bellsx 27wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 27wks (due 20/08/20 -surprise)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 23wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 22 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 21wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 21wks 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 22wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@avocuddles 22wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@Sunflower1608 20wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 21wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 21wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 20wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 20wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 20wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 20wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 17wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 16wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@MrsG3 14wks (due 16/11/20)
@MysteriousSheep 13wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 12wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 12wks (due 09/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow* 6 weeks (due 16/01/21)

@shefliesonherownwings I'm sorry you've had such a horrible day. Glad your husband has been so supportive, that's lovely. Hope you continue to feel a bit better and in the meantime you do whatever you need to look after yourself ♥️ x

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the support!!
Glad you had a good appointment too @Knotemma
Yes the "mum life" posts on social media drive me insane, they did before I wanted kids though - they are always so fake, and dismissive of anyone who doesn't have kids - "best job in the world". But that is just social media I guess, whether its parenting or something else! It's worse during lockdown where people want to brag about how amazing their home schooling has been, which makes people struggling with it feel like crap!
Sorry you have had such a hard day @Shefliesonherownwings but glad you feel a little better - sounds like you have a great partner who h makes all the difference! Hope you feel more human tomorrow

Afternoon all! Had my 28week appou tment today at 27+5. Had bloods taken, bp checked, urine checked and listened to babys heartbeat!! Midwife perfectly happy with everything at the moment!

Next 2 appointments are scans and consultant appointments so.the next I will see community midwife is in 10 weeks at 37+5!! Scary!

Work being a pain was close to tears this morning
Close to using all my annual leave and starting mat leave a month earlier than planned

@Rachael321 glad that your appointment went well! Sorry to hear that work are being difficult, I wouldn't blame you in the slightest for chucking in all your annual leave and going off early if they're being difficult. Honestly with everything that's going and on in the world you would hope companies would be more compassionate, not less.

@Shefliesonherownwings sorry to hear you've had a horrible headache. Something I've seen recommended a lot on other boards is to have something with some caffeine, as that can help relieve them? First I'd heard of it, but lots of American OBs seem to suggest it. Your DH sounds like a good egg!

@Knotemma they want to alter the work I'm doing to be all over the phone and no email based. I had only just finished the training for it before going off sick at 12 weeks... 15 weeks ago. If I do it and make too many mistakes it will fall on me and I could end up losing my job altogether. We are highly regulated so any fails or mistakes are a big deal!
I've told them I'm not comfortable with the change. Need to speak to my line manager on thursday. Was close to tears when they tried to make the change today, glad I was finishing early!!!

Evening ladies! Any of you struggle with coccyx pain? I've noted it's getting increasingly worse last few days. Appreciate the WFH won't have done it any favours. Recommendations welcomed. I haven't used a pregnancy pillow yet but wondered if that would help at all..

@shefliesonherownwings Yes I think we are only 2 days apart with due dates, which is good. We can give each other virtual hand holds when needed. Xx Also your DH sounds like a gem. Hope your headache has eased off fully. I'd one or two bad ones and I found the only thing I could do was try to sleep it off. Or melt into the couch for the day. There was no point in me trying to fight it and I guess I just took it as a sign of hormone surge. I read last week that there's a growth spurt in week 15 or so. xx

@Rachael321 that doesn't seem like a reasonable request when you've been off so long. I've worked in a financial environment which was heavily regulated, to the point that we were scripted for certain elements, because it had to be word for word. Just turning round and saying "do it this way" while you're working from home with minimal support isn't good enough. Especially when the risks are high for both you and the business. I understand that there may be a business need to move you to the phones, but that needs to be done well, with some refresher training and the right support. Because let's face it, if you were in the office you'd probably have a buddy/support sitting in with you at the start to make sure you had it nailed. You've also had lots of anxiety and pressure outside of work and it's their responsibility to support you appropriately!

Now I'm going to get off my high horse and tell you all about the amazing burger we had for dinner😂. Our local burger king had reopened, so I suggested a Starbucks and burger run to DH. Starbucks wasn't an issue however the drive through queue for burger king was insane. So I suggested driving into town to pick up burgers from a local and amazing burger place that had just reopened for collection. I had a bacon double cheese with mushrooms and truffle mayo burger and dirty sweet potato fries, and we ate in the grounds of Durham Cathedral. Felt like a proper date night, which was awesome!