November 2020 Babies - Thread 6!

[BuffaloCauliflower]

New thread for the November 2020 club - looking forward to more scan pictures!

@NatalieH2220 in my ward it says on the wall we can get it written down if we want to find out together , but peekababy says my DH can come in

@littlegem84 can I join Facebook too - I'll send you a friend request x

@NatalieH2220 our maternity voices group have spoken to our hospital and have said they will write down the gender for us at the 20 week scan. They have a form they fill out.

@littlegem84 I've added you too :)

I'd like to join the Facebook group too if that's okay? x

I'm 15 weeks today and have a huge hard bump that has come out of nowhere. I'm average size and height. No tummy muscles at all though so this may be why 😂😂 if I wear a tight top I look 6 months preggo

I’ve just sent you a friend request too @littlegem84 😊

@seventhrow @HarrietM87 @AnxiousLady1 I’ve not told work yet and am losing sleep about it. We’re almost at pay review time and I’m due one, and truly feel I deserve one. I don’t know what to do- wait for pay reviews? (Could be 4-6 weeks) Directly request pay rise and tell them in same conversation? Tell them and not mention pay? Senior management team, small company, nobody has ever taken mat leave while I’ve been there...

I don’t know what to do about it. Any thoughts/advice very welcome as I’m really struggling. 14+1 today.

@OurLittlePumpkin I’m 15+2 and not showing at all so I’m a little jealous! I am def getting the bloat at night but in the morning it’s pretty much back to normal 😔

How do you think they will take it @wise0wl? I would probably err towards telling them but you have time not to still. Do you get on with your line manager? If the pay review was imminent I would personally wait (like a week or two) but if you think it could go on for another month or so I would probably say something.

I cannot sleep. Feeling very anxious about my scan. Worried because I am 35 I am at a higher risk. I was 31 when I had my last dating scan and just didnt feel this worried. Stopping me from sleeping and I just keep googling what normal results are...

@FilthyforFirth I remember when I had my first I got laughed at when I asked for a grade rise when I came back (based on previous performance). Looking back I kick myself for not making more of a deal about it at the time. They shouldn’t take it into consideration - but If you really think the discussion will be in 4 weeks time - I would perhaps wait - maybe until after your 20 week scan, that’s where you get the form to give your work? Then you can say you just wanted to make sure everything was ok before letting them know?

Good luck this morning @Fouryearslater. I barely slept and have been sick twice already today. Feel utterly horrendous, lack of sleep makes the HG so much worse.

Best of luck today @FilthyforFirth and @Fouryearslater Not long now x

@WiseOwl I debated this a bit yesterday and have decided to wait again. Initially my thoughts were to tell them after 20 week scan so I'm sticking to this. Like you , senior management, small company, nobody has taken mat leave before. But I've realised that telling them sooner (for me anyway) won't change anything. We don't have pay reviews etc coming up. And I realised any guilt I felt was entirely misplaced. So I'm going to wait. Realistically it could be another few months before people are brought back into the office anyway and as it is, the pregnancy is not impacting my ability to do my job. They won't replace me while I'm off, so telling them sooner won't make any real difference to them. Will just potentially bring more stress for me.

@Wise0wl I’m in a similar position but without the pay rise problem. Small company, senior management, first person to ever take mat leave.

Totally see where you are coming from and the bit that sticks out most is that you truly believe you deserve the pay rise. I’ve been at my company for 7 years but I left for 14 months in 2017 to do something different briefly. Came back and negotiated proper mat leave for when I might want to have a baby. When negotiating it was made really clear to me that the hassle to the company of finding a permanent replacement for me was far less than working around and supporting me if I had a baby. If you deserve the pay rise then you deserve the pay rise, and if the company wants to keep you around then they will want to show that they value you. After all, there’s a risk you might screw them over by taking the mat leave and not coming back - especially if you feel hard done by.

How much mat leave would you be intending to take? It’s a horrid question I know... I’ll only be taking 6-8 months mainly because I don’t want to push it it in taking much more. But I have a lot of support at home (husband is private school teacher so lots of hols, MIL lives down the road, is a nurse and desperate for grandchildren).

Honestly, back yourself. If you feel so strongly that you deserve the pay rise then normally your bosses will too!!!!

@Wise0wl how does pay review work? Is there a pay review meeting? The ideal situation would be for them to say that your work is amazing and your having a pay rise, and for you to immediately come out with it. They’d look shockingly bad to back out at that point!!!

For those of you worried about pay rises, I had this issue with my last may leave. I came back, was due to go up a pay scale based on performance management. I was denied it. I was told I would have had to return to work when my baby was 16 weeks to have done enough work to be considered.

I shoved the equality act under their nose, which states that women who go on maternity leave cannot be denied a pay rise if previous years had shown they worked well enough to deserve other pay rises. You would need to find the actual wording but basically they have to treat you like you were there and if you gave no indication prior to your maternity leave that you wouldn't have received the pay rise, they are legally obliged to give it to you.

Employers will ignore this, but its law, and my headteacher s**t himself. He saught legal advice and was told he was lucky nobody sued him before now. I was the only woman to ever question it. It resulted in the policy for the entire academy trust being changed, so women now get their pay rise if their work was good prior to maternity leave.

You are legally entitled to a pay rise if you would have got it had you not had a baby. Its legal discrimination to deny it.

You are all wonderful, thank you!

In turn: @FilthyforFirth I think I might wait a couple of weeks and see if anything comes of it... Maybe tell them at 16 weeks and can always used delays due to covid as an excuse if they do ask!

@AnxiousLady1 your plan sounds sensible. Why do we feel guilty for taking time off!!

@seventhrow usually it’s Christmas but I’m out of sync because I got promoted last summer (and didn’t get one at Christmas). I just need to chat with my line manager really. I was thinking 9 months mat leave, with a phased return from Sept, partly as the pay isn’t fantastic so I’ll need to return! DH has just started a new job otherwise I would have loved to take SPL. I agree, would love for my manager to offer me the pay rise first and then to tell them. I’m partly worried about covid as it has affected the business, but found out this week summer promotions are going ahead, and we’re doing better than we thought (financially).

@squidgebum that is amazing! It’s so ridiculous in 2020 that this is still an issue.

PS good luck for those with scans today! Let us know how they go 🙂

Good luck with everyone's scans today

I've just noticed in my app that instead of updating my EDD to 28/11 it's now 28/12. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Morning all 👋 On the subject of money, just wondered what everyone's maternity package was like? Mine is terrible. Full pay for 10 weeks followed by SMP. I just wondered how this compared to most?

I'd be please with that! Only statutory for me, 6 weeks at 90% then just SMP for 33 weeks 🙄 I really wish you could find out maternity packages before starting at a company. I work for an engineering/manufacturing company and I think being make dominated it's just not something they've ever worried about!

Big thanks to everyone who answered about telling work yesterday… I think I will wait another couple of weeks.

I think, like @anxiouslady1 and @harrietm87, my work won’t replace me whilst I’m on maternity leave so there’s not a whole lot of benefit to them if I speak up earlier - they’re only going to start worrying about it earlier but there’s literally nothing they can do or plan for a few more weeks anyway. We might be back in the office mid-June, in which case I’ll probably tell them then.

Different subject - I am now worrying that I’m not putting on enough weight? I haven’t put on anything in the last week. Still only put on 3.2lbs overall…. I am 16 weeks tomorrow and have my 16week midwife phonecall on Tuesday so I will raise it then. I know that pregnancy weight gains can vary a lot woman to woman but I really don’t know when to be concerned.

I haven't got any maternity package, SMP for me as well.