Late October babies - 3

[Mc3209]

To continue our conversation! ☺️

@Mc3209 maybe you could find an Airbnb rental etc somewhere nearby? I think you’re firmly in your right to say what you want and stand your ground.

I’ve been told me so many people how stressful the first 6 months can be after birth and how even though it’s not our fault mothers find themselves thinking they’re doing things wrong all the time. You don’t want that made worse by your mum

Good luck with whatever route you decide to go with this one! Xx

@WaveStreet @DogCatDex there are at least 4 hotels in the vicinity with the variety of price ranges - 2 are within 5 mins walk from our house, and 2 are within 3 mins drive. Hopefully by the time due date rolls around this issue will be settled. The whole thing really took me by surprise. I haven't even started buying things for the baby properly yet, and here I am thinking about times when he arrives.

@Mc3209 that sounds perfect then, plenty of choice! They have decided to visit so you can be clear that there won't really be room for them to be comfortable at yours.
Enjoy researching and shopping for your baby for now and put it to the back of your mind, I'm sure it'll sort itself out by then like you say.

@Mc3209 I wouldn't worry about it too much, just make it clear that the hotels are there and whenever you talk to her assume that's what's going to happen. When our daughter was born we decided we didn't want anyone staying when they came to see her, even though we're close to them all. Think my mum might have been slightly offended but she didn't show it too much! It was nice to be able to close the door in the evening and have the house to ourselves again. Trying to get to grips with a new baby is hard enough without having visitors to entertain too!

@Freddie1987, oh I'm always anxious 😂 it's just getting worse, I just can't shift the feeling that something has gone wrong/will go wrong. I think it's down to previous loss. I've got my next scan in 13 days, so counting down to that. Think I would have been reassured by a 15wk midwife appt, I'm actually quite upset they've been cancelled. I know a lot of people on here have said they're not bothered, but I am 😂
I'm supposed to be under the consultant and haven't even heard from him yet!

Think when I get a bump/feel movements I will be relieved. Not really liking this "not feeling pregnant at all" stage 😂🙈

Hi guys 🙂
There’s been something niggling me since the day I found out I was pregnant, and it’s causing such unnecessary anxiety when I don’t need it so I thought I would ask people’s thoughts...

So basically my DP was with his ex for a long time and obviously was close to her family, when they split he kept in contact with her brother and his girlfriend which I always knew and was okay with.. however she is a midwife at the same place I plan to give birth.
Having not done this before I have no idea how big the midwife team is and what the chances are her been on shift whilst I’m in labour.
I know she would have to abide by patient confidentiality as a professional however she’s a very loud and out there person and I’m really reserved and quiet. I feel she would break her neck to see something and feed it back to the ex.
I know I can request for her not to be involved in any of my care but I don’t want her to know this and then take offence or anything.
Really considering asking to give birth at a different hospital but it all seems a bit dramatic.
What’s anyone’s thoughts about this? I feel a bit silly but it’s on my mind constantly.

Hi, hope it's ok to join in. We're due on 18th October and it's our first pregnancy to get this far.

@BS9790 you've summed up exactly how I feel. I had a missed miscarriage that wasn't picked up until our 12 week scan and it's constantly at the back of my mind that it could happen again.
I go from planning/researching one minute to worrying I'm getting carried away and worrying the next.

I have got my 16 week(ish) midwife appointment on Monday which is still face to face, and I feel very lucky about that reading all your posts about phone calls/cancellations!

@Jaffas22 Requesting not to have someone caring for you due to personal reasons is reasonable I think. Check the hospital website, some have lists of how many staff there are and such to give you an idea.
Perhaps just prepare that if there's an emergency that the choice might not be available.

Thank you all for your well wishes. I'm so grateful that they are closely monitoring me, and giving me time to prepare, especially given the current strains on society and the NHS. As they said this might change at any point, buts lots of opportunities to see the baby.

@BS9790 Hope your ok? I would try speak to your midwife about how this should be consultant led, and your anxiety is not being helped with the lack of communication. I am the same with the anxiety over something going wrong, just want to feel something now.

@roarfeckingroar How exciting and that was super quick delivery! Is it all feeling more real now? Super organised!

@Mc3209 I know I'm just trying to get through each day, never mind stressing myself out over birth or postpartum. Yes the baby is going to run to it's own schedule so would be easier if arrangements could be made after the birth, rather than weeks before, then they could come for a visit, which could be extended if you wanted it to be. You need your own space, to adapt to a routine with the baby, without the added stress. My mum will be at work, so she can't help. They suggested maybe putting me in a mother and baby unit, which I don't want, as I want to be in my home. But I suppose if I NICU I don't have a choice. My ex (not the dad) said if he can he will take 8 weeks off and come back up north, but as he starts a new position in August its not likely. Hopefully we will both find a solution, without any extra agro! x

@SJR86 of course you can join :) I hope things get easier as you get further into the pregnancy.

@Jaffas22 (sorry I cross posted) Could you drop questions to your midwife and see what the team structure is like at the hospital? Or see if its online. Some midwifes work in antenatal and not delivery etc. But I feel its not unreasonable to ask if she is not involved, as you shouldn't be made to feel on edge.

@SJR86 Congratulations and welcome. Hopefully as things get further along, the anxiety will ease off a little, glad you have a face to face appointment.

@Mc3209 you're perfectly within your rights to say that after birth, it needs to be time for you to settle and that overnight visits are a bit much. That's plenty of hotel options for them to choose from.

In a way not being near friends and family is tricky sometimes but on the other hand, I know it means ours won't visit without our say so first.
We're hoping that come when baby is 6-8 weeks old near Christmas that we can then travel to see family in the car and so maybe only the grandparents and close friends if they're up to travelling to us will meet them initially.

@Jaffas22 I totally understand how you feel! You shouldn't feel silly at all, your going to be giving birth you want to be able to feel stress free at that time not thinking at the back of your mind that she may walk in, what @DressingGown87 said is right through do you know if she even works in delivery ? Some do the antenatal and other bits. Ask your midwife the next time you see her she might know a little more about the structure of it all at the hospital, just tell her there's someone you know of in the midwifery team there but you're not comfortable around them, we'd all rather have a stranger deliver our baby than someone we know lol. Don't worry about it, have you spoken to your partner?

has anyone been looking at baby carriers?
I've a coordination issue so a wrap isn't really going to work in my circumstances and I've spoken to other parents with my condition who have suggested ones that click together instead, but what i'm seeing so far is way over the £50 i'd planned to spend.
I'm mainly wanting to use one round the house to do things if they want to be close to me or going up the stairs when I'm alone so doesn't need to be fancy.

Has anyone else's partner had a 'I'm not going to be able to do things (like go skiing)..' freak out

Or is it just mine? Can't help but be a bit annoyed it's only just occurred to him, but I'm also relieved it's out the way now and not when baby is here..

@justtb yep, my DH is lamenting the fact we wouldn't be able to go to classical music concerts for a while after the baby comes, plus the travel will be very different with a baby.

@1990shopefulftm Would it mainly be while they're little? The close caboo is good until 5/6 months when they get too heavy for it, it'sn got the soft comfort of a stretchy wrap (which is really best for newborns) but the ease of a carrier. Not too pricey either. It doesn't click together, you pull it on like a t-shirt and pull the ties to tighten it, but it's nothing like a wrap in complexity.

It would be worth getting in touch with your local sling library though as they'd have lots of others to recommend and you could try some out to see what works for you.

@justtb tell him you can still go skiing with a baby/ child if you want! Most resorts have great crèches/ chalet nanny’s... we’ve had two lovely skiing holidays with our son & friends and their children

@Flora20 mainly when they re little I think.
it is a pull to tighten it whilst the baby is in it situation or before you put them in?
I still find shoe laces challenging at times so need something with a simple mechanism to adjust it.
I ll see if there's a sling library near me, most people don't know what dyspraxia is but hopefully they ll be understanding if I wanted to try a few.

@1990shopefulftm you pull it at the sides and tie in front of you to tighten it after they're in. To be honest you have to adjust/tighten even buckle carriers once baby is in, so it might be a case of working out which one you can manage most easily. Dyspraxia is relatively common, they'll definitely have come across it before and should be able to help you. If it helps my local one is carrymoor - she's based in Ilkley but is doing lots of online sessions at the moment, she has hundreds of carriers so should have something to help! Look her up on Facebook 🙂

@1990shopefulftm I’ve not researched them sorry, but if I see anything I will let you know. Flora has a good suggestion, of trying to find a sling library. Maybe when the shops open you will be able to go try some out, then wear it around the house, to try get use to changing / altering the fastenings.

@justtb not a DP but I’ve had that freak out. Can’t just jump in the car to go the shop, have my hair done after work. Go out with friends for the weekend. If I’ve run out of milk, and the baby’s asleep, I don’t have milk! Like you said it’s better to do it now, start adapting to that mind set. But a baby doesn’t stop you going on holiday, and you will find new things you love doing together.

@Flora20 I m just so used to having to explain my difficulties to people since I got diagnosed 15 years ago, it's such a nice surprise for me when someone knows what it is as a lot of medical professionals still don't know.
Something adjustable at the front could be ideal, it's anything round the back I ll have to rule out. I ll check them out :)

@DressingGown87 I ll definitely wear it a round the house beforehand, no idea if any of the baby shops round here have slings all I ve noticed in passing is the prams.

@1990shopefulftm There is simply baby in Lancaster town Centre, and then Direct 4 Baby which is in Ormskirk and online. They are what I have been recommend to visit, to avoid the city centres. Round here there is smyths? But that’s about it.

@1990shopefulftm I think it's one of those things that's being diagnosed in children in recent years where it used to be ignored - I'm a teacher so see quite a lot of teenagers with it!

If buckles are easier for you there are some carriers that you can use from newborn but they tend to be pricier. The advantage would be that you can use them for a lot longer - we have a carrier that we started using when she was about 6 months and still use now at 27 months. Good ones that I'm aware of are the Tula free to grow and the manduca - worth checking second hand groups on Facebook if you decide on one of those. Just steer clear of the ones you see in Aldi etc 🙂