Late October babies - 3

[Mc3209]

To continue our conversation! ☺️

@Mc3209 Hope you're ok this afternoon, I haven't experienced this but my midwife said at my last appointment that if I did experience any brown discharge it would most likely be stretching/minor irritations causing it. Ring the midwife if you're still getting it though! X

@Flora20 thank you. It's getting lighter, so I am going to sit on it for now. Really hoping it's just stretching.

@Mc3209 glad your feeling a bit better.

With you all on the anxiety, my 20week scan is on Monday, and already started worrying if everything will be ok.

@BS9790 aww glad you got to hear the little heart beating!

Mine started off as little flutters now it’s like something is turning / somersaulting in my lower abdomen. Then the odd poke every now again. It’s stronger in the morning when I wake up, or when I lie down to watch tv in the evening.

@1990shopefulftm glad you got your appointments sorted.

@DogCatDex I was feeling exactly like you at that week so don’t worry about not feeling too much. I’m 19+5 today, hadn’t even felt a flutter and only the last 3 nights has he gone really hard against just under my belly button (as if he’s pushed his bum or head right out) followed by a massive kick. They say that they’re most active when you’re relaxed in the evening in bed so try to look out for it then 😊

I hope you feel it soon, it’s honestly the strangest and most amazing feeling rolled into one!

I definitely felt movement last night while I was watching tv! It’s as if she’d heard me moaning on this chat haha. It was three proper little kicks followed by what I assume was her moving around as it felt like a sort of popping sensation. How exciting, I was so shocked I had a little cry!

Sorry to change the topic but looking for some advice. I’m in a bit of a complicated situation. My partner and his ex wife have just had a baby a couple of days ago (he left her before he found out she was pregnant). And now I’m 19 weeks pregnant (surprise pregnancy, I was always told I wouldn’t be able to conceive). I’m currently living at his place but he has basically moved back in with her as he’s got a month off work to help out with the baby. I want him to bond with his new child so that’s not a problem. However he’s staying in is ex wife’s bedroom on the floor but getting up with her for every feed and getting into bed with her while she does it and he said that it was because she was struggling to bf but apparently now she’s got the hang of it but he’s still staying the night to help. My anxiety is through the roof and I’m even being offered anti depressants to take because I’m so bad and this situation isn’t helping. Would you be okay with the situation, am I blowing it out of proportion? He tells me every day that I have nothing to worry about etc but it’s not putting me at ease. Also she hates me and he’s reluctant to do anything to rock the boat with her because he feels grateful she’s letting him be involved so he won’t talk on the phone while he’s there or really message me so she can’t see it happening.

@DogCatDex Aww sounds lovely I can't wait. I think I would cry too, I felt emotional reading yours. I'm 18+2. I felt twinges / twangs yesterday to the left of my belly button but I'm guessing /hoping that was stretching or gas.

When you feel flutters is it more gentle?

@Elizag20 wow. I would say your no blowing it out of proportion it's such a worrying and stressful time during pregnancy anyway and all of those hormones. I can imagine it's not an easy situation at all to be in and can totally understand your anxiety about this. I guess just keep talking /communicating he must understand how your feeling too? Lots of love, make sure you look after yourself and baby. X

@Elizag20 To answer your question, I would not be ok in your position. Why does he need to stay in the same room as her overnight?
I am FTM, so please excuse my ignorance when it comes to BF in the night for the newborn, but I am under the impression there is not much a man can do in that situation. How exactly is he helping my getting into bed with his ex wife?
He can help out plenty during the day.
Do you feel he is listening to you when you tell him your concerns?

@Mc3209 I’m a FTM too so I’m not exactly sure. He said the baby was struggling to feed and his ex needed encouragement because it was upsetting and taking nearly an hour for baby to latch.
When he proposed the idea of staying over he said he would be in the living room which I was more okay with but that’s not what has happened.
We’ve argued a lot over the past few days for different reasons and I’m not sure if I’ve brought up how uncomfortable it’s making me. But I think if I bring it today we’ll just argue again and I don’t think I can take another day of it.
I’m unsure if I should give him a few more days and then talk to him about it and ask him to stop. But I understand that he wants to experience it with his baby so my head is confused about it all

@Elizag20 If you can, try not to think about it for a few days. Take a so called mental holiday, where you listen and do what you want. Indulge yourself in all the things you love doing, maybe go for a nice long walks, take a relaxing bath, or whatever rocks your boat. Forget about the situation for a few days, and maybe when your thoughts are calmer, you will know what's the right way to approach this will be.

@Elizag20 I wouldn't be okay with it at all. I d go with the above suggestion of taking a few days without contact, get some nice food and things in that you enjoy doing.
And then think about how you want to proceed when you ve had a few days not thinking about it.

@DogCatDex ahhh that's so good to hear!! It's such a surreal moment isn't it 😆

@Elizag20 I don't obviously know your personal situation in any more detail but from the sound of it this is completely crossing a line in my opinion. Think about it from the point of view of the ex wife, she has your partner at her beck and call right now. As horrible as it has probably been for her, the decision was made for them to split up and she has to deal with that now. I think you're being incredibly brave to consider the bigger picture and want your partner to bond with this child, but I personally think this can be done quite adequately without staying in her actual bed to encourage breastfeeding. Doesn't she have a family member or friend that can support her in these early weeks? Daily visits fine, but I think this is really putting you in an uncomfortable position. You deserve a supportive partner on your side, you and your partner are the team at the moment, not them two.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this right now, I hope you can clearly articulate how uncomfortable this is making you feel and lay some boundaries, don't let either of them emotionally blackmail you. I agree that a few days break from it all sounds good but please don't drive yourself mad worrying about it and try and brush it under the carpet, you and your baby are the priority right now and it sounds like your partner needs to consider your feelings a lot more.

@ Freddie1987 I think he feels guilty for leaving her while pregnant and now we are having a baby too but to me he’s acting like he’s still her husband and it’s not okay.

Her mum is also in the house with them, I’m not sure how much she’s actively participating.

He told me over an hour ago that he was coming home for a few hours, he’s still not here and she lives 10 minutes away in the car.

I’m not sure if I’d rather see him during the day so we can do things together or him be with me during the night

I really wish I could take my mind off it all for a few days but I’m struggling.

Sorry it’s difficult to tag everyone on my phone!

@elizag20 I’d did the situation unbelievably stressful. I don’t think you are overreacting at all, having a baby is an anxious time anyway but having to then act the supporting partner for a rather unique predicament sounds terrible.

Firstly I’d definitely share my concerns with my partner. I have a terrible habit of putting my foot in it when I try to explain my emotions so sometimes I write a letter instead so I can check I’ve said what I mean

Perhaps it might be worth you reaching out to a friend/family member to hang out? Social distancing of course. I’ve found that when my anxiety levels have crept up I’ve felt a lot better after seeing someone I’m close too outside my household?

@Clalou83 the flutters felt more like a bubble popping to me, or at least what I would imagine a bubble popping under the surface of my skin might feel like. The “kicks” as I call them felt like a twinge, like a tiny cramp in a specific area. Mine came just below and to the left of my below button somewhere I’ve not had cramping/growing pain before so it felt like I could differentiate for a change! Hope that helps

Separately has anyone heard of the Elvie pump, women’s health just posted something on it on my insta and I’m not sure if it’s too good to be true?

@Elizag20 I absolutely would not be ok with this and it sounds hugely messy and stressful. There's no need for him to sleep in her room.

On the other hand have you thought how awful this must be for her too? If she has just given birth and you're 19 weeks there can't have been much of a gap between their marriage ending (while still good enough to be having unprotected sex) and him setting up with you. Was this an affair?

I've started feeling more pronounced movements finally (20+6 FTM but with an anterior placenta so harder to feel baby) and it's such a relief!

It's such a beautiful day today. Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

HOLY HELL MY BELLY BUTTON HAS POPPED OUT!!!!! Like an outy! I finally believe I'm pregnant!!!

Hi there has any noticed grey hairs coming through in a vengeance lol yes I did have a few but definitely a lot more coming through since becoming pregnant. Maybe cos I'm older dunno.

@roarfeckingroar mine popped out a few days ago, it a strange feeling.

@Clalou83 I've had a couple during pregnancy, i m 25 but in my family it's the normal age to start seeing them.

Oh wow! Belly buttons fully popping out. My inny is definitely become less of one but not an outty yet. I’ll wait another few weeks

No greys here but I have good genes from my mum - she’s in her 50s and still grey free. Fingers crossed I take after her

Ha ha. I am 36 so expected I guess, but definitely more in the past month. X

@roarfeckingroar does it feel weird when you touch it?! I've got a very old belly button piercing hole, not looking forward to that stretching out!

@Clalou83 ohhhhh yes, my greys are coming through in full force, so desperate to go to the hairdressers, I'm 32 and have been getting a few odd ones for the past couple of years. On the other hand grateful that it feels thicker and stronger than ever! Nails seem to be growing at the speed of light too! 😆

@DogCatDex aww glad you felt something, she sounds like she had a good kick!

@Elizag20 I don’t think your being unreasonable for being upset by the situation. It’s obviously a tricky one, as he will want to support you both. Sounds like she does have her mum helping out, so he should come back for a little bit, to be there to support your to. I wouldn’t be ok, with the staying in the same bed either. I’m not surprised you anxiety is through the roof, hope you’ve managed to speak to him today, and feel a little bit better?

@Clalou83 I’ve been Grey since 23! Unfortunately my dads genes! And I’m fully Grey now at 32, I’ve been doing my own colour since lockdown, as my hair is growing so quick!

@roarfeckingroar aww amazing! Hope you’ve enjoyed the weather, it’s been roasting up here today. So glad I don’t have swollen ankles yet, but ordered a pool in preparation! Did you feel the pop??

@Freddie1987 I have an old piercing too! Not looking forward to the pop!

@roarfeckingroar 😂 My friend's went in and out for a few weeks, it was hilarious! Mine didn't go out last time but wonder if it will this time as I'm bigger!

@Elizag20 What a horrible situation. I do think he's in the wrong in terms of spending so much time at hers, especially in her bed... I can't see there's any actual reasoning for that, especially with her mum being there too. Like @roarfeckingroar I do think it's a hard situation for her too - the timing really isn't great for either of you! Hope you've been able to talk to him and that you can sort something out so you can feel happier x