What do they not tell you about labour...

[BabyB19]

17 weeks to go until I meet my little one, with antenatal classes cancelled until the end of never Im trying to prepare myself as much as possible for labour, does anyone want to share their experience with me? Anything I need to expect that I may not have been told...? ❤️

It's just all subjective. I totally disagree with previous pp paracetamol did fuck all 🤣

Weeing afterwards 😫 I tried the jug of water and doing in the bath but didn't really work for me, I had to pee leaning forwards with one hand keeping the labia away from the pee so it didn't dribble on the tear, was such a relief when I figured that one out.
I had gas and diamorphine, can't remember the placenta coming out but it was pretty out of it and had the midwife give me a bath whilst I sat there like a zombie (was early hours of the morning).
I also don't recall getting night sweats but I'm keeping a lot of these experiences in mind as I'm having my second in a couple of months after nearly 14 years time from the first.

You’ll be given tea and toast afterwards, and my god it’s the best thing you’ve ever tasted. But it’s still a good idea to pack some snacks and plenty of water - I had DD at 8pm, having not managed to eat anything except a very small amount of breakfast at 7am, I just wasn’t hungry and nothing appealed. Once we were back on the ward I was starving! And horrifically thirsty because hospitals are so hot. My absolute genius DM had packed me a big bar of galaxy chocolate and 2 boxes of grapes an they were an absolute godsend at midnight!

Water bottle with a sports top and brief your birthing partner to offer it to you between contractions - you are breathing a lot and sweating and the room is hot so you get dehydrated. I kept thinking I really desperately wanted a drink, but couldn’t talk during contractions and then kept forgetting (thoughts seemed to just evaporate out of my head, it was weird)

You may be on the ward for quite a long time - I was really hoping to be done and dusted and home as it had been a straightforward birth. It was still 20 hours after the birth until I got out because there are only certain times of day that someone goes round and discharges people. I stupidly hadn’t realised that it’s done in batches.

Again, should have been really obvious to me but wasn’t - you might well be dizzy afterwards. I was really alarmed when I went to the shower, I very nearly passed out and was terrified I’d fall. Not surprising bearing in mind I hadn’t eaten all day, had been sick twice and had lost lots of blood. But hadn’t occurred to me at all! I felt like a total idiot.

Lots of people have already mentioned this, but the sheer huuuuuugeness of what comes out. The midwife gave me some towels to sit on while she was weighing DD, she said I didn’t need to get dressed straight away as I’d just need to change my pad. I was horrified by how much blood was soaking the towels! Midwife not at all surprised and just bundled it all up for the wash.

The weirdness of transition. I suddenly couldn’t sit still and just HAD to pace. I also had this really weird thought that if I ran away somehow I’d leave the pain behind and it would all stop for a bit (which was particularly weird as the pain wasn’t as much as I’d expected anyway). I didn’t actually try to escape, but was alarmed by how often the urge to run out the door kept popping into my head! It passed as soon as I got the urge to push - as others have said, it’s much like the feeling that you are going to be sick, in that it doesn’t really feel voluntary, but you can help it along.

Peeing afterwards - I tried the thing with the jug, it didn’t work for me. It burned so much! Bit silly, but the thing that was wonderful was running an inch of water in the bath and sitting in it to pee, then showering it off afterwards. Only had to do that for a day or two so wasn’t too much of a faff.

Sorry, that ended up being hugely long!

Not read the entire thread

But your first wee! I forgot to pour water. I'd drank loads of ribena and had to quickly dash.

Breastfeeding hurts

When you breastfeed you can feel your muscles and organs shrinking back into place. It fricken hurts! Nobody told me

I was induced and my induction was paused 3 times because of lack of beds in the delivery suite. If you end up being induced then that is something I'd have quite liked to have known was a possibility!!!!

Also not so much birth but after labour...

• night sweats - I had them for about 3 months
• joint pain - knees and hips
• hair loss at 3 months postpartum

I went swimming at about 12 weeks postpartum and couldn't believe how badly my body was working. I naively thought the recovery would just be in my nether regions!! Pregnancy really pushes your entire body!

Having said all that, I actually really enjoyed labour (delivery, not induction).

For after, if you're planning on breastfeeding, when your milk comes in your boobs will be very swollen and hard. This will last a while as your supply regulates. Feed baby as often as they want - don't worry about how many hours between feeds etc. If your boobs get hot or red seek advice in case of mastitis.

@cheekyrun not always. I'm still BFing my LB at 16 months and have never had an issue with pain ever..never had to use creams or anything. What I would say however is feeding aversions are a nightmare. A few weeks after having him I was sweating I'd exclusively pump because I just hated it, but it did pass. It's back now that I'm pregnant again but we've dropped down to one feed a day so.i can from a bare it just about.

They don’t tell you how to properly use gas & air; it’s fucking amazing stuff but only if you do it properly. With my first I was puffing on it and it had no effect, I ended up unable to cope. With the 2nd I was told to draw really deep (I can only describe it as like taking a really long drag on a cigarette), and after a little while you seem to have a build yo and it really helps with Labour pain and if you need stitching after. Keep going on it until you start to feel like you’re a little bit pissed; then it will have epic pain relief.

Oh, and go and remove half the things from your hospital bag; replace all the wanky lavender oil and pillow spray type items with industrial period pads (the cheap night time ones that are like a mattress) and chocolate! Don’t bother with a mirror and lipstick-just take a lip balm for any dryness

I’ve had 3 home births. With no assistance, I had a home water birth with my first but for my others I had the pool but didn’t use it. I didn’t have gas and air either. Just paracetamol.

That pushing can actually take time. I thought it would be a long labour and then like 2 pushes and baby would be out. But it wasn’t the case for me, I pushed for about an hour with my first 2 and then my second for about 20 minutes. It was definitely a shock (I blame tv shows and films)

Your waters breaking might not be like it is in the movies where it’s one big gush, it might just be a trickle.

Breastfeeding hurts.

The first poo was actually worse than labour for me with my 3rd. It was so bloody painful.

The sweating!.

Contractions aren’t just in your stomach. Mine was my stomach and my back and also my bum. I really struggled to sit down because the pressure in my bum.

The break between contractions is so nice. In the early stages I tried to sleep in between them. I’d reccomend that.

You (probably) won’t care what you look like. I was walking around naked mid contractions to ease the pain.

It really burns when baby is coming out, especially the shoulders. I would describe it as like a Chinese burn sort of feelings inside my cervix.

Perineal ice packs are a great help. And also a perineal sprayer for your wees.

There will be a lot of bodily fluids.

I haven’t read through the whole thread but...

It can be a really great experience! I had a really lovely waterbirth. I used hypnobirthing techniques (I literally read a book, no classes or anything), and I didn’t feel like I needed more than gas & air, and being in the water. I always feel embarrassed to talk about how lovely I found the whole experience, but I think it’s so so important because people are so quick to share negative experiences (and rightly so!) that I think it’s helpful to know it CAN be fine! Try to go into it with a positive state of mind. Trust your body to know what it’s doing. And yeah, I got lucky, I had no complications, but there’s no reason you won’t either!

Best of luck! Xx

Sometimes it’s not as bad as others would have you believe - you might be pleasantly surprised.

My first was an induction and back to back. There were some issues monitoring so I was flat on my back the whole time. All of this generally means a painful, longer labour but it was 4 hours start to finish and I only needed gas and air. No poo and no tearing issues. All great.

My second was induced and over 10 lbs. again - done in 4 hours from start to end. No drugs. Did get a tear though, but even that caused me no bother after.

I was imagining needing pillows to sit on, heavy drugs, EMCS, the lot. In the end both went great. Everyone will want to tell you horror stories but remain relaxed and willing to adapt plans if needed and I’m sure you’ll do well.

@BabyB19 my labour wasn't easy, I'd say take the drugs if you want them - would you have a tooth out without pain relief?? 😂

But in my own personal experience, after the birth was the hard part - not to say you will be the same but don't necessarily expect to be up & about like you see some ladies!

Good luck! You'll be fine 😊

I had a lot of grazing after my first baby and when I had my first wee it stung so much I literally leapt off the toilet. I told a midwife and she gave me a jug which she said to fill with warm water and pour it over myself when I needed to wee again so it wouldn’t sting. I’ve taken something to use for this purpose after each subsequent birth but I never needed it like I did the first time.

Also for the first day or so I felt like I couldn’t cough or clear my throat. The muscles needed just felt ineffective, like they’d been stretched or something and I was quite alarmed by the sensation but it got better by the day after birth and was back to normal really fast x

Weirdly, even though I had a lot of stitches, peeing didn't hurt at all for me.

Maybe I have very weak pee.

One person's horror story is another person's actual real life experience. People don't necessarily want to scare other people, they want to help them prepare for what may be a lengthy, painful, sometimes traumatic experience. If it doesn't go like that, brilliant, happy days, but it often does.

heroes, I sort of wish I'd listened to the horror stories. Instead I listened to the hippy dippy nonsense and was totally unprepared when it was awful.

Every labour and birth is different, but every women that births a baby is a super woman!

Plan for the unexpected so if things change your not surprised. The positive birth company online course is great for this. They also use the BRAIN analogy for questioning interventions which I felt was great and simple enough for DH to understand too!

Things I wasn't expecting:

• my stomach after birth, after being nice and round and tight it looked like a deflated balloon for a good while
• the ugly hat they put on my daughter when she was born, all her first pictures she is wearing a washed out brown hat, wish I had one at the top of my bag and ready for her
• you need bread pads for when your milk comes in
• take a bottle of water filled with ice, it is amazing and they can fill it up for you but enough ice and it will still be cold
• how much going to the loo hurts afterwards, take wet wipes for the loo afterwards
• dignity is likely to go out the window. I walked from triage to the labour ward in the a sheet, until I squatted and said I was pushing so they popped me in a wheelchair!
• the first baby poo is gross. My daughter did it while lying on my chest doing skin to skin. I literally had to scrape shit out of my deflated sagging belly
• I was in shock for about two days afterwards and couldn't quite comprehend what had just happened
• they may tell you to stop using gas and air at the end (and tell you to stop screaming, I was mortified!) so you can concentrate on pushing

Top tip for the labour ward

• take snacks (flapjacks are great and high energy)
• eye mask as the lights may still be on when you want to sleep
• tend pants, feel more secure than maternity pads

Good luck!

A bit random, but if you end up having a c-section you might need to invest in some massive Bridget Jones style pants. I found my normal ones sat right on my scar... the health visitor recommended wearing my OH's boxer shorts instead!

First poo is painful after c-section too!

Breastfeeding makes you reeeeally thirsty to start with. Make sure you have some water next to you before you settle down with bubba.

It's good to have a birth plan, but more than likely some (if not all) parts of it will go out the window. Make sure you are prepared for this. I know of women who have struggled to comes to terms with how things turned out for them. It's sad that this still plays on their mind in some cases years after the experience.

There's so much good stuff on this thread.. And like pps have said, everyone's experience is different! I had a very positive induction.. Went in at 41+3 to find that I was already 3cm.i hadn't felt anything so was delighted. They left me for 24 hrs to see how I'd progress, and in that time I got to 4cm. I wish I had delayed the induction as my body was obviously quietly getting on with it, but didn't know otherwise and was excited to meet my baby. In labour ward I had waters broken, which was an awful experience as the mw couldn't grab the sac to pierce it. When she eventually did the relief was huge and the amount of fluid was insane. I was put on the drip, and my erratic, mild contractions ramped up quickly over 2 hours. I sat on the birthing ball, rocking back and forth, pressing against my partner for relief, with gas and air permanently going. Deep, slow breaths as soon as the contraction starts makes it effective and although the mws asked if I wanted other pain relief I stuck with the gas and air. I found it took the edge off as the contractions peaked, and I wanted to keep the stronger stuff for when things got really tough. 4 hours in and my body suddenly switched from contractions to pushing, it was the strangest experience, completely involuntary! By that stage though I was exhausted and I couldn't work out how to push - for me it was like being told to use muscles I had never engaged before. I could feel my baby moving downwards though, and although all I could do was grunt, in my head I was trying to tell the mws that he was coming down, so stop pressuring me! As he came into sight the mw numbed me and gave me an episiotomy as he was crowning (with my permission) so I never felt the ring of fire. The feeling of my 9lb2oz baby being placed on my chest was the best ever, I still remember it 2 years on. My tips would be to prepare yourself for whatever the outcome is, no birth ever goes to plan... Bring isotonic drinks for energy and a straw so your partner can hold your drink for you, don't worry about pooing or what you'll be wearing, I couldn't get clothes off quick enough and ended up asking the mw to hold a pee pot under me in between contractions as she wanted me to pee and I couldn't bear to be away from the gas and air
For me labour was incredibly intense, but in the scheme of things, very short! As soon as my son was out I forgot about the pain and was just so proud of myself.
Also... I breastfed for 17 months and the first few weeks were the hardest and so sore, but once everything settled it was fabulous and I plan on doing it again with number 2 in a few months! Best of luck!

Hi ladies! I know it's been a while but Just while I've got so many people on one thread, how many of you went early/late and was it spontaneous labour or did you get induced. I'm trying to find stuff online about what the chances are of waters breaking suddenly and going into labour compared to going over due and being started off but there's not a lot to be found 🤷🏽‍♀️🤔 thanks for any of your stories x

@BabyB19 I went at 40+2. Labour started with my waters breaking but contracts never became regular (frequent yes, regular no). Turned out he was breech and not engaged so I didn't dilate. Ended up with a C-section. But when they tell you your waters don't go like on the TV with a gush... They lie... They can go like that 😂

I went 40+2wks, induced, waters artificially broken, and the drip. After a day of contractions my dialation went backwards (definitely didn't know that was possible!) and ended up with a c-section.

Oh really @FirstTimeBumps that's sort of what I'm trying to figure out. I've just had a new sofa delivered and I'm scared I'll go when on the couch, especially as it's where I spend most of my time! 😭🤣 I definitely never knew they could go backwards @Livingoffcoffee what on Earth how is that a thing!! 🤦🏽‍♀️🤣 thanks for your input 😊