What do they not tell you about labour...

[BabyB19]

17 weeks to go until I meet my little one, with antenatal classes cancelled until the end of never Im trying to prepare myself as much as possible for labour, does anyone want to share their experience with me? Anything I need to expect that I may not have been told...? ❤️

"Baby won't be hungry, they'll be getting the colostrum - that's what is there before your milk comes in. Newborn babies feed often, round the clock, so them constantly wanting to be at the breast is not a signal they are not getting enough. Stick with it!"

Can I just add..."stick with it if you want to".

If you don't, don't feel you have to, that you're a failure, that you're doing the wrong thing or anything like that.

It is fine to formula feed if that's what suits you.

Omg I second the post-birth poo one. Didn't go until Day 10 and it was like passing the Titanic. Also, when giving birth I didn't need to push... My body just did it without any conscious input from me. Amazing!

Can I just add..."stick with it if you want to".

Didn't feel like that was necessary as OP had already stressed that she did want to stick with it. If you truly want to you have to be prepared to ride out the first 6 weeks which are often very difficult with constant feeding.

I was told that when I was breastfeeding, and it was really helpful. I FF my son from 6 months so absolutely no beef whatsoever with formula, I just see lots of women stop breastfeeding without being in position of all the facts.

Two things:

How boring it without be. Lots of time with not much happening. Got to the stage just before losing, when I could feel her really low down and vaguely pushing and was told they'd check me in an hour! And nothing much happened in that hour.

How amusing it would be! There were so many amusing episodes, and not simply a result of the drugs. Many highlights, but having a student tell me about her sex life was memorable!

So much sweating in the week after birth.

My perception of time went weird. The last few hours flew by. The early stages felt like forever.

How not everyone is textbook- the midwife who insisted in my labour with ds1 that I couldn't be close to having him, that I had HOURS to go and was only imagining that I needed to push looked pretty fucking stupid when he was born 40 minutes later.

That lochia is not (well, was not for me) just like a bit of a heavy period, I thought I was dying the first time I stood up after ds1's birth and had to be reassured that that much loss was perfectly normal and healthy.

That you may not feel any contractions in your stomach. I only felt mine in my back and didn't even realise my stomach was tightening.

I didn’t need to push either - my body just did it for me - it was incredible. Also as a pp said the break between contractions you can feel totally normal which is just so weird. It makes it a lot more bearable knowing you can have that break.

I also didn’t care about being naked or whether I pooed - not normally like that at all!

I didn’t have bad lochia or night sweats or painful boobs when my milk came in - everyone is different.

"Didn't feel like that was necessary as OP (original post/poster) had already stressed that she did want to stick with it. If you truly want to you have to be prepared to ride out the first 6 weeks which are often very difficult with constant feeding."

And I wanted to stick with it too til I actually was faced with the reality and then I didn't.

Don't want this to turn into another bf ff bunfight but I so wish someone had told me it was ok to give up just because I wanted to and that I didn't need an excuse.

I didn't know about lochia until about 3 weeks before birth so that was a fun treat! Lasted about 6 weeks for me - yay!

I second listening to your body and reacting. The birthing centre didn't want me to come in but I was in agony and eventually decided to go for peace of mind. I was 10 cm dilated and it was a mad rush to get the pool filled for me!

Good luck

Oh and it's possible for your waters to leak rather than break. I thought my bladder had gone but it was my waters (I was expecting a big gush)

Next time you go to see your midwife/consultant etc (hospital/maternity ward) mention to them that you would like to collect it before you give birth, and ask if you could get some oral syringes (they are very small, thin syringes) and you should be able to collect some, some drops, maybe 1 to 2ml prior you give birth (i don't know exactly how it works as only been told by a midwife during my 16w app and she said we can talk about it later, but when i gave birth to my dd 5y ago, they gave me some syringes to collect it, but it was a bit too late...) so this time i'm going to ask for some so can start collecting before i give birth..and you should be able to freeze them, if i understood correctly, sorry i'm just guessing here, hopefully someone did it and can share their experience..

@HarrietM87 Break between contractions?? What is this mythical thing?! I never had it past the first couple of hours!

@Fudgewhizz I had a really intense induction with contractions lasting 1.5 mins every 3 mins from the start but I continued to have that break right up until he was born. Labour only lasted 3 hours as well. Just goes to show everyone is different!

It hurts like hell and all inhibitions go out of
The window. I was naked on all fours mooing like a cow 🤣. Also once my daughter was born I didn't get a single contraction and my uterus just contracted and shrunk
Back straight away . I had a retained placenta but I Won't go into that but my stomach was flat immediately while still in the labour suite it was bizarre.

It’s not as bad as they tell you
I was worried about the length of time and the pain I would be in etc etc

First birth - 5 hours from start no finish and no pain relief
Second birth - 2 hours from start to finish and no pain relief

Re. The feeding, I brought tiny little glass bottles (sma?) and managed to get a few drops down ds in the most horrific screamy night before my milk came in. I brought them for dd, but they wasn’t needed.
Sleep and food (carbs!) helps the milk come in faster.

Lala241280

For me it was far worse than they told me it was 🤣 everyone said oh its fine, and at the end of it your baby makes you forget the pain.

I can remember the pain so vividly that ds is still an only child aged 5!!!

@Lala241280 ,and @freethefrogs far worse for me too. I listened to all my stupid hippy friends and their breathing yoga ball natural shit and thought it was going to be great.

My baby is going to be an only child too because I literally cannot go through that again.

Good luck! As you can see different for everyone. I've had one elcs for preeclampsia and breach position followed by a vbac with ventouse with episiotomy and some punchy tearing.
Both ultimately fine but I think better to have no expectation of how it will be and just go with what works. You won't really know what you need until you are In it. I expected to want a lot of support from dh but actually I couldn't stand him doing anything. He just sat in a corner and I had my back to him and totally ignored him! Ask for pain relief early if you need it - the tip about working out how to use gas and air is a good one - I had just about got the hang of it when they were stiching me up and gently suggesting I might like to give the mouthpiece back now ... I had asked for an epidural but they had problems getting it in the right place and by the time a more senior anesthetist arrived I was ready to push so had to manage on gas and air - I did try to pretend I wasn't ready to push but apparently they can tell!
Also pre-labour can be quite painful and stop and start. I was all ready to head off after a night of contractions getting gradually stronger and closer together. Got to every 5 mins and then stopped for 12hrs.
I'm a wimp and survived though so you will be fine.

My labor was short (45min!) and easy compared to the days of pre-labor (4days) before I was 4cm and allowed pain relief. Next time I'd be far more assertive about demanding adequate pain relief and speaking to a doctor sooner rather than allowing the midwives to gatekeep.

That and a bunched up piece of tissue paper against the perineum makes the first post-part I'm poo a lot less scary! 😂

Good luck!!

@BabyB19, thanks for asking the question! I'm due in 5 weeks and have been too much of a wuss to ask 😅

I never knew about night sweats! I've just ordered some extra fitted sheets, another mattress protector and cheapish bed linens so we have a constant cycle of clean sheets at hand.

I've heard drying 'down there' with a hairdryer on cool is better than drying with a towel after labour especially if you've had stitches. Don't know how much truth there is with that one!

You're welcome @Meadows20 although scary I feel much better and have so much helpful advice! Please get back to me when you're through it with an update! 🤣 good luck ❤️

For me, the thing that shocked me most was when my body started to push, I had no control over it, it's a similar feeling to heaving to be sick but the other way also you can feel you cervix burn a bit when babies head passes through it, I didnt know what was happening I though I was tearing inside as I bled at this stage too. Also your first poo will be scary, it will feel like your insides will fall out, but they wont. Apart from that its actualy a fun experience and I cant wait to do it again.

You'll want to murder every midwife that tells you to take paracetamol in early labour, but they are right, it does actually help.