What do they not tell you about labour...

[BabyB19]

17 weeks to go until I meet my little one, with antenatal classes cancelled until the end of never Im trying to prepare myself as much as possible for labour, does anyone want to share their experience with me? Anything I need to expect that I may not have been told...? ❤️

Do as much exercise as you can in the weeks leading up to the birth, it is exhausting.

Eat something substantial before going in, I ran out of energy because I was too hungry.

That for first time mums the chance of needing an EMCS is higher than the 1 in 6 they tell you in NCT! All but one of my NCT group needed a CS, 4 of us unplanned. In my friends group they all had a EMCS, even after doing hypnobirthing together.

Epidurals don't work for 1 in 6 people due to their anatomy, and they aren't that effective if baby is back to back

I forgot one more, using gas and air I lost my hands! It was the weirdest feeling.. like pins and needles in my hands and arms

Apparently it's ok and common but I recall freaking out and saying "my hands, my hands" over and over again.

Bring all the food for afterwards. Have never experienced hunger like it!

Oh, and you need to be relaxed to move forward with contractions. Oxytocin is boosted when you feel safe and loved, and in a darker room. The fluroescent chaos of hospital can stall contractions so only go in when you need to

You will sweat like a pig at night for maybe two weeks afterwards. And your hair may fall out in clumps when you shower.

You may well get a few hemorrhoids from pushing. If you get a thrombosed hemorrhoid you will need to get it lanced.
Do not google thrombosed hemorrhoids

You should buy a pack of plastic perineal irrigation bottles if you don't own a bidet. They are fantastic for cleaning up after you poop and you want to avoid tearing stitches by wiping. Squirting water on yourself from a peri bottle may well make you pee even if your bladder is bruised and not capable of much sensation. They are handy as heck.

Perineal icepacks will reduce swelling. Very handy.

whynotchange you may have been hyperventilating.

the night sweats I had never heard of so extra pjs will be on hand through the nights when I'm home.

You might be better off lining your side of the bed with thick towels that you don't care much about.

You will be bleeding and leaking milk as well as sweating profusely.

Pretty much this has been said but the early stage of labour can be very long. I was in the latent phase of labour for 5 days, called the hospital repeatedly as I was in a lot of pain and couldn’t sleep. They told me “oh the baby is probably back to back, you are in for a hard labour”. Lovely.
Admitted on sixth day after a small bleed and emergency c section more than 24 hours later after he got stuck. Then a week in hospital with multiple post birth complications!

"once the heads out the rest of baby doesn't just slip out (like when sheep give birth) you have to keep pushing to get the rest out. And you instantly forget about it all when the baby is in your arms."

Not my experience. I gave one last push and the entire baby shot out.

And I certainly haven't forgotten it. Six months on and I still have issues around my baby's birth. Not to do with the birth so much as my awful midwife.

That labour can be faster than they tell you. This isn’t necessarily a good thing. My contractions started over a minute long and less than 5 minutes apart. Within 15 minutes I had contractions with just a few seconds break in between. Took me a long time to get to he car as I was throwing myself onto the ground on all fours every 5 steps!

That you might need to hold your ground with the midwifes. My first midwife was truly amazing. She had the experience to know what was going on. I trusted her totally. Second, meh, not so much. I knew what was going on and she argued with me.

That pushing takes technique. I didn’t know what to do and was pushing ineffectively for 2 hours (see also fast labour, could have made it harder). And it bloody hurts. Just as much as the contractions. More I think (though I tore so could have been why).

To get a gentle cleanser if you need stitches. They tell you to use water and I got an infection with no1. With no2 I used the cleaner they had given me for no1 once I had the infection.... no infection with no2. Dermol something was what I used? Gp should be able to advise.

The blood afterwards and the need to wear a big wodge of maternity liners or 2 weeks. Nope once was enough for me.

When the births were over and they put both of my children in my chest, 18months apart, I didn’t feel a gush of love, I felt sheer relief that it was over, and that we were both alive. For a few days I felt strange, like I was in someone else life rather than my own.

For both births I had an epidural and they both failed somewhat, I’d not been aware they could. First one they went into the wrong space and I had massive labour pains in just one hip. 2nd one - too much I think, couldn’t walk for about 8hours afterwards, the worst post-epidural headache possible, and a numb feeling when I touched a patch in my leg that lasted a couple of years. However, I’d still have an epidural again.

The time waiting for your milk to come in is tough if you have a hungry baby and seems like nothing is coming out.

That pushing takes technique. I didn’t know what to do and was pushing ineffectively for 2 hours

This is a good point. If you can't get to a class see if there is some info on YouTube about this. I did yoga pregnancy classes and they taught me breathing and how to push and hold. Also how to build up your pelvic floor.

I feel like I didn't know how much control you could have - stand and sway your contractions get stronger. Need a brake and if you lie down on your side and you get half as many contractions. So you can have some influence over the pace of labour. Also getting the placenta out is a right hassle.

"Also getting the placenta out is a right hassle."

I wish everyone would use less rigid language. For you, it was a hassle. It is not the case for everyone.

You will sweat like a pig at night for maybe two weeks afterwards.

You will be bleeding and leaking milk as well as sweating profusely.

I don’t think it’s helpful to say “you will”. Everyone’s experiences are different and what you experienced is likely different from others.

@TheSkyWasDark thank you but I'm reading everything with an open mind so don't worry 🥰 some people just like to scare monger and I knew that when I asked the question haha, I wanted to know the good the bad and the ugly so I could be as prepared as possible but obviously what will be will be ❤️

@BabyB19 Not worried per se, it just grinds my gears when people talk like this. There is no "you will" when it comes to labour.

@Whatelsecouldibecalled
I have been looked at reusable pads, I was looking at making the switch prior to pregnancy.
How many and what size would you recommend? I have been looking at a set of 6x 12 inch pads plus a set of 10 containing 5x 10 inch pads and 5 the next size down (I can't remember the measurements). Does that sound about right or am I way off? Thanks in advance!

One for afterwards not labour but if you're planning on BFing. I wish someone has told me about the days before your milk comes in. After 32 hours and an emergency section followed by an okayish but not very restful night in hospital I was discharged. The second evening for me was a nightmare. I swear he didn't sleep all night and looking back this was probably down to a cluster feed trying to bring my milk in. I really feel like this should be talked about more because some people will.instantly see a problem and swap to formula. Fortunately (or not) it was a Sunday night and absolutely everywhere was closed)

Every birth is different and most times it doesn't go according to what you planned. Just be open minded. It can takes hours, days, or be very fast. When i went to hospital my contractions were every 2-3 min, about 45s long..but was only 1cm dilated, so nurses said they might need to send me home..but i could barely stand..ignored me for 2.5h until i screamed that baby is coming out (thought i'm going to explode inside)..went from 1 to 10cm in 2.5h, those 2.5h i was in agony, they wouldnt even give me gas/air..my husband said i was just too polite and suffered a lot in silence..my plan was to have epidural..at 10cm they said it's too late..at that point i screamed at them and made them to give me a spinal..so don't be afraid to argue with them, if you want an epidural /drugs let them know, tell your partner to interfere if you are too tired to argue..i'm currently pregnant with my second and believe me, i won't let them make me suffer again..It's been 5y and i still remember the pain..
I lost all the body hair..which GP said was not normal, but hey, had a nice smooth skin..sweated a lot at night, didn't have enough colostrum for the first few days, so baby was hungry, which i didn't know (was BF her 18x a day..nightmare) so you can try to collect and freeze some before you give birth..i didn't know.
i bought some of those Tena night pants, and they were great first few days, soft and didn't have to worry about the leakage..sainsuburys pads, night pads were great, nice and soft and first week I used two at the same time, it was easier / softer to sit down, stitches were not nice..
Lavender oil, few drops at the end of your bath in a lukewarm water , in a sitz bath, helped to heal..
Prepare and freeze some food so you don't have to cook..or buy some ready made ones and freeze..
Was extremely thirsty when BF...big straws/or sport bottles helped to drink whilst i was BF..
good luck.

So another thing coming up constantly here is about your milk not coming in for a few days and to harvest it in advance but any help on how I actually do this? I really want to give breastfeeding my best try but can't bare the thought of a hungry baby until the milk arrives x

I have just sat and read all of these posts and whilst some of them sound terrifying it has really helped mentally to get an idea of what is actually going to happen!
My list of wants has got bigger and I do feel a little more confident if not worried about afterwards

So another thing coming up constantly here is about your milk not coming in for a few days and to harvest it in advance but any help on how I actually do this? I really want to give breastfeeding my best try but can't bare the thought of a hungry baby until the milk arrives x

Baby won't be hungry, they'll be getting the colostrum - that's what is there before your milk comes in. Newborn babies feed often, round the clock, so them constantly wanting to be at the breast is not a signal they are not getting enough. Stick with it!